Finished "Year of Yes"

So I gave a brutal first pass review of Shonda Rhimes's Year of Yes in the review here. While I still stick to my guns and say the writing style was boring, my book club members point out that it is more self-reflective and there are several takeaways from this book that can be helpful.

Say "yes" to things that scare you. We all have fears, but when those fears get in the way of us reaching our full potential, or become a hindrance, we have to challenge ourselves to tackle that fear head out. Shonda would not be the writer that she was if she did not write controversial stuff, or challenged herself to write 3 shows simultaneously.

Say "yes" to the people that matter. Put your phone down. Get off Facebook. Turn off the tv. Give the people that matter uninterrupted, full-attention time. I'll refer you to another website that I enjoy and how we really don't know how much time we have with people, so we should cherish them while we can. (Here's the link, excuse the fowl language). In the book, Shonda said yes everytime her kid wanted to play. It was only 15 minutes usually, but in those 15 minutes, it taught her kids that she was accessible, and it gave her insight into their world. Parents often wonder why their teenagers don't talk to them or tell them things. Perhaps they were trying to for the past 10 years and you were too busy. Invest the time now and build those relationships.

Say "yes" to no. The lack of a decision is a guilt-ridden passive aggressive no. But it still lingers over you. If you don't want to do something or go somewhere, just say no. Have enough respect for the person asking to not give them a "maybe" when you know you won't, and enough strength in the choices you are making to decide. We make a lot of decisions by not deciding to decide. But it's not purposeful. Just decide. Just say no and move on. Read the book or return/sell it. Work out or get rid of the gym membership. Go to bed early or decide that you don't deserve enough sleep. Say "yes" to conscious decisions by saying no to passive ones.

Say "yes" to being good enough. One of the stories Shonda told was about a school who looked down upon mothers who brought in store-bought goods over home-baked goods. You can feel bad about our parenting skills because you didn't have time to bake 30 kids snacks or you can focus on what really matters: providing a good home environment, feeding your kids, working so that they can have what they need, and spending time with them. If cookies don't fit into your schedule, forego them. People need to learn to stop shaming other people for not being able to do what they did. We don't know our neighbor's struggles or what they do and don't have time for. Women especially, are expected to do it all. As soon as we all realize that we are not, and will never be, perfect, the sooner we give ourselves permission to be good enough.

There are several good pieces of advice in the book, like just accepting a compliment: Don't downplay it, just say thank you and smile. I recommend the audiobook to push through, and extract what's good for you.

I am motivated to say "yes" more. "Yes" to me!

New Beginnings

It's that time again: time that I moved on to the next role and the next location. Only, this time, I moved back home, and I don't have any plans of moving again. It's permanent. Wow, definitely a different perspective than I've had in the last decade. And I am excited. Excited to try all the different things that I may not have wanted to 'commit' to before. So, for the next couple of 'episodes' of my life, I think I'll take you guys on a journey of what it's like moving somewhere and how I start that ball rolling of who I am in this small dot on the globe. Sure, this is home, but home has changed and the people that might have been available now are married, with kids, or have also moved. So it will be a balancing act and trapeze act, and all the good stuff in between.

One of the first things I like to do when I get somewhere new - and yes, I am treating this like a new place - is to first Get Acclimated. So, as much as I love going out and checking out what there is to do, I first need to unpack, get settled, and get my bearings. Even though I'm 'back' let's just say the neighborhood has changed, so, from freeing myself of the dependence of a gps, to finding out which grocery store has the best options for me, those are the little things that really make you comfortable.

Once I'm comfortable driving around, I definitely Look for a Place of Faith; for me a Church. Faith is one of the most important things to me, so to find a place where I belong that is along my beliefs, is invaluable. It is also a great way to meet like-minded individuals. Church shopping, as I like to call it, is a rather tedious and hard process, because you have to be critical of genuinely good places. And it's slow, because you can really only check out a service on a Sunday, but once you find one, it's a really good feeling. And then you can become active and all that jazz.

I love to Reconnect with family and friends in the area I might know; whether it be to catch up over lunch or to meet up and watch a movie. And of course new possible connections through the new job or a new person bringing you out somewhere. I do like to leave the calendar a little open to allow for spontaneity.

There's the whole process to Find a Gym or some other form of active expression; utilizing those free passes to really find one that you like and that you will go to!!! Love my Zumba!

Then there's the Social Scene. Now, this will be different for everyone, depending on your age, what you like to do, and what's available. I love, love, LOVEEEE the website Meetup.com. I should be a paid sponsor the way I talk about them, but it's really a safe and cheap way to meet people that like what you like. I've found out about music concerts, dancing events, festivals, book clubs, and so much more either from joining a group or from meeting someone in a group and getting connected. I am also pretty big into the dancing scene (Salsa) so I find people that like to go salsa dancing or google "Salsa" for my area. And sometimes, this does mean going out alone but if the options are go and find something new, or don't go and stay home and not do the thing you love, I usually opt to try the going out option. If I don't like it, I can always leave.

Which leads me to a point that I have been told many times before: you have a lot of guts to go places by yourself. Hmm, ok, thanks! I guess I don't see it as guts - I'm not fighting war people, but yes, it does take some self-confidence to go into a place where you don't know if you will know anyone, or one where you probably know no one. Take this weekend for example. I saw this event on MeetUp that I wanted to go to. I didn't know anyone, just the 1cm photo of the other members (who never look like their photo when you are looking for them in a dark club). So I'm walking around trying to see someone familiar and it just wasn't happening. Finally, someone that I had met 2 weeks ago at another Salsa event spotted me and kindly invited me to their table (pays to be nice to people!). Now,  if that hadn't happened I would have sat down somewhere (these people don't own the whole table, an empty seat is an available seat), taken off my coat, put on my dance shoes, and made my way to the floor. If I picked the 'wrong' table to sit at and they were mean or made me feel comfortable, I would pick up my stuff and move it, realizing that I don't owe strangers anything. The environment was a very open table style with dance floor in the middle.

By the end of the night, I had danced with several other dancers, made some new connections, and even bumped into some old friends. It was a success!!! But all because I went out and put myself out there. I've had some duds, but you just gotta shake it off (yup, total Taylor Swift reference - don't hate, it's catchy).

So, that's it for now. I still have to continue my Church voyage and find another activity like volunteering or something to feel helpful to my new community. And there are personal goals of cooking, reading, exercising - and basically challenging myself - that I want to achieve. Of course keeping in touch with family and friends. And basically rebuilding.

As daunting as it sounds, it's kinda fun to start over.

Peace Out :)

Low Hanging Fruit

Never go for something just because it's there.

Today's lesson, is about the peach. You see, I don't like peaches. I have never been too fancy for them, and I honestly don't care enough to make it work. There are so many other delicious fruits, that I never really put the energy into discovering all there was about the peach. So I shrugged and went along my merry way. Until the other day, that is. You see, I wasn't even hungry, or maybe I convinced myself I was hungry, but there was no other fruit in sight, or food for that matter, but a damaged peach hanging off a peach tree. It was so close, and the wind was really pushing it further and further down. All I had to do was reach for it; perhaps stand up on my tippy toes and stretch out my arms; but if I wanted to get it I could.

So, why would I even go for the peach, when I don't like to eat peaches? Because somewhere between walking outside and stumbling up to this tree I became convinced that I was hungry, and that this peach would solve my hunger, at least temporarily. And once you convince yourself that you want something that you know you don't really want, it's almost a wrap. It's like going to the store with no intentions of buying anything and seeing that everything is on sale. That my friends, is called temptation. And to make matters worse, you have thoughts from everyone and their cousin telling you that maybe you should give the peach a try. Perhaps you just had a bad peach long time ago and now your taste buds have changed. Maybe if you just go for it you'll end up liking it. What? If I just go for it - you start doubting your own thoughts and wonder what in the world is going on. YOU DON"T EVEN LIKE PEACHES, you keep trying to convince yourself. But soon your stomach is grumbling and verifying that you are indeed hungry, and it doesn't matter if you don't like peaches, it will tide you over until another meal comes along.

And so I got up on my tippy toes and went to grab that stupid peach, because I was hungry and there was food. I reached and reached and reached but the wind would not let up. And alas, I couldn't reach it. I sat down at the foot of the tree and laughed to myself. I didn't want the peach, and I knew it, but I had a weak moment and tried to go for it. And nothing but God, pushed that peach out of my reach.

I sighed a huge sigh of relief. I began to walk away. The peach fell to the ground, but by this time the decision was made. No peach for me!

We all have "peaches" in our lives that we are tempted to take when the going gets tough. Maybe you are on a budget and you keep wanting to buy things you don't need. Or maybe people around you are irking your nerves and you want to do something about it. Maybe, to you, this story really was just about peaches. Whatever it is, we all need to be strong, and when we get a sign that we shouldn't' take the peach, we should stop and listen and take heed. It just wasn't meant to be.

Now, had this been a mango . . . .(kidding)