I was watching Friends tonight and they were showing the episode where Rachel was leaving for Paris. Ross is undecided about whether he should tell her he loves her one more time and go after her or let her be. It's the ultimate dilemma. Do you ruin someone elses decision for your own selfish need to express how you feel? Or do you keep your feelings to yourself when they can change another person's opinon? Or is it that you owe it to the person to lay all the cards on the table so that they can make their own decision?
It's a difficult choice. Yes, I'd love for some guy to go chasing after me, to hunt me down in the airport, go through all that security, and time it perfectly so he calls my name as I've handed my boarding pass to the agent. Then through my peripheral vision I see a shadow which causes me to turn left and my jaw drops, saying "what are you doing here?" Yes, I'd love that feeling that they are so undeniably in love with you that they risked the world to make it here on time to tell you just that.
And that is probably one of the greatest feelings in the world, but then it's followed by the worst feelings in the world - this rushed window to make your decision. This pressure to make the decision that this guy came all the way over here to hear, always wondering in the back of your head if you are deciding what you want to do based on external expectations, given the gesture. Then there's the slight annoyance I would feel that, really? you didn't know this yesterday? That would have made life so much easier.
So in essence, do we really want that? Do we want the big grand gesture of the person running for all causes to get to you in time. I loved the scene in Save the Last Dance when he is running to make her show in time. I love scenes when the guys running through the rain (and manages not to slip). But truth be told, it's a whole lotta pressure and I can't say that I would want that. I don't know what I'd be able to say to some guy on their knee saying "Please don't go."
It's great for tv - a great tear-jerker, but really? Yeah, I'd have to say that it's just too hard.
You gotta love sitcom writers . . .
I love this post! I don't watch Friends, but I have seen this type of scene many times in other shows and movies.
ReplyDeleteMany people do want these things to happen to them because 'it is said' that this is how it should be done. Love is not here today, gone tomorrow. I believe it takes time to grow/develop and even longer time to vanish (if ever). It shows up when you are least expected and it is a feeling that can not be controlled.
Sure, like yourself, I would love for someone to do those things for me as well, but truth be told, they have been.
Unfortunately not because he 'wanted to', but because he thought that was 'how it is to be done.' NO!!
Do things because you WANT to, care for me because you WANT to, love me because you WANT to!
Don't just do things just because. In the long run, it's a waste of time. Trust me.... wasted time.
Good read!
i think ppl wait till the last minute to tell you things they feel b/c they only realize then - when its all at stake -- how much they really love you/care for you/need you. I think its those make or break moments that make some guys realize - "omg! i'm about to lose someone amazing, i have to do something now."
ReplyDeletebut i do agree, sometimes the gesture makes us say yes - b/c we don't know what else to say without being hurtful..its only later that we realize 'hmm maybe i shouldn't have since i'm not feeling it.' -- that sucks more for the person that made the gesture in the first place, b/c now he realizes you just felt bad for him initially and are taking it all back.
UGH - how i wish life was a tv sitcom sometimes haha