Monday, December 07, 2009

What do you know?

I don't know. I don't know where I will be 1 year from now. I don't know what I will eat for dinner tomorrow. I don't know when I will have the time to learn Linus and Lucy before Christmas. I don't know if I will buy a house or stay living in an apartment. I don't know if I will get a dog anytime soon. I don't know if I keep my mouth shut about some things I really want to talk about. And I don't know if I am going ice skating in Rockefeller center.

I just don't know. And the funny thing is, I'm kinda okay with that. For the first time I'm not necessarily feeling the need to plan ahead. I kinda want to just go with the flow, enjoy the here and now, and see where it takes me. I was in a very similar situation not too long ago. Of course the circumstances were different, but I tried to live my life knowing what was going to happen, and the truth of the matter is that you don't know what is going to happen. So why not live the best life you can right now and get to tomorrow when it arrives?

This is all easier said than done and I love to have a plan of attack, but in this particular case it's almost relieving not to have to think about tomorrow. It may come and then you figure out what to do when that happens.

I've got choices. I've got so many options and possibilites. I am thrilled, and frankly downright excited to see how this all plays out. Yup, that is how I choose to feel right now.

*muah* world!

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Colin Powell on Diplomacy

I had the privilege of hearing former Secretary of State, General Colin Powell, deliver a talk on diplomacy Tuesday evening (Nov 3) at a local university. Hopefully I can convey his message for those that might not have been able to attend. My thoughts mixed in with thoughts from the talk:

The United States of America is a diverse nation. Throughout the country there are pockets of various cultures - Black, Hispanic, European, Asian, etc. My parents are immigrants. Most of my friends's parents are immigrants, and many people I have met in school have immigrated here. Sometimes for a better life or better way of living, and other times to escape turmoil. And sometimes it's just for a visit to complete schooling or 'see the world.' Whatever the cause, there exists, for whatever reason, a plethora of differences, and, amongst those differences, similarities.

On September 11, 2001 the US was attacked by terrorists. I will put aside any discussion on Iraq, Iran, Pakistan, or Afghanistan, as that diminishes what the point is today. The point being that for however long, we, as Americans, became afraid. We became afraid of people that looked a certain way (Middle Eastern) or were a certain religion (Muslim). And the more ignorant people acted on this fear in ways that are not commendable. Some Americans became prejudiced, almost racist, against Arabs/Muslims/whatever other cultures fit into this box and turned very unAmerican. We got nervous on airplanes if someone fit this description. These people were the ones being 'randomly' searched at the airport. Each. And. Every. Time. I know, I have friends whose last name fits the bill. And this fear caused other countries and people to even wonder if they should come to the US; to think that maybe they wouldn't be welcome.

Add a couple of wars on top of this, and 'those' people killing 'our' soldiers, and the tension and anger increases. And now, 8 years later, where are we? We are in a much safer state than when we started. Safeguards have been put into place to protect us from the threats that were so prevalent before. Powell remarks at how he too was thoroughly searched at the airport. And as annoying as it may be, it is just another way for the government to ensure our safety. Passport and visa laws have been restructured and made more strict. The list is endless. And so now, we, the people living in the United States, can stop worrying about trying to be our own detective and just move on and embrace the American way of life we had before 9/11. And this American way of life includes welcoming others of different culture and backgrounds, and opening up our minds to think of "us" as more than the United States of America, but as a world.

Which brings me to the 4 E's Powell talked about. The first E is empowerment of wealth. I hate money, but lets face it - money makes the world go 'round. We need money to buy food, for transportation, education, clothing, anything you can name. It shouldn't be that way, but that's the way it is. Powell talked about China and how they were a relatively poor country 30 years ago and now are backing one of the most industrial countries in the world (the US). There was chatter a couple of years back about China going to war with, or at least opposing, the US. He said - no way. With nearly every toy in Walmart being made in China, there's no way that they would give up that market. That brings up a pet peeve of mine that the US has lost the toy-making trade, but that's for another blog.

So you have China making toys and gadgets, coffee from Columbia and countries in Africa, oil from the Middle East, and much much more. So there is there huge import/export relationship going on with a ton of countries. And the driver for all of this is - you guessed it, the cha ching ($). So if we want to understand our neighbors and be more diplomatic, we have to understand how everyone makes their living and apply fairness to that.

The second E is for energy. As we (as a collective whole) become more wealthy we are bound to use more energy. More transportation allows us to travel further, using more fuel, more light, more energy in the form of work, more labor to get the parts needed to assemble the vehicles, and just more of everything. We are in a technological age where everyone and their brother is on some type of social media, has a blackberry, and/or has a bluetooth capable cell phone. We are always accessible. We have to dial 10 digits on our phones now because they needed to create more numbers. The satellites and servers are being bombarded with information. This transfer of information requires energy. So the circle of life continues - in order to progress we need to better understand our actual energy needs (versus wants) and become more socially responsible.

This is especially true for the US. We are the highest user of energy in the world, consumer more than our fair share. And changing that has a lot to do with changing lifestyles and mindsets. I don't know how many times I have heard "well I don't have to pay for it" in response to turning off a light switch or faucet. I'm not flawless on this either, but we DO have to pay for it. Whether it's your great grand child, or the extra carbon emissions you've just produced (we won't even talk about stupid carbon credits yet, another blog), you have affected the world but you lazy choice not to do something. And when it's 2 billion people and they just have to have the tv, computer, ipod, blackberry, and cappuccino machine running all at the same time we're making a bigger dent faster than is ever necessary.

The third E is education. I am very adamant about this cause as well, because it is near and dear to my heart. We have too many kids who do not finish high school. Way too many. Everyone should have a basic level of education - even if college is not for a kid and they decide to pick up a trade or something, they should at least be equipped with certain tools needed to live. The high school drop out rate is even worse for minorities. You have more kids becoming statistics than graduates. And society ends up paying for it one way or another - whether its in early teenage pregnancy, or paying to put up another convict in a high security prison, or paying food stamps for the kids who's parents went to jail - so why not pay when you can be preventative, rather than reactionary? Kids need to go to school, parents need to stop blaming teachers, and communities need to have more options than the street and gangs.

The fourth E is for the environment. This goes along with the first two E's pretty well. As we become more industrialized and begin using more energy we need to limit our emissions and be careful of what we are doing to the environment. The earth is changing, and it's becoming more and more noticeable. It's pretty self-explanatory.

So that pretty much summarizes Gen. Powell's talk. I went on a couple of tangents that I hope to expound upon later, but the gist of it all is - war is not always the answer. Oftentimes it is not the answer to solving the violent problems. Violence ensues because of fear. When a dog is fearful of his territory being taken he gets defensive. When countries have their defenses up it is much harder to talk - similar to the fall of the Iron Curtain. We have to meet people where they are so that we can have a more diplomatic approach to resolving these issues. A lot of political problems can be solved by social change, i.e. healthcare reform, and education. If people are more educated they will statistically be healthier (cost less in health insurance), and less likely to commit crimes (cost less in judicial fees and police departments). So one 'simple' change can have drastically positive effects.

I could go on forever, but at this point the choice is yours. What are you doing to be a part of the solution and not the problem? If only 20% of the people do 80% of the work, the world will look very skewed.

Monday, November 02, 2009

What do you Want?

I am forced to answer this question, not because I want to, but because in the long scheme of things it really is the deciding factor in the path I, or one, choose to take. I feel like we have to know what we want and keep that in the back of our mind, or we will be inclined to settle. If you don't have an idea of the magnitude of what it is that you really really desire, than you are bound to accept just anything.

Case in point your first house: if you have never dreamed of what your first house; your first home; would be like then you don't already have the french doors picked out, you have no idea of the fabric of the couches, or that corner seat in the kitchen, or the wood floors in the living room. You would not have imagined having grass in the back, but not in the front, etc. If you have no idea what you want, then you are likely to take what you can get. Sure, you'll look through the housing ads and see what's out there, but you'll probably pick from the pile, rather than holding off and waiting for the one that you really want.

Life is much similar, if I may expound. If you go to college without a major then your whole purpose in that first year, or couple of years, is to see what's out there and what peaks your fancy. However, if you are the kid that wanted to be a lawyer since they were 5, you have a clear-cut vision of where you see yourself. Your first year will be attempting to realize that goal that you had. So we have two very different scenarios. At some point the wandering college kid should be come the focused college kid and have an idea of what they want. If not, then they may be likely to have their major chosen for them, perhaps by teachers who tell them they are good at something, or by grades that indicate the same.

And then there's love. It seems all paths lead to this at some point. You need to have some idea of what you want or don't want so that you don't end up settling. I feel like today's society is all about what they can get quickly, rather than waiting on what they actually want. And I think a lot of that has to do with people's inability to articulate what they actually want. As if defining such a thing binds you to only selecting people whom match you entirely.

Somewhere online I read that there were some main components of compatibility: intellectual, spiritual, social, family, and lifestyle. Compatibility by no means says they have to be on the same page as you or be into the same things; it just means that you both have to be ok with the choices the other person has made in that category. So if I am a rocket scientist and I only want to be with rocket scientists, then what's the point of going out with a lawyer, if I know that it's always going to bother me that they may not understand the physics behind rocket science? That is where you have to decide what you really want. If it really matters that they be a rocket scientist, then you need to pass, but if it's not that important, maybe you were being too specific, and you just wanted someone you could hold an intellectual conversation with, then you have just opened up the doorways while still maintaining your standards. Similarly if you are a huge introvert and you don't want someone to push you to do things or go out, then why, by all means, go out with a club promoter? It is just destined to fail.

Obviously I am dealing with extremes here for the sake of a good example, but the same is true on the non-extreme end. Whether it be the smoking, drinking, swearing, nail-biting, or tattoo-addiction, if there is something inherently against your 'standard' in the compatibility categories than you might be in a losing battle. But if you can live with this person's constant need to eat when you constantly want to exercise and it does not bother you, than by all means go for it.

It's all about what you really want/need. I think it's important that we define that, at least to ourselves. If someone wants to gain 20 lbs by eating more protein and exercising more they have defined what they want. If someone wants to run a marathon they will need to train, because that is ultimately the way to get what they want. We can't run around all nilly dilly and hope that we get what we want. We need to know, or at least have a faint idea of, what we want and then take the successive steps to get us where we need to be. And at the same time not accept anything sub-par (for lack of a better term) that comes along just because it's there.

That's the tricky part, because if I'm hungry and we're going out for lobster, but the cheeseburger is right there I am so tempted to ruin my appetite for the quick fix that wasn't what I truly wanted.


Thursday, October 15, 2009

Blog Action Day 2009

I would not do this post justice without more time, so come back for a good post on climate change.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009


. . .I wear my heart on my sleeve . . .

. . . this shirt is getting a little worn . . .

. . . I'm thinking of going sleeveless . . .

Wednesday, September 30, 2009


I am distracted right now. Very much so. It's like there are a million thoughts running around in the racetrack in my head. Which one to focus on? Which one to let go? And then I don't even have control over whether or not to think about these things. It's like you want to think about life and come to some conclusion about what you should do or where you should go, but all of your choices are dependent on other factors, so then you end up thinking about each of these branches, and again it's a myriad of thoughts. Sometimes I welcome the distraction, because it is a pleasant thought of being somewhere else, relaxing, enjoying the situation; but then there's always the should I or shouldn't I question. Which way in the fork in the road should I go? Am I brave enough to take the risk? What happens if I'm wrong?

Sometimes it helps to verbalize this and to say it out loud to someone else, but I almost feel like saying it out loud makes it really exist, and then you have more to think about. Then you have someone else's opinion to consider. I want to do what I want to do, but then again I don't, for fear of the outcome. It would be awesome to play these out in a big screen, with popcorn, the three decisions, and then decide to go through door A, B, or C. But no such luck. And I guess it's for the best, because we wouldn't want to have that much control.

If not now, then when?

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Please don't go

I was watching Friends tonight and they were showing the episode where Rachel was leaving for Paris. Ross is undecided about whether he should tell her he loves her one more time and go after her or let her be. It's the ultimate dilemma. Do you ruin someone elses decision for your own selfish need to express how you feel? Or do you keep your feelings to yourself when they can change another person's opinon? Or is it that you owe it to the person to lay all the cards on the table so that they can make their own decision?

It's a difficult choice. Yes, I'd love for some guy to go chasing after me, to hunt me down in the airport, go through all that security, and time it perfectly so he calls my name as I've handed my boarding pass to the agent. Then through my peripheral vision I see a shadow which causes me to turn left and my jaw drops, saying "what are you doing here?" Yes, I'd love that feeling that they are so undeniably in love with you that they risked the world to make it here on time to tell you just that.

And that is probably one of the greatest feelings in the world, but then it's followed by the worst feelings in the world - this rushed window to make your decision. This pressure to make the decision that this guy came all the way over here to hear, always wondering in the back of your head if you are deciding what you want to do based on external expectations, given the gesture. Then there's the slight annoyance I would feel that, really? you didn't know this yesterday? That would have made life so much easier.

So in essence, do we really want that? Do we want the big grand gesture of the person running for all causes to get to you in time. I loved the scene in Save the Last Dance when he is running to make her show in time. I love scenes when the guys running through the rain (and manages not to slip). But truth be told, it's a whole lotta pressure and I can't say that I would want that. I don't know what I'd be able to say to some guy on their knee saying "Please don't go."

It's great for tv - a great tear-jerker, but really? Yeah, I'd have to say that it's just too hard.

You gotta love sitcom writers . . .

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Simplified Decisions

It is funny how a single event or realization can make you go "ohhhhhhhh, I get it now." Well, I get it. Decisions do not have to be as complicated as we make them. I know, I know, I often overanalyze every single detail of a decision, creating a "what if" tree to try to figure out which outcome would be the best. A friend points out that you can't plan around emotions. I can be as mad as I want for feeling a certain way about a feeling that I can not help, but you know what? I'm human, and it is what it is. I can't guarantee that another person in my position would feel the same way and I don't know that anyone knowing this would care. More than likely (9 times out of 10) someone else would just shrug and say oh well.

I am very happy about a decision I recently made. It worked out in my favor. I did exactly what I wanted and when all was said and I done I was perplexed about what my anxieties regarding that decision were. "It's not that deep" is what I will be saying to myself to remind me that no one else really cares about the decisions I make unless they directly affect them, so I need to stop trying to tiptoe around eggshells to protect everyone's ego; especially those of distant "strangers."

I'd write more, but I wouldn't want to overanalyze. Haha.

Have a great Sunday!

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Drama Free Summer

Seriously. Drama is so played out. I absolutely abhor it. I like honesty and truthfulness, but not blunty rude. I hate back-stabbing and being spiteful. I hate mind games and tricks being played. I like walks along a cool summer night with great conversation. I hate cursing and swearing. I hate when people compare individuals. I hate being compared. I hate being ostracized or left out on purpose. I like inclusion and making everyone feel welcome. I love hugs and kisses on the cheek. I hate obligated hugs. I hate air conditioning. I love having the car windows down singing along with music. I hate when people don't say excuse me or hold the door or even slightly push it back for you. I hate seeing kids talk back to their parents. I hate reality shows that just reinforce stereotypes others have tried so hard to fight. I hate when people think they know everything. I hate not being able to ask a question because I just know that person is judging my intelligence. I hate when people smoke. I especially hate it when smokers feel the need to stand right by the non-smoking doorway. I love dancing. I love when someone grabs your hand and leads you somewhere. I love chapstick. I hate being the only one in a room with a certain opinion, yet I love that I can hold my ground and stand for what I believe. I hate that I keep falling for the wrong guys. Over and over again. I hate when people cheat. I hate when people try to involve me in a lie. I actually hate keeping secrets; it used to be fun but now they get more serious and held to the grave. I hate not being able to talk to friends because of time zones. I hate money. I love the wind and the sky and rainbows. I love the sound of water hitting the shore. I hate the thought of drowning. I would hate if I was that tree falling in the forrest that "doesn't make a sound." I love to listen to people's stories. I love to talk. I hate when people talk over other people. I hate being rushed while I'm eating. I hate fakeness. I hate the "politics" of life. I love that I don't know what's going to happen next, but I hate being anxious. I love people that are just simply good people. I love looking into someone's eyes and seeing that pure love for life. I love God and all the things He has done. I'd hate if I didn't know Him. I hate when people don't answer hypothetical questions. I love to discuss books and ideas. I hate it when people are mean to others. I hate seeing people spit. I hate brussel sprouts. I love corn. I love how some people are not bothered by things. I love it when someone knows a lot about something and shares. I love running into people I know in the city. I hate having to make the effort all the time. I'd hate to be on call 24/7. I hate when babies cry. I hate it when something is bothering someone and you ask them over and over and they tell you know, yet a friend of yours tells you the truth. I hate the stupid choices that people make. I hate when people don't know how you feel. I hate drama.

Ok, so there's probably a lot more 'I hate's' then 'I love' and I guess that was me venting all of 2009 out (ahhhhhhhhh), so let's end on a good note. The weather has been absolutely gorgeous lately, and I can not wait to spend more time outside this holiday weekend. I have several married friends who are preparing to have kids and it's a wonderful thing. I am really happy for them. Life is good.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Michael Jackson's Influence

Michael Jackson passed away today. This is a very sad moment. My condolences to his family and to all those who mourn. RIP Michael Jackson.

So . . .

It's easy to ignore someone's affect on you if you have not directly been in contact with them. But you would really be surprised at how close we are in this world. Whether it be a song you hear on the radio, a book you read, or a movie you watch, there is often a connection between you and someone else, especially if they are world renown.

And so, in honor of Michael Jackson, here are some connections for those who think he did not have an impact on them. Regardless or what you think of his personal life Michael Jackson was a great musical artist. He paved the way for many artists of today and dramatically changed the way we watch music videos and listen to songs, among other things. Labelled as the "King of Pop" I think he has by far reached all genres and managed to reach pockets of the world that some of us would not have ever fathomed.

This website lists a ton of MJ songs that have been covered by other artists

Here's a snipet:

Mika - “I Want You Back”
KT Tunstall - “I Want You Back”
Lightspeed Champion - “Thriller”
Ian Brown - “Thriller”
Petra Haden - “Thriller”
Ananda - “Thriller”
Fall Out Boy - “Beat It”
Amy Winehouse and Charlotte Church - “Beat It”
SeƱor Coconut And His Orchestra - “Beat It”
James Morrison - “Man In The Mirror”
Robert Randolph and the Family Band - “Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough”
Jazztronik - “Rock With You”
John Legend and Stephen Colbert - “The Girl is Mine”
David Cook - “Billie Jean”
Glenn Case - “Human Nature”
Chenard Walcker - “Remember the Time”
Sam Miller & Andy Smith - “Dancing Machine”
Kris Moyse - “Blame It On The Boogie”
The Moons - “I’ll Be There”
Transformer Di Roboter - “Stranger In Moscow”

And for the dance world, the choreographers who worked on MJs videos have gained world recognition.

Michael Peters, who choreographed "Thriller" also directed music videso for Lionel Riche, Diana Ross, and Billy Joel.

Fatima Robinson did the choreography for "Remember the Time" and "Black and White" has worked in movies "Save the Last Dance"; "Shall we Dance", and with VH1, and the 2009 Academy Awards.

Farah Khan, a famous Bollywood actress began doing choreography after watching "Thriller." She has gone on to do the choreography for Monsoon Wedding, Bombay Dreams and other movies.

He's been featured in various magazines: Rolling Stone, People, Ebony, Jet, Italian Vogue, Life, and many others.

MJ will remain a legend, like Elvis, Bob Marley, John Lennon, Cher, and many more to come. Let's all remember not to disregard their influence on the things we now enjoy.


Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Moving On

You don't always get that goodbye that you wanted, or that one last hug, or sometimes you don't even get an apology when someone has wronged you. There is always something that we want for "closure." I hate that term sometimes. Does it even exist? There's always more that could have been done. And I feel like rather than things being "finished" or "closed" we learn to live with what we get.

But, in light of the fact that we live in a world full of imperfect humans and we can not control others peoples actions or responses, one just has to move on. When the time is right and there's been the appropriate sulking, tearfest, angry phase, and [insert whatever emotion you need to feel to be "over it"] you just have to let bygons be bygons and take one for the team and move on. Unfortunately, sometimes this team consists of one sole player: you, so it gets frustrating to always take one for the team, but what better way to describe our losses? We won't get everything that we want. And sometimes you just have to bite your tongue, let the jealousy and anger pass, and shrug, because it just wasn't your turn to have it.

So, it wasn't my turn to have that thing that I had wanted. And it's all for the better. So today June 24, 2009 I am moving on. And the resentment and anger and jealously eventually subsides and you can be content for your "component" and sincerly appreciative that you are no longer in a situation that doesn't work.

I love the line in India.Arie's song (can't remember the name right now) that the worst disease is Hate. And it is true; it eats and eats at you until you are bitter and angry; and that leads to hurting others, whether verbally or physically; or at the very least thinking negative thoughts of others.

Let the chips fall where they may. I've got bigger fish to fry. hahaha

Everything is funnier in hindsight.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

As of late

More and more I wonder where I stand with you. I love the fact that we have this bond that no one would quite understand. I know things about you that you probably don't discuss with others, and you know personal things about my life and me. There's this connection between us that somehow binds us together. And yet, I feel I belong to the private sector, like I'm your secret friend. I love it that I can be in the private circle and have a deeper understanding of who you are, but I also feel like I'm hiding in the shadows when others come to play, like I'm only fun when no one else is around.

Maybe it's me - maybe I'm in this weird state where I'm just non-trusting of people as they get closer and closer because that's usually about the time when I get hurt. Or I've been said to raise the bar too high for those to jump above. Or maybe it's not all in my head and I'm not allowing myself to believe that you just are that inconsiderate and just squeezing out the juice of friendship as much as you can before you toss the orange away.

I don't know which one it is, but I get a little tired of having to figure it out all the time. And I get mad at myself for trying so hard to keep your friendship. Why not just let it go away in the waves? There's that crazy glue bond that I can't seem to understand. And really, I don't need to understand it; I just need to make sure that you are holding on as much as I am holding on. Becauase if it's just me pulling you on the shore . . . then I'll let go.

Hold on or let go? The inevitable question.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Out with the Old . . .

The long used adage - out with the old, in with the new is great for everyday life. New is so easy to come by. You can buy something or fix something so that it is like new. But the 'out with the old' part, well that, that is a doosey. I'm purging right now - I think it has more to do with mentally wanting to move on - from old ideas, to old methods, to cleansing myself of negative people, things, etc. - than anything else. And it feels good, so good, to finally get rid of things that have been tagging along for literally years. At the final point when you let it go you wonder to yourself - that was easy, why didn't I do that years ago?

The downside of all this cleansing, so to speak, is that it brings up memories. For the most part I think we choose to keep the good memories, and we let the bad memories be forgotten. Well sometimes you miss people that were in your life or that had a different role then as they do now. And it's the same out with the old, in with the new attitude with people, but it's somehow tougher when a non inanimate object is involved.

So I think I'm on this great whirlwind for purging and throwing things out that I no longer need to hold on to. But then BAM I was hit with this longing for something that's no longer within my realm to want. And I know that, but it hurts a little. I just have to remind myself that nothing worth having ever comes easy and I have to have a little more patience and faith that God knows what He's doing.

Definitely working on the patience part.

I bid adieu for now.

Sunday, May 17, 2009


Summer is almost here. I can feel it. You know what? I don't care for problems or drama right now. I seriously don't care. My watch battery died the other day and I haven't had it replaced, so I just stopped wearing my watch. It's so funny how that tiny symbolic gesture has made things so much simpler. I'm not always worried about what "time" it is, so to speak. And I'm not really letting petty things get to me. "Time" as we know it is this abstract idea, and just as language is the words that we make it up to be, time is an compiliation of all the events that we want it to be. And so if you don't want something to be in your "time," eliminate it.

So I am off to a new start. Again. Haha, yes I tend to do this several times a year. And it always feels good. Out with the old, in with the new.

Random book I picked up: The Stinky Cheeseman and Other Fairly Stupid Tales

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Musical Playlist

I love words strewn together. Music, to me, is the poetry of life. It is an ongoing essay, where everyone is independently going through the same hardships, the same feelings, and the same . . .life. As different as we all may be I am fascinated that I can share the sentiment of someone I've never met. So, since I can not seem to get of this rollercoaster of life, I might as well listen to some music while riding.

Here is my latest "musical playlist" story.

One day, you're just minding your business and you meet someone that you did not expect to meet. And maybe they sweep you off your feet.

1. “Sway” Michael Buble
Only you have the magic technique
When we sway I go 'Weeeeeeeeeeee'

Do I go the safe route or do I take a chance on what could be awesome or yet another mistake?

2“I hope you dance” Lee Ann Womack
And when you get the chance to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance.

And maybe they tell you everything that you want to hear, and they are the person that you can confide in

3. "1,2,3,4" Plain White Tees
Tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends

So you give love a chance, hoping that you won't get hurt

4.“L-O-V-E” Nat King Cole
Take my heart and please don't break it

At some point you have to just go for it and either leave your feet planted or jump.

5. “Breathe (2am)” Anna Nalick
‘Cause you can’t jump the track
with line cars on the cable
and life’s like an hour glass
glued to the table

And you may be on the ride of your life. And they seem like everything you could ask for; or close enough.

6. “The Truth” India.Arie
I love the way he speaks
I love the way he thinks
I love the way he treats his mama
I love that gap in between his teeth
I love him in every way that a woman can love a man from personal to universal but most of all its unconditional

Unfortunately, things don't always work out. And you try and try but to no avail.

7. “The Pieces Don’t Fit Anymore” James Morrison
It’s time to surrender
It’s been too long pretending
There’s no use in trying
When the pieces don’t fit anymore

Lying, cheating, stealing; the whole nine yards

8. “My Sweet Song” Toby Lightman
Oh you said love was forever
and you told me told me love would never
Break my heart,
and I believed you as I fell

And maybe you tak a little longer to catch on, but eventually you do.

9. “Irreplaceable” Beyonce
So since I’m not your everything
How about I’ll be nothing

You go through your "woe is me" phase. And then they become less important to you as you realize you deserve so much better

10. “Over it” Katherine McPhee
Because I’m so over
‘I’m sorry’

Of course you are angry, but at some point you just don't have the energy; nor should you waste any additional time, on this chump

11. “I Can’t Hate You Anymore” Nick Lachey
We built it up
To watch it fall
Like we meant nothing at all

But regardless of the outcome, you had to make your mistakes on your own. You have to take the calculated risk, so that you can figure out what you need to do. It IS better to have loved, than to never have loved at all, no matter how much it hurts.

12. “Right to be wrong” Joss Stone
I've got a right to be wrong
Got to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to me

And to be perfectly honest, it's almost better to make your mistakes on the jerks and people not worth it, so that you are all fine-tuned when the real deal shows up

13. “My favorite mistake” Sheryl Crow
You’re my favorite mistake

And then you move on.

14. "Knock You Down" Keri Hilson
Sometimes love comes around
and it knocks you down
Just get back up
when it knocks you down

The ride is a beautiful thing. Even though it gets a little bumpy, I wouldn't trade the experience for anything in the world. For now, I'm going to stick in line and ride another ride.

Maybe I'll even get one of those fast lane passes one day . . .

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Better to have loved?

That's what they say right? Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Well, the interim can be pretty sucky. Because just when you think you've moved on something reminds you of their smile or warm embrace and you resist every urge to tell them how much you care about them. Because that was yesterday. And today is today. And it's so hard to have to hold in your true feelings.

But today I bite my tongue. So my lips don't utter what my heart is feeling.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009


Well it has been a little over a week since I've decided to get offline. Ok, since I actually got offline. I decided a little before then. This has turned into somewhat of a social experiment for me. So far it's been really interesting. The first couple of days were hard because I was really wondering what was going on and wanted to be in the know; but as the days passed I found other ways to spend my time and it's actually pretty liberating. I'm not tied down to a computer for hours or feeling the need to check on things so often. I've met up with people [in person] that I hadn't talked to in a while, cleaned up around the place, and not been as stressed out about finding out things the unnatural way. And I've found that people that really want to get a hold of me will utilize the many other avenues of communication. In some ways I am avoiding certain things but it's nice to have a break; I needed to have a break. I do miss talking to certain people who's main communication was via the internet and I know that I am not responding to messages that I don't even know that I have. So that is a downside, but again I haven't moved, my number hasn't changed, and my email still works, so I'm finding that I'm getting by and enjoying this simplification. Now that my cold is going away I will have even more time to see where this goes. And when the weather gets really nice it's going to be me and my bike and my mp3 player. And maybe a book. And a puzzle. The possibilities are endless. And I love it!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Life Lesson # 39285

You've got to be kidding yourself if you don't believe that a series of events all leading up to the same thing are not in any way or shape related. Well, I have had an interesting, to say the least, week. And I guess I finally figured out what my lesson was. After a month of being frustrated with what I was getting into, what I was learning, and just this mass information overload - like a lightbulb went off in my head - I get it. And it's like duh!! Why didn't I figure this out a month or even two months ago? So . . . drumroll please . . . I think this time the lesson was to . . . get offline. The internet is a great tool, but it's time for me to save on my energy bill and just do other things. There are a couple of books that I've been meaning to read, and my purging phase of old documents needs to be complete. The internet has been frustrating me lately and I haven't managed to ween myself away. Well, I think it's time. So I'm going to try. I obviously have to stay online to blog to wonderful readers like you (hi-five) and to find out about great dance events in the area, but yeah, this transparency of myself and what's going on in my life, is not exactly the transparency I was aiming for. Nor do I need to know what's going on in other people's lives all the time. I'd like to talk more to people in person, rather than chatting, and just get back to the ideals of less being more. Sooooooo after many attempts at my sanity, I have finally figured out my lesson.


Sunday, January 25, 2009


I think I'm using the word too lightly. Or at least, as of late, it's been biting me in the butt. With myspace and facebook, and any other online stalking application you can think of, anyone that knows you can request to be your "friend." But let's step back a second. They aren't really your friend. The button should really read - "People that I know." I would prefer that much more. I'm trying to remind myself that people that I know - whether it be from off the street, high school, college, grad school, or work, are just that - people that I know, and they all aren't actually my friends. They aren't people that you can call at 2am when your car won't start and you want to get home, or that will call you to see if you are sick because they hadn't heard from you in a week, or that you would call to hang out just for fun. They aren't people that would care to let you know about the car giveaway a mile from your house, or that you would text a most hilarious joke. No, these are virtual "buddies" who are just accumulating numbers to say that you are indeed their friend. Now, there are different levels of friendship in real life, so don't get me wrong. And obviously online applications are great for keeping in touch with those that are far far away, but for the ones that are right here in your backyard, literally minutes from your doorstep, it is a cold, hard, reminder that that little title online, really doesn't hold its weight. And I guess I let it get the best of me and thought that these people actually were my friends and that they did care about me. Nope, wrong again. I'm just another number on their profile. And I'm not going to fight it. It's just that I needed to realize that - because I was getting offended by what my "friends" were doing without me, then I realized they weren't my friends to begin with. And now I'm in the process of weeding out in my head who I think I can call just to talk. They will all remain "friends" because for me the label simply means "People I know" but I will no longer count on them to be there for me or to care about me or my well-being, because that's how I got into this mess in the first place. But if feels good to say it out loud. Makes it real. And don't worry - if you are reading this, then you probably aren't one of the ones I'm talking to :)

Saturday, January 03, 2009

Happy New Year - 2009!

It is 2009. Believe it or not, but 2008 is over. 2008 was very interesting. Very. Interesting. To say the least. But now it is about looking forward.To enjoy each moment as it comes. And not to dwell on things that are beyond are control. Here's to realizing that there's more than "your way" and the "wrong way" but others are entitled to make their own mistakes and do things "their way." And here's to letting go of people/objects/ideas that are detrimental to our well-being; to our growth. Here's to having the courage to say no when it's that acorn covered in gold, or that million dollar empty jar. And here's to not having to be put through the test to show that you have faith. 2009 is about having an opinion and not just going with the crowd. For working hard and getting things done. And most of all, to do something which benefits someone else in this little world of ours.

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