Hours of "NO"

It's the beginning of 2016. Who wouldn't want to read a book entitled Year of Yes: How to Dance it Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person, by Shonda Rhimes? THE Shonda Rhimes who has written Grey's Anatomy and Scandal. Shonda Rhimes who owns ABC Thursdays. She has her own hashtag #tgit. You would think that such an amazing writer, would have a killer self-help book. You. Would. Think.

And believe me, my purpose is not to bash her or the book. But I gotta let this out. Because I am ONLY on the 2nd of 6 cds and the only thing keeping my eyes open was that I was driving 60 mph in an automobile. I have to finish this book. I have a book club to run. I suggested this book. People are coming over to my house to discuss this. But Ugh.

First, big ups to audiobooks. I love them!! You can multitask to the fullest and still "read" a book. I don't think I would be as far if I weren't listening to this. Second, it is nice to have the author read the book themselves. They know exactly where to place emphasis and if it were anyone else, you might blame the reader for not conveying the characters. Third, to be fair, I am not finished with the book. It might get better. I'm praying it gets better. But I feel like I have a gist of the writing style and content already from listening to 2 hours of the book.

Shonda Rhimes is a remarkable writer. If she were writing a script or if this were a Lord of the Rings type book, where Tolkien paints detail to an excruciatingly painful level, this would be great. It would make a great movie, because the producer would have to just follow the bread crumb trail clearly written. But this is not a script or a movie. THIS is a book I purchased to motivate me. To convince me to say "YES" instead of "NO"; to take a challenge. Instead, I feel lied to. Like this was just some marketing ploy to get me to spend $20. 2 hours in, I don't think she's offered any helpful advice. Sure, advice is IMPLIED by her actions, but all I hear is -  and I know she doesn't mean to do this - I'VE DONE THIS, THEN I DID THAT, SO I SHOULD BE OUTGOING, BUT I'M NOT, SO THEN I DID THIS, AND I WAS SCARED, AND SO I CHALLENGED MYSELF TO SAY YES, THEN I SAID YES, THEN I DID THE SCARED THING, AND HIP HOP HURRAY TO ME. And I'm like, well that was great and all, but where is the "how to" in the TITLE!?!?!

I did like the commencement speech she gave at Dartmouth graduation in 2014 but I felt like I was eavesdropping. It wasn't really directed at me, the reader. I'm waiting for her to explicitly tell me, the reader, some jaw dropping knowledge. But while I wait for it, I shouldn't be bored to tears. The writer of Scandal and Grey's Anatomy should not be boring me to tears when I read her stuff. I am utterly shocked and dismayed. I do not understand how this could be. But then a friend reminded me that the original script is just a suggestion and a lot of production and direction goes into a show. And while she provides the skeleton, there's so much more that make these hit shows hits. Not to trivialize her talent, but it's like night and day y'all.

So, I'm going to keep pushing forward. But only because it's Shonda. Because I know she is an awesome writer, I know that it will get better. Or, at least, I hope very strongly. I want to like this book. I want to support one of the best tv writers in my time. I love to write. I want to support a fellow writer. I want to say Yes to this book.

I want to say Yes . . .

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone!!!

I can't believe 2015 is already gone, but yes, yes it is. Today is January 1, 2016.

In my previous post I talk about not setting goals just because it's the new year, but making changes and resolutions when you are ready.

Well, look for some changes coming from me and my blog! I'll be hoping to revamp the blog, include some guest posts, and post more frequently.

So share, share, share my blog link; kick back and enjoy!!

Have a great New Year!

God Bless,
Lissa

No, It's not

Yes it is. Denial is that silent killer of dreams. As we approach the beginning of another year, we, or someone we may know, may begin to make their infamous New Year's resolutions list. In this list we will list all the things we plan to do differently: be on time, work out more, be nicer, [insert typical resolution], etc. And for the first one or two months, we will really give it a nice concerted effort; but by April, we are probably back to our old ways, softly kicking ourselves for not being able to stick with it. And then in November we will all wonder how the year flew by so quickly and seriously stand confused about why we COMPLETED ZERO things from New Year's resolutions list.

So why, why is that? Why do we continue to go into a circle expecting something different? I think we have this delusional optimism that just by writing things down on a list, on a certain day of the year, with a happy attitude, and nice gel pen, that we have, by some effect, changed the course of our life. When in fact, all we have done, is put pen to paper. We are in denial at not having to do anything else. Let's say we wrote down that we wanted to work out more. Sure, we joined the gym when they offered the no joiner fee "special." If we are paying, certainly we will go. We haven't altered our work schedule to allow for more time after work to work out; haven't always kept sneakers in the car; haven't restocked our gym bag with clean clothes and a granola bar; but sure!! That six pack will naturally come by spring, because I wrote it down on my list, is what we tell ourselves.

Or deciding to read more. You haven't turned the tv off any more than when you weren't reading more and you keep selecting books that you have no interest in just because they are best sellers.

Thinking that he/she will come back to you if you get them a birthday gift or a valentine's gift. Or sitting by the phone waiting for someone to call. If they wanted to, they would have.

Change is not easy, by any means, but we do ourselves a disservice when we let the calendar dictate when it's time to change. You are in complete denial of the situation if you think that just by writing something down YOU have changed. Resolutions should come when you are ready; with some epiphany that you need to change. The first step to getting over denial is to accept the situation as is. As much as I may want to read a book a week, I have to look at my schedule and realize that that is not going to happen. I need to make my goals more realistic so that I don't get discouraged and give up half way. 

If he/she hasn't called you in a week, they are probably not going to. If you are continually getting overlooked for a raise than you need to either say something or leave. If you think that he/she would never lie to you and there's no way that they could be this bad person, leave emotions aside and look at the facts. It's time to move on. As Maya Angelou had said - "If someone shows you who they are, believe them."

Loyalty is a great life skill, but sometimes you have to look at your surroundings and wonder if the denial of your changing environment is worth adapting to.

So when the year changes to 2016, do nothing, or do something, but decide which one it is. Just don't pretend to do something, when in fact you've done nothing. Yup, I'm calling you out. Consider this your wake up call. 

Stop Planning on Doing Things

I am a planner. I love to know what's going on BEFORE I get there, or understanding what is going to be expected of me somewhere down the line, but I think here is where I can learn from my more spontaneous friends. Sometimes we planners are so good at mapping things out on paper - you know, the calendar, the to-do list, and all of the organization that follows - that we are not as skilled at actually doing planned activity. The easiest example is everyone's mad dash to make exercising their new year's resolution. Maybe you'll write down the days of the week that you will work out, and even look up the gym class schedules for Zumba. But all plans fail when they don't get executed. And soon you begin to make excuses - you're hungry, forgot your workout clothes as home, haven't joined a gym, blah blah blah. And the difference between PLANNING and DOING is all about enabling yourself to eliminate those excuses, so that if you consciously decide not to do it, it is because that is what you chose. So, for someone who really wants to work out, well, just keep gym clothes and a granola bar in your car trunk. Then you are consciously deciding to skip the gym each time you drive by and can no longer blame your excuses.

So right now, I am working on those enabling activities that hinder me from doing all the things I plan to do. I'll be the first to admit that I don't like to cook. But that's not the real reason. The real reason is that things don't always turn out perfectly the first time and I am impatient. Well, nothing I can really do to fix the impatience, but what I can do is pick a recipe and follow it from top to bottom. And over time I'll find out what works and what doesn't work. But sometimes as a busy person working it's hard to find the time to cook. And to make the time you need to have the right ingredients. In order to have the right ingredients you need to know what you are making before you go to the store. So, today in fact, I picked out a recipe and bought the stuff I needed. And then I made it (yup, didn't finish until 10pm, but hey one step at a time).  To the left are the ingredients I used: vegetable oil, peanuts, cilantro, ground beef, red pepper, soy sauce, egg noodles (couldn't get rice noodles), onion, bouillon.

And the final dish on the right, was just like  the picture on the recipe. It didn't take 30 minutes like the recipe said (probably took me 1.5 hrs) but I enjoyed the process. I felt good using my hands, and I saved some money by making my own food instead of buying it. Plus, I'm sure it's healthier than any restaurant style of cooking with loads of butter. And I even have leftovers for lunch.

So, this is just one example where I just had to bite the bullet and get things done, because I've been talking about cooking on Sundays FOREVER, and only know I stopped PLANNING to do it and actually did it.

Part of this realization for the need to DO things is also due to the fact that my time here is short (I'm not being morbid, I am actually moving in 3 months or so [most likely]). And I really want to be able to say that I took advantage of where I am while I was here. I am in a great location, near my friends and family, and there are a lot of opportunities to try new things. I don't want to regret not getting to try something when I had the chance.

With the Olympics coming up too, it's a great time to feel motivated. The Nike motto "Just Do It" seems to have even more meaning right now. So other things that I plan to move from Planning to Doing? Well, my writing for sure!! And it's always motivating to get fellow bloggers support - check out my friend here and show her some love. I want to get this fitness regime back on track. I want to read more, get my apartment in tip top shape and minimize (as I've been talking about for years). I finally want to pick up my ukulele, and of course, step up my cooking game. I think we those things I'll be really excited and enabled to do even more things.

So, my challenge to you - pick 1 thing you want to do this week. And then do it. (Tell someone so that you are accountable). It takes 14 days to break a habit I read somewhere. It all starts with 1 step.

The Happiness Challenge

Happy New Year Everyone!!
It is 2012. Wow, I can't believe how fast last year went by. And even now, it's already the third week in January. Craziness.

So sometime last year I stumbled upon The Happiness Project, the book. I was in the bookstore, one of my favorite places, and spotted this really bright blue book. I was in there for a purpose, so I told myself I wasn't allowed to buy any more books; plus I have a waiting list of all the books I'm supposed to be reading. So I wrote the name down in order to look it up later. The book is about doing things that make you happy and getting rid of all the things that do not contribute to you overall well-being. Check out the website: www.happiness-project.com.

I'm sure we can debate on what defines happiness and if there really is such a thing. But to me, The Happiness Project is just like any other list of goals we want to obtain for ourselves, whether or not we articulate it. So, for the new year, I have found that many of the things that I want to do are in line with the happiness challenge from 2010 that I stumbled upon on youtube. So, rather than reinventing the wheel, I've decided (at least for now) to check out the challenge and maybe even follow it. The author - Gretchen Rubin - has posted weekly videos on items inside the Happiness Challenge. And yes, there is one for 2012, but I really like the 2010 one, so I'm going to start there.

I decide to jump right in and start as though I am watching the videos in year they are made. I'm coming on week 4, so I will look at the first 3 weeks and then jump right in. I do need to write more, so I may blog about each of the weeks; we'll see.

So, I've watched the first 4 videos and here's the summary:

Month 1: Get Energized
1. Get more sleep
2. Get more exercise
3. Toss and Organize
4. Tackle a nagging task

Most of these I have already been working on, so great alignment. I definitely need to work on #1 the most. (1) Getting more sleep is so important. I enjoy being up when I know others are asleep. It does make me feel as though I'm getting ahead and getting things done. The truth of the matter is that time is equal whether it's 11pm-1am or 5pm-7pm, so maybe that is one fundamental I will just have to challenge myself with. Getting more sleep for me would mean going to bed earlier. If I go to bed earlier then I will wake up earlier, then I will go in to work earlier, and thus leave earlier, leaving time in the later afternoon to do those things I am doing late at night. In theory this works. In practice, sometimes we leave work at the same time if we get in at 7:30am or 9am, so that will really be a culture change for me. It's ok to leave before 5pm if you got in before 8. I think most young professionals, or maybe just people in general, want to get ALL the work done. And it's really impossible - it will never ALL be done, and it will still be waiting for you when you come in the next day. Work-Life balance is key.

(2) Exercise more. I know this. I used to do so many extracurricular activities in high school. I had the basketball coach yelling at me to run more, run faster, jump higher. I had the volleyball coach yelling at me to run more, run faster, jump higher. And I had phys Ed 2 times a week to learn to run more, run faster, and jump higher. Then you get to college and there is no one yelling at you. you have to motivate yourself. Ok, but that wasn't too bad. I stayed in the dorms and found friends that also missed their coaches yelling at them, so we went to the gym together. We took fitness classes. We ran to our 8am classes (look, I have never been a morning person). And then you graduate from college and your physique is really up to you. So now, years out of structured schooling, and it's time to get back with the program. I'm not in horrible shape, so I don't feel the need to pay a personal trainer to yell at me, but I can motivate myself to get back to the gym. I'm implemented Workout Wednesdays, so at the very least I am doing 30 mins of exercise every Wednesday - no if's, and's, or but's. If I can't make the gym I lay down that yoga mat at home and get to crunching. If I don't want to sweat out my hair I can do toning and stretching. The more excuses we make NOT to do something, the more likely we will get comfortable not doing it. My other pitfall is not being prepared for the gym. Lots of time I will want to go but I might have left my sneakers or clothing at home. And we all know - once you go home, you are NOT going back out!!! (Don't even try to lie to yourself). So I am also keeping a gym bag in the trunk with workout clothes, a lock, lotion, and sneakers. NO EXCUSES!!

(3) Toss and Organize. The story of my life!! I have some much STUFF. I'm still working on minimizing with getting rid of things I don't need. This include physical objects,, as well as negative people. My main source of disorganization is PAPER!! It accumulates so easily. And now with trying to recycle, I have to hold on to it even longer so I can take it to the recycling center. So, I'm working on throwing out papers that do not matter, and filing the important ones. Anything else should just get tossed. I think if I cleared out all the paper in my apartment that was junk, I'd probably clear out 3 full boxes of stuff.

(4) Tackle a nagging task. I have 2 of these facing me right now. 1 is something from work that I have been procrastinating on, and the other is to really get my budget together. The second one is not difficult, it just requires me to carve out a good hour to sit down and crunch the numbers. Probably the contributing factor to that delay is that once I have it in black & white I will have to obey it. My goal this year is to reduce my debt. This means tight spending and minimizing expenses.

Ok, so that's the plan. I will start working on #4, as #'s 1-3 will be in the back of my head. Feel free to join me on this challenge. Comment below on how you are doing, and we can support each other.

(Comments are always welcome - you do not need to sign up to leave a comment)

Not in Kansas Anymore

I think that the hardest part of life and growing up is change. We get used to how things were and how we like for things to be that we resist the things that naturally have to happen. And before you know it you are wondering where things went astray or why you didn't get to accomplish a certain task.

And as 2011 comes to a close, it is a great chance to reflect on the upcoming changes for the new year. The changing of the physical calendar is a great segway into changing things emotionally; of letting go of things and people that perhaps you have changed from. At the end of the day, when I really want to know if someone is truly my friend, I ask myself this: If my car broke down at 3 in the morning and I was stranded would I feel comfortable calling this person to come pick me up? Of course there are the hands-down you know they would come and get you folks, for whom you are glad to have in your life. And then there are the good friends that you would still feel bad waking them up, but you know that you can call them for help. And then there are those other people that, not only would you have second thoughts about calling, but that you probably would rather not call because 1) they might actually not even offer to help you and 2) it's so much of a last resort that you would just feel so guilty that it wasnt even worth the phone call and you'd rather ask a stranger. I actually realized one of these situations when I was stuck somewhere and planned on taking the bus and a train and walking to get home. The people that I thought would offer me a ride (on their way) home just said "well, I hope you make it" and a person whom I didn't know all that well said "I'll take you." Well that is when you make the readjustment and you realize that people are just selfish and only looking out for themselves, no matter how good friends you THINK they are. If it's not reciprocated, then there is a problem.

Change means getting out of denial and either putting action to your words or just giving in to the fact that some things are just not going to happen. You are not going to earn that degree if you don't even crack the book open and study for your exam. Better yet, if you haven't registered in 3 years, maybe subconciously, it's not really on your to do list. 2011 was the year to get things done, and I feel like 2012 is the year to see them into fruition. Change means letting go of ideas that were once true, but are now looking pretty false. Change means asking for help, since your way is not working, or just admitting that maybe you were wrong. It also means realizing the change that you hoped to see in someone else may not happen, and you should just accept them or leave them as they are.

No one is perfect. Change is realizing that and truly accepting it. And as everyone makes New Year's Resolutions yet again, change means doing something differently. If you wanted to work out 3 times a week and that lasted all of 2 months, then try plan B of getting a dog and walking the dog. Change is getting the chance to be creative and just doing it.

So, I have a personal vow, to do things differently next year. I'm excited to try things in a different light. The first task I want to accomplish is a continuation of this years': minimalize. Clearing out physical and inanimate objects will leave room for so much more . . . free space, no pun intended. Haha, ok definitely intended. After that, it will be so much easier for the rest to fall into place.

Another personal goal will be announced in a couple of months. I've started a new venture, and I'm really excited about it.

So, yes, we are not in Kansas anymore. We are somewhere else, and we have to change our game plan. And for once, that's A-OK with me.







Photo Credit: http://www.hotrodsbikeworks.com/features/0804_hrbp_route_66_through_kansas/photo_18.html

2011: I dare you to Live

Happy New Year!! It is 2011. For some reason I am super excited to be starting a new year. Why is that? I think it's because of all the new things that the flipping of the calendar entices. That the old year is finally behind us and whatever did not get done can be forgotten and we start over.

Take the plunge. To me, 2011 is about trying more things that you've never tried before; to challenge oneself; to possibly walk across your own personal tightrope, 1000 fee up in the air.

2010 was great and I tried a ton of things from oil painting, to building a bridge, to starting a new job, to putting myself out there on the love front, to letting go of things that were not necessarily beneficial to me and to learning how to say no (You can't do everything and go everywhere).

So I was reading Melanie's blog of things she has learned as she is turning 30 and it was a great list. It reminded me of all the knowledge I had picked up in the last year. The life of a twentysomething is very unique. You still get away with acting young and childish, but at the same time you have not yet reached your full potential and you know it. You know that there is a ton out there awaiting you, you just have to go and get it. Well, there's something umm, let's see, "special" about turning 30. It's not like there will be a drumroll and everyone gasp's saying "wow, she's 30," but there is definitely a HUGEEEEEEEE difference between 29 and 30. So us twentysomethings enjoy the fact that we are still young enough to do what we want before this wretched number. Well I'm not 30 yet, no where near it as far as I am concerned, but it is an ever present reminder that now is the time to get things done, to make moves.

There are a ton of things that I plan on working on this year, some of which I choose to keep blogless. One thing I will share, that has been an ever present theme over the last 2 years is about people. I have trouble moving on from people. A friend of mine reminded me that everyone comes into your life for a reason, and not all of these reasons are permanent. There were people that you met that you were meant to be close to in high school, college, grad school, work, social activities, Church, the gym, etc. And perhaps you had a great relationship with them at the time, but things change and it's ok to not have that same relationship when one of you moves on or has a major life change. It makes logical sense, but for some reason this was a very hard idea for me to grasp. I've been holding on to some things or getting mad about them, when really I should just reflect on the good times, appreciate those, and get on with my life. So I will work on doing that in 2011. I simply do not have the energy to spend keeping up with people who are not thinking about me.

The other major goal is to get back into shape. Mainly it's tackling the dreaded middle expansion region we all face as we get older and our metabolism slows down. I don't think I ever went through the Freshman 15 in college. I think I actually lost weight because I didn't have that much time to eat. But, now is the time to get into the best shape of our lives; before marriage and kids ruin your figure forever, lol. (somewhat dramatizing).

I am excited to start a new year because it is the ritualistic cleaning of the chalkboard and starting with a fresh slate. In 2011 I dare you to Live.

Photo Credit: http://www.colinoproperties.com/images/2008/10/tightrope.jpg