What do you Want?

I am forced to answer this question, not because I want to, but because in the long scheme of things it really is the deciding factor in the path I, or one, choose to take. I feel like we have to know what we want and keep that in the back of our mind, or we will be inclined to settle. If you don't have an idea of the magnitude of what it is that you really really desire, than you are bound to accept just anything.

Case in point your first house: if you have never dreamed of what your first house; your first home; would be like then you don't already have the french doors picked out, you have no idea of the fabric of the couches, or that corner seat in the kitchen, or the wood floors in the living room. You would not have imagined having grass in the back, but not in the front, etc. If you have no idea what you want, then you are likely to take what you can get. Sure, you'll look through the housing ads and see what's out there, but you'll probably pick from the pile, rather than holding off and waiting for the one that you really want.

Life is much similar, if I may expound. If you go to college without a major then your whole purpose in that first year, or couple of years, is to see what's out there and what peaks your fancy. However, if you are the kid that wanted to be a lawyer since they were 5, you have a clear-cut vision of where you see yourself. Your first year will be attempting to realize that goal that you had. So we have two very different scenarios. At some point the wandering college kid should be come the focused college kid and have an idea of what they want. If not, then they may be likely to have their major chosen for them, perhaps by teachers who tell them they are good at something, or by grades that indicate the same.

And then there's love. It seems all paths lead to this at some point. You need to have some idea of what you want or don't want so that you don't end up settling. I feel like today's society is all about what they can get quickly, rather than waiting on what they actually want. And I think a lot of that has to do with people's inability to articulate what they actually want. As if defining such a thing binds you to only selecting people whom match you entirely.

Somewhere online I read that there were some main components of compatibility: intellectual, spiritual, social, family, and lifestyle. Compatibility by no means says they have to be on the same page as you or be into the same things; it just means that you both have to be ok with the choices the other person has made in that category. So if I am a rocket scientist and I only want to be with rocket scientists, then what's the point of going out with a lawyer, if I know that it's always going to bother me that they may not understand the physics behind rocket science? That is where you have to decide what you really want. If it really matters that they be a rocket scientist, then you need to pass, but if it's not that important, maybe you were being too specific, and you just wanted someone you could hold an intellectual conversation with, then you have just opened up the doorways while still maintaining your standards. Similarly if you are a huge introvert and you don't want someone to push you to do things or go out, then why, by all means, go out with a club promoter? It is just destined to fail.

Obviously I am dealing with extremes here for the sake of a good example, but the same is true on the non-extreme end. Whether it be the smoking, drinking, swearing, nail-biting, or tattoo-addiction, if there is something inherently against your 'standard' in the compatibility categories than you might be in a losing battle. But if you can live with this person's constant need to eat when you constantly want to exercise and it does not bother you, than by all means go for it.

It's all about what you really want/need. I think it's important that we define that, at least to ourselves. If someone wants to gain 20 lbs by eating more protein and exercising more they have defined what they want. If someone wants to run a marathon they will need to train, because that is ultimately the way to get what they want. We can't run around all nilly dilly and hope that we get what we want. We need to know, or at least have a faint idea of, what we want and then take the successive steps to get us where we need to be. And at the same time not accept anything sub-par (for lack of a better term) that comes along just because it's there.

That's the tricky part, because if I'm hungry and we're going out for lobster, but the cheeseburger is right there I am so tempted to ruin my appetite for the quick fix that wasn't what I truly wanted.

Interesting.