So I gave a brutal first pass review of Shonda Rhimes's Year of Yes in the review here. While I still stick to my guns and say the writing style was boring, my book club members point out that it is more self-reflective and there are several takeaways from this book that can be helpful.
Say "yes" to things that scare you. We all have fears, but when those fears get in the way of us reaching our full potential, or become a hindrance, we have to challenge ourselves to tackle that fear head out. Shonda would not be the writer that she was if she did not write controversial stuff, or challenged herself to write 3 shows simultaneously.
Say "yes" to the people that matter. Put your phone down. Get off Facebook. Turn off the tv. Give the people that matter uninterrupted, full-attention time. I'll refer you to another website that I enjoy and how we really don't know how much time we have with people, so we should cherish them while we can. (Here's the link, excuse the fowl language). In the book, Shonda said yes everytime her kid wanted to play. It was only 15 minutes usually, but in those 15 minutes, it taught her kids that she was accessible, and it gave her insight into their world. Parents often wonder why their teenagers don't talk to them or tell them things. Perhaps they were trying to for the past 10 years and you were too busy. Invest the time now and build those relationships.
Say "yes" to no. The lack of a decision is a guilt-ridden passive aggressive no. But it still lingers over you. If you don't want to do something or go somewhere, just say no. Have enough respect for the person asking to not give them a "maybe" when you know you won't, and enough strength in the choices you are making to decide. We make a lot of decisions by not deciding to decide. But it's not purposeful. Just decide. Just say no and move on. Read the book or return/sell it. Work out or get rid of the gym membership. Go to bed early or decide that you don't deserve enough sleep. Say "yes" to conscious decisions by saying no to passive ones.
Say "yes" to being good enough. One of the stories Shonda told was about a school who looked down upon mothers who brought in store-bought goods over home-baked goods. You can feel bad about our parenting skills because you didn't have time to bake 30 kids snacks or you can focus on what really matters: providing a good home environment, feeding your kids, working so that they can have what they need, and spending time with them. If cookies don't fit into your schedule, forego them. People need to learn to stop shaming other people for not being able to do what they did. We don't know our neighbor's struggles or what they do and don't have time for. Women especially, are expected to do it all. As soon as we all realize that we are not, and will never be, perfect, the sooner we give ourselves permission to be good enough.
There are several good pieces of advice in the book, like just accepting a compliment: Don't downplay it, just say thank you and smile. I recommend the audiobook to push through, and extract what's good for you.
I am motivated to say "yes" more. "Yes" to me!
Showing posts with label Motivation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Motivation. Show all posts
Monday, February 22, 2016
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Hours of "NO"
It's the beginning of 2016. Who wouldn't want to read a book entitled Year of Yes: How to Dance it Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person, by Shonda Rhimes? THE Shonda Rhimes who has written Grey's Anatomy and Scandal. Shonda Rhimes who owns ABC Thursdays. She has her own hashtag #tgit. You would think that such an amazing writer, would have a killer self-help book. You. Would. Think.
And believe me, my purpose is not to bash her or the book. But I gotta let this out. Because I am ONLY on the 2nd of 6 cds and the only thing keeping my eyes open was that I was driving 60 mph in an automobile. I have to finish this book. I have a book club to run. I suggested this book. People are coming over to my house to discuss this. But Ugh.
First, big ups to audiobooks. I love them!! You can multitask to the fullest and still "read" a book. I don't think I would be as far if I weren't listening to this. Second, it is nice to have the author read the book themselves. They know exactly where to place emphasis and if it were anyone else, you might blame the reader for not conveying the characters. Third, to be fair, I am not finished with the book. It might get better. I'm praying it gets better. But I feel like I have a gist of the writing style and content already from listening to 2 hours of the book.
Shonda Rhimes is a remarkable writer. If she were writing a script or if this were a Lord of the Rings type book, where Tolkien paints detail to an excruciatingly painful level, this would be great. It would make a great movie, because the producer would have to just follow the bread crumb trail clearly written. But this is not a script or a movie. THIS is a book I purchased to motivate me. To convince me to say "YES" instead of "NO"; to take a challenge. Instead, I feel lied to. Like this was just some marketing ploy to get me to spend $20. 2 hours in, I don't think she's offered any helpful advice. Sure, advice is IMPLIED by her actions, but all I hear is - and I know she doesn't mean to do this - I'VE DONE THIS, THEN I DID THAT, SO I SHOULD BE OUTGOING, BUT I'M NOT, SO THEN I DID THIS, AND I WAS SCARED, AND SO I CHALLENGED MYSELF TO SAY YES, THEN I SAID YES, THEN I DID THE SCARED THING, AND HIP HOP HURRAY TO ME. And I'm like, well that was great and all, but where is the "how to" in the TITLE!?!?!
I did like the commencement speech she gave at Dartmouth graduation in 2014 but I felt like I was eavesdropping. It wasn't really directed at me, the reader. I'm waiting for her to explicitly tell me, the reader, some jaw dropping knowledge. But while I wait for it, I shouldn't be bored to tears. The writer of Scandal and Grey's Anatomy should not be boring me to tears when I read her stuff. I am utterly shocked and dismayed. I do not understand how this could be. But then a friend reminded me that the original script is just a suggestion and a lot of production and direction goes into a show. And while she provides the skeleton, there's so much more that make these hit shows hits. Not to trivialize her talent, but it's like night and day y'all.
So, I'm going to keep pushing forward. But only because it's Shonda. Because I know she is an awesome writer, I know that it will get better. Or, at least, I hope very strongly. I want to like this book. I want to support one of the best tv writers in my time. I love to write. I want to support a fellow writer. I want to say Yes to this book.
I want to say Yes . . .
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Lighten Up
Perhaps someone has called you crazy when you tell them your great idea to solve world hunger. Or maybe you had lofty goals of running a half-marathon and your leg cramped up at mile 7. Time after time of these things happening you may think that its just not in the books for you. But the truth is that you need to lighten up the expectations you are setting for yourself and allow yourself to enjoy the ride there. Running a half-marathon with little or no training will absolutely set yourself up for failure. Why must we always try to boil the ocean? The minute you do your research about the training regimen for running long distances, set realistic goals and push yourself to accomplish those smaller, menial tasks, the closer you will be to accomplishing what you though was your impossible. If something has been done before then it's not impossible, but sometimes we think it's impossible for us, aka 'your impossible.'
As part of the #FedUp Challenge, I recently gave up added sugar for 10 days. Now, anyone who knows me knows how much I love candy and small drops of deliciousness. But I really wanted to go ALL IN and give it a try. In my younger years this would have seemed impossible, but today, I realize that it's not that hard, and in the big scheme of things 10 days is not an eternity. So I got some friends to join for support, and set up my menus and for 10 days I gave up things that I normally would have eaten like Ice Cream, and Chocolate, and the occasional Soda. Besides the obvious benefits of living a healthier diet, this really gave me some perspective on what it is to try. People often set lofty goals at the beginning of the year to lose weight or to do more of X and less of Y, but then when you ask them in December what they did to accomplish that it's very vague as to why it didn't work. Perhaps they joined a gym that wasn't realistic to go to after work or they honestly were not willing to do the things it would take to not have all of the foods that they like.
The first thing to Lighten Up is to be realistic. If you want to bike across the country you must first own a bike, and secondly you need to know how to ride it. If you never save money in your budget to buy a bicycle, than you've already sabotaged your plan. But if you give yourself permission to accomplish smaller tasks and not just the main one at large, than you would have the following on your list:
Not only are you making your final goal realistic, but you are also giving yourself tiny milestones along the way that you can feel good about, so you are less likely to say this is 'your impossible.'
The next thing to do to Lighten Up is move quickly from your un-successes. This one is tough because you never want to feel as though you have given up, but sometimes changing the audience or the way in which you do something is the key to moving forward. A person could try to open up several businesses, but if they don't get customers then they are just pouring money down the drain. Starter costs will be incurred in any type of new business, but sometimes your just have the wrong product in the wrong city, targeting the wrong audience. And you have to be ok with trying different techniques, and finally calling it a wash and starting over.
Thirdly, you have to always remember your motivation. You are going to have to do things that you don't like, no matter how much you love your job or task. If you are opening up a dance studio you are going to have to deal with angry parents and learn how to make the financials add up every night. If you are trying to lose weight you will sometimes be sore after a workout. Starting your own business you will lose money upfront. Going back to school, you will have to study again and have homework and tests. Qualifying for the World Cup (which is going on right now!!!) you are going to have to practice more than you've ever wanted to.
Failure is such a dooming word and concept that we are afraid to even START things because they are our impossibles. But if we Lighten Up about how to accomplish these things and stop trying and just do, we will be setting ourselves up for much more success. Never let people deter you from your dreams, and never let fear keep you on the bench. I love Yoda's saying of "There is no try, just do and do not." Make a conscious choice to 'do' and set up realistic ways for yourself to get there. Lighten Up a little and have some fun along the way.
As part of the #FedUp Challenge, I recently gave up added sugar for 10 days. Now, anyone who knows me knows how much I love candy and small drops of deliciousness. But I really wanted to go ALL IN and give it a try. In my younger years this would have seemed impossible, but today, I realize that it's not that hard, and in the big scheme of things 10 days is not an eternity. So I got some friends to join for support, and set up my menus and for 10 days I gave up things that I normally would have eaten like Ice Cream, and Chocolate, and the occasional Soda. Besides the obvious benefits of living a healthier diet, this really gave me some perspective on what it is to try. People often set lofty goals at the beginning of the year to lose weight or to do more of X and less of Y, but then when you ask them in December what they did to accomplish that it's very vague as to why it didn't work. Perhaps they joined a gym that wasn't realistic to go to after work or they honestly were not willing to do the things it would take to not have all of the foods that they like.
The first thing to Lighten Up is to be realistic. If you want to bike across the country you must first own a bike, and secondly you need to know how to ride it. If you never save money in your budget to buy a bicycle, than you've already sabotaged your plan. But if you give yourself permission to accomplish smaller tasks and not just the main one at large, than you would have the following on your list:
- Purchase a Bike (and accessories)
- Learn how to ride
- Map out route
- Join a bike group
- Ride 4-5 miles per day for a month
- Ride 30-60 miles per week for a month
- Stretch, Eat Healthy, and Exercise
- Etc
Not only are you making your final goal realistic, but you are also giving yourself tiny milestones along the way that you can feel good about, so you are less likely to say this is 'your impossible.'
The next thing to do to Lighten Up is move quickly from your un-successes. This one is tough because you never want to feel as though you have given up, but sometimes changing the audience or the way in which you do something is the key to moving forward. A person could try to open up several businesses, but if they don't get customers then they are just pouring money down the drain. Starter costs will be incurred in any type of new business, but sometimes your just have the wrong product in the wrong city, targeting the wrong audience. And you have to be ok with trying different techniques, and finally calling it a wash and starting over.
Thirdly, you have to always remember your motivation. You are going to have to do things that you don't like, no matter how much you love your job or task. If you are opening up a dance studio you are going to have to deal with angry parents and learn how to make the financials add up every night. If you are trying to lose weight you will sometimes be sore after a workout. Starting your own business you will lose money upfront. Going back to school, you will have to study again and have homework and tests. Qualifying for the World Cup (which is going on right now!!!) you are going to have to practice more than you've ever wanted to.
Failure is such a dooming word and concept that we are afraid to even START things because they are our impossibles. But if we Lighten Up about how to accomplish these things and stop trying and just do, we will be setting ourselves up for much more success. Never let people deter you from your dreams, and never let fear keep you on the bench. I love Yoda's saying of "There is no try, just do and do not." Make a conscious choice to 'do' and set up realistic ways for yourself to get there. Lighten Up a little and have some fun along the way.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Blog Action Day 2012 - The Power of "We"
There are a number of organizations to join to make an impact: from AmeriCorps, the Red Cross, United Way, Global Healthy Organization, Junior Chamber of Commerce. But the power of We doesn't stop just by joining another group. An individual can find a way to become a "We" through conscious everyday decisions. For instance, choosing to purchase coffee from companies who use free trade coffee beans, purchasing clothing/objects made in the USA; purchasing local farm grown fruits and vegetables; walking instead of driving; turning off the lights when they are not in use to save energy for others, not wasting water, etc. There are a ton of small ideas that, when done by a ton of people, make a HUGE impact. The key is to do it and encourage others to do it. Publicize WHY you are doing it, and that individual action becomes an action that WE all are doing. Read my earlier entry on "What is Wrong with the World? I AM"
The Power of "We" becomes a lifestyle when you realize that it isn't all about you. I've heard countless times people don't care about saving water or electricity because they 'aren't paying for it.' That couldn't be further from the truth. Just because you don't physically pay for it doesn't mean you won't reap the drama caused by an unnecessary drought because everyone wanted to waste water, or when gas and electric prices go up because you refused to conserve. Maybe it won't even affect you, but somewhere down the line your kids or your kids kids will see the effects of previous generations' waste.
The Power of "We" is about collectively putting efforts toward a cause. Not only through joining groups but facilitating change in our smaller, personal circles. Do something. Or you have no right to complain.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Stop Planning on Doing Things
I am a planner. I love to know what's going on BEFORE I get there, or understanding what is going to be expected of me somewhere down the line, but I think here is where I can learn from my more spontaneous friends. Sometimes we planners are so good at mapping things out on paper - you know, the calendar, the to-do list, and all of the organization that follows - that we are not as skilled at actually doing planned activity. The easiest example is everyone's mad dash to make exercising their new year's resolution. Maybe you'll write down the days of the week that you will work out, and even look up the gym class schedules for Zumba. But all plans fail when they don't get executed. And soon you begin to make excuses - you're hungry, forgot your workout clothes as home, haven't joined a gym, blah blah blah. And the difference between PLANNING and DOING is all about enabling yourself to eliminate those excuses, so that if you consciously decide not to do it, it is because that is what you chose. So, for someone who really wants to work out, well, just keep gym clothes and a granola bar in your car trunk. Then you are consciously deciding to skip the gym each time you drive by and can no longer blame your excuses.
So right now, I am working on those enabling activities that hinder me from doing all the things I plan to do. I'll be the first to admit that I don't like to cook. But that's not the real reason. The real reason is that things don't always turn out perfectly the first time and I am impatient. Well, nothing I can really do to fix the impatience, but what I can do is pick a recipe and follow it from top to bottom. And over time I'll find out what works and what doesn't work. But sometimes as a busy person working it's hard to find the time to cook. And to make the time you need to have the right ingredients. In order to have the right ingredients you need to know what you are making before you go to the store. So, today in fact, I picked out a recipe and bought the stuff I needed. And then I made it (yup, didn't finish until 10pm, but hey one step at a time). To the left are the ingredients I used: vegetable oil, peanuts, cilantro, ground beef, red pepper, soy sauce, egg noodles (couldn't get rice noodles), onion, bouillon.
So, this is just one example where I just had to bite the bullet and get things done, because I've been talking about cooking on Sundays FOREVER, and only know I stopped PLANNING to do it and actually did it.
Part of this realization for the need to DO things is also due to the fact that my time here is short (I'm not being morbid, I am actually moving in 3 months or so [most likely]). And I really want to be able to say that I took advantage of where I am while I was here. I am in a great location, near my friends and family, and there are a lot of opportunities to try new things. I don't want to regret not getting to try something when I had the chance.
With the Olympics coming up too, it's a great time to feel motivated. The Nike motto "Just Do It" seems to have even more meaning right now. So other things that I plan to move from Planning to Doing? Well, my writing for sure!! And it's always motivating to get fellow bloggers support - check out my friend here and show her some love. I want to get this fitness regime back on track. I want to read more, get my apartment in tip top shape and minimize (as I've been talking about for years). I finally want to pick up my ukulele, and of course, step up my cooking game. I think we those things I'll be really excited and enabled to do even more things.
So, my challenge to you - pick 1 thing you want to do this week. And then do it. (Tell someone so that you are accountable). It takes 14 days to break a habit I read somewhere. It all starts with 1 step.
Friday, July 06, 2012
Great Young Professionals Magazine
Bloggers, Check it out:
Higher EleVation Magazine for Young Professionals on the Rise
Great independent magazine with lots of information for the young professional. And yours truly knows the Creator/Editor :)
Higher EleVation Magazine for Young Professionals on the Rise
Great independent magazine with lots of information for the young professional. And yours truly knows the Creator/Editor :)
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Getting to the Gym
Somewhere between the couch, utter exhaustion, and sheer laziness I mustered up the motivation and energy to go to the gym. It's funny actually, because I was planning on going, but what really got me there was anger and spite. Horrible ways to do something, but overall had a great affect.
I just moved into a new place so I've got boxes gallore. My last couple of weekends have been spent driving 5+ hours, so I actually haven't spent too much time at home. Then I started a new job as well and I'm tired when I get home and really don't feel like lifting another cardboard specimen. Add that to the fact that I haven't had constant exercise since Dodgeball (yes, I'm an adult and I played Dodgeball) ended a couple of months ago. So part of me wants to wait until I'm good and settled before making any more major life committments. But then the little person on my left shoulder says that I'm just making additional excuses. Right shoulder: go ahead, relax, it's good to take some time off. Left shoulder: fine, relax. Be a blob; but no complaining when beach time comes. So left shoulder wins and I decide to get my booty to a gym.
I tried running and glamorous boredom keeps that from being a fun activity. Sure, it's much better with a friend, but something was seriously lacking for me. Perhaps I really need a good music playlist to make it fun, but ehhh NEXT. Tennis is always a good alternative, but you really need someone else to do that.
So then I moved and decided that running wasn't going to happen (although it has been GORGEOUS outside). So then I thought, maybe I could just exercise with On Demand. Yeah, motivation is NOT there. So then I am hunting for a gym near my new area - somewhere along the road between work and home. And I found something for a really good price. But then someone suggested another place and it's also along the way home from work.
So on Tuesday, coincindentally the day I was supposed to pick up my Tennis Racquet from the store after being restrung, I decide that I will check out this gym recommended by a coworker. So it happens to be in the same plaza as the tennis place. So I decide to pick up my racquet, since they said it would be ready after 3pm on Tuesday.
So I go to the front of the store to get my racquet and the manager goes to "check." What felt like 10 minutes later he passes by me without saying a word and I'm like "Excuse me, did you get my racquet." He's like, "oohh the guy is just finishing it up. It'll be like 20 more minutes." It only takes 20 MINUTES to string a tennis racquet - they obviously didn't start it and I was pretty annoyed with the guys attitude like I should be grateful they are doing it at all. So I'm pretty mad so I decide I will go cool off and get the gym orientation and come back.
I go to the gym and some lady shows me around. This gym is $15 more per month than the other one and I didn't really see any additional perks to going there. They had a bunch of classes pre-3pm - don't these people work during the day? - so that's no good. And you have to sign up for their night classes, which seems like a pain. So after I went through the orientation I had a free guest pass for a week. I was out the door when I decided - what's my rush? I was still mad about my racquet and figured they could wait another hour. So that began my workout.
So amid anger, exhaustion, cramps, and spite, I. WENT. To. The Gym. hahaha. And then I went again today to try their spinning class (since I have a couple days left on the guest pass). Spinning is also not for me - I found it boring as well. Definitely a challenging workout but those tiny tiny bicycle seats are not made for my 'bodacious booty,' quoting an old friend.
And now I'm on a roll!!
Yay!
I just moved into a new place so I've got boxes gallore. My last couple of weekends have been spent driving 5+ hours, so I actually haven't spent too much time at home. Then I started a new job as well and I'm tired when I get home and really don't feel like lifting another cardboard specimen. Add that to the fact that I haven't had constant exercise since Dodgeball (yes, I'm an adult and I played Dodgeball) ended a couple of months ago. So part of me wants to wait until I'm good and settled before making any more major life committments. But then the little person on my left shoulder says that I'm just making additional excuses. Right shoulder: go ahead, relax, it's good to take some time off. Left shoulder: fine, relax. Be a blob; but no complaining when beach time comes. So left shoulder wins and I decide to get my booty to a gym.
I tried running and glamorous boredom keeps that from being a fun activity. Sure, it's much better with a friend, but something was seriously lacking for me. Perhaps I really need a good music playlist to make it fun, but ehhh NEXT. Tennis is always a good alternative, but you really need someone else to do that.
So then I moved and decided that running wasn't going to happen (although it has been GORGEOUS outside). So then I thought, maybe I could just exercise with On Demand. Yeah, motivation is NOT there. So then I am hunting for a gym near my new area - somewhere along the road between work and home. And I found something for a really good price. But then someone suggested another place and it's also along the way home from work.
So on Tuesday, coincindentally the day I was supposed to pick up my Tennis Racquet from the store after being restrung, I decide that I will check out this gym recommended by a coworker. So it happens to be in the same plaza as the tennis place. So I decide to pick up my racquet, since they said it would be ready after 3pm on Tuesday.
So I go to the front of the store to get my racquet and the manager goes to "check." What felt like 10 minutes later he passes by me without saying a word and I'm like "Excuse me, did you get my racquet." He's like, "oohh the guy is just finishing it up. It'll be like 20 more minutes." It only takes 20 MINUTES to string a tennis racquet - they obviously didn't start it and I was pretty annoyed with the guys attitude like I should be grateful they are doing it at all. So I'm pretty mad so I decide I will go cool off and get the gym orientation and come back.
I go to the gym and some lady shows me around. This gym is $15 more per month than the other one and I didn't really see any additional perks to going there. They had a bunch of classes pre-3pm - don't these people work during the day? - so that's no good. And you have to sign up for their night classes, which seems like a pain. So after I went through the orientation I had a free guest pass for a week. I was out the door when I decided - what's my rush? I was still mad about my racquet and figured they could wait another hour. So that began my workout.
So amid anger, exhaustion, cramps, and spite, I. WENT. To. The Gym. hahaha. And then I went again today to try their spinning class (since I have a couple days left on the guest pass). Spinning is also not for me - I found it boring as well. Definitely a challenging workout but those tiny tiny bicycle seats are not made for my 'bodacious booty,' quoting an old friend.
And now I'm on a roll!!
Yay!
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