Sometimes we accept polished dirt as though it were a diamond. And it may look exactly like a diamond, but it is hollow and empty, with a shine finish. Recognizing this fool's gold is the first step, and then not accepting it is the next.
I had a "friend" from college move to New York City. I haven't seen her in 8-10 years so I was excited to have her nearby. We saw eachother at a mutual friend's birthday party and caught up and exchanged contact information. I texted her when I got home that it was nice to see her and we should catch up again. She texted:
"If you are ever in the area, hit me up, and I'll try to meet up with you"
Great!! Sounded like a plan. I would see her and it would be just like old times. Great that she is up for seeing me as well. A couple of days passed, and I realized she had given me polished dirt. Wait a second. That was about the most conditional statement a person could give. Let's dissect the text she sent that I was so happy about earlier.
"If you are ever in the area, hit me up . . . " - she flipped the script on me. Now the responsibility is on me to text her if I am in NYC, which is 2 hours away. I'm not going to drive up there to see her without definite plans, so if I am in the area I would have already had plans with someone else. Ok, so maybe between my plans with them and leaving, there would be a 1-2 hour gap.
". . . I'll try to meet up with you." So if I text her, there's a 50/50 chance that she is free during the 1-2 hour gap that I have and she will only 'try' to meet up with me. What? Really? There's like no chance I would actually see her.
So I gave her the benefit of the doubt and texted:
"It's probably easier if we have set plans. Let me know when you want to get together."
To which she replied:
"Ugh, so much planning. I'm sure we will figure it out."
This, my friends, is an empty promise. She doesn't mind seeing me if it is totally convenient to her and her schedule but she obviously will make no plans to definitively see me. If I accept this, then I will constantly be texting and trying to meet when I happen to be 2 hours north of where I live. So I reject this!!! I reject people making me a non-priority. If you want to see me, make plans. If you don't want to see me, then don't pretend you do. The same goes true with guys and romantic relationships. How many times do we get fooled by the shininess, and totally overlook that we have been handing a pile of dirt?
So, now you know. It's so funny how many times this happens - work lunches, social events, friendships, relationships - that we are so immune to it. But it is happening all the time. The careful wordsmithing that makes you feel as though they really care. But they don't. They are open to "it" (whatever the it may be) only if other plans aren't better.
The sociology of the millinium . . . . what a trip . . .!
Interesting
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