As of late

More and more I wonder where I stand with you. I love the fact that we have this bond that no one would quite understand. I know things about you that you probably don't discuss with others, and you know personal things about my life and me. There's this connection between us that somehow binds us together. And yet, I feel I belong to the private sector, like I'm your secret friend. I love it that I can be in the private circle and have a deeper understanding of who you are, but I also feel like I'm hiding in the shadows when others come to play, like I'm only fun when no one else is around.

Maybe it's me - maybe I'm in this weird state where I'm just non-trusting of people as they get closer and closer because that's usually about the time when I get hurt. Or I've been said to raise the bar too high for those to jump above. Or maybe it's not all in my head and I'm not allowing myself to believe that you just are that inconsiderate and just squeezing out the juice of friendship as much as you can before you toss the orange away.

I don't know which one it is, but I get a little tired of having to figure it out all the time. And I get mad at myself for trying so hard to keep your friendship. Why not just let it go away in the waves? There's that crazy glue bond that I can't seem to understand. And really, I don't need to understand it; I just need to make sure that you are holding on as much as I am holding on. Becauase if it's just me pulling you on the shore . . . then I'll let go.

Hold on or let go? The inevitable question.