People Suck

I was pretty mad today. It was one thing after another and it kinda snowballed. Then it became all the issues I was mad at, then all the things wrong with society today. Etc, etc. I love the quote - "One person can't change the world, but you can make a dent" from the movie Death to Smoochy. So what will today's topic be? Ahh yes, I guess good ole consideration. I am very dissappointed in how inconsiderate people can be. I am talking about the little things. Like how hard is it to push the door behind you with minimal force when you see someone walking a few steps behind? My biggest pet peeve right now is people's lack of response to emails and phone calls. If I call or email you, the LEAST you could do is call or email me back. If I invite you somewhere and you don't want to go, how hard is it to type two small letters - "no." I'm not even asking for a "no, thank you" just a "no." With today's technological age it is so much easier to be responsible in that manner - you don't have to go and buy a thank you card and a stamp, you can just email someone thanks. Or simply being invited somewhere. I feel like I am always trying to include people in events that I find fun, that when the ball is in their court, they don't even fathom with the smallest consideration, that perhaps, just perhaps, I would like to go. And if you think that I would say no can you give me the courtesy of making my own decisions, seeing that I am above the age of 10? This irks me the most, because it is not in my nature to leave people out - I would like to think that most things are inclusive and everyone should feel welcome, but you're killing me - you want to be invited to things but don't have the same feelings when the ball is on the flip side.

And all of these things that I am mentioning I have been seeing more and more every day. Today I am surprised when someone actually holds the door for me or for an elderly person. It's not that I can't do it for myself, it's that it is nice to see people thinking of things other than themselves. I'm not even talking about men opening the door for women, I'm talking about people as a whole. We've become so selfish and this selfishness is accepted - look out for you and you alone. We don't live in a bubble. You left your bubble as soon as you were born so now you have to realize that there are other people surrounding you and what you do affects other people. You can not blast your music in your headphones because then I can hear it and that defeats the purpose of you listening to your peace and tranquility. Maybe you shouldn't have loud conversations on the bus because I don't really care what you did for dinner last night, and I shouldn't have to care because you are not talking to me. I get annoyed with people in the car who talk on their phones like talking to me has been ruled out. Why are we getting so impersonal? Why can't we respond to eachother? Why do we have to make so many assumptions nowadays - that if I don't reply it means I don't want to go. I'm sorry, I'm used to people not always checking their mail so I've been assuming that if you don't reply you didn't get it. My bad.

I'm just sick of it. I'm tired of people's lacksadasial attitude. People don't suck, it's just that the few that do get to you and make your angry. It's about realizing that while you may be in a hurry maybe the person in front of you has had a bad day too. Maybe they walked a mile with 10 pounds on their back just to buy a bottle of water and it's $1.07 and the only have $1.06. Perhaps the world doesn't revolve around only you. Perhaps the caption was only to catch your attention so that you would read all the way to the end.

PASI - Mexico City

Pan-American Advanced Studies Institute (PASI) Sustainability and Green Chemistry summer school May 29 - Jun 10, 2007





Alright. What you all have been waiting for - my detailed play by play on my trip to Mexico. It was awesome! I had the greatest time. I'm mainly writing this for my own personal benefit, but it's great to share with anyone browsing through.

Day One (Tuesday May 29th)


After hours upon hours of flying to get to Mexico, myself and my two companions, arrive at the airport in Distrito Federal (D.F.), here known as Mexico City. We were really excited. And on my first attempt to speak spanish with a native Mexican, I of course, froze and forgot all the spanish I knew, when it came time to change the money into pesos. Eventually we get to the hotel located in Santa Fe where we are given keys to our rooms. Nice rooms with two double beds and a tv and mini-fridge. Now that's what I'm talking about. The first official event is dinner and here I meet some of my fellow participants at a round table over a buffet dinner.





Day Two (Wednesday May 30th)

My first full day in Mexico. What to expect? Well first things first - breakfast at the hotel. They had arapas (similar to pancakes), eggs, fruit, toast, coffee, most things available for our picking pleasure. I ate with my roommate and we met up with the group to walk to the university. At the university we met others in the conference and were introduced to the hosts and runners of the program. We learned about the 12 principes of green chemistry and endocrin disruptors - there are actually chemicals, namely PCBs is what he talked about (polychlorinated biphenyls), no I'm not going to get all sciencey - keep reading. Anyhow, there are chemicals which can affect your offspring and their offspring and so on, just by exposure to it. It's really interesting. And when people do toxicity studies they often forget to check for this - they usually only check that the chemical is below the lethal level and don't take into account this factor of endocrin disruptors, which the speaker was adamant that they do. One more reason to use greener chemicals - for the safety of yourself and also to reduce the exposure to hazardous chemicals for potential reproductive toxins. Look at DDT, which was banned in the US in 1971. Very harmful chemical.

There were more interesting lectures and then we played basketball/soccer/volleyball outside. Let me tell you -- so Mexico City is 7400 ft [2240 m] above sea level (as compared to Philadelphia, 39 ft [12 m] and New York, 33 ft [10 m]) and the air pressure is much lower than what I'm used to in the states. So playing basketball in the highly polluted, less air circulating, area was hmm . . a challenge to say the least. I was struggling after a quick game of 3-on-3. I switched to volleyball which ended up being less difficult and was a lot of fun.

So then we were off for our first dinner out in Santa Fe. We decided to check out a saloon called Papa Bill's. There were about 18 of us and this is my first dinner in a Mexican restaurant in Mexico. The food was alright. It was great to just relax with the newfound friends and sit back and eat. I drank Fresca, similar to sprite. Good times. This was the real tourist experience with me trying to speak with my limited espanol. Fortunately, I had some nice people nearby who helped with ordering.

Book to check out: Silent Spring, Rachel Carson, 1962

Day Three (Thursday May 31)

Our first lab day. We ran experiments made by Ken Doxsee and others from the University of Oregon. Afterwards I checked out the mall with some of the others. I bought a Cumbia cd that the guy at the store told me was a popular buy amongst Mexicans. I went around the store asking the sales clerks (Te gusta? (Do you like) and pointing to the cd). Back at the hotel there was a pool party. The water was way too cold, and the air for that matter. I think maybe about 4 people jumped in . . .and out. I will always remember trying to play music off someone's laptop and it just not being loud enough.

Links to visit:
http://e.hormone.tulane.edu/
http://www.ourstolenfuture.com/

Day Four (Friday June 1)

More lectures. The memorable part of the school day was probably being assigned our case studies. So we were broken up into 3 groups (A,B,C) and given a problem statement. There was more information in our packet. Basically, a company that makes diapers has the product manufactured by a third-party. They use all natural products but the company discontinues the natural product and makes products using other synthetic products. Customers find out about this and are pretty upset with the company. The company has three choices - they can A) Stop selling the new stuff and wait until a new formulation comes in, which leaves the supermarket shelves empty for some time B) Sell the rest of the new stuff and wait for the formulation, which leaves the shelves empty for slightly less time C) Sell what they have and order more until the new formulaton comes. I was in group A so we had to defend that point. This was actually a real problem and we were to come up with a sales pitch to give to the "CEO's" on Monday. We didn't have much time but we pooled our ideas together and began to work.

Jorge Vanegas from Texas A&M University spoke to us about sustainability and the built environment. He's a very good speaker. Mainly he talked about how we have to build a sustainable environment. We can continue to go the way we are going but it will not be helpful if we are using all of our resources and there is nothing left to build with 20 years from now. We as a society (America, Western Philosophy, The Earth) are used to certain things that are not all that sustainable. We want to get from point A to point B. Does that mean that we all have to drive SUVs with 1 passenger 30 miles from where we live? No! We have to think in terms of means that will last. We are living a "lifestyle of excessive consumption" (Vanegas). It's about using safer materials, renewable and efficient energy, products/systems designed for value recovery, thinking across all design principles. It's about increasing technology without increasing the demand on the environment and our natural resources. It's about using our natural resources in such a way that they can be used again.

We followed with the first poster session of students presenting their work. We ended up at Papa Bill's again for dinner. This time we were upstairs. We ate and then started dancing in the tiniest of spaces. By the end of the night we were doing a congo line around the top floor. I lie to you not!! It was awesome. And everyone is really friendly so we even had some strangers join us.

Book to check out: Crade to Cradle

Day Five (Saturday June 2)

Wow. Up early on a Saturday. Yup. That's what was probably going through everyone's head. Today was similar to yesterday - heard more about sustainability and the built environment. All day long. Then we had the second poster session. We went out for dinner again, but things were different. The restaurant we were headed to was closed because it was late on a Saturday. Boo! So we ended up at Papa Bill's. Again. It was fun. I hadn't been feeling all that great all day Saturday but I was determined to feel better in time for Sunday when we went to the pyramids. And you know me. I ended up dancing. Just a smidge. :)

Day Six (Sunday June 3)

Sightseeing - Our Lady of Guadalupe and the Pyramids. We visited the beautiful cathedrals first (at Guadalupe). It was just amazing to see such a large turnout for mass. They had about 3 Churches in the central location and a vast garden and masses running probably by the hour. I could never do it justice to describe the history so please check it out on google or wikipedia or such. Outside in Guadalupe are tons and tons of merchants trying to sell their stuff. I did buy a purse for 10 pesos - a very nice looking purse I might add. It was neat being down there - kinda like haggling on the streets of NYC. They provided us with lunch where I tasted cactus - it was ok. Nothing to brag about but it was ok.

The next stop were the pyramids of Teotihuacan. Now these were beautiful. The people of Teotihuacan lived before the time of the Inca's and the Mayans. The Sun Pyramid is about 246 ft high, making one of the top three pyramids in the world! The Moon Pyramid is slightly smaller, but still amazing to look at. I climbed to the top of the Sun Pyramid - it probably took me less than an hour with the breaks. It was tough climbing - probably because I'm afraid of heights and the steps were pretty narrow or steep, but it's one of those things you have to do while you are there. Some of the flights did not have a railing so I was focusing on the step ahead of me so that I didn't get disoriented and plummit to an unhappy and rocky falling.

So it was an awesome day seeing the sights in mexico. We went back on the bus where I grabbed a quick nap and then back to the hotel.

Day Seven (Monday June 4)

Presentation of the case studies. Group C won. I really liked Group B who had a spanish interpretor - really good idea for the varied language audience.

Day Eight (Tuesday June 5)

Karaoke

Day Nine (Wednesday June 6)

Freida Kahlo Museum

Sightseeing downtown

Folkloric Ballet

Day Ten (Thursday June 7)

And Inconvienent Truth

Day Eleven (Friday June 8)

Party in Coayaocan at La Bipolar.



Day Twelve (Saturday June 9)


Farewell dinner. Very sad. It was hard to say goodbye to friends that we had made in only two weeks. It is amazing how close you can get to other people. I will never forget this experience.



Day Thirteen (Sunday June 10)

Adios Mexico.

I had a great time at this conference. What I have written here is only a fraction of the things that happened. I can not even dream of capturing everything. Besides the fun and making new friends I really did get to open my eyes in another area of science; an area that we need to be more focused on. Contrary to Western societies fews, and even Darwinism, it should not be survival of the fittest. We do not live in a bubble. We have to think of others when we are doing things - from the car we drive to the chemicals we use. If we pollute the water because we are not drinking it, it will eventually hurt someone else and that will affect us. Droughts in other countries affect us. Loss of ozone affects us. It's not all about money and immediate change. We have to leave something for the future generations. We can not CHOOSE to be that selfish. It's about sustainability. Now and later.

Encrouagement

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

~Marianne Williamson

Pineapple

I love metaphors. And fruit. This was a great way to combine the two.

So I'm cutting a pineapple and realized how well it illustrates life. Have you ever cut a pineapple? I mean with your bare hands? You look at it and sure, it has those palm-like leaves, but it's really not all that pretty. And after you figure out where to start, the job just gets harder; more than what you bargained for. But you keep chipping away because you know the ends justifies the means. And if you were to judge the pineapple by it's appearance - you probably wouldn't think it's worth your time. It doesn't look delicious. It looks worn, like it needs work, like it's not perfect just the way it is. And if you were any ordinary person, you wouldn't notice the pebble covered with dirt. It takes a trained eye to realize that these "pebbles" are sometimes diamonds in disguise. So I peeled it and I still had to get those eyelets out. And I'm ready to call it quits - all this work, for what? For some delictable yumminess? Or so they say. Does my memory serve me for it tasting all that great? As the rough skin is scratching my hands as I cut it and I'm getting frustrated I'm almost forgetting the reason why I bought the pineapple in the first place - because I know it's supposed to taste good. And it smells good, so there is this purpose to continuing. It's just that, well, sometimes we get to this wall and we forget all of our momentum for running and we just slow down and get frustrated that we can't jump or climb over the wall. See the thing with the pineapple, or with life, is that we don't always know our ultimate purpose or sometimes we forget what we were supposed to be doing while we got caught doing the grunt work. But let me tell you. When I FINALLY bit into that delicious sweetness . . . it was all worth it. And I forgot how much I hadn't want to do it.Who would have thought? Now I just have to find the metaphor for the mango . . . :)

Sunday Sermon - What Do You See?

So I was watching March 4th's sermon from Mount Ararat Church in Pittsburgh, PA. The sermon was given by Rev. Dr. William H. Curtis and I'll do my best to summarize what he said.

He started out reading Mark 8:22-26 (NIV):

They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man's eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, "Do you see anything?" He looked up and said, "I see people; they look like trees walking around." Once more Jesus put his hands on the man's eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly. Jesus sent him him, saying, "Don't go into the village."

The lesson we are learning today is that sometimes God does things through you or in your presence to show YOU something and not the other person. If you look at the pre-text before the quoted verses you will see that Jesus had already fed 5000 with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, then fed 4000 with 7 loaves of bread, and performed other miracles in front of the disciples. Then they crossed some water in a boat and the disciples forgot to bring the bread. In fact, they forgot a lot of what they had seen, as though Jesus did not perform any miracles. Jesus is a little frustrated/disappointed by this behavior. He asks them in verse 21 "Do you still not understand?"

So Jesus is ministering and healing the blind man but he is sending a message to the disciples. Let's look closely at what the blind man said. When Jesus touched him the first time he said he saw people walking as trees. Now he's being honest. We all know that people look very different than trees. The point of the matter is that he was still blurry, not completely clear in vision. In between blindness and clearness is blurriness. Jesus touched him again and asked him what he saw. The text says he saw perfectly clear. Had we been in the situation what would we have done? Would we have tried to insert logic because we know that people can't look like trees and not want to sound foolish? Would we have just said that we see people? Period, no further explanation? God wants us to be honest with him, because sometimes we settle for blurriness. Instead of confessing the truth, we take the ok as good enough. Stick throgh the blurriness until you get the clarity. And He knows that we are blurry because we keep bumping into stuff. He was sending a message to the disciples that he's going to keep touching them until they see clearly. Think about it: no matter what you do, He's not going to discard you because you can't see clearly. He didn't think of the blind man as ungrateful for being honest. He asked him a question and because he was honest to answer it the blind man could get the help that he needed.

It's like when you go to the eye doctor and he tests your right eye. And you know the chart says EZBTM. So when you get to your left eye whether or not you can actually see the same letters, you just might recite what you remember so that you won't look like you have bad vision. And sometimes we get help - the doctor may know that you don't want to appear foolish and so he changes the chart FOR you so to help you with your honesty. Jesus will put us through similar tests and tribulations to help us be honest with him. It may be the reason that you just got out of a relationship and don't have a new relationship. If your vision is still blurry, why would He want to give you something new to mess up? Or if you just quit your job, why would He give you a new job when you still want to go postal on the old job? Sometimes you need to clear up your blurriness right where you are before you move on. Because if you travel with your blurriness, not only will you bump into things but you will preach your blurry messages to others. And when you are all blurry no one knows which direction to go. So let Him flip that chart for you.

Growth is not about seeing something new. Sometimes growth is seeing new something you already saw. When you look at something with blurry eyes and then with clear eyes it just may look different. God may not move the devil out of your way because when youa re blurry you may be intimidated by the devil. Maybe he wants your vision to clear up to the point where you can tell the devil to move out of your way yourself. With blurry vision - "you ain't what you used to be even if you ain't what you ought to be" (Curtis). You have to stick it out with your blurry vision - knowing that if you stick with God, eventually things will become clear. Everything in Christ doesn't become perfect for you immediately. There is this misconception that Christians don't have any problems or live a perfectly happy life. You will at times be blurry, but so is everyone else. And once you are clear don't go around judging the blurry ones as if you've never been like that. Rather, help and pray for them that they can get clarity too.

So after this Jesus asked the disciples: who do others think that I am. They answer John the Baptist, Elijah, another disciple. Jesus then asks: and who do you think that I am? And Peter answers "the Christ." Finally, the disciples see with cleared vision.

So the take home message is this: Be honest with God. Be honest with yourself. If you think of things as they SHOULD be and not as they actually ARE then you are not going to get the help you need. But if you pray with an honest heart to fix the things that you need, to repair your blurry vision, then you are one step closer to seeing clearly.


Mount Ararat's website:
http://www.mt-ararat.org/mount_home.html

Happiness

My happiness will not be determined by the amount of zeros in my paycheck, nor the car that I drive, the clothes that I wear, or the number people that think I'm important. My happiness will be determined by how good a person I am - valued in the service I give to others, the breadth of my knowledge - from useless trivia to complicated equations, and doing the things that make me happy - from taking pictures of squirrels to talking to good friends. And I am sooo ready to enjoy life - enjoy the perks of doing the things that make you happy. This was all validated today. I made a decision not too long ago that drastically changed some things in my life. I wasn't exactly ready to make the decision but I came to the fork in the road and I had to choose - to go left or to go right, to take the path less travelled or to follow the beaten footsteps. So I chose and I haven't been exactly sure that I chose the right path, but today I was validated. Because at some point in the path you no longer long to look back and wonder what if. Instead you are jogging, running almost to see what lies ahead on the new path; the unfurnished windy path. And it's scary and exciting all at the same time.

Wohoo to validation ~ estoy muy alegria.

Lent

Lent is a time of reflection. Good ol' wikipedia has a pretty good description for those of you who aren't too sure what Lent represents (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lent). I always almost feel like starting anew by the time Easter comes. The reason is because during this time of reflection I've taken up the habit of figuring out something(s) in my life that I could do without. I started doing this in college when I met some people who gave something up for Lent. I had never done it growing up, but the concept seemed good-intentioned: name at least one thing that you don't think is a good habit or the bestest thing that you do and give it up for 40 days (we say 40 days but we mean between Ash Wednesday and Easter). The purpose of this is to prove to yourself that you really don't need this thing that you crave/depend on/etc. And after the 40 days you may just give it up completely. I've been doing this for about 4 years or so and I always see some areas that I could live without certain material objects. So I'm giving up some things this year in the same attempts. I'm not actually going to say what I'm giving up to anyone but I'm still holding myself accountable. So I challenge you to give something up - a bad habit (smoking/drinking/nail biting), a bad attitude (grouchiness/laziness/deceit/negativity), an addiction (chocolate/coffee/soda/chit chat), a technology (texting/aim/beta chat/social email), a mindset (prejudices/sexism/disdain towards religon), or whatever you can think of. And if by the forty days you like the change you see . . . continue.

Happy New Year!

It's a new year, and I am really ready to put the saying "Out with the old, in with the new" to work. I'm done worrying about things I can't control - it just leads to frustration. I figured out my problem with the world - I want everyone to do things like I do - have my moral set and values, have an opinion and stop trying to be so politically correct, and try to do good in the world. I mean, then things would just flow! Haha, the truth of the matter is that I really won't get my way on that one so that's one battle I have to forfeit. But seriously, sometimes you get mad at being mad. It's like that roommate you have that would constantly not use a coaster on your ownly prized possession in the dorms - that glass topped coffee table. And it's something so trivial to fight over, but it's your coffee table and you have a right to say something. But after weeks and weeks and you refusing to have to remove the coffee table, you get so annoyed at being mad at the person for not taking your feelings into consideration that you either 1) ruin the friendship over it, or 2) get fed up with getting mad and put a stupid dolly on the glass so that you don't have to get mad at your thoughtless roommate. (Former roommates out there - this has NOTHING to do with you; lol). Well the same is true in my state of mind. I get so tired of being mad at people for not doing things the way that I want - seriously, how many times can you have the same conversation? So I'm not giving up, I'm just choosing to better choose my battles. Obviously if someone is consistenly inconsiderate, you might want to rethink the friendship, but for now que sera, sera --> whatever will be will be. And hopefully this mindset will lead to less frustrating moments. Because we get frustrated when we wish someone would act in a certain way, but if I realize I can't hint at things then I'll just lower my expectations of what I would like for you to do and if I don't expect anything of you then you can't dissappoint me, and wa-la - I'm not frustrated. So, yeah, this works in theory, we'll see how the rest of the month goes and whether I want to fine tune my hypothesis. To you new to this blog, or just returning - I'M BACK and I have a lot on my mind, and the gutso to say it, so let me know what you think in the comments section. Otherwise you are just cyber eavesdropping!

lol

If you only knew
what I've been going through
Maybe you wouldn't talk so much smack
But we only feel what we only know, and man, isn't that wack?
Tired of the game;
Tired of having to play
Dysfunctional Utopia . . .ya heard?

Who Finishes Last?

A friend of mine repeated the common saying - Good guys finish last. What do you think? Do you think the person that is always doing the "good" thing gets the shaft? I have to think that's not true. I have to think that I should always do the right thing and things will work out. It's hard though, when the wrong thing is like a billboard you have to drive by everyday. Then there are instigators like temptation and bait to try to convince us to do the wrong thing. Nope, I'm going to do the right thing, and if I don't get what I want, then maybe I just wasn't meant to have it. Touche.

Running

I've been running on this cross-country journey, not really knowing where I was going. Running, because it's good for me to exercise and I figured that my legs would take me somewhere. Maybe I would follow the flow of the river or maybe I would see a fork in the road and because I was running I wouldn't have time to think - I'd just pick which way to go. Maybe I've been waiting for the wind to blow a certain way as a hint to where I should go. But now I know where I want to go, and even though I'm not in charge of the path I take to get me there I have a sense of direction. And now I want to run even faster to see this other side of the rainbow - to experience all that I've been wishing for, but the faster I run, the farther away I get from all that is common to me. And I'm scared to be far because I like where I've been - I like the people that were there and the nest I started to build, and moving further away means starting all over. You would think that nomads don't get attached to things when they know they will pick up and leave, but you have to take root somewhere, even if it is for one day. So will my run turn into a jog? Time can not be hurried and it's important to spend the time now with the ones we soon will leave. But I also have to stretch and take time to prepare me for the new adventures ahead. Sigh, the paradox of running. Seems like even when you run towards something you are running away from something else.

There IS a reason

I truly believe that everything in life happens for a reason. We may not always know what that reason is, but there is a purpose in the happenings of ordinary people. This has got to be the most challenging year by far, and just when I think the challenges are over BOOM, yet another one. And I'm confused on my role in this is - what am I supposed to do? what does it mean? Yet, I have to believe that in the end things will work out. I am sometimes at a loss for words as to what to say or what to think but words come to my mouth and thoughts to my head. I am so thankful at this present moment - which is ironic, because so many things seem to be going wrong. But I am thankful for meeting people that make me see the reasons or pieces of what the bigger picture looks like. People don't just come into your life by accident and we are all a dominoe effect of events waiting to happen. It's like when you are going through something and you meet someone who you just click with and they seem very understanding. Five months later you find out they went through the same thing which is why they could relate so well to you and BAM there is your reason for meeting them. I have no control over the things that other people do or say or feel, but I do feel comfort in the fact that situations and people are strategically being placed in my life to help me with these obstacles. From something as simple as a great conversation giving you the motivation to do great work the next day, to networking for the career of your life in the bank elevator, things always seem to "coincidentally" happen.

I hope this makes sense to you, because it's bright as day to me. With all the stuff going on around me - tornadoes, hurricanes, tsunamis of drama- I am happy. And it may only last for a moment before another situation comes along, but why do we keep worrying about tomorrow? Tomorrow will come, so let it. You never chase a boomerang, do you? No (I hope you don't) because you know that it will come back to you. Stop chasing the future. Live in the here and now. Just BE.

Bottom of the Barrel

Have you ever thought that things were bad? Horrible? And you couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel? The funny thing is that at some point things are so bad that they couldn't possibly get any worse. And you know that the only way out is up. But when are you at the bottom of the barrel? When you are heading up you know, but how do you know if you are going down or at the bottom? That is the hard part. Waiting. Knowing, but waiting to see if things get better or worse, because when the worse is over there's nothing more to happen but better days. It's like going down a rollercoaster - you can't wait for that feeling to be over, but you know that it will be over.
:)

Simple Pleasures

1. Picking apples from an orchard.
2. Singing along with the radio with the windows down in the car.
3. Singing and dancing in the rain.
4. Funny phone conversations - "he picked up the wooden spatula . . ." (lol)
5. Guitar lessons from friends ;)
6. Seeing a newborn baby.
7. Reading a book for pleasure.
8. Causing the smile on someone's face.
9. Colorful flowers in your living room.
10. Knowing that there are more simple pleasures in life.

:)

Playlist

Let me explain what I mean by playlist. My playlist tells a story. This one is just the titles. They express what I'm thinking/feeling. But the lyrics also reinforce those thoughts.

Last week my playlist consisted of:

1. Accidentally in Love ~Counting Crows
2. I wish I wasn't (in love with you) ~Heather Headley
3. Tu Amor Me Hace Bien ~Marc Anthony
4. La Tortura ~Shakira
5. Never Keeping Secrets ~Babyface

And now, with some careful thinking and reflection, my playlist is:

1. I'm good ~Blaque
2. I'm not your girl ~Lalaine
3. Thankful ~Kelly Clarkson
4. I believe ~Yolanda Adams
5. Baby it's cold outside ~Ella Fitzgerald
6. Crush ~Jennifer Paige
7. Miss Independent ~Kelly Clarkson
8. Make It Happen ~Mariah Carey
9. Never Keeping Secrets ~Babyface

:)
So what's on your playlist?

I Believe

Song to get you through:

I believe by Yolanda Adams (Honey Soundtrack)
They said you wouldn't make is so far uh uh
And ever since they said it, it's been hard
But nevermind the nights you had to cry
Cause you have never let it go inside
You worked real hard
And you know exactly what you want and need
So believe and you can never give up
You can reach your goals
Just talk to your soul and say…

(Chorus:)
I believe I can (I can)
I believe I will (I will)
I believe I know my dreams are real (know my dreams are real)
I believe I'll chant (Oh yea)
I believe I'll dance
I believe I'll grow real soon and (That's why)
That is what I do believe

Your goals are just a thing in your soul uh uh
And you know that your moves will let them show
You keep creating pictures in your mind
So just believe they will come true in time
It will be fine
Leave all of your cares and stress behind
Just let it go
Let the music flow inside
Forget all your pain
And just start to believe

(Chorus:)
I believe I can (I believe I can oh yea)
I believe I will
I believe I know my dreams are real (All of my dreams are real)
I believe I'll chant
I believe I'll dance (I gotta dance)
I believe I'll grow real soon and (ooo)
That is what I do believe
Whoa oa oa YEA…

(Music break)

Nevermind what people say
Hold your head high and turn away
With all our hopes and dreams
I will believe
Even though it seems it's not for me
I won't give up I'll keep it up
Look into the sky
I will achieve all my needs I will always believe….OoOo

(Chorus 2x)
I believe I can
I believe I will (I can)
I believe I know my dreams are real (I got strength)
I believe I'll chant
I believe I'll dance (I gotta dance)
I believe I'll grow real soon and (watch me watch me watch me)
That is what I do believe (I do believe in me)

I believe I can
I believe I will (oh yea)
I believe I know my dreams are real
I believe I'll chant
I believe I'll dance (I gotta dance)
I believe I'll grow real soon and
That is what I do believe (I do believe! yayeeyay)

Tu Amor Me Hace Bien

Song I'm lovin'

Tu Amore Me Hace Bien, Marc Anthony (off Valio La Pena)

Te quiero asi deliciosa insospechada
Porque creo en tu palabra
Porque yo siento que aun te necesito
Porque me alteras las ganas

Te quiero asi estruendosa y delicada
Entre alegria y nostalgia
Porque me gusta tenerte vida mia
Y no quiero que te vayas
Porque el amor cuando es verdad sale del alma
Nos aturde los sentidos
Y de pronto descubrimos que la piel
Se enciende en llamas

Bien, tu amor me hace bien
Tu amor me desarma
Ay, tu amor me controla
Me endulza, me encanta
Pero bien, tu amor me hace bien
Tu amor me desarma
Ay tu amor me controla
Me vence, me amarra
Mira que me hace bien,
ay,que me hace bien

Te quiero asi tan precisa equivocada
Con tus detalles que matan
Porque tenerte a mi lado me hace fuerte
Si eres mi reina y mi espada
Te quiero asi cuando ries cuando callas
Porque al caer me levantas
Porque mi voz y mi espiritu se agitan
Cuando dices que me amas
Porque tu amor como es verdad me vuelve el alma
Me despierta los sentidos
Y de pronto descubri que aqui en mi piel
Se encienden llamas

Ay bien, tu amor me hace bien
Tu amor me desarma
Tu amor me controla
Me endulza, me encanta

(ay como te quiero ay como te adoro
ay lolita linda tu eres mi tesoro)

Appreciation

Life Lesson # 28964: Appreciation

So, while many may just look at the events of the day with less than a thought - todays events showed me something. So on my way to school I waited at the bus stop in the rain and heavy winds. I waited at least 10 minutes in the cool, sudden temperature drop, when I spied the bus. Less than a block away. Relief and warmth were in my thoughts when my hat blew off. Okay, if I move than I might not get back before the bus gets back and I need to get to school, but for those of you that know me, you know I love my hats. So I did what you think I did - I went for the hat. And I made it back in time for the bus. So I got to work and didn't think anything of the events of the morning. So on the way back I wait at least 20 minutes for the bus (I'm not used to the schedule yet). I got on and because I'm not familiar with the stops I was let out a stop too late, so I had to cross a major road to get back. This time my umbrella turned inside out due to the wind, then my hat fell off, and this time was blown even further. At last I was home, after tracking through a little mud. The funny thing is - after I opened and closed the door behind myself I was so appreciative of having a warm home to come to. And for having a job so that I could make a living. We all love to complain when the going gets rough, but it's crucial that you appreciate everything that you DO have, even if you don't have all that you WANT. You are living so you probably have all that you NEED. God knows what he's doing, ay?

Girl, Put your records on

Song I'm lovin'

Put Your Records ON . . .Corrinne Bailey Rae
Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.

Maybe sometimes, we got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don't you hesitate.

Girl, put your records on,
tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down

Sapphire and faded jeans,
I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Blue as the sky, sombre and lonely,
Sipping tea in the bar by the road side,
(just relax, just relax)
Don't you let those other boys fool you,
Gotta love that afro hairdo.

Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.
Don't you think it's strange?

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans,
I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Just more than I could take, pity for pity's sake
Some nights kept me awake,
I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realise, that you don't even have to
try any longer.Do what you want to.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans,
I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans,
I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
Oh, you're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow

Click

So it's not often that a movie impacts you, makes you think about the life you lead. I just watched the movie Click (with Adam Sandler) and it's about what you prioritize in life. We've all probably imagined being rich and famous and not having to do any chores; spending days upon days on vacation. But what about the road to getting there? Are you so busy at work that you don't have time to have lunch with your friends? Eat dinner with your family? Talk on the phone with your parents? There is so much more to life than work and then things that will make you monetarily successful. And if you neglect those things, then you will be on an island by yourself "enjoying" quality time. Too busy to eat properly? Health is a priority, spending time with family, enjoying nature, SLEEP - I'm really talking to myself, but do you see what I am saying? Sometimes we get caught up in the hustle and bustle, or the hype of demand, that we mistakenly define "importance" as a first come first served basis. Yes, at the end of the day you family will still love you, but why should they be placed on the back burner? What happened to working 5 days a week? Why Sat and/or Sunday? Why all the fast food and junk food? Why do we want flavored water? What happened to petting the dog and reading a book? And you are thinking - well the work needs to get done - but didn't it need to get done 30 years ago? They somehow managed to sustain a workable society. If we don't put limitations on what is acceptable then we are susceptible to anything - to being on call. Is it that important? Unless you are saving someone's life, take a moment and breathe. And enjoy that breath. What did you smell? What did it taste like? When we ignore moments like these we won't appreciate them later on when we have more than we could imagine.

There's so much more to say but I will save some for later.

Stumble

"Stumble" by Natasha Bedingfield

I'm not the kind of girl you bring to mother
I'm not the kind of girl you kiss in public
My manners leave a lot to be desired
At least in not a liar
I'm not about the subtle innuendo
More likely to throw rocks up at your window
Won't walk on eggshells so you don't hear the crazy things I'm saying when you get near me
I'd rather disappear than be faking it

[Chorus:]

Anyway, you like me yeah I know it
You're so transparent
How you stumble 'round those words so well
You like me there i said it
Don't need a dictionary helping me 'cause I can spell

My foot was in my mouth the day I met you
All my friends they said I'd never get you
But they don't know it when they see it
They need glasses to believe it
They don't understand so be it...
What can I say anyway

[Chorus]
Bridge

By the way you turn me on to your favorite band
By the way you lift me up when I'm fading
Breathe me in when I'm suffocating
Don't say that its's just because you can
Don't be stupid thinking I've misjudged you
I know enough to know when someone trusts you
Why fight it now it isn't gonna hurt you...

[Chorus]

Complicated

It's happening. Against my wishes, it's happening . . . we're growing up!! It' s been nearly a year since I graduated from college and in that year's span so much has happened. So many decisions are being made. So many complications. Remember when your hardest decision to make was
1) pen or pencil?
2) twinkie or kit kat?
3) double dutch or hopscotch?
4) pancakes or frenchtoast?

And then you passed kindergarden and elementary school and middle school brought it's own challenges

5) run for class president or secretary?
6) basketball or gymnastics?
7) larry or sarah as science partner?
8) train or bus?

High school was fun though. Those decisions shaped who you would become, how popular or unpopular you would be, and who your friends would or wouldn't be

9) Which club to join?
10) Which AP class to take?
11) Which college to apply?
12) Who to take to the prom?

And then college.
13) What's my major?
14) Not liking this, do I stick with it or switch?
15) Do I have time for a job?
16) Where am I going to live? With who?
17) Study or take a break?
18) Eat or sleep? <-- you guys know it came down to this!!
19) Pizza or Ramen?

And now the part that I'm talking about: growing up. Now everyone's making life decisions and they are getting complicated

20) Just got proposed to: yes or no?
21) kids or no kids? now or later?
22) Job relocated: move or quit?
23) grad school or work?
24) house or apt?

And the list goes on and on. And life gets more and more complicated, because there are bigger things at stake. But it's like this Choose Your Own Adventure where you can't flip the page and see what's going to happen. You actually have to go through with it, and most roads are not reversible. But we deal with the cards we are dealt. And you make your choices. You choose which path of the fork in the road you will progress and make your list with one less complication.

Wohoooo

God is Awesome!! In the midst of my personal storm, there is calm. I'm happy today - it's been a moody couple of weeks. I saw some payoff on something that I worked really hard for and it made me feel really good. It's hard to keep shoveling quicksand, ya know? (C'mon you guys have to get my metaphors, lol. But for those of you who don't - if you are falling at the same rate at the thing that you are shoveling then although you are doing work, you really aren't seeing any results). But things are good, the weather is beautiful, and I can do this!! So I'm excited about life today. And it feels good. :)

Song I'm liking: "I am not my hair": India.Arie [featuringAkon (remix)]

Check it out here:
http://www.rapnewsdirect.com/0-202-261145-00.html?tag=google

Love

I love You for what you have done for me
I love You for what you will do
I love You for accepting me as I am
but most of all, I love You for loving me unconditionally.

And no guys, I'm not talking about a guy, I'm talking about HIM!

Jesus Christ is risen! He is risen indeed!

Happy Easter!

Lesson's Learned

I'm telling you guys. Life is a journey and you gain so much knowledge along the way. For instance, I learned several important things this week:

1. It's a small small world. One of my friends' cousins is good friends with one of my homegirls. And I've heard his name in stories but never thought there would be a connection.
2. Be still. Sometimes it's good to just stand in the water and listen to the waves. I almost opened my mouth to get something off my chest. But it's a good thing I didn't. I could have made a relationship very awkward. Now things have changed and no one has to know what I was thinking; it's for the best.
3. Make some noise. Now this seems contradictory to number 2, but when you need to be heard about some injustice you deserve to be get it out, to vocalize it, even if it falls upon deaf ears. I'm still working on this one. But if if matters enough to you then you deserve to voice your opinion. If someone doesn't know that they make you mad then they can't fix it. Give them the opportunity.
4. Don't worry. "Cast your cares on Him." I've found that God most definitely has my back so there is no point in worrying about things that I have absolute no control over (and the list is huge).

This and many more lessons learned on the path called life.

~

Expression

I love to write. It's who I am. Writing is a way of expressing yourself: uncensored, unabbreviated. You can just get everything out on paper and then stand back and look at it; reread the words that were once simultaneous thoughts in your head. It's almost like going back in time - going to the exact moment of when you felt a certain way. And it's refreshing. Whenever I write - when I get my innermost thoughts on paper, I don't have to think about them anymore. I don't have to fear that I will forget what I was once thinking; those thoughts are safe, tucked away somewhere.

And I love to talk. Not chit chat - but those meaningful conversations. Those conversations where you ask the question - what would you do in this scenario - and the answer is meaningless to a point, but it opens up a whole new arena, a story, or a chain of events that the other person wants to share with you. And you want to listen; you're not thinking of your own answer, but you are purely listening to what they have to say; gasping at the surprises, and laughing at the irony of it all. And it's great. One day I'd like to tell a great story (in a book) and have you read it and get something out of it. My purpose has always been to have a positive impact on society, and I think we all impact eachother in different ways. I love to write, so I hope that my writing impacts you, makes you think of things in your life, makes you question things that you do but you think are wrong, makes you want to argue with me and tell your side of things, but most of all, makes you think. Because in today's society, we are doing less and less thinking, and just taking "Bob's" word for it. George Santayana says "Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it." I rightly believe this. There is no point in you making the same mistake that I did. You do not have to touch the fire if I have burned myself already. I want my stories to be a part of your history, and yours a part of mine. If we all live in the world without trying to coexist, then society as a whole is doomed. But if I can learn from you and you from me, then we are so much for the better.

Ahhhhhh, I feel good du nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh . . I knew that I would now . . so good . .tuh tuh . .so good . . .now that I got youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (I love to sing songs as well) :)

Why do we want "it"?

There's a great line from my all-time favorite movie, Brown Sugar, "Why doesn't your heart do what your brain tells it to?" And it's true, why can't we tame our feelings, even feelings that we don't want to have? Why have a crush on someone unattainable/undesirable? Why want food that you are allergic to? Why want to visit places you will never see? It's a paradox. You know that you can't have it, but you still want it. And you can't stop yourself from wanting it, because, regardless of the fact that you know you can't have it, you just want to have it. And you get angry at yourself for thinking of it, when again, you know that you can't have it.

So life is funny. I don't even want "it," (or whatever your "it" may be). I just like the idea of "it" and it's not the best idea to have; and if I ever did get "it" I'd probably be highly dissappointed, but still I want "it." I want to know what it was like to have "it" and then after that I'd be done wanting "it." I wouldn't keep "it" for a long time, just something to cross off on the to-do list.

I'm working on not wanting "it." Easier said than done.

Blah . .and so much more.

I had a math test today. I think it went all right - much better than the math tests from last term. But now I'm feeling kinda blah. I just had some ice cream so that made me feel good, but there's so much work to do. And today is Ash Wednesday. I had planned to go to service today, but it's too late now, I would never make it in time. For Lent I'm giving up addictions. I'm kinda addicted to being online - AIM, myspace, facebook, you konw the drill. I can't give up AIM completely because I need to stay in touch with people (plus sometimes I discuss homework) but I am definitely limiting myself more. And I'm giving up myspace and facebook for the time. It'll be tough, because I'm so used to knowing what's going on everywhere, but I imagine it will save me lots of time in the long run. It's more fun talking to people in real life than in cyber world, even if you really do know them. I love good phone conversations and there's a lot of people that I owe calls - I haven't forgotten about you guys, I've just been geniunely busy. Just think, this will all be over in June - I won't have to balance life between classes and research - I can just do my research. It's going to be intense, because I want a lot of data for my qualifiers in August, which I will pass!! I'm very nervous about that but I have to think optimistically. Sigh . . .just so much on my plate it's a bit overwhelming, but remember freshman year . .remember Venkat physics? I seriously remember contemplating whether I should switch majors - just because of physics - but you know what, I made it out. And although I didn't do stellar in physics, it didn't affect my whole degree. In other words, try your best, but don't let every little pitfall cause you to think that you will fail. That's the thing that I will have to remember.

And about that guy - guy, shmy. Forget about him for 40+ days also. He's getting out of the picture as the days go by.

As for my "friend" who I thought was truly trying to change and be a friend to me, just like every other ditcher he was insensitive and only cared to talk about himself. I gave him another chance, and he spoiled it. I forgave him. But deep down inside I realize I don't need his friendship. It sucks that he can't understand why he does things that make me upset, but I don't think he even tries to understand - he tells me that I take things too seriously, or I overanalyze situations. No, I don't. And while I may take some things out of proportion - just try to understand where I am coming from. Just because I laugh or smile a lot does not mean that EVERYTHING in life has to be all fun and games - no there is a serious side to things and whether or not you relate to how it affects me, at least try to understand that different people react to the same situation differently. And sadly enough, he'll never read this, but just remember that the next time a friend gets mad at you - perhaps their perception of what happened is much different and it affects them more personally.

Current Status

Alright, so here's the current status. I'm over that guy that I had a crush on that I shouldn't like. Valentine's Day was great - I'm ok with being single. And I'm doing my thing at school. There's so much more to write, but I'm kinda tired and I need to clean, so off I go.

Being Perfect

Don't waste your time. I just finished reading Anna Quindlen's Being Perfect and I was extremely dissappointed. It had so much potential to be a book to tell you not to worry about the small things in life and not holding onto perfection. Rather, I felt like I was listening to her think out loud. Seriously - how did this get published. Fortunately, it was an easy read so I only wasted an hour or so of my time (half of which I was on the shuttle, so I didn't really waste too much), but I wouldn't waste my time with this book. It gets the thumbs down.

Lust, Trust, and so much more!

Where do I begin? Hmm ok well I will start with lust. This is going to be a personal post, so you'll get to know a little more about me and my train of thought. Ok, I guess you said around 5th grade I started noticing boys - and I mean as more than getting rid of mice. They were different, cute even; well the ones that didn't have cooties. And as the years progressed there were some head turners. Even now, I have to check ring fingers. Not because I'm looking, but just because. So my first question is, when is it lust? You see that gorgeous guy from across the room and you make eye contact. Someone makes their way over and a simple "hi" leads to a desired conversation by both parties. That is the physical attraction. You talk and talk but are somewhat caught up in appearances. They could say they counted paper clips for a living and you would smile and laugh at their every joke. (not that there is anything wrong with counting paper clips, just an example). So do you like them? Can you really infer that from a shallow conversation that was built on how the person looked? Is that lust? So the two of you agree to go out and get to know eachother better. This is where a possible friendship could start. Now two things could happen if you find out you aren't compatible. You could find out that you just aren't compatible and end it there or you "see it through," trying to make him/her fit into your profile or standards. And we do that lots of times, because we lustfully want to be with someone even though in the back of our mind (sometimes the far far far back) we know that they aren't the one for us - whether it be their beliefs, values, hobbies, location, etc. Well that ties me into my next topic. Because I'm surrounded by "potentials" - you know those guys that just look good, that you could "make it work" with. It's horrible, really. I think that I am being tested (by God). Because as of late I have run into beautiful men who just aren't right for me. And it's really really hard not to go after water in the desert, ya know? But I know that if I did, it would be for the wrong reasons, for the physical attraction, or the laughs, or just to hangout - not that there is anything wrong with hanging out. But I would be leading the guy on if I tried to make it into something more than it's not. And you're probably thinking, well how can that be a test. Well let's see, right and left my friends are getting married, Valentine's day is around the corner, and all that jazz. So I'm trying not to get caught up in the hype. Not letting phone calls mean more than they are, or good conversations have to spark more than friendship. I think that we sometimes get caught up in what the person has to offer, rather than the actual person. I graduated college and spaces that those people used to fill are now being filled during a good conversation, and you think that means something, when really it doesn't. So, I'm going to trust that God has more in store for me and lay back and relax.

Hehe this was all sparked during a conversation at swing dancing. lol. But an old friend has come back into my life and I'm getting closer with newer acquaintances/friends. This is why you gotta love life. There's so much unexpected.

Alright that's it for now. :)

Freedom

I feel liberated. A lot of things are going right in my life. I've let go of a lot of attachments. My attitude has not changed to "who cares?" but rather to "why worry?". It's a great feeling. I'm organizing my thoughts and my life and my space. Decluttering the soul, so to speak. Give it a try, it does wonders.

From a speaker (paraphrase):
If you don't know where you are going, any path will take you there.

Excerpt

Excerpt from a poem I wrote:

But is it you that is the coward?
To stand up for what you believe
Always wanting to be the people pleaser

Well spare me the facade . . .


A work in progress. But I love that stanza.

Friendship

The topic for today is Friendship. I've been put in a very flexible position. Is friendship guaranteed, or is it something that you earn? If you were very good friends with a person and they wronged you and years passed by, do you owe them friendship when you meet up again? Can the two of you casually say hi, neglecting all the things that had happened? The answer is no. You can't continue without acknowledgement, at the least, for the things that have happened. So I do believe that people should be forgiven. But here's the catch: when do you go back to where you were? How do you avoid being that rug that is constantly being stepped on, and when do you call it a day and move on? This is the flexible position I am in. I have the opportunity, with one phone call, to try to make amends (for something I did not do) and open up the past, or I could just move on, not calling. The easy decision is to not call - forgive the person and move on. I believe that things happen for a reason. But which thing? Was it the falling out of friendship that happened for a reason or was it the extension of reconnecting with the aforementioned phone number? That is what I am trying to figure out. I think that we have to let go of some friends because perhaps they are not a postive influence in our lives. Perhaps their very presence hinders us from reaching our goals. So if you were to lose touch with one of the people you kinda shrug your shoulders and say oh well it was meant to be. But what if they changed? What if they come back into your life and our different? Do you give them a second chance? What if was a close friend who made some mistakes? What if you don't know the whole story? Do you stick around to find out? Or do you also let them go with a shrug of the shoulder? And it's a hard decision. Because one leaves you susceptible to getting hurt and the other leaves you possibly missing out on a great person.

And I don't know the answer. There's no way to know. And I won't know which decision is right. I just have to take it on head-on. And I'm afraid of looking the fool or being stepped on, but I'm also afraid on missing out on the stories of someone else's life. Which is more important? The risk of failure or the risk of missed opportunity?

What do you think?

Rock Climbing

Today was very eventful. After work I went rock climbing. Yes, you heard me right, rock climbing. It was awesome. I think I kinda got over my fear of heights. The first time I was scared because of the disaster in Pittsburgh - she told me to let go, not to worry, next thing I know I'm scraping the wall at rapid speed, nothing holding me down. However, this time was much much different. We went through an hour of training on how to balay (the person on the ground, the spotter) and how to knot the rope. I really had a great time. And a bunch of my classmates were there so it was even more fun with people that you know.

After that I decided to work out, but that gym is tinyyyyyyyy. So I'm on the elliptical and I'm totally bored - no good magazines, the music was too mellow - and I'm looking below to see people playing basketball. Now that looks fun, I thought to myself. More fun than what I am doing. Those of you who know me know that I am infamous for talking to strangers. So I went down and asked a kid who was playing by himself if we could do one on one. We didn't get to finish the game but it was 15-7 him before someone had to take the ball back. That was a lot of fun. And now I am so psyched. Call it adrenaline, what have you. This is what I've been missing for the past 4 months (yes, it's been 4 months since I've been to a gym). And I feel so healthy and productive. Ahhhhhhhhh.

:) All Smiles.

Happy New Year!!

Here's to new beginnings!! It is 2006. Can you believe it? I'm looking forward to starting afresh and just seeing where the wind blows. I have some resolutions, but I won't write them down here. Breathe in, breathe out. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. :)

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!!

Big Sigh of Relief

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. That is the feeling I am feeling right now. I am back home from school on break for a couple of weeks. A real break this time. Not like Thanksgiving break where I had to study for exams. A pure, fun-filled, relaxing break. I get to take these two weeks for Christmas and New Year's off then it's back to school to do research. Classes don't start up again until February. I'm really looking forward to the free time to get some things together. I want to read a good book - unrelated to anything academic. I'm looking forward to seeing more of my friends. Chill time with the fam. Movies, movies, movies. There's so much "life" to catch up on. Phone conversations. This next month will be very well utilized. I just feel this huge burden lifted off me. I can't wait to get things organized and feel in control again. Kinda my New Year's resolution that I'm starting a bit early. Ahhhh. Well things to do. Ciao. ~

Ups and Downs

Every week I experience my share of ups and downs. Lately, because of grad school, the slopes are always steep. It's like a rollercoaster that you don't choose to get on. It's been very tough because there are always roadblocks and obstacles telling you you can't do it. But you can! I can!! I can do this. It's not bigger than me!! If it can be done, then I can do it! You'll get to forks in the road where you don't know which way to go. And then you make your decision and there are all these negative things telling you you made the wrong decision. There will be people who are better than you at what you do, making you feel insecure about your ability.There will be questions so tough that you can't figure out, that make you believe you don't know anything at all.

But this journey is called Life. And it wouldn't be what it is if everything was handed to us; if we didn't have to make some important life decisions. And there are no guarantees that the road we choose IS the right one, but "Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game" (from A Cinderella Story).

I needed to hear this. Maybe someone else needed to hear this. But if you hear me, don't just sit on it. Do what you gotta do! Because I believe you can do it!! :)

The Way I Was Made

Song I'm loving (in bold are my favorite lines):

The Way I was made
by Chris Tomlin

Caught in the half-life, I’m caught alone
Waking up to the sunrise and the radio
Feels like I’m tired of, what’s holding me?
Just praying today will be the day I go free

I want to live like there’s no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one’s around
I want to sing like nobody’s listening
Before I lay my body down
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I’m not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made

Made in Your likeness, made with Your hands
Made to discover who You are and who I am
And All I’ve forgotten help me to find
All that You’ve promised let it be in my life

I want to live like there’s no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one’s around
I want to sing like nobody’s listening
Before I lay my body down

I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I’m not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made

ohhhhh
The way I was made
OhhhhI want to live like there’s no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one’s around
I want to sing like nobody’s listening
Before I lay my body down
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I’m not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made
I want to be the way I was made
I want to be the way I was made

If you like this song check out Chris Tomlin in the Christian Worship section of you local music archives.

The Story of the Carpenter

I found this on someone elses page:

"THE CARPENTER
An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house-building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by. The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end his career.

"When the carpenter finished his work and the builder came to inspect the house, the contractor handed the front-door key to the carpenter. "This is your house," he said, "my gift to you."
What a shock! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently. Now he had to live in the home he had built none too well. "

So are you building the life that you want to live? It's a really deep question, to be honest. If you had to keep doing the things that you currently are doing - would you be happy. Is there a bad habit that you always want to quit but you never really try to quit. I know there's some faulty nails in the house I'm building and it really made me think. If I had to live in it would I be pleased? Humpf... something to think about guys.

Updates

Hey Everyone. Well it's been a very long time since I have written in here. So let me update you on what has happened.

Well I started grad school, for one. It's hard, I'm not going to lie. Most days I spend at least 75% of the day in school or doing school related activities. So, life as I know it, is again me and my TEXTBOOKS, haha. I am learning a lot though. And I am getting the hang of programming in MatLab.

I moved to a new city . Or shoudl I say town? It's definitely different than where I'm from but I haven't had too much time to go site seeing, which I want to do one of these days.

My birthday just passed so a shout out to all those who celebrated with me.

Hmm, I had a lot more in my head when I first started to type. I think I'm just tired. It's about 7pm now and my last meal was breakfast at 12pm so maybe I'm just a little light headed. Yeah, yeah I'm cooking so I will be up to speed in about 30 minutes. And I worked my butt off today so I think I will watch Beauty Shop tonight.

Oh I do have a topic. I am not very versed on current events but I'm working on it. Anyway the former Education Secretary, William Bennett, is quoted as saying "But I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could, if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down," on his morning talk show. He did finish by calling it "an impossible, ridiculous and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down. So these far-out, these far-reaching, extensive extrapolations are, I think, tricky."

Wow, can you believe that someone so educated and high in power could make a statement like that? That is really disturbing. And it is also disturbing that the Black race was singled out for his hypothetical situation. If you had less people crime would go down but I think it's a horrible thing to say that we could go killing to reduce crime.

The thing that people do not realize is yes, we are all human. But when you are in a position where you are a political or any type of role model, you have to watch what you say. And the face that you said it, means that you believe it, regardless if it is hypothetical or not. For all we know the Holocaust started out as a hypothetical statement. But look at how far we have come from those barbaric thoughts, let alone activities. Bennett says that he owes no one an apology and people are misquoting him and not getting the full picture. Well what picture would he have us draw? You can't possibly say something so dramatic and think it is ok.

Which makes it more important for us to vote. And not randomly. Try to stay on top of things and find out about the person's character. It is scary when the top officials do not have any faith in some of their voters/population.

Do Something

In the wake of Hurricane Katrina, I'm going to encourage everyone to DO SOMETHING. You'd be surprised at how far a little will go. Even a dollar at the dollar store can buy you a toothbrush, soap, socks, a bottle of water, etc . . . To someone who has lost everything, it could mean a lot. As we grow up we hear of disasters all around the world and we think, what can we do. Well now it is actually in our own homeland. Are you a part of the problem or the solution?

Everyone wants to play the political game of pointing fingers. But that does not help in the here in now. What actualy helps is money donations, time donations, prayers, and words of encouragement.

Sometimes something earth shattering happens to make us realize what we did not see before. There were poverty-stricken people living in Louisiana before the hurricane, and just now is the government helping them. Perhaps the future brings brighter days for the people of LA. My deepest condolences to those who have lost loved ones and friends. But I have hope that things will get better and I ask for everyone to look for the rainbow at the end of the storm. Perhaps this can bring us as people together and we can see that amidst trials and tribulations we aren't all that different after all.

Also, we can not forget the victims of 9-11 today. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed about all of the distraught in the world. And I feel like there is nothing that I can do. But I try. I try to give and I try to help and I try to help others to do the same. And I pray. So whatever you do, Do Something. Because the fate of the world is in trouble when good men do nothing (paraphrasing a famous quote).

I love being a girl

Top Ten Reasons to be A Girl

10. You can ask for help loading your car at the store and no one gives you a hard time.
9. You can wear a skirt when it's really hot outside and pants would stick to your legs
8. Guys are expected to hold the door open for you AND
7. You usually get to places first because "Ladies before Gentlemen"
6. You don't have to enter into the draft if you don't want to
5. You can cry at a movie without getting ragged on by the masses
4. You can watch Chick Flicks by yourself
3. Our clothes are just better. More colorful.
2. You can pretend to be ditzy when you don't want to talk to a guy.
1. The fate of the population lies with you - let's just call it POWER. hehe.

Wohoo.

Getting Out of Debt

ok guys . . this may be a long one. I just came back from Mount Ararat Baptist Church in Pittsburgh, PA and I just had to share this message with you. The pastor preached on debt. And I know a lot of us still have college loans or credit cards, what have you, so this may be right up your alley.

I'm going to try to recreate the message, not doing it full justice, but I will attempt to engage you the way I was engaged. DISCLAIMER: These are not my words, so I'm not taking credit for it. I don't know the pastors name, but these are from him.

First we started off by reading 2 Kings 4:1-7. From NIV:
The wife of a man from the company of the prophets cried out to Elisha, "Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that he served the Lord. But now his creditor is coming to take my two boys as his slaves.
Elisha replied to her, "How can I help you? Tell me, what do you have in your house?"
"Your servant has nothing there at all," she said, "except a little oil."
Elisha said, "Go around and ask all your neighbors for empty jars. Don't ask for just a few. Then go inside and shut the door behind you and your sons. Pour oil into all the jars, and as each is filled, put it to one side."
She left him and afterward shut the door behind her and her sons. They brought the jars to her and she kept pouring. When all the jars were full, she said to her son, "Bring me another one."
But he replied,"There is not a jar left." Then the oil stopped flowing.
She went and told the man of God, and he said, "Go, sell the oil and pay your debts. You and your sons can live on what is left."

Now you may be thinking, Why is the Church talking to its congregation about money? The answer is simple. Debt blocks dreams, shapes emotions, defines attitudes. It makes you paranoid. It makes you nervous every time the phone rings. It makes you anxious when you get to the checkout and your credit card is swiped. It makes you leave you mail in the mailbox, for fear of getting a bill. It makes you lie - telling the person on the telephone that you aren't here. It even makes you turn down opportunities to hang out with friends (for fear that it may be your turn to pay). All jokes aside, Debt restricts us and limits what we can do.

Now how does this tie into the Church? Well It's hard to reach up high (for Christ) when there is an anchor pulling you down. You want to give money but your debt is telling you that you just can't give offering. You would like to gain spiritual insight at a Church retreat, but your debt is telling you that you better not pay that fee. Your debt is telling you that although you have a well paying job, you have to work on Sunday and you can't go to Church. God can't like that. And so God doesn't like debt.

The pastor is saying that when money becomes the dictator of your spiritual life THERE IS A PROBLEM. And regardless of your beliefs, when debt dictates where you work, how far you work, how many hours you work, the balance between home and work, your academic path, etc.. .there is a problem.

So then the missing link between debt and not having debt is changing your habits. Everyone has fun while they are getting into debt - getting credit cards, buying purchases you can't afford, eating out all the time, driving when you could walk (with these gas prices). And then people get mad that it is soooooooooooo hard to get out of debt. It takes hard work, perserverence, and labor. The same hard work, perserverence, and labor that got you into the debt. You have to change your habits if you want to get out of debt. You can't be that person that says you know you have to change and not actually do anything about it.

The woman in the Bible passage had to go from door to door collecting jars. Now, she didn't know what was going to happen with the jars. But she collected as much as she could. Just imagine her knocking on people's doors and getting jars; each time explaining why she needed the jars. Then walking back to her house when her hands got full and going back out again - all on the blind faith that the prophet gave her. When she finally came in and closed the door he told her to pour the little oil into her jars. Now I'm thinking that she has about 4 oz of oil and she collected all these 64 oz jars and she's looking at this prophet like he's crazy. How would that little oil fill these bottles? But she obeys, and as she starts to pour the oil out, it keeps flowing. WOW. So you don't need more oil, God will stretch the little oil you have. Aren't we all waiting to start something new when we have enough money? Why not just use what you have and STRETCH IT OUT?

God provided for this woman because she trusted him. She obeyed and He made it so that she could pay her debt and live off the rest. How can we use this in our daily lives? Well if at the end of the paycheck all you have is a dollar, shut the door. And put it in a jar. Each time you put in a jar, you will be amazed at how you can stretch what you have.

It takes a big change of habits. "You can't have Lexus taste on skateboard finances.(pastor)" There has to be some give and take - for the ladies, do you own hair, or go every OTHER week. And you know how you sleep that first day and your head is not touching the pillow? Sleep like that for 3 days - the style will last longer. And for the guys - Do you really need a new suit? Buy a new tie, no one will notice.If they ask if that's a new suit, don't lie; just don't answer. You have to eat in sometimes. Broke is a condition, not a lifestyle. Conditions can be broken.

I think I've summarized what the message was. It was on point, it had hilarious moments of those truths we do that we know we need to work on and it just takes someone pointing them out for you to be honest with yourself. I hope you guys enjoyed this. And please, rememeber to shut the door, and fill the jar.

Have you ever

Have you ever thought you knew what someone was thinking, only to look at them and know that you were wrong? Here's a poem I wrote about just that.

In that split second
I looked at you and knew
That what I previously thought
Could not, in deed, be true
I thought you felt for me
What I had felt for you
But your eyes do not agree
And so I start anew.

April Update

Feels like a long time since I last wrote in here. Things that have happened since then. I decided which grad school I'm going to (If you want to know ask me). I am loving my fun classes - ballroom dancing and piano. Senior design is a lot of work. And it's beginning to feel like senior year of high school, where you know the end is near. I can't believe that we only have about 6 weeks left. I'm going to miss everyone and just being on this campus. Ok, short entry, but more later.

Lines of Miscommunication

The events in life are all happening through a kaleidescope. I think it's so funny how two people can view the same situation. The key to everyone understanding the situation is to keep the lines of communication open. Last year when I was in the dorms, a mutual friend of mine and my roommates called the room asking for her. I got no hello, or any acknowledgement that he knew me when I answered the phone. I thought the guy was very rude, because he usually will say hi to me. It turns out, as my roommate later informed me, that he was simultaneoulsy hit by a football in the face after he had dialed the number and when I picked up he was not feeling too friendly. So, after finding out this information, I felt a whole lot better to know he wasn't just being rude.

Well there was a similar situation that happened recently. I have been known to not be able to read between the lines so I've been trying to improve and I guess I get overzealous and make lines to read between. So I let someones actions be a line I was reading between and got mad at what I read. Sounds funny, ay? It went out for nearly two weeks and I'm the type of person to just get madder and madder. Fortunately, the situation was reconciled after communicating my thoughts to the other person. Turns out I had in fact misread an invisible line. Haha.

Figured I would kill some time before my final. I don't like to study right up until the last minute. I'm taking this last hour off, just going to review. I'm eating right now, yummm and just clearing my head. Tomorrow I fly to Michigan to visit MSU - I'm very excited.

Happy Birthday to Patricia!

Happy Belated Birthdays to: Nadia, Veronica, Laura V.

Can you guys believe we are getting ready to graduate? Please send me pics so that I can remember you all buy. I'm on ofoto.com - I'll send you some if you send me some.

Also, what are you guys up to? You people need bloggers so that I can read about your interesting stories without your knowledge. Yup, kinda like what you are doing right now. Easy way to solve that would be to leave a comment. . .C'mon it's not like I don't know you are reading it. Just click Leave Comment and then go to Anonymous Comment. Otherwise it's almost like written eavesdropping. Lol. Have a great spring break everyone. And Happy Easter!

Happy March

You know what? We always wait for the begining of a year to make some remarkable change. But ode to new beginnings. It's a new month, spring is approaching, this is great. I will be terribly busy in the next two weeks as we approach finals. I'm trying to be on top of things now, in week 9, so that I'll be better off finals week.

Hmm . . .since I last wrote. I saw Hitch - great movie. It was really on the ball. And we all know that we were laughing because the stuff said in the movie is true. The writers did a really good job and there were some classic lines. The acting was really good too. Will Smith looked FINE and CLASSY, which is missing in today's society. And that guy from King of Queens played the pathetic-can't-get-a-girl guy and did very well. That will be a movie to add to the collection. Along with Brown Sugar for anyone who's looking to buy me a dvd.

What else? Oh, I watched From Kelly to Justin on In Demand. And guys I have to tell you, it was really cute. Now the acting wasn't superb (give them a break, they are not actors) but it was different than todays movies. Instead of playing music in the background the characters would break out into ballads. I thought it was a cute clean cheesy romantic film.

Hmm what else do I have to write about? I'm reading Ernest Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises, which is surprisingly an easy read. Once you hear the word Hemingway you think classic, and they are usually written in a different type of language. But it's not that hard to follow; although I have been missing the subtleties.

Ok that's it for now. I won't promise any more entries for a while because of finals, but we'll see. Adieu.

Risks

I was just reading Jasmin's Xanga and she talked about risks: calculate, educated risks. It's an interesting topic. A lot of times we go through life taking the safe road, afraid of the unknown. But how do you feel about taking risks? Frankly, I am scared to death of jumping into the lake without knowing what depth it is. But that would be a stupid risk. Examples of educated, calculated risks: Telling someone how you feel when they may not say the same, turning down a job offer in hopes of a better job, turning down money for a job that doesn't make you happy, standing up to your boss when he or she is in the wrong, arguing a grade with a teacher who you need to write a recommendation for you, speaking up for yourself when you are the only one who feels that way, and so on. But the thing is - as scared as we may be, as scared as I get, in taking these risks - it feels good when all is said and done. When I was at camp we had to climb a 40ft tree and walk across a wire to the other tree and climb back down. I am afraid of heights. It was one of the scariest things I had ever done, but I did it and I was so proud of myself. It was like an episode of fear factor. You were in control on deciding if you would let your fear stop you from even trying. At a different camp, before I learned to swim, they made us jump into water that was 12 ft deep. I had a life jacket on but I was sweating bullets. I prayed and jumped in. I did not like it - but you know what I'm kinda glad I did it. Then there are the funny risks (Ra knows about this one). I didn't want to go on a rollercoaster - it did loops, went backwards, and was basically scary. But said person dragged me along because they really wanted to ride it and they didn't want to ride alone. I started crying before the thing even took off and then, as I wiped my tears, a smile appeared on my face and I said "Wow, that was fun." The main thing is just having the guts to try.

See the thing with a risk is - you don't have to do it. There is always that space where you can hesitate, pause some more, and if you are really frightened, back out. But once you back out you are left wondering what would have happened. That is what makes it a risk. And you will never know the outcome of the unchosen choice. That is the scary part.

So I say - live a little, take some chances. But please be safe and don't do anything stupid.

My quote of the day: "Sometimes we think we are on the path alone. But remember that there are many parallel roads that lead to the same place. So just look over your shoulder - you're not alone after all."

Crystal Ball 2005

Saturday January 29, 2005 I attended the Crystal Ball. I really didn' t know what to expect since I had never went before but you know what? I wanted to experience typical events at my University my senior year. I'm really going to miss hanging out with everyone. Anyway, I went and I saw a ton of people that I knew there. I think there were a good three tablesworth of our crew :) Thanks to Maria and Tanya for making it out also. The DJ wasn't the greatest in the world but we made due. I'll never forget Miguel and his polka dance. Or doing thriller atop of the stairs. Or our seventies staying alive line. Haha. So I'm happy. I think the Homecoming Queen was Chrissy and King John. I will be happy for the rest of the week. It was so much fun. I love getting dressed up and I like seeing our guys dressed up. You guys really did look nice!! and all the ladies too.

It was cool too seeing people outside of class. We hardly get to talk anymore so I did get to catch up and meet some new faces ;). They stole my martini souvenoir but Martin managed to get me one (brownie points). I did get a deck of cards though. So as you can tell I really got the most out of this. By the end of the dance my feet were killing me (Shoes - $## Pain of wearing shoes to make you look cute - priceless).

Sigh . . so a great finish to the week. And on to new beginnings.

Also, the pep rally on Friday was great. It's great to finally see people with school spirit. I like my school. I mean if you are going to be here for 4-5 years like it or make the best out of it. And the late skate was fun. One of our crew did fall FLAT ON HIS FACE and for this I will constantly laugh at you (You know who you are).

Ahh . . .and back to work. Just had to clear my mind so that I can continue to study. :)

Silver Lining

What kind of writer would I be if things weren't interesting for you to read? So I may overdramatize the story to add to my poetic license. But c'mon, you know you like it.

So today's event:
I had some errands to run that required me to drive around different parts of the city. I had an appointment at 11am that started the ball rolling. So I drive out of my house and look at the gas tank, which I neglected to fill up the last time I drove it. So it's literally on E and I'm thinking ehh I can get by. But seeing that it was starting to snow (there was a good 2 inches already on the ground) and I knew I'd be using more gas by going slower and braking a lot, I decided to fill my tank. It's about 10:50am. So I pump the gas, my hands are freezing - I need new gloves by the way - and I pay an outrageous >$2/gallon and get my gas. I am merrily on my way and I don't get to my appointment until about 11:20. I told the guy I got slowed down by the snow, which is true; but it also doesn't help that I left the gas station at approx 10:55am. So errand #1 is taken care of. Skipping along to errand #3 I leave the store and go back to my car. When I get home and am warmly inside the house, I realize I must have left my phone in my car. I go out into the cold to check my car and I don't see it - I do find my Musiq cd which I had been searching for. I called it and called it and listened and listened but I couldn't find it anywhere. Finally I go back to the store from errand #3 and they haven't seen it. I tried retracing my steps but of course there is like an extra blanket of snow. And so denial turns into "wow, i really lost my phone." It just sucks because I had some really cool pictures in there and some textmessages that I wanted to look at again before deleting, and random other stuff. So now I have to get a new phone (argg). We'll see how much that costs. BUT, yes there is a but; and yes the title does have something to do with the story. But there is a silver lining because I can focus more now that I can't chat away (I don't have the phone numbers of anyone in my phone book with me, so I really couldn't call everyone even if I wanted to) and people who really want to see me will have the face to face interaction that is lacking so much in today's society because of the technological advances of communicational equipment. Isn't that a mouthful. So, as you can see, I lost my phone, but not my sense of humor. Hopefully thephone issue will be fixed.

Addicted to AIM

This is going to sound funny but I really am beginning to think that I'm addicted to AIM. I am constantly on it and we all know we check eachother's away messages. It's an excuse to not do work. I had a lot of work to do yesterday but I really didn' t feel like doing it so I kept seeing who was online and who I could talk to. I have to admit, I have some very captivating conversations on AIM but it really has to stop. The first stage is overcoming denial, right. So I think I'm at stage two. So, regretfully I will be on AIM less. And seeing how my cell phone bill is going up and up I will be accepting calls after 9pm unless you have At&T or Cingular. This should give me some more time to focus on my studies and do some heart felt thinking ;)

Ok I'm out for now :)

Sunday Sermon

When I am at school I attend Grace Covenant Church - for college students on either Penn or Drexel's campus (www.gracecovenant.net). Pastor Kim gives really good sermons that are geared toward people our age. I thought I would share the message from Sunday:

The message was about challenging yourself and your Church. Dare to be a Church that. . .
1)Lives it out
2) Maximizes it's potential
3) Dreams God's dream

These also follow for individuals. So how can you live it out? James 1:22-24, 26-27 talks about putting words into action "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like" (James 1:22-24). It is easy to talk to the talk but the challenge is to walk to the talk. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Try to be a person who follows through on what they say or what they mean to do. "It's not about proving yourself, but love must show in action" (Kim).

To maximize one's potential you really have to participate. The Church can not run on the work of a few people. It's nice to show up to events but planning is the hardest part. Help out so that those things can happen again. And Pray. Pray is sometimes downplayed but it does make a difference. You don't need to know how to do everything yourself. If you are stuck pray. Ask God for help.

And finally in order to dream God's dream there a couple of things that you must do. For one, don't take yourself so seriously. It's so hard to go through life not knowing what is going to happen next, but when you plan your life out to a tee and something does not go according to plans that does not mean that you are a failure. The worlds does not revolve around you. Like a flower, God will blossom you when the time is right. When frustrated just remember to breathe. And "if you have breath, you have breath to live for God" (Kim). Secondly, surrender to God. Let Him handle things. Many times we want to dictate everything that we do in life, and then we wonder why we fall short. Try to listen and do what He wants you to do. Thirdly, wait and pray. Patience is the hardest thing in the world. Right now we are all impatient wondering what we will do after we graduate, wondering if we'll ever find that right person to spend the rest of our life with, wondering if we can make it out in the real world. So the fourth thing is to just live each day. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (Matthew 6:34). Hug someone.

I think that it was a really good message and it certainly speaks to me. I hope that some of you read this and it makes you think. Please comment and let me know. And if you enjoyed reading this I'll try to keep it up. I am on this soul-searching journey just like the rest of you. I believe that we don't necessarily have to learn from our own mistakes, but we can learn from other mistakes. We are on this journey together. Let's help eachother out.

God is Awesome!

I really have to give praise to God. There was just so much that happened in the past week. So many things that could have gone wrong, but didn't. And it's no coincidence. I don't believe that things just happen. I think that we are given free will to do whatever we want and we are sometimes guided by signs to know what we are supposed to do. Like, have you ever had the sense that someone was following you so you decided to go a different way or slow down and let them pass? Or did you bite your tongue and not say something that you really wanted to say because something just told you to hold it in, and it was really good that you did? Or have you even been involved in a car accident and had you been going 10mph faster you would have been hurt, or if you had not been wearing your seat belt, things would be disastrous? I'm just making up situations but I really feel that God has and always had my back in this journey called life. And it makes me feel good to know that I may be physically alone but I am never alone and I need not be afraid.

Some of you know specifically what I am referring to. I don't want to get into detail so I am being vague. But just remember, for that time when it was a close call and there is no way that anyone could have been involved in you safety, thank God.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year guys!! I am glad to know that some of you are reading my blogger. But let me know. Leave me a comment. So . . . on to new beginnings, eh? I'm excited about the year 2005. I have always been an indecisive person and now comes the oppurtunity where there will be so many forks in the road and we have to choose. We have to make the decisions that will affect the rest of our lives. And some of these roads are one way so once you turn down them there's no turning back. But I'm glad to be moving on. And today was the first day of class. I was kinda excited because I'm actually taking some fun classes and I'm in classes with mostly strangers so I'll get to hear some other people's point of views. Ok well that's all for now. :)

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!!

So much to be thankful for on this blessed day :)

Listen Up

There's this thing that you do. You write x amount of statements to x amount of people and you don't say which one belongs to who and hopefully they will read it and know who you are talking about. I know most of the people that I want to read this won't, but oh well.

1. I don't hate you. It's not in me to hate. I just really dislike you. A lot. And the more time that goes by the more I wonder if I meant anything to you at all as a friend.

2. I'm not obsessed. I just am fascinated, and so I try to learn more. Sorry if it comes off the wrong way. And I am funny.

3. I'm still trying to figure you out. For the most part, you're cool peoples.

4. Trust me. I know.

5. People go their separate ways I guess. I just figured we'd be going the same way. Guess I was wrong. Have a nice life.

6. You're cute. But you're not that cute, so I probably won't be talking to you ever again. Oh well, it's for the best. We weren't really friends anyway, I was just a classmate. You made that pretty obvious over the last year.

7. The phone works both ways. IM works both ways.

8. Happy Birthday!! Hope you had a great time. :)

Wow I feel like I got a lot off my chest. LOL.