Wednesday, December 30, 2015

No, It's not

Yes it is. Denial is that silent killer of dreams. As we approach the beginning of another year, we, or someone we may know, may begin to make their infamous New Year's resolutions list. In this list we will list all the things we plan to do differently: be on time, work out more, be nicer, [insert typical resolution], etc. And for the first one or two months, we will really give it a nice concerted effort; but by April, we are probably back to our old ways, softly kicking ourselves for not being able to stick with it. And then in November we will all wonder how the year flew by so quickly and seriously stand confused about why we COMPLETED ZERO things from New Year's resolutions list.

So why, why is that? Why do we continue to go into a circle expecting something different? I think we have this delusional optimism that just by writing things down on a list, on a certain day of the year, with a happy attitude, and nice gel pen, that we have, by some effect, changed the course of our life. When in fact, all we have done, is put pen to paper. We are in denial at not having to do anything else. Let's say we wrote down that we wanted to work out more. Sure, we joined the gym when they offered the no joiner fee "special." If we are paying, certainly we will go. We haven't altered our work schedule to allow for more time after work to work out; haven't always kept sneakers in the car; haven't restocked our gym bag with clean clothes and a granola bar; but sure!! That six pack will naturally come by spring, because I wrote it down on my list, is what we tell ourselves.

Or deciding to read more. You haven't turned the tv off any more than when you weren't reading more and you keep selecting books that you have no interest in just because they are best sellers.

Thinking that he/she will come back to you if you get them a birthday gift or a valentine's gift. Or sitting by the phone waiting for someone to call. If they wanted to, they would have.

Change is not easy, by any means, but we do ourselves a disservice when we let the calendar dictate when it's time to change. You are in complete denial of the situation if you think that just by writing something down YOU have changed. Resolutions should come when you are ready; with some epiphany that you need to change. The first step to getting over denial is to accept the situation as is. As much as I may want to read a book a week, I have to look at my schedule and realize that that is not going to happen. I need to make my goals more realistic so that I don't get discouraged and give up half way. 

If he/she hasn't called you in a week, they are probably not going to. If you are continually getting overlooked for a raise than you need to either say something or leave. If you think that he/she would never lie to you and there's no way that they could be this bad person, leave emotions aside and look at the facts. It's time to move on. As Maya Angelou had said - "If someone shows you who they are, believe them."

Loyalty is a great life skill, but sometimes you have to look at your surroundings and wonder if the denial of your changing environment is worth adapting to.

So when the year changes to 2016, do nothing, or do something, but decide which one it is. Just don't pretend to do something, when in fact you've done nothing. Yup, I'm calling you out. Consider this your wake up call.