Tying up Loose Ends

I'm not counting down really, but I have about 1 month before everything changes. It's that time again, moving away, starting a new job, making new friends, starting new life habits. And you always have to ask yourself the question - Am I who I want to be? It's a difficult question to answer. Sometimes you are the person that the situation has dictated. If you move to cold Alaska, maybe you will start doing the things that Alaskans do. But are you doing it because you like doing it or just because you are there? The same is true if you are moving from New York City. All those nights of going out on the town - was that because you were in New York and you had to make the most out of the experience or was it truly something that you enjoyed and will want to do no matter where you go? The same is true of the people you meet. Do you enjoy hanging out with your coworkers or do you prefer meeting people outside of work? Those friends that you have that you only watch movies with or only go bowling with, or only go hiking with - are they any better friends than the ones you go to dinner with, or have been to your house? Do you wish you got to know them in a deeper sense?



So, not to get too philosophical, but its these types of questions I'm thinking right now. Fresh slate - now I will be the new fish in a big pond. I can choose everything about who I hang out with, what I do with my free time, how much I exercise, the healthy foods I eat, all that jazz. So now it's really the time to decide - Who is it that I want to be? And is that me?

And in the meantime there's the daunting task of tying up loose ends. Saying goodbye to old friends, and finding closure with the ones that I probably won't keep in touch with. The ones who forgot about you when you were so close that you don't need to worry about as you move further away. The ones who won't call you on your birthday or Christmas or New Year's. The ones who have always been too busy to write or call you back. The ones you just don't have the energy, nor desire, to fight with. The ones who probably don't even know you are moving. Those are the ones you let go.

I'll always be reminded of what my old choir director said - Not everyone can sit in your front row (in comparing you and your close relationships to stadium seating). And it's true, as new people come in there are only select seats for the front row people. And, as hard as it might be to believe, that someone that once held the top spot must now just be another audience member in the aisle, facts are facts.

So tying up loose ends means, moving on from things that aren't positively impacting my life, saying goodbye to bad eating habits and getting ready to cook more, to eat healthier, to exercise more, read more, write more, do all the things that I've put off because I was so busy. It means meeting people and forming relationships with people that are on your same page, heading towards similar goals. Tying up loose ends means getting rid of all of the baggage and throwing away the junk that you don't want to move with, both literally and figuratively speaking.

Like a seed grows to be a plant
We most sow our seeds and wait
For nature to take its time
And allow us to share in its beauty.

So, let's wait to see what happens. And be excited about the future, but first take care of the present and tie up any loose ends.