Wednesday, September 30, 2009


I am distracted right now. Very much so. It's like there are a million thoughts running around in the racetrack in my head. Which one to focus on? Which one to let go? And then I don't even have control over whether or not to think about these things. It's like you want to think about life and come to some conclusion about what you should do or where you should go, but all of your choices are dependent on other factors, so then you end up thinking about each of these branches, and again it's a myriad of thoughts. Sometimes I welcome the distraction, because it is a pleasant thought of being somewhere else, relaxing, enjoying the situation; but then there's always the should I or shouldn't I question. Which way in the fork in the road should I go? Am I brave enough to take the risk? What happens if I'm wrong?

Sometimes it helps to verbalize this and to say it out loud to someone else, but I almost feel like saying it out loud makes it really exist, and then you have more to think about. Then you have someone else's opinion to consider. I want to do what I want to do, but then again I don't, for fear of the outcome. It would be awesome to play these out in a big screen, with popcorn, the three decisions, and then decide to go through door A, B, or C. But no such luck. And I guess it's for the best, because we wouldn't want to have that much control.

If not now, then when?