Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Taking Closure back

Closure is not something that is given to you, but rather it's something that you take. I think that recently this was brought to my attention as I was talking about how a particular event made me feel. Some things happened over several months/years/what have you, that made me feel discarded and rejected. And as much as I tried to explain this to the party causing me these feelings, the pleas fell upon deaf ears. Or maybe they were listening, but they just didn't care. And there is the key that I missed.

Sometimes we wait and wait and wait to get closure. We think that if we can get the other person to apologize, or to accept our apology , or when we tell the other person we forgive them, that we can gain closure. But all of those actions require active participation on the other side. And sometimes the story does not end up with a happy ending. Sometimes the other party involved does not care to give you the time of day to explain the situation or to hash things out. And in those situations, the only way to get closure is to take it. Because waiting and waiting is foolish when you know you are waiting indefinitely. At times we think we are waiting for a short period of time, but when that time gets to be too long, it is time to close things up yourself.

I wish that the people that I am talking about knew how I felt, but the truth is that they don't. The truth is that I am done waiting for them to give their page of the story so I can put the chapter away. I just have to write around their parts and leave it as is. But also knowing that that particular chapter of my life is done. The hard part is accepting the fact that sometimes God places people in your life for a single purpose - and when that purpose is fulfilled there was no intent of maintaining those relationships. Some people were your best friends in high school or college and that was their purpose. 10 years later you may not talk to them, and that's ok because they were only in Chapter 1 of your book. By the time you get to Chapter 3, there are different characters. Some people maintain a reoccurring role, while some disappear, and even others leave the story completely and somehow make it back in.

The tricky part is figuring out who are the people worth fighting for and who are the characters that are meant to fade into the background. Anyone that causes you pain or tears and is not a positive addition to your life, is probably someone that was there for a temporary time period. Perhaps they taught you something in the way that they acted or the things that they did. Closure is identifying that your time is too valuable to WASTE with people that do not value you. Sometimes the people we need to be reaching out and talking to are the people that would do the same for us if the roles were reversed.

Everyone can be in your audience, but a select few get to be in the front row (paraphrasing Rev. G. Ross)

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