Hours of "NO"

It's the beginning of 2016. Who wouldn't want to read a book entitled Year of Yes: How to Dance it Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person, by Shonda Rhimes? THE Shonda Rhimes who has written Grey's Anatomy and Scandal. Shonda Rhimes who owns ABC Thursdays. She has her own hashtag #tgit. You would think that such an amazing writer, would have a killer self-help book. You. Would. Think.

And believe me, my purpose is not to bash her or the book. But I gotta let this out. Because I am ONLY on the 2nd of 6 cds and the only thing keeping my eyes open was that I was driving 60 mph in an automobile. I have to finish this book. I have a book club to run. I suggested this book. People are coming over to my house to discuss this. But Ugh.

First, big ups to audiobooks. I love them!! You can multitask to the fullest and still "read" a book. I don't think I would be as far if I weren't listening to this. Second, it is nice to have the author read the book themselves. They know exactly where to place emphasis and if it were anyone else, you might blame the reader for not conveying the characters. Third, to be fair, I am not finished with the book. It might get better. I'm praying it gets better. But I feel like I have a gist of the writing style and content already from listening to 2 hours of the book.

Shonda Rhimes is a remarkable writer. If she were writing a script or if this were a Lord of the Rings type book, where Tolkien paints detail to an excruciatingly painful level, this would be great. It would make a great movie, because the producer would have to just follow the bread crumb trail clearly written. But this is not a script or a movie. THIS is a book I purchased to motivate me. To convince me to say "YES" instead of "NO"; to take a challenge. Instead, I feel lied to. Like this was just some marketing ploy to get me to spend $20. 2 hours in, I don't think she's offered any helpful advice. Sure, advice is IMPLIED by her actions, but all I hear is -  and I know she doesn't mean to do this - I'VE DONE THIS, THEN I DID THAT, SO I SHOULD BE OUTGOING, BUT I'M NOT, SO THEN I DID THIS, AND I WAS SCARED, AND SO I CHALLENGED MYSELF TO SAY YES, THEN I SAID YES, THEN I DID THE SCARED THING, AND HIP HOP HURRAY TO ME. And I'm like, well that was great and all, but where is the "how to" in the TITLE!?!?!

I did like the commencement speech she gave at Dartmouth graduation in 2014 but I felt like I was eavesdropping. It wasn't really directed at me, the reader. I'm waiting for her to explicitly tell me, the reader, some jaw dropping knowledge. But while I wait for it, I shouldn't be bored to tears. The writer of Scandal and Grey's Anatomy should not be boring me to tears when I read her stuff. I am utterly shocked and dismayed. I do not understand how this could be. But then a friend reminded me that the original script is just a suggestion and a lot of production and direction goes into a show. And while she provides the skeleton, there's so much more that make these hit shows hits. Not to trivialize her talent, but it's like night and day y'all.

So, I'm going to keep pushing forward. But only because it's Shonda. Because I know she is an awesome writer, I know that it will get better. Or, at least, I hope very strongly. I want to like this book. I want to support one of the best tv writers in my time. I love to write. I want to support a fellow writer. I want to say Yes to this book.

I want to say Yes . . .

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone!!!

I can't believe 2015 is already gone, but yes, yes it is. Today is January 1, 2016.

In my previous post I talk about not setting goals just because it's the new year, but making changes and resolutions when you are ready.

Well, look for some changes coming from me and my blog! I'll be hoping to revamp the blog, include some guest posts, and post more frequently.

So share, share, share my blog link; kick back and enjoy!!

Have a great New Year!

God Bless,
Lissa

No, It's not

Yes it is. Denial is that silent killer of dreams. As we approach the beginning of another year, we, or someone we may know, may begin to make their infamous New Year's resolutions list. In this list we will list all the things we plan to do differently: be on time, work out more, be nicer, [insert typical resolution], etc. And for the first one or two months, we will really give it a nice concerted effort; but by April, we are probably back to our old ways, softly kicking ourselves for not being able to stick with it. And then in November we will all wonder how the year flew by so quickly and seriously stand confused about why we COMPLETED ZERO things from New Year's resolutions list.

So why, why is that? Why do we continue to go into a circle expecting something different? I think we have this delusional optimism that just by writing things down on a list, on a certain day of the year, with a happy attitude, and nice gel pen, that we have, by some effect, changed the course of our life. When in fact, all we have done, is put pen to paper. We are in denial at not having to do anything else. Let's say we wrote down that we wanted to work out more. Sure, we joined the gym when they offered the no joiner fee "special." If we are paying, certainly we will go. We haven't altered our work schedule to allow for more time after work to work out; haven't always kept sneakers in the car; haven't restocked our gym bag with clean clothes and a granola bar; but sure!! That six pack will naturally come by spring, because I wrote it down on my list, is what we tell ourselves.

Or deciding to read more. You haven't turned the tv off any more than when you weren't reading more and you keep selecting books that you have no interest in just because they are best sellers.

Thinking that he/she will come back to you if you get them a birthday gift or a valentine's gift. Or sitting by the phone waiting for someone to call. If they wanted to, they would have.

Change is not easy, by any means, but we do ourselves a disservice when we let the calendar dictate when it's time to change. You are in complete denial of the situation if you think that just by writing something down YOU have changed. Resolutions should come when you are ready; with some epiphany that you need to change. The first step to getting over denial is to accept the situation as is. As much as I may want to read a book a week, I have to look at my schedule and realize that that is not going to happen. I need to make my goals more realistic so that I don't get discouraged and give up half way. 

If he/she hasn't called you in a week, they are probably not going to. If you are continually getting overlooked for a raise than you need to either say something or leave. If you think that he/she would never lie to you and there's no way that they could be this bad person, leave emotions aside and look at the facts. It's time to move on. As Maya Angelou had said - "If someone shows you who they are, believe them."

Loyalty is a great life skill, but sometimes you have to look at your surroundings and wonder if the denial of your changing environment is worth adapting to.

So when the year changes to 2016, do nothing, or do something, but decide which one it is. Just don't pretend to do something, when in fact you've done nothing. Yup, I'm calling you out. Consider this your wake up call. 

It's not about The Cup

So, originally, I was going to comment on this video here, which has become a media upcraze. In short, Josh Feurenstein, Christian Evangelist, has attacked Starbucks for removing snowflakes and reindeer and other symbols which are often linked to Christmas, and says that Starbucks has, as society has, continually watered down Christianity, and he's tired of it. The rebuttal came from Pete Dominick, political talk show host.

Immediately the debate is a wash because Pete calls Josh a bigot because he is anti-gay, and therefore all of his opinions are invalid. Again, we are not even discussing the topic at hand. So, while I don't support Josh or Pete, there are some interesting points on what commercial stores are doing that I think I'd like to take the time to voice.

****Again, I am no longer talking about Josh's rant; just the idea that this could possibly bother someone

The Starbucks cup is red because it's Christmastime. Let's face it. Let's stop kidding ourselves. If it were February, the cup would also be red. But I can guarantee the lid would not be green. If the cup were blue and white at this time of year, we'd presume that is for Chanukah. So, while Starbucks can say that everyone is able to celebrate in their own way, you made it red and green on purpose, because people like to celebrate Christmas. As a Christian, does it bother me that they've made the cup blank? Sure. If you are going to make it red and green then just go all the way. But, I'm not going to waste timing fighting that fight. I do think there are more important fights to fight. But someone standing up for what they believe and pointing out that fact is not necessarily a hateful person. (Generally speaking).

Stores want to rename the tree. I will not call it a Holiday Tree. It's a Christmas Tree. All around the country they are banning it or renaming it. Why? How does my celebrating a holiday offend you? You could just not shop at that time if you hate hearing holiday music, but you do want to take advantage of those sales . . . . I don't get it. But it bothered someone and they put up a fight. And it offends me that you want to rename it. But apparently the minority's voice doesn't matter.

You can walk around half-naked on the beach, but whip out a boob at the mall and you can get arrested. Public breastfeeding. Taboo. How does this relate? If we take the religion out of it, since it's such a touchy subject, the true matter is society telling us what is and is not ok. People not being able to celebrate their holidays and traditions because people who don't celebrate them are offended.

We ARE becoming a society where anything goes. Look at how tv and radio has changed in the last 20 years. The words you can say that you couldn't even bleep before. Who cares for those who get offended? It's a hypocritical situation, if you've never seen one before: "I'm going to curse and swear and do whatever I want on tv or radio, but you can't have your Christmas Tree, because it offends me."

Interesting. Are you really listening to what's going on? At some point, you will become offended. There will be some topic - race, religion, freedom of speech, technology, taxes, tuition, childcare, social security, pension, 401(k), road repair, food ban, smoking, where you will not be a 'them' And no one will care. That is the true problem. The people crying "offended" don't care if they offend you.

That, is the true issue. We have freedom of speech so that everyone's voice and opinion counts. Let's remember not to dismiss someone because they base their opinion on religion or something that you don't necessarily agree with.

It's not about the cup.

Food for thought.

Road Trip of a Lifetime - Part I

Not exactly what I think of when I think of Colorado, but here I am leaning against a Latin-inspired building at City Park in Denver, Colorado. I travelled to Boulder, Colorado for a wedding of a close friend and my crazy friend (:P) convinced me to do a 2000+ mile road trip afterwards. I almost didn't go; nervous of being in the car for 27 hours for a week, but I put caution to the wind, and decided to live a little. Obviously, since I'm writing this post, things turned out well. I am so glad that I went!! I'll never capture the true essence of the whole vacation, but here are some of the highlights:

Oh where to begin . . .lol. Well, I was trying to save some money . . . (don't' all interesting stories start out like that)  . . . and decided to try an AirBnB for the first time. I was flying solo for the wedding, so spitting a hotel room with just myself was getting quite costly. Luckily the bride had some friends that were also traveling alone. So, I got the address and everything and arrived to the bed and breakfast pretty late after my flight into Denver. Now keep in mind that I'm from Philadelphia, so when I park my car and wheel my suitcase to my temporary home I am a little surprised to find a grown woman sleeping on a mattress outside on the porch. Look - I'm all about minimization and carefreeness, but yeah that was a little outside my comfort zone. I don't know if she belongs or is some kind of squatter, but it's late and I'm tired, so I semi avoid eye contact and proceed into the unlocked house.

Long story short I ended up sleeping on a futon in the living room, searching some random person's house for a towel so I could shower, and hiding my worldy possessions just IN CASE people were not as honest as they looked. I'm not knocking AirBnB at all, but it was a little out of my comfort zone to be sleeping on a futon in the middle of a living room of an unlocked house of a stranger in the land far far away from home. I never felt unsafe, and when the roommate who lived there got up and introduced himself, he was super friendly. But, I can say that sharing a space with a stranger is not for me. Sure, I'd try AirBnB again, but definitely with some more of my personal rules to make me feel comfortable. One day was enough for me and I found lodging elsewhere for the next night.

The next day was my first full day in Colorado. I drove up to Denver to meet with my friends (guy & girl) who were also attending the wedding. We met up with one his old high school buddies and drove to the top of Mount Evans. There we proceeded to climb to the 14,000 feet elevation. Shout out to my pal from Eastern Mountain Sports (you know who you are) for helping me get my climbing gear in order. 

Quick notes about hiking: 

1. Wear synthetic fibers - they are much easier to breathe with and won't get heavy from sweat. Avoid cotton. Wear polyester
2. Wear layers!!! It is cold in the morning, warm or hot in the afternoons, and then cold again at night. I was so glad to be able to take things off and put them back on.
3. Always carry water. And drink it. The changes in elevation can give you major headaches so drink drink drink to stay hydrated.
4. EAT! Even if you normally skip breakfast you want to make sure that you eat breakfast when you are going to be doing a lot of walking or hiking. Again, changes in elevation may catch you before you know it and you don't want to feel light headed. I am SOOO tired of peanuts right now, but they helped us out a lot, but having a quick protein to munch on before and after strenuous activity
5. Always be ready!!! You never know when you will spot a bear. Be ready to stop, drop, and roll out that car, finger on the trigger. Because if you miss that once in a lifetime shot, chances are . . .No one will believe you ;)

Alright, back to the story, so we are climbing up this mountain, and the view from the top is just spectacular. There's big-horned sheep in the road, the air feels lighter, and there are people from all over the world, hiking to have the same view as you. This was just the beginning and I was having a great feeling of how the rest of the trip would go. I had very low expectations (no offense, my Western friends), but really I hadn't thought of what was over "here." I just figured Colorado was the land of skiers; to be perfectly honest, I didn't know a whole lot about Colorado before traveling here.

 






The next day was the wedding. We explored Denver a little more before the wedding and got to go to the tea house and see the farmer's market downtown. I enjoyed people watching there and seeing all walks of life. I was really proud of Denver for their recycling efforts and they really do seem like a hippy/carefree but responsible kinda town. People were pretty friendly, but they are super duper relaxed, so if you are on a tight schedule that could possibly annoy you. There's some lacking in the diversity area, but surprisingly there was a high Hispanic/Latino population.

The wedding was beautiful, and for their privacy that's all I'll say. If you know who they are check out my/their Facebook or Picasa album for pictures.

The day after the wedding was when our mad dash of driving and escapades would start. First, we would need a bigger car.

I'm only on Day 2, so we are going to have to break this up into sections. Look forward to hearing about our drive to Wyoming, visits with Bears, mastering the tuck and roll, making new international friends, and "check" and how it can improve you life.

:)

Fool's Gold

Sometimes we accept polished dirt as though it were a diamond. And it may look exactly like a diamond, but it is hollow and empty, with a shine finish. Recognizing this fool's gold is the first step, and then not accepting it is the next.

I had a "friend" from college move to New York City. I haven't seen her in 8-10 years so I was excited to have her nearby. We saw eachother at a mutual friend's birthday party and caught up and exchanged contact information. I texted her when I got home that it was nice to see her and we should catch up again. She texted:

"If you are ever in the area, hit me up, and I'll try to meet up with you"

Great!! Sounded like a plan. I would see her and it would be just like old times. Great that she is up for seeing me as well. A couple of days passed, and I realized she had given me polished dirt. Wait a second. That was about the most conditional statement a person could give. Let's dissect the text she sent that I was so happy about earlier.

"If you are ever in the area, hit me up . . . " - she flipped the script on me. Now the responsibility is on me to text her if I am in NYC, which is 2 hours away. I'm not going to drive up there to see her without definite plans, so if I am in the area I would have already had plans with someone else. Ok, so maybe between my plans with them and leaving, there would be a 1-2 hour gap.

". . . I'll try to meet up with you." So if I text her, there's a 50/50 chance that she is free during the 1-2 hour gap that I have and she will only 'try' to meet up with me. What? Really? There's like no chance I would actually see her.

So I gave her the benefit of the doubt and texted:

"It's probably easier if we have set plans. Let me know when you want to get together."

To which she replied:

"Ugh, so much planning. I'm sure we will figure it out."

This, my friends, is an empty promise. She doesn't mind seeing me if it is totally convenient to her and her schedule but she obviously will make no plans to definitively see me. If I accept this, then I will constantly be texting and trying to meet when I happen to be 2 hours north of where I live. So I reject this!!! I reject people making me a non-priority. If you want to see me, make plans. If you don't want to see me, then don't pretend you do. The same goes true with guys and romantic relationships. How many times do we get fooled by the shininess, and totally overlook that we have been handing a pile of dirt?

So, now you know. It's so funny how many times this happens - work lunches, social events, friendships, relationships - that we are so immune to it. But it is happening all the time. The careful wordsmithing that makes you feel as though they really care. But they don't. They are open to "it" (whatever the it may be) only if other plans aren't better.

The sociology of the millinium . . . . what a trip . . .!

Good Disappointment

We always think of disappointment as a bad thing, but sometimes it is a blessing in disguise. It makes me sad when someone disappoints me; when they let you down; or when a situation did not turn out exactly as you had expected. But we later find out the reason for the disappointment and oftentimes it is the person showing you their true colors. Or something better for you waiting at the end of the rainbow.

We expect things to go our way and we are very quickly humbled by disappointment. A reminder that God has other plans for us and we need to be patient and see what happens.

The last couple of "disappointments" turned out more perfect than I could even make up. If I were in a different place than I was I wouldn't have had the opportunity to do something really wonderful.

It's just funny how life works out . . .

Social Etiquette - Yes, I'm talking to you

There are a lot of "heavy" topics in the news as of late, so before I address those I thought I would discuss a lighter topic. This might be a little bit of a rant.

Oh where, oh where do I begin? I'm sure someone will get offended, but you know what? This is some tough love. People are 'getting away' with these behaviors because we, as a society, let them slide by. It's not right, it is not ok. Am I the only one who thinks this? (Rhetorical). lol.

Starting off with the super duper basics of MANNERS and progress from there:

• If there is someone behind you closely, push/hold the door for them. The whole sliding through when I am one step behind is the epitome of RUDE
• Get off your phone!!! In the checkout, with the cashier; on a shuttle bus to the airport for all of 5 minutes; in the elevator. You are not that important. Unless it is a dire emergency - and judging by the conversations I have heard, it is not; do everyone a courtesy and just WAIT. Wait the 5 minutes it will take you to not be in a public space.
• Stop Replying ALL on every email. Do all 50 people really need to know that you will not make it? It's just cluttering up EVERYONE's inbox.
• If you don't CARE how I'm doing then don't ask me. Saying "Hi, how are you?" has just become a phrase. Just say hi. I will not be offended. Because when I answer the 'how are you?' and you are down the hallway, that is pretty OFFENSIVE.
• Look people in the eye. Acknowledge their existence. Stop looking at your watch like you have better places to be. If you did, you'd be there. The constant reminder that the world revolves around you and everyone in your path is less important doesn't seem a LITTLE selfish to you? When did we become these little self-absorbed beings? (#Selfie did not help)
• If you don't want to go somewhere or do something then just say "No." This idea that if you just ignore it, it will go away, is sooo mean. Someone took the time to invite you somewhere. They need a headcount for the food and logistics. You can't even reply to let them know you aren't interested? Even a maybe is better than nothing. Or that guy you broke up with 3 weeks ago but didn't tell him, hoping he would just 'figure it out' - that's mean. Yes, it gets you out of an awkward conversation, but you are just running from ever having to deliver bad news. And you are being more mean by having people guess than telling them.
• Stop friend requesting people you don't even like. If you never talked to me in high school, nor tried to contact me the 10 years afterwards, don't friend me when I become famous or you bump into me in the street. Who cares about the numbers? If you don't actually want to catch up every now and then and the thought of having to talk to them on the phone makes you cringe, why, oh why, would you want to be their 'friend'?
• Smokers - you have ALL of outside. Why must you be near the door? There are people who are actually bothered by smoke. Wouldn't it just be easier to move 5 feet to the left?
• The whole point of earphones is so that the listener can listen without disturbing their surroundings. I don't want to hear your music on the bus/plane/train/sidewalk. Turn it down!
• Stop tailgating cars in the rain/snow/ice/sleet/everyday. It doesn't make sense. Go around. If you are that close and something happens you will collide. And riding me will not make me want to go any faster, especially when you have the option to go around.
• Text language is for texting, not for outside the phone. Write out the word 'you' and please use the correct form of their, there, or they're when talking to me. It is not "dorky" to speak grammatically correct.
• When a new person enters the conversation, open up the circle. Don't put your back to people. Don't use that opportunity to discuss all of your inside jokes.

I'm sure there are plenty of other things that we have backwards, but those were the main ones. And while it may seem silly to care if sum1 writes lik dis all the time bc dats how they txt, it speaks volumes about what they are going to consider acceptable. That person later becomes the head of a school or school district and doesn't enforce some of the English curriculum because it's just not that big a deal. Kids graduate from schools with a limited understanding of their first language. It affects how their resume looks. It affects the jobs and schools they will be able to attend. The details do matter. 

It's really not about following a bunch of rules. It's about consideration. If someone teaches their kid to respect their elders, there is no way that kid would knock over grandpa to steal his wallet or phone. Something as simple as offering your chair to a pregnant lady or an elderly person shows consideration. It shows that you have a soft heart and you care about others. I see these high school kids out and about not doing that. And that worries me. I see the makings of self-absorbed nation, where nothing matters outside of their circle. That group will not make laws and will not fight for change that has nothing to do with them. Already we see the Democrats and Republicans fighting just because they are different parties, and not even caring to push differences aside and pass the laws that will benefit the nation. It only gets worse if we don't start reteaching these manners that most of us grew up with. 

And while this started out as a rant, it's really an action plan. This is something tangible you and I can do. Because the activities that we see going on today - explicit racism, corruption, terrorism, violence, lying, political deadlock - they did not happen overnight. At the very least, we can try to leave this place better off than when we were here.

Teach Consideration. Be a role model. Make a Difference (in the long run).

Leave comments about social etiquette concerns or how to impact the generations to come. 

Make a Dent!

What is the catalyst of change?

It's the silliest thought to think, because it's so obvious: if you want to change, you must something different. And change refers to changing an outcome, as well as a behavior. But doing something different is a lot harder than you think.

We often say that we want to get back in shape. So we buy a gym membership, because CLEARLY, spending money on something will increase the value in doing it and you'll become super duper fit. FALSE. In fact, they make memberships so cheap because they are banking on the fact that you will not come, nor will you cancel because you constantly tell yourself you will go, and you end up paying for state-of-the-art equipment for a bunch of people you don't even know. So while you may think that you had done something different, it wasn't a big enough dent. All you did was sign up for yet another automatic billing session. You haven't made a change that affects you or the way you deal with your day. You hadn't changed your BEHAVIOR.

Another example is meeting people. How many times have you heard (or said) that you keep meeting the same type of people? I love to dance. But just because I switch from Salsa to Swing, didn't really change my behavior. It just changed the music and venue, but generally dancers have a hidden connection, no matter the genre.

The point being is that we need to mix it up. I have moved several times in the last 10 years, and at least 5 of the moves I was in a new city and I didn't know anyone. This move I'm really trying to try a whole bunch of DIFFERENT things to find exactly what I am looking for. And it's challenging because things you thought were different, end up not being. We are habits of creature and sometimes our attempts at being weird and sticking out are so predictable, we get the same result in various locations.

I don't want to be average. I want to make a dent in the world! And so my method of making a dent is by trying a whole bunch of things and then picking a few to figure out where my skills and passion intersect.

And I hope this blog is your catalyst for dent-making. If you feel like you are in a rut and don't know how to stir things up, make a DENT. Do something  completely opposite from what you are doing now (positive, of course). Here are some interesting things to try, that can be your drastic (or not so drastic) change:

1. Learn to play an instrument
2. Read a book
3. Listen to an audiobook
4. Attend a concert
5. Cut your hair
6. Grow your hair long
7. Pray/attend organized religious event
8. Turn off the tv
9. Turn up the radio
10. Sing
11. Learn a language
12. Dance (hip hop AND country, ballet AND tap, Salsa AND Swing)
13. Unplug for a week
14. Read a comic
15. Play a sport
16. Watch a sport
17. Adopt an animal
18. Write a journal entry
19. Netflix documentaries
20. Read the news
21. Befriend someone older than your parents
22. Mentor a middle or high school student
23. Live in a different country for an extended amount of time
24. Find a pen pal who lives in jail or is serving in the military abroad
25. Give money to a charity anonymously

New Beginnings

It's that time again: time that I moved on to the next role and the next location. Only, this time, I moved back home, and I don't have any plans of moving again. It's permanent. Wow, definitely a different perspective than I've had in the last decade. And I am excited. Excited to try all the different things that I may not have wanted to 'commit' to before. So, for the next couple of 'episodes' of my life, I think I'll take you guys on a journey of what it's like moving somewhere and how I start that ball rolling of who I am in this small dot on the globe. Sure, this is home, but home has changed and the people that might have been available now are married, with kids, or have also moved. So it will be a balancing act and trapeze act, and all the good stuff in between.

One of the first things I like to do when I get somewhere new - and yes, I am treating this like a new place - is to first Get Acclimated. So, as much as I love going out and checking out what there is to do, I first need to unpack, get settled, and get my bearings. Even though I'm 'back' let's just say the neighborhood has changed, so, from freeing myself of the dependence of a gps, to finding out which grocery store has the best options for me, those are the little things that really make you comfortable.

Once I'm comfortable driving around, I definitely Look for a Place of Faith; for me a Church. Faith is one of the most important things to me, so to find a place where I belong that is along my beliefs, is invaluable. It is also a great way to meet like-minded individuals. Church shopping, as I like to call it, is a rather tedious and hard process, because you have to be critical of genuinely good places. And it's slow, because you can really only check out a service on a Sunday, but once you find one, it's a really good feeling. And then you can become active and all that jazz.

I love to Reconnect with family and friends in the area I might know; whether it be to catch up over lunch or to meet up and watch a movie. And of course new possible connections through the new job or a new person bringing you out somewhere. I do like to leave the calendar a little open to allow for spontaneity.

There's the whole process to Find a Gym or some other form of active expression; utilizing those free passes to really find one that you like and that you will go to!!! Love my Zumba!

Then there's the Social Scene. Now, this will be different for everyone, depending on your age, what you like to do, and what's available. I love, love, LOVEEEE the website Meetup.com. I should be a paid sponsor the way I talk about them, but it's really a safe and cheap way to meet people that like what you like. I've found out about music concerts, dancing events, festivals, book clubs, and so much more either from joining a group or from meeting someone in a group and getting connected. I am also pretty big into the dancing scene (Salsa) so I find people that like to go salsa dancing or google "Salsa" for my area. And sometimes, this does mean going out alone but if the options are go and find something new, or don't go and stay home and not do the thing you love, I usually opt to try the going out option. If I don't like it, I can always leave.

Which leads me to a point that I have been told many times before: you have a lot of guts to go places by yourself. Hmm, ok, thanks! I guess I don't see it as guts - I'm not fighting war people, but yes, it does take some self-confidence to go into a place where you don't know if you will know anyone, or one where you probably know no one. Take this weekend for example. I saw this event on MeetUp that I wanted to go to. I didn't know anyone, just the 1cm photo of the other members (who never look like their photo when you are looking for them in a dark club). So I'm walking around trying to see someone familiar and it just wasn't happening. Finally, someone that I had met 2 weeks ago at another Salsa event spotted me and kindly invited me to their table (pays to be nice to people!). Now,  if that hadn't happened I would have sat down somewhere (these people don't own the whole table, an empty seat is an available seat), taken off my coat, put on my dance shoes, and made my way to the floor. If I picked the 'wrong' table to sit at and they were mean or made me feel comfortable, I would pick up my stuff and move it, realizing that I don't owe strangers anything. The environment was a very open table style with dance floor in the middle.

By the end of the night, I had danced with several other dancers, made some new connections, and even bumped into some old friends. It was a success!!! But all because I went out and put myself out there. I've had some duds, but you just gotta shake it off (yup, total Taylor Swift reference - don't hate, it's catchy).

So, that's it for now. I still have to continue my Church voyage and find another activity like volunteering or something to feel helpful to my new community. And there are personal goals of cooking, reading, exercising - and basically challenging myself - that I want to achieve. Of course keeping in touch with family and friends. And basically rebuilding.

As daunting as it sounds, it's kinda fun to start over.

Peace Out :)

Blog Action Day 2014 - Inequality

You knew it was coming. Let's talk about it: Being Black in America. And Yes, this is about race, just to clarify. And no, I'm not tired of talking about it, I'm tired of having issues to talk about. And you should too. As part of Blog Action Day I address the Inequality Black Americans may face in the world that is a problem we ALL need to work on fixing.

I love this quote by Martin Niemoller:

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— 
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— 
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

Tons of people have written pages and pages of commentary on Trayvon Martin, Mike Brown, and countless other cases where unarmed Blacks have been killed or shot because they 'looked suspicious' or 'fit a profile,' when they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time and racially profiled. I am not here to debate the legal system or discuss those yet-to-be-closed cases in depth. What I am here to do is to convince those of you who do not see what the problem is or disagree that there is a problem that there is inequality for Blacks in America. You can substitute other minority racial groups and I'm sure there might be a similar case, but here, we are specifically discussing Blacks.

Let's start with money and education.  It may seem fair to think that two 18 year olds coming out of high school in 2014 will have the same opportunities, whether Black or White. With the same GPAs, same activities; it may all come down to finances. And that is a problem in the USA. Because while all may appear to be equal there is at least 100 years difference in the opportunities. Between the US declaring its independence (1776) and the abolishment of slavery with the 13th Amendment (1865), and really the Civil Rights Movement and the 14th Amendment in 1965, there is a significant gap of who may have been able to have certain opportunities and/or jobs. So one 18 year old may be the 5th or 6th generation in their family to go to college, meaning they have 5 generations of a higher income, and likely savings for college. The other 18 year old from a minority group, may be the 1st or 2nd generation to go to college. If they don't get a scholarship, they may not be able to afford to go to school.

The financial differences spill over into the social status: living in the city vs the suburbs, or deciding to stay at home with the kids or having a dual (or single) working family. Helping a child with homework, being able to attend their little league soccer games, or just keeping them out of trouble are factors that come into play based on socioeconomic status. This is not a pity party; you can certainly overcome circumstances. Sometimes. If you know that other options exist. And this is where the media plays a part in the inequality. The ratio of fast food restaurants in urban areas (where minorities tend to live) is astounding compared to those in suburban areas. Drive through a high urban area and you will most likely see billboards for joining the military, which is fine, but not the only option for an inner-city kid. Kids aught to be told they can be a lawyer, a doctor, an astronaut, an engineer, a chef, a President; wherever the sky leads, but society tends to limit those in certain places. And so kids grow up, and they only know what they see.

A Spiral Effect

The 80s Black Is Beautiful movement was just the beginning of everyone accepting that all shades of skin color are beautiful. We are still fighting the subtleties of the good cartoon characters being a lighter shade than the bad characters. We only just celebrated having a Black princess in The Princess and The Frog (2009) and there was unnecessary uproar when one of the characters in The Hunger Games (2012) was played by a Black actress. Seriously? Half of the problem is the issue itself: years and years of inequality. But nowadays, the other half of the problem is the fact that some can not see there is a problem. And that, is dangerous.

I'll leave you with a few more examples of the subtle inequalities that we need to be aware of.

• The little old lady grabs her purse a little tighter as a Black kid walks by
• Being followed in a store, as they pretend to offer you help
• A jewelry store attendant leaving the diamond necklace in the case for the Black customer but taking it out for the White Customer. 
• Gossip that the Black employee only got the job to fill a quota. or the student didn't properly earn their admission into college.
• Looking down at someone who decides to wear their hair in its natural form
• Telling someone born in America (where English is the official language) that they speak English well. Isn't that redundant? Why wouldn't they?
• Waiters purposefully seating Black patrons at the back of the restaurant near the kitchen or bathrooms
• That there's one Black student in the class of 50 in college
• The media always asking one person for the opinion of their entire race

We are not able to fix a problem that we don't know exists. The absence of knowledge is ignorance. I hope that my first-hand observations make you at least think that there is indeed something that needs fixing. And let's fix it!

Please share your comments below. Let's talk about it!

**This is such an expansive topic, that I haven't even covered the top of it, but hopefully I've given you a thought-provoking essay and you can continue researching on the topic.

BBD - on Relationships

(Continuing with the Bible Broken Down series, here is my paraphrasing from a sermon.)

Sermon 6/1/14
Pastor John Adolf
Antioch Baptist Church (Texas)

Reverse Can Be A Curse
1 John 2:19

They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us. (NIV)


Sometimes we do things we know we shouldn't too. Some of the tears that you cry are your OWN fault. The scripture says If they were really with us, they would not have left us. But since they left us let them leave. This is for the single people out there. Stop chasing people who do not want to be with you or who leave you when you need them. Four principles of a relationship:


1. If they left you they were not supposed to be there anyway. Love yourself so you can love others. Don't be a mop, broom, dustpan, etc. but tell them that "Because I love me, I can't let you treat me like a prisoner." Let. Them. Leave. Too often time we go after the ex or if we are bored we call up an old friend that had deserted us. Stop doing this to yourself. You deserve better than someone's crumbs, if that.


2. If they left you, their part in your life is over. What's behind you is comfortable. But it's behind you for a reason. if you are holding on to your past you will never graduate to your future. God will not stop you from putting the wrong people in your life. Some of the people in our lives you just have to say to yourself . . ."I put them there." God will let you do it until you submit to Him. Some people's role in your life is meant to be short . . . Don't make it long!!


3. The lesson they've taught you've caught, so move on. Relationships will take you to school. Some people that you like don't like you. If they don't like you when you are broke, they won't like you when you are rich. Learn the lessons, then live the lessons you've learned. Doesn't make sense to flunk the test over and over. Use your notes!!!!! Stop dating the same guy/girl but with a different name. If someone lied to you or was crazy, jealous, or a cheater, recognize the signs and don't do it again.


4. If they don't leave, the promise will not come out. Mr. Right can't come if Mr. Wrong is holding up his spot. Your windshield and your rear view mirror show two different things. Don't go in reverse. That can be a curse.


Let Jesus be there for you and have faith that things will work out.

Lighten Up

Perhaps someone has called you crazy when you tell them your great idea to solve world hunger. Or maybe you had lofty goals of running a half-marathon and your leg cramped up at mile 7. Time after time of these things happening you may think that its just not in the books for you. But the truth is that you need to lighten up the expectations you are setting for yourself and allow yourself to enjoy the ride there. Running a half-marathon with little or no training will absolutely set yourself up for failure. Why must we always try to boil the ocean? The minute you do your research about the training regimen for running long distances, set realistic goals and push yourself to accomplish those smaller, menial tasks, the closer you will be to accomplishing what you though was your impossible. If something has been done before then it's not impossible, but sometimes we think it's impossible for us, aka 'your impossible.'

As part of the #FedUp Challenge, I recently gave up added sugar for 10 days. Now, anyone who knows me knows how much I love candy and small drops of deliciousness. But I really wanted to go ALL IN and give it a try. In my younger years this would have seemed impossible, but today, I realize that it's not that hard, and in the big scheme of things 10 days is not an eternity. So I got some friends to join for support, and set up my menus and for 10 days I gave up things that I normally would have eaten like Ice Cream, and Chocolate, and the occasional Soda. Besides the obvious benefits of living a healthier diet, this really gave me some perspective on what it is to try. People often set lofty goals at the beginning of the year to lose weight or to do more of X and less of Y, but then when you ask them in December what they did to accomplish that it's very vague as to why it didn't work. Perhaps they joined a gym that wasn't realistic to go to after work or they honestly were not willing to do the things it would take to not have all of the foods that they like.

The first thing to Lighten Up is to be realistic. If you want to bike across the country you must first own a bike, and secondly you need to know how to ride it. If you never save money in your budget to buy a bicycle, than you've already sabotaged your plan. But if you give yourself permission to accomplish smaller tasks and not just the main one at large, than you would have the following on your list:

1. Purchase a Bike (and accessories)
2. Learn how to ride
3. Map out route
4. Join a bike group
5. Ride 4-5 miles per day for a month
6. Ride 30-60 miles per week for a month
7. Stretch, Eat Healthy, and Exercise
8. Etc

Not only are you making your final goal realistic, but you are also giving yourself tiny milestones along the way that you can feel good about, so you are less likely to say this is 'your impossible.'

The next thing to do to Lighten Up is move quickly from your un-successes. This one is tough because you never want to feel as though you have given up, but sometimes changing the audience or the way in which you do something is the key to moving forward. A person could try to open up several businesses, but if they don't get customers then they are just pouring money down the drain. Starter costs will be incurred in any type of new business, but sometimes your just have the wrong product in the wrong city, targeting the wrong audience. And you have to be ok with trying different techniques, and finally calling it a wash and starting over.

Thirdly, you have to always remember your motivation. You are going to have to do things that you don't like, no matter how much you love your job or task. If you are opening up a dance studio you are going to have to deal with angry parents and learn how to make the financials add up every night. If you are trying to lose weight you will sometimes be sore after a workout. Starting your own business you will lose money upfront. Going back to school, you will have to study again and have homework and tests. Qualifying for the World Cup (which is going on right now!!!) you are going to have to practice more than you've ever wanted to.

Failure is such a dooming word and concept that we are afraid to even START things because they are our impossibles. But if we Lighten Up about how to accomplish these things and stop trying and just do, we will be setting ourselves up for much more success. Never let people deter you from your dreams, and never let fear keep you on the bench. I love Yoda's saying of "There is no try, just do and do not." Make a conscious choice to 'do' and set up realistic ways for yourself to get there. Lighten Up a little and have some fun along the way.

Everything and Nothing - Fitness and Nutrition

There's a lot going in my head these days. A lot of Everything and the calmness of Nothing. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about my greater purpose and what else I am here (on Earth) to do. And left and right other outside events have occurred which only validate the path I am following. Owner of the NBA Clippers made some racist remarks which only fueled a fire on social consciousness and how, no matter what the product or idea is, we, as the consumer, have so much more power than we are utilizing. Peaches are showing up left and right and I am having to remember that not everything that 'falls' into your lap is for you. The wrong thing can be made very easy to do when it's wrapped up with a bow at your doorstep. Use discernment to determine if it's a gift or a trojan horse (c'mon 5th grade greek anthology class!).

And the latest event was a headache last week. I finally pinpointed the cause with some trial and error and with the help of google, determined it was caused by sensitivity of a tooth. Anyhow, that got me doing some research and I'm thinking I want to try the remineralization of tooth enamel through nutrition. There's some fascinating articles out there, but if you think about it - if someone breaks their arm, they put it in a cast and in a couple of weeks or months the bone repairs itself. Your tooth and bone are the same material, yet we've been trained to handle this with a drill. Anyhow, I'm very curioius to how this would work. Most of the websites reference a study done by Dr. Westin Price, and also this book: Cure Tooth Decay, which uses 3 main lifestyle changes: Remove Sugar, Remove Phytic Acid, and eat Raw Dairy and Nutriedn Rich Foods.

Great, I have some ideas of where to start. But what to eat and what to buy at the grocery store? I am not the type to want to figure my menu out for 3 hours and then go to the store for another hour then come back and cook. So, I was trying to figure this all out when I saw a lot of the nutrition surrounding this referenced the Paleo Diet. Bamm! There you have it. Aside from fruit (and you all know how much I love fruit) and cod liver oil (yuck, but I guess I will have to have) the remineralization techniques and the paleo diet are pretty spot on. So, I guess I'm giving this a whirl.

I ran The Biggest Loser Run/Walk on Saturday (5K) so I'm still on leftover energy from that, so this all fits in on being healthy, staying in shape, and creating a better nutritional regime.

So, wish me luck!! Ordering the Paleo Book now :)

Knowledge is Power - Blog Action Day 2013

Today is Blog Action Day for 2013. The topic this year is Human Rights. I've chosen Education, as the topic to discuss because I feel that it is just an important topic.

Malala Yousafzai has recently been all over the news. She is the young woman who was growing up in the Swat Valley in Pakistan, advocating for women's educational rights. She was shot in the head by the Taliban and left for dead. Only, she did not die. She got up and shared her story. With the world. Check out her book. This is a great example of how important education is. And when you have complete access to it, how much you may take for granted, what someone else only wish they had a glimpse.

Education is important for a countless number of reasons. Knowledge really is power. When you don't know anything, you don't know that there is something that you are missing. It's like if you are lost in a country where you don't know the language and can't even read the map. You would probably trust the first friendly face that offered to take you somewhere, just because you figure that your options alone are probably worse. Because you don't know; rather, you are uneducated in the area and language; you are at the mercy of this 'nice' stranger. They could take you wherever they wanted and you really couldn't do anything about it. And so you follow them, hour after hour, day after day, until the days become years. And sure, maybe you will run away one day and get somewhere familiar, but if you haven't learned anything while you were there, it would be very difficult to figure out a way out, and find people you could trust.

The example illustrates an extreme. But the point that is hopefully demonstrated is that  a lack of knowledge leaves one in a more vulnerable state. We have our problems with the educational system in developed countries, but the point is that education is a choice. Droppng out of school is  a choice. To some, like Malala, it is probably inconceivable why one would forfeit their right to an education. But the point is that there are people out there who do not get to make that choice. The choice is made for them, and without the knowledge that other options exist, the cycle remains very suppressive. The right to an education is very much a Human Rights issue that eventually will impact the whole world as we live with the decisions the children who turn into adults, will make.

There are tons of instances where people are oppressed by limiting, if not cutting off, their access to education and knowledge. It is important for the people that have access to the education and knowledge fight for those who don't have a voice. Those who are just blindly doing what they are told because they do not know of any other options. Those who do not have the authority on their own to make changes. I love this quote:



"First they came for the Jews

and I did not speak out

because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for the Communists

and I did not speak out

because I was not a Communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists

and I did not speak out

because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for me

and there was no one left

to speak out for me."

-Martin Niemoller


It's not about  money or who is right or wrong. It's about everyone having the knowledge to make choices and decisions that impact their life and world. Knowledge is the power to improve the world in ways you could never have imagined. Let's help others reach their potential. Advocate for education around the world.

Courtesy of: http://www.blogactionday.org

Reinventing Oneself

In a world of billions, it's sometimes easy to lose yourself. It is so simple to get caught up in the every day mundane activities, and the glamour of the sparkling lights and all the days has to offer. And sometimes you just need a minute away from it all - away from the ringing phone, and the noise of the doorbell, away from crying children, away from traffic and tv and decisions and adult choices. Sometimes you just need to be. And then when you have had your silent moment, you emerge back to the world, renewed and refreshed . . . . you could say, reinvented.

It's time to think about what really matters. What is important to you? What are the things you stand by? What are your deal breakers? What are you passionate about? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? What are you doing to help progress along that path? What do you need to make yourself and your family happy?

It. Is. Time . . . .Out with the old and In with the new!

Time to get motivated and do the things that really matter!

Never Have I Ever

Blank       Space.  Cursor blinking. Wondering what should fill this void. Thoughts running by and stopping, some pausing for reflection. What is the message that I choose to convey? Do I even have a message?

Have you ever let your walls down so that the words just trickle out, so that you stop thinking about what to think so that the thoughts just flow like melted butter?

Have you ever met a person who makes you want to continually speak and be heard? You want to pour out everything you know into their ears so they can know every crevice and corner of your soul?

Have you ever?

Or are we so bent out of shape, that our own inhibitions cement brick after brick, until a shield, not even a wall, is up, up and away? So far up and so far away that even our reflection has a hard time attempting to knock.

Have you ever laid down with nature and just listened, not wondering what your next move was going to be or what that sound was, but just purely enjoyed what life was bestowing unto you?

Have you ever looked into someone's eyes while they were speaking and purely stared at their pupils, past the point of uncomfortableness, to the point of synchronization, where an alarm clock or cell phone or car horn could not distract your attention away?

Have you ever completely forgiven yourself for that thing you did 10 years ago when no one was looking? The thing that you will take to your grave and never get caught, but that haunts you like a 14th century plague?

Have you ever just let go so much that the sentences were just coming out like fire and words begin to blur meanings collide and all punctuation is lost as the continuation of one thought steps into another and its a magical time where you can just be and not worry about right or wrong not be judged but just be yourself a time where you can let your fingers do all the walking and completely expose yourself with walls down a new frame of mind a new outlook on line a new way to look at the very same blank page that just a minute ago you had no idea you would fill

If you have never, then consider now. Consider putting aside the technology and the mind games; of traveling back to a purer time where there was you, the grass, and a tree.

Sit by the tree

And just be.

Be Yourself!!

I am exactly who I am. Sure, we could all do a little more work to make ourselves better, but our personalities, and the inherent characteristics that make us us, are simply that. They are engrained in our DNA. Ok, Ok, maybe I'm being a little dramatic, but my point is, that it takes years (30 years sometimes!) for us to figure out that the only rule we need to follow is be ourselves and the rest will follow. In high school we struggle to "find ourselves" and then we get to college and that self that we thought we were when we were a minor is earth shatteringly incorrect. We keep investigating and researching who it is that we are. We make friends based on who we are. We hang out with people that share the same interests as us. We make poor choices when we do things we know that deep down we really didn't want to do. We are influenced by peer pressure and the need to feel cool or accepted by our peers, our friends, and our family. And then there is that "ah ha" moment when you realize that you don't have time for these games, for these stupid rules that we made up to feel accepted by the world.

Recommended song to listen to while you read the rest: Bluebird by Sara bareilles

You realize that you are a circle and they are a square peg; and you are perfectly fine with that.

Wow, finally, you can unleash your creative and artsy side. You can try all those things you've always wanted to try. You can become the expert in the field of your choice. If you are lucky you have enough time to do all those things your inner self has been screaming about for so long. But, sometimes real life gets in the way and you realize this all too late. Perhaps you have kids now and it's not just about you, or you are sharing your life in marriage and you have to consider their dreams as well. Circumstances will dictate the extent to which you can pursue your dream, but it.is.time. There is no time like the present.

Well, in case you are still on your way to realizing some of these things, I've made a couple observations that I wish I had figured out years ago. And sure, people may have told me these exact things, but it's not until it impacts you or you have had a related experience where you really understand what it means.

  

1. If a person wanted to make time for you they would have.
2. Do you. Stop worrying so much and just live.
3. Like attract likes. You attract the type of people based on the energy you give out
4. Don't invest more than your rate of return
5. Hold your tongue and listen

 I think these are pretty self explanatory. #4 and #1 are tied at the hip. Let's stop living in a world where we play stupid games with eachother instead of being direct and talking about how we feel. Until that happens, just realize ladies (and for some of the men) that when a guy tells you he is busy over and over he is too much of a coward to say he doesn't want to see you. Yeah, yeah sense my bittereness in that comment, lol. but it's true. People are too scared to say no that they just say nothing, thinking that's the same thing. It's not.

And when what you are giving is not matching what the other person is giving, stop giving as much. And soon you will see who you should be investing your time in. I've had to cut some friendships when I realized I was bending over backwards and doing backflips and I was just their backup friend. Ouch, talk about being blindsided. Oh well, you live and learn and you realize not to make the same mistake again.

Happy March!! Here's to learning what you do and do not have time for!!

As always comments are welcome (you do not have to sign in to leave a comment!)

Stranger than Fiction

This is a true story. It's so true, that I almost wish it was made up. Who would have ever thought things like this happen in real life? It's one of those things that once it happens you realize how much of the world you DON'T know about, and that realization is AWESOME.

Everyday, we have the possibility of crossing hundreds of strangers - at the supermarket, passing people on the highway, the hallways of work, a movie theater, a mall, you name it. But it's in those spaces that have close proximity where we have the opportunity to turn a stranger into something more. To make contact with one of the 7 billion people whom we would not have otherwise met. I think the best opportunity of meeting someone from all walks of life is in the airport. With so many flights and connections and airplanes going to different, and even the same, destinations, there are tons of combinations that the people who are traveling can take.

I was flying home after New Year's and I had a connection in Charlotte. As I got to my gate, I learned that my flight was delayed. I had nothing to do once I got home, so I wasn't all that worried about it. I decided to roam around the gift shops and enjoy the extra time. Closer to the non-delayed boarding time, I headed back to my gate and sat down to read my book. Annoyingly loud headphones were playing so I got up and moved to a quieter area.

There was a guy on a crutch walking to talk to the flight attendants. I'm sure it had something to do with his mobility and maybe being able to board first or last on the plane. When he turned around and began walking towards me (his seat was behind where I was standing) I just felt the urge to talk to this stranger. I simply asked "Are you ok?" as he painfully limped by and he said "No, but I'll be ok." I asked him what had happened and he told me he twisted his ankle. I told him if he needed any help to just ask, because I could imagine how I would feel traveling on a plane by myself with a cast. We both smirked and he went to his seat and I went back to my book.

The plane that was delaying us finally arrived and the passengers started coming off. It would be a couple of minutes for the staff to clean up after the last passenger was on, and start boarding us. I decided I would sit, and there was an empty chair near to Mr. Limping. I don't know why I kept talking to him, or him to me. I'm sure we can guess why, but truthfully, what connects two strangers? How do you know that you won't be rejected? I guess you just take a big leap of faith. So I sat down, hoping he was in a talkative mood, and if not, I still had my book in my hands. We ended up chatting for a good 20 minutes while we waited to board. Then, as "luck" would have it, our seats were 1 row away from each other on the plane. When we got to our arrival city we walked toward baggage claim together and engaged in another 20 minutes of conversation. It was really a great moment of connecting with a complete stranger.

And the inevitable end always happens. We both had our bags, and it was time to go. And as it goes with strangers, you part ways, not necessarily exchanging information. Sometimes it's not about getting a number or an email (in hindsight that would have been nice), but sometimes it's simply about enjoying another human beings company just because. Just because we were in the airport together, or just because you happen to catch the same elevator, or just because you were put in the same space together.

Remember that there are 7 billion people in the world, but we all have similar stories, similar backgrounds, and when put in proximity of eachother, it's amazing how small a world this can actually be. And that my friends, is Stranger than any Fiction I could have made up, and I love it that way!

Lessons Learned 2012

As we draw close to the end of the year, I can't believe how fast 2012 has flown by. Seriously, it was just February, and now we are getting ready for Christmas. Wow. But, as always, I take this time to reflect on the lessons that I've learned this year, some easy, and some hard. I'll allude to things certain readers may know about, but the big take away is that if you can't learn from your mistakes and failures, then what was the point? And if you can't see the silver lining from the dirt, where is the hope? In everything I do I try to live with no regrets, so here's reflecting on what's happened so far:

January thru September I learned about patience. I was challenged to just sit and wait to see what happened. I also learned to believe in myself and just do the thing that I love to do. You may not become a millionaire, but when you look back on your life you will be exceedingly pleased with your decisions.

February I was shocked. I thought I had a friend I could trust. Instead, I knew a person who was just trying to get what they wanted at no regard for anyone else - beg, lie and cheat. I learned that even the most well-educated, well dressed, charismatic person could be scum not worthy of the bottom of your shoe. I really learned what it meant to be naive and gullible and how some jokes no one comes clean to in the end. When all is said and done you just have to walk away, never knowing the truth, but trusting your gut.

In March I learned about heartbreak and how you can have your heart set on something and think it's yours, only to find out that it is not meant for you. It is not your dream. And when it is so close that you can taste it to the bottom of your soul, it feels as though it is being ripped out from under you. So close it hurts. I then learned about decision making. I had to decide what I was going to do. And I needed to be able to be happy with that decision and not resent myself or anyone else for making it.

In April I learned all about different cultures. I learned some Catalan, and some Italian, and brushed up on my Spanish. I saw the world, literally, and it was absolutely awesome. It's really eye-opening and if you haven't been outside of the comfort of your "world" you should check out someone else's. Especially somewhere where you don't know the language and have to rely on your other senses to get around and figure things out.

In May I learned about hope. I was reminded that God has a much bigger plan for me, and what I thought was heartbreak, was just me trying to plan something that wasn't for me to plan. I learned about making the best use of my time and really getting to know people better and not take things for granted. I learned how to enjoy the present just a little bit more.

June through August I learned what happens when you let go and just give it your all. I had a blast doing the things I was apprehensive about in March. I now understood how sometimes you wouldn't make the decision on your own and you need something to happen to make you realize where you are really meant to be. This is the 2nd time this has happened - when heartbreak really leads to exploring new endeavors. There are no coincidences ;)

September I learned that I do not have time for foolishness.  If you are not on Team "me" then I don't need you on my team. And as much as I like a good party, sometimes it's the more intimate setting that really makes you smile. I had a blast with close friends and family, and they are the ones that make me happy and the ones I want to get to know even better.

October I learned how to calm myself down as I frantically realized that I was running out of time to do all thing things I "needed" to do. Then I was smacked with a hurricane to make me realize that too much emphasis is put on material objects. Time spent in good company is priceless, regardless of the circumstance. And to be grateful for everything that God has provided me; I don't "need" anything more.

November taught me about the people that matter. I have a wide open heart and try to be inclusive of everyone, but that is not always reciprocated. In life you will meet friendly people. Some are meant to be just passers by, while others will hang around. It really is a learning lesson to tell the difference between the people your prioritize and the people that prioritize you. I am done making people priorities who have me as options. Done. For. Ever. (We all know this one will take some work ).

December has reminded me not to take anything for granted, including my own life. And to stop pouting about the things that are wrong and either fix them or deal with them. December has tested me and asked me if I choose to feel lonely, isolated, bored, angry, and all that jazz. You do not choose what happens to you, but you choose how you react to it.

And 2012, as the other years, has blessed me with insight to see my past situations and the opportunities to learn from.

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!