Journey Called Life

The Happiness Challenge

2012-01-22T11:15:00.005-05:00

Happy New Year Everyone!!
It is 2012. Wow, I can't believe how fast last year went by. And even now, it's already the third week in January. Craziness.

So sometime last year I stumbled upon The Happiness Project, the book. I was in the bookstore, one of my favorite places, and spotted this really bright blue book. I was in there for a purpose, so I told myself I wasn't allowed to buy any more books; plus I have a waiting list of all the books I'm supposed to be reading. So I wrote the name down in order to look it up later. The book is about doing things that make you happy and getting rid of all the things that do not contribute to you overall well-being. Check out the website: www.happiness-project.com.

I'm sure we can debate on what defines happiness and if there really is such a thing. But to me, The Happiness Project is just like any other list of goals we want to obtain for ourselves, whether or not we articulate it. So, for the new year, I have found that many of the things that I want to do are in line with the happiness challenge from 2010 that I stumbled upon on youtube. So, rather than reinventing the wheel, I've decided (at least for now) to check out the challenge and maybe even follow it. The author - Gretchen Rubin - has posted weekly videos on items inside the Happiness Challenge. And yes, there is one for 2012, but I really like the 2010 one, so I'm going to start there.

I decide to jump right in and start as though I am watching the videos in year they are made. I'm coming on week 4, so I will look at the first 3 weeks and then jump right in. I do need to write more, so I may blog about each of the weeks; we'll see.

So, I've watched the first 4 videos and here's the summary:

Month 1: Get Energized
1. Get more sleep
2. Get more exercise
3. Toss and Organize
4. Tackle a nagging task

Most of these I have already been working on, so great alignment. I definitely need to work on #1 the most. (1) Getting more sleep is so important. I enjoy being up when I know others are asleep. It does make me feel as though I'm getting ahead and getting things done. The truth of the matter is that time is equal whether it's 11pm-1am or 5pm-7pm, so maybe that is one fundamental I will just have to challenge myself with. Getting more sleep for me would mean going to bed earlier. If I go to bed earlier then I will wake up earlier, then I will go in to work earlier, and thus leave earlier, leaving time in the later afternoon to do those things I am doing late at night. In theory this works. In practice, sometimes we leave work at the same time if we get in at 7:30am or 9am, so that will really be a culture change for me. It's ok to leave before 5pm if you got in before 8. I think most young professionals, or maybe just people in general, want to get ALL the work done. And it's really impossible - it will never ALL be done, and it will still be waiting for you when you come in the next day. Work-Life balance is key.

(2) Exercise more. I know this. I used to do so many extracurricular activities in high school. I had the basketball coach yelling at me to run more, run faster, jump higher. I had the volleyball coach yelling at me to run more, run faster, jump higher. And I had phys Ed 2 times a week to learn to run more, run faster, and jump higher. Then you get to college and there is no one yelling at you. you have to motivate yourself. Ok, but that wasn't too bad. I stayed in the dorms and found friends that also missed their coaches yelling at them, so we went to the gym together. We took fitness classes. We ran to our 8am classes (look, I have never been a morning person). And then you graduate from college and your physique is really up to you. So now, years out of structured schooling, and it's time to get back with the program. I'm not in horrible shape, so I don't feel the need to pay a personal trainer to yell at me, but I can motivate myself to get back to the gym. I'm implemented Workout Wednesdays, so at the very least I am doing 30 mins of exercise every Wednesday - no if's, and's, or but's. If I can't make the gym I lay down that yoga mat at home and get to crunching. If I don't want to sweat out my hair I can do toning and stretching. The more excuses we make NOT to do something, the more likely we will get comfortable not doing it. My other pitfall is not being prepared for the gym. Lots of time I will want to go but I might have left my sneakers or clothing at home. And we all know - once you go home, you are NOT going back out!!! (Don't even try to lie to yourself). So I am also keeping a gym bag in the trunk with workout clothes, a lock, lotion, and sneakers. NO EXCUSES!!

(3) Toss and Organize. The story of my life!! I have some much STUFF. I'm still working on minimizing with getting rid of things I don't need. This include physical objects,, as well as negative people. My main source of disorganization is PAPER!! It accumulates so easily. And now with trying to recycle, I have to hold on to it even longer so I can take it to the recycling center. So, I'm working on throwing out papers that do not matter, and filing the important ones. Anything else should just get tossed. I think if I cleared out all the paper in my apartment that was junk, I'd probably clear out 3 full boxes of stuff.

(4) Tackle a nagging task. I have 2 of these facing me right now. 1 is something from work that I have been procrastinating on, and the other is to really get my budget together. The second one is not difficult, it just requires me to carve out a good hour to sit down and crunch the numbers. Probably the contributing factor to that delay is that once I have it in black & white I will have to obey it. My goal this year is to reduce my debt. This means tight spending and minimizing expenses.

Ok, so that's the plan. I will start working on #4, as #'s 1-3 will be in the back of my head. Feel free to join me on this challenge. Comment below on how you are doing, and we can support each other.

(Comments are always welcome - you do not need to sign up to leave a comment)

Not in Kansas Anymore

2011-12-27T01:49:00.004-05:00

I think that the hardest part of life and growing up is change. We get used to how things were and how we like for things to be that we resist the things that naturally have to happen. And before you know it you are wondering where things went astray or why you didn't get to accomplish a certain task.

And as 2011 comes to a close, it is a great chance to reflect on the upcoming changes for the new year. The changing of the physical calendar is a great segway into changing things emotionally; of letting go of things and people that perhaps you have changed from. At the end of the day, when I really want to know if someone is truly my friend, I ask myself this: If my car broke down at 3 in the morning and I was stranded would I feel comfortable calling this person to come pick me up? Of course there are the hands-down you know they would come and get you folks, for whom you are glad to have in your life. And then there are the good friends that you would still feel bad waking them up, but you know that you can call them for help. And then there are those other people that, not only would you have second thoughts about calling, but that you probably would rather not call because 1) they might actually not even offer to help you and 2) it's so much of a last resort that you would just feel so guilty that it wasnt even worth the phone call and you'd rather ask a stranger. I actually realized one of these situations when I was stuck somewhere and planned on taking the bus and a train and walking to get home. The people that I thought would offer me a ride (on their way) home just said "well, I hope you make it" and a person whom I didn't know all that well said "I'll take you." Well that is when you make the readjustment and you realize that people are just selfish and only looking out for themselves, no matter how good friends you THINK they are. If it's not reciprocated, then there is a problem.

Change means getting out of denial and either putting action to your words or just giving in to the fact that some things are just not going to happen. You are not going to earn that degree if you don't even crack the book open and study for your exam. Better yet, if you haven't registered in 3 years, maybe subconciously, it's not really on your to do list. 2011 was the year to get things done, and I feel like 2012 is the year to see them into fruition. Change means letting go of ideas that were once true, but are now looking pretty false. Change means asking for help, since your way is not working, or just admitting that maybe you were wrong. It also means realizing the change that you hoped to see in someone else may not happen, and you should just accept them or leave them as they are.

No one is perfect. Change is realizing that and truly accepting it. And as everyone makes New Year's Resolutions yet again, change means doing something differently. If you wanted to work out 3 times a week and that lasted all of 2 months, then try plan B of getting a dog and walking the dog. Change is getting the chance to be creative and just doing it.

So, I have a personal vow, to do things differently next year. I'm excited to try things in a different light. The first task I want to accomplish is a continuation of this years': minimalize. Clearing out physical and inanimate objects will leave room for so much more . . . free space, no pun intended. Haha, ok definitely intended. After that, it will be so much easier for the rest to fall into place.

Another personal goal will be announced in a couple of months. I've started a new venture, and I'm really excited about it.

So, yes, we are not in Kansas anymore. We are somewhere else, and we have to change our game plan. And for once, that's A-OK with me.

Photo Credit: http://www.hotrodsbikeworks.com/features/0804_hrbp_route_66_through_kansas/photo_18.html

Taking Closure back

2011-11-02T23:36:00.003-04:00

Closure is not something that is given to you, but rather it's something that you take. I think that recently this was brought to my attention as I was talking about how a particular event made me feel. Some things happened over several months/years/what have you, that made me feel discarded and rejected. And as much as I tried to explain this to the party causing me these feelings, the pleas fell upon deaf ears. Or maybe they were listening, but they just didn't care. And there is the key that I missed.

Sometimes we wait and wait and wait to get closure. We think that if we can get the other person to apologize, or to accept our apology , or when we tell the other person we forgive them, that we can gain closure. But all of those actions require active participation on the other side. And sometimes the story does not end up with a happy ending. Sometimes the other party involved does not care to give you the time of day to explain the situation or to hash things out. And in those situations, the only way to get closure is to take it. Because waiting and waiting is foolish when you know you are waiting indefinitely. At times we think we are waiting for a short period of time, but when that time gets to be too long, it is time to close things up yourself.

I wish that the people that I am talking about knew how I felt, but the truth is that they don't. The truth is that I am done waiting for them to give their page of the story so I can put the chapter away. I just have to write around their parts and leave it as is. But also knowing that that particular chapter of my life is done. The hard part is accepting the fact that sometimes God places people in your life for a single purpose - and when that purpose is fulfilled there was no intent of maintaining those relationships. Some people were your best friends in high school or college and that was their purpose. 10 years later you may not talk to them, and that's ok because they were only in Chapter 1 of your book. By the time you get to Chapter 3, there are different characters. Some people maintain a reoccurring role, while some disappear, and even others leave the story completely and somehow make it back in.

The tricky part is figuring out who are the people worth fighting for and who are the characters that are meant to fade into the background. Anyone that causes you pain or tears and is not a positive addition to your life, is probably someone that was there for a temporary time period. Perhaps they taught you something in the way that they acted or the things that they did. Closure is identifying that your time is too valuable to WASTE with people that do not value you. Sometimes the people we need to be reaching out and talking to are the people that would do the same for us if the roles were reversed.

Everyone can be in your audience, but a select few get to be in the front row (paraphrasing Rev. G. Ross)

Photo credit: http://www.fotosearch.com/BLD060/bld013873/

Interim Post - New Song

2011-10-18T00:23:00.001-04:00

I haven't written in a while, so in the meantime here's a song that I like:

"If I Die Young" - The Band Perry

Well, I like the beat and everything. It's a bit morbid, but pretty vocals.

Warrior Dash 2011

2011-08-03T23:50:00.003-04:00

There's no real way to describe the events I'm about to tell you about. I will do my best, but unless you were there, and you tried it yourself, you probably won't really understand. Sounding like an exclusive club . . . yes, of Warriors.

Ok I'm going to recount this for you play by play so you can add your own theme songs; wipe black lines under your eye; and get your meanest groan on. In 3 . . .2 . . .1 . . .

"Dude!!! There's like 500 people here!!" We got off the shuttle bus to find hundreds of people surrounding this luscious land, either just having finished the race, about to start, or enjoying the warrior festivities like eating a huge turkey leg without any silverware. We picked up our registration, turned in our waivers - basically giving all rights to sue for injury - away, dropped off our gear, and mentally psyched ourselves up. We were among the marginal group of crazy folk, actually volunteering to run a 3.5 mile obstacle course of shear torture, lol. Well, at least it wasn't hot outside - it was damp and looking like it was about to rain.

My friends and I all lined up near the Start line; well, as near as we could get, with about 100 people in any given wave. And we waited. No one had a watch or cell phone because you knew it would get muddy. You wore just the bare essentials. People had on costumes, crazy decorations on their body, hats, you name it. All in the name of good fun. We're grunting and continuing on like warriors, but little did we know. Grabbed some before pictures and then the countdown began. They counted from a muffled 10 to 3 . . . 2 . . .1 . . . and a loud horn sounded. Everyone pretended to run because there were about 99 people in your way, so you are really at a comfortable walk/jog. We walked/jogged through the dirt as our competitors moved up fast out of our way; and we completed our first obstacle of Muddy Mayhem. Not so bad, we thought. This dash may just be a piece of cake. We continued on to Crusader's Castle, basically a great bottleneck to break up the crowd. It looked like a Castle and fort from back in the hay day.

Not too shabby Warrior Dash, not too shabby. At this point I'm making goals for next year to run more and thinking - I may just do this again. This isn't that bad. What was all the hooplah about? Sheesh. Then we get to this stage in the middle of the woods that we have to crawl under. They called it Blackout. The ends have been covered with black cloth and you can't see, so you are just crawling through dirt and leaves and branches. This is the first really strenuous semi-warrior-like activity. Within a minute we're moving to the next one. Go TEAM!!

And then there was Teetering Traverse. Planks of wood running up and down about 3 feet lay before us. Going up wasn't so bad, but going down was very scary. "Must not fall, Must not fall" is what everyone is repeating to themselves. Obstacle number 4 complete. By now we are seeing how they weed out the fast and the slow. I'm not worried about time though. My only goal was to finish. Running to the next obstacle was tons of fun. We ran through 2 feet of mud, grabbing at shoes and dragging people down. Left and right pre-warriors were falling. When someone fell I tried to get in front of them so I at least knew I wouldn't be in last place (horrible, I know, but you gotta do what you gotta do . . .). I run to Barricade Breakdown and see a series of wooden fences to jump over, followed by barbed wire to crawl under. How bad can this be? I see them do it in movies all the time. Yeah, so these walls were 5 or 6 feet tall, so you really had to push yourselfs up with your arms (I was really impressed with my flexing muscles, lol) then propel your leg over. Yeah, after doing this once or twice it gets real old, real quick. I think we had to do this like 6 times. So your arms and legs are a bit sore and then you must continue running. Yes, run run run, that's all everyone was doing.

I did misspeak earlier - my goals were to 1) Just to finish and 2)Not be the last person. Tunnels of Terror wasn't so bad - basically crawling inside 3ft wide tubes. I did forget about the whole crawling one time and I bumped by head. Luckily it was dark, so I don't think anyone saw. By this time I was on my own - I told my pre-warrior friends to go on without me. I was doing the at-my-own-pace-and-dont-yell-at-me-to-go-faster race. Baby steps people, baby steps, lol. So I'm running and wondering what the next obstacle is when it hits me. Neck-height string was taut between the trees and it was like that scene in Ocean's Eleven with all the lasers and he's trying to grab the jewel in the middle. Remember that? That was an awesome scene. Ok, so I digress; Arachnophobia, as it was called was tricky, but a good time.

As you can see my recounts can get pretty wordy so I'm just briefly touch on Deadweight Drifter, Rio Run, and Slithering Swamp. We ran through the stream with trees and brances and logs in the way, jumping over them to get to our destination. Some trees had like thorns sticking out (ouch, yes it did catch me) so you had to be careful which side to jump on. Plus like I said you had 99, ok, honesty by this time, 20 people breathing down your neck to get out of their way. Then we ran through 4 feet of water to the other side. It was actulaly a nice break and nice way to cool off. Oh, and by run, I mean enjoy the scenery and walk really fast. That of course made the following dirt path all muddy, so you are watching the ground trying not to slip and bust up your ankle like the girl we saw in line when we were dropping off our gear and she was picking up hers. Definitely a helpful remider to be careful.

And then, yes this deserves its very own paragraph. And then you get to the Great Warrior Wall.

It's bringing back bad memories, I might have to write this rather quickly.

So, yes, the Great Warrior Wall. You are running and running, and doing even more running. And you glimpse some barricade out of the corner of your eye, but you really have no idea what it is you are about to do until you reach it. Then you get there. There stands about a 20 ft high wall of wood. There is a rope with a couple of knots in it and pieces of wood sticking out for foot support. Your shoes are muddy from running in all the water and then dirt. I back up and try to pick my spot. I'd like a good spot that I can take my time. I'm also watching to see what other people are doing. That doesn't look so bad, I think to myself. I got this!! Well, I grab on to the rope and realize how slippery everything is. Wow, who thought of doing this with all this mud on your feet? Anyhow, when in Rome, plus I wanted to finish each obstacle. I didn't want to skip any - then I wouldn't really earned my warrior hat. So I grab on again and hoist myself up. After 2 knots I pretty much have to finish or it's a long way down. . I get to the top and am wondering how in the world to get to the other side. You have to swing your leg over and at some point let go of the rope - the only thing between you and the ground. I stayed on top of the barricade for some time trying to figure out which body position would work. If I swung my leg over but didn't have a good grip I could slip. If I let go with my hand and tried to swing my leg over I might miss the footstep. It was a mess. Needless to say there were only two options down - either I fall, or I climb. So I sucked up all the gusto I had that made me sign up for this crazy race in the first place and swung my leg over, holding on for dear life. Then I climbed down. I definitely did a little Rocky jump with the hands in the air when I got to the ground. Of course, there wasn't too much time for celebration as I ran to the next obstacle.

The last leg was a bit of a run or jog/walk depending on who you ask. Then we have a Cargo Climb with a huge rope net. Then we got to jump on top of junkyard cards in Road Rage. We were almost at the finish line and crawled through mud water, under barbed wire and on top of sharp pebbles that hurt your knees and hands.

Finally, I ran and jumped over two fire pits in the Warrior Roast; crossed the finish line; and took a victory picture with my Warrior friends.

That, my friends, is Warrior Dash. I don't know that I'd do it again - not sure it meets my safety standard, but definitely a fun time, and something to cross off my to-do list.

-Warrior Mokah

Decorating Temporary Spaces

2011-07-31T23:15:00.009-04:00

For those of you that rent, you may find these tips helpful.

I love renting. You stay in a place for a year or two, then you move somewhere else. You get a change of scenery, even if you stay in the same city/town. You can try different layouts, and it is somewhat of an art to work with different spaces. The challenge, however, is decorating a place that isn't yours. Depending on your lease, and the agreement you have, you may or may not be able to paint, but let's face it, why paint if you know you are moving soon? Then you just have to paint it back, and from someone who has literally moved over 10 times, the only thing you want to do when you are moving out is get your stuff into the new place and hand in the old key.

So, in my last apartment I discovered these temporary stickers from Linens 'N Things (before they went out of business). They are reusable, as long as you stick them back onto the wax paper they came on, and you can easily move and readjust them. I took them off the old wall, and brought them to my current apartment.

Like most apartments, I had boring creme-colored walls. I can't paint (or I don't feel like looking through the fine print to see if I can) but I need my personality to shine through the drabness. So I started playing with these circles in my bathroom. There were different sizes, so I just made a artistic border around the vanity mirror. The picture is a little dim, but it really makes the bathroom pop.

I took these same dots and decided to create a point of interest [for the eye] in my bedroom. I placed dots above the closet space, to add some color to the wall, and I followed the same color motiff by the curtains, to draw your attention. The one trick is to do not overdo it.

I also learned how to powerdrill and drilled in that curtain rod - not an easy feat, I tell you. But I wanted to be able to hang curtains. I know I will end up patching that hole before I leave, but it makes the room feel home-y to have curtains up. I was a little disappointed after hanging the curtains, because it still felt like the wall was missing something, and adding the dots has had a nice effect, but adding a colorful border.

Lastly, I bought some decals (RoomMates Peel & Stick Wall Decals) at A.C. Moore on Friday and I couldn't wait to hang it up. I pretty much copied the suggested layout and put that over my bed, and I love the way it looks. There were additional flowers, but I thought it was a little much, so I decided to add it to the living room, over the couch.

Decals are a great way to spruce up a place and they are so easy and fun to add. There are plenty to choose from, so I definitely suggest using them. And if you can be creative and put them on creative spaces, more power to you.

Lastly, I got a roll of peelable color at A.C. Moore, yup, there was a clearance sale when I stopped by. And I bought this yellow roll. I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do with it but it looked like something I could work with. I wasted a couple of feet trying to make something artsy, but I decided to just insert a splash of color on the creme-colored area between the closets. I just went with it and starting laying it on the wall (It took two strips, overlapped). And I ended up with this:

Voila! I think it adds a funky fresh face to the wall, and it makes me happy to look at. I could potentially have gotten a lot of rolls and tried to color a small space, but I really think less is more in this case. I like checking out this bloggers page: http://lovinglivingsmall.com/ for additional ideas on small spaces.

So, have fun with it, and if my tips helped you leave me a comment!!

Clearing my Head

2011-03-15T22:29:00.005-04:00

I love times of renewal. There are two times a year when I feel as though I have the chance to start over. One is New Year's for obvious reasons of physically starting a new year. And the second is the season of Lent. During this somber period of reflection, it's a pivotal time to really take a good look at within and come out a better person. So one of the things I've been "trying" to do for the past couple of months is to minimalize and life a simpler lifestyle.

Minimalizing consists of not only minimizing the amount of material objects one possesses, but also on continuing that effort in other aspects of your life. Really thinking about if you need something or if you just want it. It's a more sustainable way to live, it's very cost effective, and it's a lot less stressful than having a lot of "junk."

Over the years I have noticed people and their stuff. The one question I sometimes ask (sometimes silently) is "Where is all your stuff?" And some people just don't have "stuff" laying around. It's a foreign concept for me. But it makes total sense. You know how much money I could save if I got a smaller apartment? Or if I was able to move more easily and not have to have movers and such? How many times have you NOT moved or NOT gone somewhere because of the hassle of carrying so much weight around. I'm not as drastic as some, but if you are really interested check out the Time Article on the 100 Thing Challenge.

Anyhow, I digress. What I want to accomplish this year, and it's getting a true kickstart over the next 40 (minus 7) days is to clear my life, and by life I mean apartment, and by apartment I mean space, and by space I mean head. Physical clutter and just this attitude of having to hold on to "stuff" is a burden. And to be free of it is an awesome feeling (I hear). I think that physically clearing the clutter and getting rid of the junk will allow for emotional clutter to be cleared. How many times have we not done something because "well I need to clean" or "I need to finish this book before I do that(the book that sits under the pile of other books you haven't read because you were busy looking for a thumbtack in a pile) ." I think part of the mystery of why we continue to have clutter is the fear of not having anything to hide behind. Then there are no excuses as to why we are not doing something. There's ample room, ample time, and ample everything else that we could possibly use to delay the one thing that we actually need to do.

I've got a lot planned that I need to take care of, like 30 books before 30, getting published, writing that which can be published, completing Warrior Dash, and some other personal goals. So I don't have time to waste looking for the same papers all over again, and digging through piles to find a business card. The time is now. Life is too short. So, with the aid of books like Throw Out Fifty Things (Blanke, Springboard Press 2010), blogs, and prayers, I hope to start making moves. "You can't move forward into the future when you're constantly sucked back into the past"(Blanke).

The time is now!!

See you on the flip side!

As always comments are loved. No registration required.
Image credit: http://emotionalclutter.com/

BBD - The Fall of Man

2011-01-25T22:31:00.006-05:00

I've decided to start a series called the Bible Broken Down, or BBD for short. It will really be my thoughts and commentary on things I am learning as I get more involved with studying the Word of God, aka The Bible. Even if you aren't Christian, it may give you summaries of things that we believe, so feel free to peruse. Questions/comments on beliefs/theology are welcome, as long as they are respectful. A strong foundation can withstand any question. And I'll do my best to answer or give my opinion. Just keep in mind that I am no theologian.

Ok, so just an explanation for those who may not be familiar - The Fall of Man refers to that instance where everything just went downhill. You may have heard the story of Adam & Eve: Eve gets tricked by a snake to eat the forbidden apple, shares it with Adam, God finds out and banishes them from the Garden of Eden. From that day forward Man is cursed. It feels like everyone always blames Eve. Adam represents men and Eve represents women, so we've been fighting for ions, lol.

I am recapping a great discussion we had tonight. Above is the abbreviated version that we are used to hearing about Adam and Eve. But let's just look at this a little bit further. Some of what I learned tonight was pretty surprising, because I had never looked at it that deeply.

So God creates the world. He makes light, water, animals, you name it. When you get to Genesis 1:27 (NIV version)

So God created man in his own image

God creates man. He doesn't yet have a name, but we later find out it's Adam, so I will call him Adam. God tells Adam

Genesis 1:29
"I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground - everything that has breath of life in it - I give every green plant for food." And it was so.

So Adam has it made. He can eat anything he wants. He's the only human around. Him and God are chillin.' God then made the Garden of Eden and he put Adam there to work it and take care of it.

Genesis 2:16
And the Lord God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die."

The establishment of rules and boundaries. Now where was Eve? This was an interesting question that was asked. Because I guess I assumed that Eve was around when God originally said not to eat the forbidden fruit. But nope, Eve hadn't even been created yet. Eve does not come into existence until Genesis 1:22. Moving right along to the next chapter we are hearing the conversation between the serpent and Eve.

Genesis 3:1-3
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden' ?" The woman said to the serpent "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it or you will die.' "

Ok, a lot just happened right there. First of all there is no text surrounding how Eve found out the rule about not eating the forbidden fruit (fruit, not necessarily an apple by the way). We almost have to assume that Adam told her because God never said she couldn't touch the fruit. Adam might have added that in - he's like, hey don't eat from that tree, matter of fact, just don't touch it. Sometimes we just want to get our two cents in when we should just leave it be. Next Eve is talking to a serpent, not a snake slithering on the ground. It wasn't strange to her that she was having this conversation so the serpent probably resembled her or something that could comfortably hold a conversation with an upright person.

So then the serpent is trying to trick Eve. See, he's already playing on the fact that she is tempted to taste the forbidden fruit. It's the human instinct - as soon as someone tells you don't touch this or don't do that or don't EAT that, that is exactly what you want to do. Even though they had EVERY other fruit and tree in the world.

Genesis 1:4-7
"You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened...

The serpent is manipulating what Eve says that God said to make her doubt herself. He may have touched the fruit to show that it didn't kill him and if one part of her statement was false, then probably the other part is as well. He's trying to get her to see the unfairness is not being able to have that knowledge. He is prodding her temptation. She wants to taste the fruit, c'mon who wouldn't want to know what the one thing in the world you are not allowed to have tastes like? And where is Adam? The text says that he was with her. Why did he know stop her from talking to the serpent? Or why, oh why, did he taste the fruit? Because he also wanted to know what this fruit tastes like and he just saw his wife taste it. What's the harm, right? Even though God who has given them everything and directly told him not to. He is going to listen to his wife, who was being tricked by a serpent.

And as soon as Adam eats the fruit they realize that they have done something wrong - this is their eyes opening. The begin to know the difference between good and evil. Before they were living in pure utopia, where they didn't have a care in the world. And so the curse begins. God is furious and he calls for Adam - Where are you? Adam tells Him he was hiding. God asks him if he ate from the tree. And he says

Genesis 3:12
The woman you put here with me - she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it."

Talk about throwing under the bus! Not only does he just put it all on Eve, he blames God too - 'if you hadn't put that woman with me . . .' So if you continue reading the rest of Chapter 3 you will see that God curses the serpent and makes him crawl on his belly (now he is a snake). To the woman he increased pains in childbearing. And to Adam man is cursed to work the land.

Genesis 3:19
"...By the sweat of your brow will you eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; from dust you are and to dust you will return."

(Where we get the expression 'ashes to ashes' that they say at funerals.)

So recap:
God creates the world and then makes man. He puts man in the Garden of Eden and tells him to take care of it, only not to eat from the tree in the middle; everything else was his choosing. God creates woman from man. Man apparently tells Woman about the rule with the tree. Serpent asks Woman if she can't eat anything in the garden. Woman says, "no we can eat everything but from that one tree. " "That one tree? Really? Why is that?" Woman says "if we eat or touch it we will die." Serpent convinces her that that's not the case. Woman eats fruit from tree and gives to Man. Man, knowingly, eats the fruit. God finds out and it's a wrap. Cursed is the serpent, Woman, and finally Man. Man and Woman kicked out of the Garden of Eden, and from reaching the Tree of Life. This is the Fall of Man.

Ultimately it looks like God blames Adam a bit more because he was the one He had directed on eating the fruit. He still holds the serpent and Eve accountable, but from that day forward Adam and Eve were banished from the Garden of Eden and never allowed to eat from the tree of life.

There's lots more that could be discussed, but I just wanted to share some of the interesting points we discussed. Hope you enjoyed!

Image taken from http://www.socksoff.co.uk/walls05.html

The Tutor's Dilemma

2011-01-22T23:55:00.010-05:00

First of all STANDING OVATION to all the teachers out there!! You guys are shaping our future, and it is definitely not easy.

Easy is an understatement. Here's my story:

I signed up to tutor as a volunteer through my church. You don't really find out too much about the student, just their name and what grade they are in. So we had our first session and I met with him and his mother. We'll call him Daniel. So he's a 13 year old in the 6th grade.

Week One - we reviewed his progress report and looked at the subjects he was having trouble in. I asked that they bring books or homework next time so that I know what types of things he's doing in school.

Week Two - No books or homework. This kid comes empty handed to tutoring. Ok, this is mind boggling to me, because what exactly am I supposed to tutor you in kiddo? So somehow he said he was taking Spanish class, so I started doing basic Spanish with him. We practiced counting to 20 and telling time. This gets a little tricky because I wasn't sure how much he had learned, so I really wanted to help with things he was learning in school, rather than teach him more advanced things.

Around this time I started venting to my friends. I was encouraged to not give up on this little inner-city at risk youth, because I could be the one that helps him. And someone asked me - "What does he want to do when he grows up?" and I had no clue. I guess I hadn't bothered getting to know him and what he wanted to do. Note to self.

Week Three - Still no homework or books. Honestly, at this point I was pretty ticked off. I'm driving out of my way to help this little brat and he doesn't have any homework or books with him. Seriously? So we do some more math that I make up, but I'm not really feeling like I'm helping him because I have no idea if he's even learning this stuff in school. But keeping in mind with what others had suggested I started asking him questions about what he wanted to do when he grew up. Of course - he wants to play basketball (Why is this every little Black boy's dream?? argggg). I asked him what position he plays and he told me center. Well he must have short classmates because he wasn't that tall. So I ask him what else he likes "I don't know" - the all too common line I was soon to hear for weeks.

Week Four - It's a new year. I want to start fresh and put back what happened behind us (I was pretty upset with his mother for not sending him with homework/books/etc). So we meet and he FINALLY has brought some work!! I was holding in my joy and giggles until I saw that he was a handout that the substitute teacher gave out. Oh well, this is what we work on. So it's an assignment about the life cycles of animals and plants. I made him read the page out loud and then we STRUGGLED to answer the questions. Each time he writes down something he puts the pencil down, as if he doesn't know that he needs to finish the WHOLE page. And then he's guessing. You remember in 6th grade how the answers were in the paragraph; you just had to find the sentence that had the question in the form of a phrase. So we go to answer the questions and he's saying words that sound like they would be the answer and looking up at me for confirmation. So I tell him to stop guessing and if he's not sure he should reread the paragraph. So that was a grueling hour. All the while he's giving me this attitude like I don't want to read this; I don't know the answer; I don't want to be here. At some point he says I want to do Spanish and I say well you did not bring any Spanish homework, so we are going to work on what you brought. (My tone here is merely frustration. I was nicer to the kid).

Week Five - We had a week cancelled due to the snow, so this was this past Wednesday. I had told his mother he was not cooperating so nicely, so she decided to sit in on the tutoring session. I know she meant well, but I'm not sure it was the best idea. Firstly we had actual 6th grade homework - math word problems, so for the first time I actually know what he's working on. Secondly, his mom had given me a workbook to work on with Daniel whenever we had spare time. So the word problems are not that difficult, but again I'm not sure how the teacher does it so hopefully I'm not confusing the kid. The problems are as such:

There were thirty airplanes in the sky that day. Four-fifths of them were blue. How many were not blue?

So there are two ways to do that problem. We know that 1/5 are not blue, so take 30, divide by 5, and you get 6. But there's another way. 30 times 4/5 would be the number of blue planes (24), so then 30-24 is the number that is not blue = 6. Anyhow, this is just an exercise in interpreting the problem into numbers and then doing the math. So I walked Daniel through the problem, always making him write on his paper. So after 3 problems you would think he would kind of get the hang of it. Nope, not really. And at this point I don't know if he really just doesn't get it or is it because he's not trying. Mind you it doesn't help that his mom is there also answering the questions (out loud) and then he repeats what she says. I would silently shake my head at her and then continue to ask him the question. And then she would tell me that he's lazy and I really don't like people talking about their kids right in front of them. So I respectively nod and go back to the kid and say ok let's try this. I will have to talk to her about that on the phone.

Anyhow, he tried so many excuses to not do the work. He asked to go to the bathroom. Normally I would say yes but his mom was there so said "no, you can go when you are finished." I noticed that he did not use the restroom before they left to go home, so it had been just another tactic (Note to self). He was constantly rubbing his eyes and leaning back in his chair like he had better things to do. And then he mumbled to himself, but loud enough for us both hear, "I don't want to be here."

So that's where I am with this kid. I'm not vested. I could stop tutoring him anytime I want, but I really feel like there's a way to get in and then once that happens it will be better?

So I posted on facebook that I needed my teacher-friends' help. Here are some of the tips I got:

A couple comments on how you can't tutor someone that doesn't want to be tutored
True, but little kids/teens need to be guided. They don't know what they need yet, so just because they don't want to do their homework doesn't make it an option. In college you can choose not to do your homework, you're an adult
Find out what he's interested in and related the schoolwork to that
Great idea. So I know he likes basketball and skating. More on that later, I thought of a possible activity
Search online for information. Maybe he's afraid of failure. Try books at the library. Also, you could try talking to the teachers
Great ideas!! So I looked online and found some interesting videos and games that we could play (assuming I can get WiFi on my laptop at the church. Or at least I could suggest the websites to his mother. I probably wouldn't talk with his teacher, since that is really something his mother should do. I was also able to find curriculum of schools in this state (not necessarily his school) and that was very helpful to see what they are learning in other subjects
Disguise learning into games
We are on to something people!!
Relate it to rap
Ok mad respect to the teachers on TeacherTube.com. I found some hilarious stuff on there. And then I saw some videos from School House Rock - do you guys remember that? That was great, so I will definitely be utilizing some videos. As for me and rapping about fractions? Ha! We'll have to see about that.
Offering Rewards
I will consider this but it becomes iffy when I'm buying things. I could give him fake money each time he gets something on his own; then at the end of the school year if he has enough fake money he can have a basketball or something? I think those are only 10 bucks or so. (Although this is a whole different topic on bribing kids to succeed; when does it become hurtful?)
Another friend suggested I showed him "Scared Straight," a tv show that used to take juveniles into prisons and basically have the inmates rough them up and scare them.
I watched a couple of the episodes and well, wayyyyyyyy too much profanity so unless I find a censored version, I won't be able to do that.

So I love that so many people gave me their ideas. I did some more research online and came up with some other options. Tell me what you think - I will be using some of these this next Wed.

He doesn't want to do his homework. He wants to play video games and basketball. So how about I pull a reverse psychology Bill Cosby trick and tell him ok, then we won't do homework today. If you want to be a basketball player you have to practice for hours a day. And then take him outside (well I'll watch him from the inside) and have him practice dribbling for an hour with his left hand in the cold. (muhahahahah. Ok sorry, not but really this is an idea).
I made a list of jobs that I found online (These are all powerpoint slides I made).
There are about 5 jobs on the list that you don't need a high school diploma for - because if he doesn't finish 6th grade he won't get into high school. Working at McDonald's or serving tables or driving a taxi cab. Max salary is about $23,000/yr. So then I'm thinking I show him that list. Then show him some cars that he might want to drive when he's older. Lastly I ask him to choose where he wants to live and he can choose the type of dwelling space. The whole point is to show him that he needs to make more money to buy the that he likes, and in order to do that he has to finish 6th grade. If that's not as tangible then I was going to have him furnish his house and go through IKEA ads and stuff so that he could pick out his furniture and decorations. We'd also go through the grocery circulars and maybe that would help him realize how much stuff costs.

The next idea was to pretend he was a high-paid basketball player and give him fake checks for $500,000. Then I tell him that 1/5 of that money goes towards his agent and he gets to keep the rest. Then he makes out a check to the agent. When he forks it over and gets it wrong I show him how even if he's a basketball player people can steal from him if he doesn't know basic math. If he says then he'd do it in his calculator then I whip out the calculator and hand it to him. If he says that he'd hire someone to check the numbers then I would tell him that they would steal from him too and there's no way for him to check it.
Lastly I can show him the youtube videos and raps on fractions, although that might not work if I can't get onto the internet at Church. So I don't want to count on that.
Additionally, I think there are some things he can do at home that would help, but I don't want to offend his mother. For one, when I was in 6th grade I got to watch tv for an hour and then I had to do my homework. If he's not doing his homework then he should not have privileges such as playing video games, watching tv, or talking on the phone. I don't think his mom can check his homework (which is a downside) but she can at least see that he shows his work.

Ok that's if for now. Let me know what you think I should do for Wednesday. And I'll keep you guys informed of how this goes. Hopefully he will not be a statistic and we can reach him!

Senseless violence

2011-01-09T21:48:00.003-05:00

After yesterday's shooting in Tucson, Arizona, aimed at assassinating Congresswoman Gaby Giffords, six people were killed and Giffords is in critical condition after being shot in the brain. Democracy was happening at the time of the shooting, with a community meeting with the Congresswoman and local citizens.

They have a suspect right now, and are investigating.

The only thing I want to say is that the freedom of speech is not only about saying whatever you want, but also having to peacefully listen to others. And this is an example of how someone who doesn't agree with a bill being passed or political views (I presume) took violent measures to make their point. That is not what the 1st amendment is about. That is not what democracy is about.

Condolences to all those affected.

2011: I dare you to Live

2011-01-08T01:31:00.005-05:00

Happy New Year!! It is 2011. For some reason I am super excited to be starting a new year. Why is that? I think it's because of all the new things that the flipping of the calendar entices. That the old year is finally behind us and whatever did not get done can be forgotten and we start over.

Take the plunge. To me, 2011 is about trying more things that you've never tried before; to challenge oneself; to possibly walk across your own personal tightrope, 1000 fee up in the air.

2010 was great and I tried a ton of things from oil painting, to building a bridge, to starting a new job, to putting myself out there on the love front, to letting go of things that were not necessarily beneficial to me and to learning how to say no (You can't do everything and go everywhere).

So I was reading Melanie's blog of things she has learned as she is turning 30 and it was a great list. It reminded me of all the knowledge I had picked up in the last year. The life of a twentysomething is very unique. You still get away with acting young and childish, but at the same time you have not yet reached your full potential and you know it. You know that there is a ton out there awaiting you, you just have to go and get it. Well, there's something umm, let's see, "special" about turning 30. It's not like there will be a drumroll and everyone gasp's saying "wow, she's 30," but there is definitely a HUGEEEEEEEE difference between 29 and 30. So us twentysomethings enjoy the fact that we are still young enough to do what we want before this wretched number. Well I'm not 30 yet, no where near it as far as I am concerned, but it is an ever present reminder that now is the time to get things done, to make moves.

There are a ton of things that I plan on working on this year, some of which I choose to keep blogless. One thing I will share, that has been an ever present theme over the last 2 years is about people. I have trouble moving on from people. A friend of mine reminded me that everyone comes into your life for a reason, and not all of these reasons are permanent. There were people that you met that you were meant to be close to in high school, college, grad school, work, social activities, Church, the gym, etc. And perhaps you had a great relationship with them at the time, but things change and it's ok to not have that same relationship when one of you moves on or has a major life change. It makes logical sense, but for some reason this was a very hard idea for me to grasp. I've been holding on to some things or getting mad about them, when really I should just reflect on the good times, appreciate those, and get on with my life. So I will work on doing that in 2011. I simply do not have the energy to spend keeping up with people who are not thinking about me.

The other major goal is to get back into shape. Mainly it's tackling the dreaded middle expansion region we all face as we get older and our metabolism slows down. I don't think I ever went through the Freshman 15 in college. I think I actually lost weight because I didn't have that much time to eat. But, now is the time to get into the best shape of our lives; before marriage and kids ruin your figure forever, lol. (somewhat dramatizing).

I am excited to start a new year because it is the ritualistic cleaning of the chalkboard and starting with a fresh slate. In 2011 I dare you to Live.

Photo Credit: http://www.colinoproperties.com/images/2008/10/tightrope.jpg

Goodbye 2010

2010-12-31T14:06:00.002-05:00

Last day of the year. Have a Safe and Happy New Year everyone!!

Goodbye to regrets and things we did not accomplish this year. Hello to a fresh new start and to new beginnings. Time to prepare for fun and challenging things in the year to come. 2011 will be awesome!!!

Feliz Ano nuevo y cuidado con tus amigos and la familia. El ano proximo estare bien, muy bien.

Ciao!

30 Books Before 30

2010-11-27T21:33:00.006-05:00

Maybe I'm crazy. Or maybe I just want to wander a little less aimlessly. As many of you know one of my dreams is to become a well known writer - to someday have a non-technical book published, that people want to read (and not just my friends and family), that somehow inspires at least one person, and that makes everyone examine the everyday items in their life, and slightly chuckle. Well, as I stated in a previous post, the best way to really do something is to study your predecessors. In my case, that means read more. I think we all could use to read more. With school and work, reading for pleasure gets pushed to the back burner. But I must say, I really love it. I love being engrossed in a novel or literary work so much that you don't want to put it down. I love reading books that I later remember so vividly that I thought I had watched the movie.

My most recent favorite has to be The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri. Great novel on the conflict of 1st generation-ers - the fine line between assimilation and adaptation. The movie (I hated) does not do it justice. At all.

So, I looked at some lists online and compiled a list of 30 books I want to have read by the age of 30. Some of the books I have read already (in bold), but it's been so long that I don't really remember them all. Many of the books I have not read, and a handful I have started (in italics), but never actually finished. So, I'm taking suggestions for the list - maybe you think I should have something on there that's not, or maybe you would take something off. Then, I'll write about the books that I'm reading, or give summaries for the books that I have read - each in it's individual blog post - it will kinda be like the movie Julie & Julia. Hmm, ok maybe not so exciting, since I can't really blog too much about how my hand turned the page, waiting in anticipation, as to what would happen next.

And if there's a book on there that you also want to read - let me know, and maybe we can read it together. A lot of the classic novels are beyond their copyright and are available free online or through an e-reader. I don't read very fast - so if that was a concern, go ahead and nix it.

One more thing - i have a ton of books that I am currently reading, so I may hold off on starting until the new year, to give me time to finish the books on my list. We'll see. And Any suggestions for where to start? I'm thinking of starting light with The Scarlet Letter.

Here's the list: Comments about the list below

Animal Farm
The Catcher in the Rye
Beloved
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
The Great Gatsby
The Grapes of Wrath
Catch 22
Crime and Punishment
War and Peace or One Hundred Years of Solitude
The Scarlet Letter
The Color Purple
Robinson Crusoe
The Prince
Lord of the Flies
1984
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
Madame Bovary
Ulysses
Siddhartha
Uncle Tom's Cabin
Don Quixote
Dracula
The Bible
The Critique of Pure Reason
The Sayings of Confucious
Poems of Emily Dickinson
Beowulf
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
Treasure Island
Gulliver's Travels

So what didn't make the list? There are a ton of wonderful books that didn't make my 30 pick: Metamorphosis (Kafka)- seriously, I could not read past a certain part in the book, when he was describing all of his body parts (man turns cockroach) and how his family wouldn't hug him or welcome him home, I was in disgust, I just had to put it down if I wanted to be able to eat dinner that night. So yeah, that did not make the list. Moby Dick (Melville)- hmm not really sure I want to read that much about a whale - yes I realize that it's about more than a whale. I'm open for persuasion, but so far, no dice. The Souls of Black Folk (DuBois) may be put on, I'd just have to figure out what to take off - I bought it two years ago with every intention of reading it. I love Jane Austen based movies, so I wanted to add either Pride and Prejudice or Sense and Sensibility, but because I had seen the movie [Pride and Prejudice], I probably have a good idea of the author's work. And after all this Twilight hype, I had to add Dracula - c'mon Twilight's got nothing on Bram Stoker, lol. The Complete works of William Shakespeare - well in one word WOW - I think it would take a lot to read off of Shakespeare's stuff, plus I've read a handfull of plays in school - Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet, Taming of the Shrew, Othello, etc. War and Peace looks very long - not sure if that will stay on the list. What do you think? Worth a read? And some others that did not make the list: A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens) , Jane Eyre (Bronte), The Jungle (Sinclair), Oliver Twist (Dickens) , A Farewell to Arms (Hermingway), etc. And I'm excited about some of the selections on my list - I've heard so much about Madam Bovary, it will be nice to read the book. The Bible has been a goal on my read list forever. I even bought one of those Read the Bible in 365 days books. So, hopefully with adding it to my list it will actually get done (finally). I may have a separate blog for The Bible, since that will take a year in itself - even if you are not Christian, the basis for a lot of Western philosophy (whether people agree or not) does take root in The Bible. And a Spanish novel - with Don Quixote, will be an interesting add to the mix.

So, hear goes nothing - taking suggestions/comments/interesting fluff on my list until Dec 31st !

(Image from http://fineartamerica.com/featured/bookshelf-joni-dipirro.html)

What is Wrong with the World? "I AM ! "

2010-11-25T23:38:00.004-05:00

On October 25, 2010 I, along with hundreds of others, had the grand experience of watching a film screening of "I AM," a documentary helping to explain what is wrong with the world today and what we can do about it. The director of the film is Tom Shadyac, who has also directed such films as Patch Adams, Ace Ventura, and Bruce Almighty. After the film Tom and co-producer Jackie Zampella answered questions from the audience.

(Pictured: left - Jackie Zampella, co-producer
right - Tom Shadyac, director & writer)

The film repeatedly asks the question "What is Wrong with the World?" and the prevalent and astounding answer is that "I AM" is the answer to that question. That each of us has a responsibility to help make the world a better place than we found it.

The creation of the movie is an interesting story. In short, Tom was in an accident that nearly killed him. He was on the verge of death, and mentally drained and depressed. At some point he reached his very bottom, perhaps his tipping point, and realized that he was not going to go out like that. There was at least one more thing that he wanted to say. And it was nothing but his faith in God that got him out of that bed and gave him the energy to begin the journey of a lifetime. He was setting out to find out what was wrong with the world. And, being a director, he was going to answer the question in the form of a film.

He interviewed hundreds of people - scientists, philosophers, people of various faiths, over 700 hours of film, and compiled it together in the <2 hour film that we watched. The impact can not be described in the words I can write in my blog, but I can share some of the interesting stories that I remember (and took notes on) from the journey.

Some of the interesting studies that were done occurred at the Institute of HeartMath. They were showing the link between the human heart and other living beings. That we are cosmically connected in some way. For instance, they connected yogurt up to electrodes, and with a person sitting nearby, there was noticeably more energy in the yogurt when a sharp emotion (shout or laughter) happened in the nearby person. As if the person was giving off some type of signal to the yogurt. And another study where a person's saliva was analyzed with the person being clear across town. The actions and body responses of the person matched those of the person's saliva, superficially separated. He tested married couples in separate rooms. When one spouse had a bright light shining in their eye, the other spouse's eye had a similar reaction even though they were in a separate room and could not see or hear what was going on.

The purpose of these exercises was simply to illustrate that we are not just individual beings going about our merry way; that our actions and interactions do affect other people, whether we realize it or not. The more that we act as though we are independent and don't need or affect others, the more harm we may be doing.

The film addressed Toms depression and why it is that people get so down on their lives. One of the problems is that when we are in a low time or dark situation that is how we see the rest of our future. The key is to remember that that is just where you are right now, in the present time. If you don't believe it will get better, it is much harder for it to.

I love what he said - "We really need a new definition of normal." There are ideas, at least in the USA that the great American Dream is to have more land, more space, and more material possessions. We are possessive of land - the more you own symbolizes that you have "made it." Sports players, Celebrities, and the most famous of people live in million square footage mansions with BMWs or expensive cars for every day of the week. They buy expensive clothing, outrageously priced jewelry, and import steak for dinner, just because they can. We build up fences around our masses of land to keep our lives private and protected. We don't say hi to our neighbors, we talk on cell phones while riding the bus or train; anything to prevent us from having to have an actual conversation with another human being that we may not know.

The more "stuff" we have, the more we seem to move away from being an equal partner in the community. And that is exactly what we need to get back to. In the film, someone mentioned that a plant that takes more water than it needs will drown. Human nature is probably very capitalistic - we want what we want and we don't care who doesn't have anything. Wouldn't it be better if someone did not have to be poor or hungry because I wanted to eat? If there is more than enough food why should I get 2 loaves of bread and the other person none? What is so wrong with me only taking 1 because that's all that I need? We have become a society where we take it JUST BECAUSE WE CAN; with no regard for the fact that more than you need is a waste.

There is a "delusion of consciousness." We are actually being held hostage by our possessions. Think about it - the bigger your house, the more you have to dust, the more time it takes or you have to hire help. The more cars you have, the more you have to maintain, the more you have to protect, the bigger fence you have to build. When you have a ton more than what you could possibly need you are always worrying about what to do with it, where to put it, and where to put the remains when they go bad. Living simpler is an improvement we all can make.

Lastly, the point was made that an alcoholic will not recover until he or she admits their own responsibility. "I Am" is about us all taking responsibility for the world not being the place we need it to be. We all need to stop pointing fingers at others and step up and do the things that we need to do. We can't compete with the Tsunamis of money, instant gratification of material objects, and the desire of greed and having it all; but hopefully we can lead by example.

I AM the problem, and I AM going to help towards the solution.

To find out more about the film check out Tom's website: "I AM" the documentary. It will release in February 2011. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Adventures in Towland

2010-11-08T20:53:00.007-05:00

Because sometimes all you can do is laugh . . .

Here's my true story, written in novel format :) You might want to read this at lunch with popcorn and your door closed. You just might laugh that hard.

*Some names have been changed to protect the innocent, aka, so people don't get mad at me if this gets on the internet, lol. Any rhyming or similarities are strictly coincidental

Dancing, dancing, dancing!! Watch her get down, watch her get down, watch her get down. There we were, twirling around on the dance floor for hours, in celebration of my birthday. We were all set to leave when they played another cool song. So we mamboed to the exit, getting one last hip wiggle as we left the club. It was crowded outside as every other club in the vicinity was closing at this time too. My feet were a bit sore, but I was SOOOOOOO glad that I had carried my flats with me. I don't know how these other women do it, after about 30 minutes my feet were already hurting, but I thought to myself - must look cute, must look cute, keep heels on. About an hour after that, or maybe 2, I finally gave in and put the flats on. It was well worth it.

So the group is all walking towards the same place, and one by one we'd drop people off at their cars. Charletta's car was up first - she was my ride. And we walked a bit further then we thought we had parked; gone too far and stopped. Where's the car? My first thought was that perhaps we parked a bit further up. My friend was like, No, I parked it right here. So then I'm assuming maybe it got stolen. Her assumption was that it got towed. Wow, they really do that? I thought. I had never been towed before, and I remember seeing other cars here (which I guess also got towed). Funny thing is that I remember getting the spot - it was a perfect arrangement. We were driving down Chestnut street and saw no parking, when we turned onto 2nd to make the rounds. There was a spot in front of a motorcycle that was a little tight. But we went for it, and conveniently the lady in front of the spot was getting out, so we had it all to ourselves. We had just finished dinner and were excited to get the dancing part of our evening on. We parked, got out the car, and went into the club, not even noticing the No Parking sign that must have been up. Well this sucks. If you have never been towed, there are no instructions on what to do or where to go, it's like you should just KNOW what to do. Fortunately (and unfortunately at the same time) I had friends that have been in this situation before with us. Reba says to me "Oh, just ask the cop for the number and he'll give it to you." So I walk over to the cop. Mind you Charletta (she drove) is livid and I can see the anger on her face. Well Mr. Copman is pretty nice but he's just spewing information at me. He tells me the phone number like I'm going to memorize it, so then I take out my phone to write it down. Then he gives me four page instructions like I'm going to remember that after I call the place. They should really carry cards or something.

Anyway, I call the tow place and they ask for the make, model, and license plate number for your car (Good information to know by heart, by the way). We give it to them and they confirm (rather happily) that they have the car. So Reba offers to take us down there to get the car. Mind you they close at 3am, and it's like 2:15am, so I'm a little antsy. We get to the car place and they have the stupidest system. There are three lines. In the right most lane is where you verify they have the car and make the payments for the towing fee. When you are done with that you go to the middle lane where they see the receipt and need to verify your registration and insurance (which are probably in your car, so then you have to go to your car (escorted) to retrieve them). Line 3, which we almost didn't see, is when you have everything cleared and you are picking up the car to go home.

In right most lane is an attractive guy. He is giving my friend all the forms and such. At some point my friend is in Line 2 and I'm leaning on the counter of Line 1. He randomly says "Cutie Pie." I look up and say "Are you talking to me?" He replies, "Yes." All I can do is laugh, and say thanks. Then he says "What is your phone number?" And being the coy girl that I am, I ask, "Is this part of the process?" He laughs, as does the coworker next to him and says "It's not part of [the car pick up] process, but it's part of ANOTHER process" Beyond words. I'm just cracking up that I get hit on in a tow station at 3 am in the morning! I have to move so he can help the girl behind me and I go outside (Charletta is still handing paperwork) and tell Reba - should I go for it? She's like sure. And I'm like - it's my birthday, I can do whatever I want!! (lol) So I go back into the office, write my number and name on a tiny piece of paper and try to get his attention, but there's someone he is helping. Hmm, how am I going to do this? Well the pen that I was using belonged to the tow place, so I slipped him the pen and my number and say "Here's your pen back" {wink} He got the hint and took the paper, and I walked away smirking. (I'm so slick, right? )

Charletta is on the phone with her insurance company. Apparently she didn't have the newest insurance card in the car at the time and they won't let you go until you show them that. (Note to self - as soon as it comes in the envelope make sure to put it in the care!!). Well it's 4am on a Sunday morning and of course the website is down for maintenance, so access to records is not looking good. Reba and Marques had just left because we didn't want them waiting around and we thought we were good. In the meantime I see this fine looking guy sitting against the window (new guy, not Line 2 guy). Everyone in the tow place is kinda funny because we are all stuck here and no one wants to be here (seriously, you could actually compare it to being in jail). Well there was this Asian chick sobbing her heart out. Loudly. We all felt bad for her, but everyone was mumbling under their breath "Could she cry on the side of the line and move it along?" and "Dag, she sounds like someone died." It was quite amusing. Then this other girl is fighting with the workers at the window because she owes like a dollar on her car. She says "I'm a poor college student. I don't have a dollar. I eat Ramen [noodles]." So me and this fine window guy are laughing to ourselves, and making eye contact and smiling. The seat next to him opens up so of course I sashay over there and sit right next to him.

"What are you in for?" is my big opening line - I'm sure I said it a little classier; maybe batted some eyelashes. He tells me that his friend had also been towed. His ethnicity looked very ambiguous to me so I ask him what he is. He tells me he's Costa Rican. I ask him if he speaks Spanish and he does. Little by little I'm getting to know Mr. Window guy. I overhear the guy next to me saying that was his brother. "That's your brother?" I ask him "Yes" Then I overhear something about a wife and kid. I ask Mr. Window guy if he has kids and he tells me he has a little son. "And a wife?"(add slightly disappointed tone) "Yes" "Well where's your ring?" (slightly hoping he was joking. Yeah, yeah, I could overlook the one kid thing). BAM!! - there it was!! A little piece of metal that I had neglected to see from the other side of the room. "Wow, I did NOT see that" I say to him. He smiles and looks very flattered, but sigh, there's goes another one. I did apologize for hitting on him given that he was married, but he says it's ok (of course he does, so suave) and we continue talking. As the conversation continues I learn that he's from Cherry Hill and works on BMWs. Of course him and his wife have a Beemer. I poke him with my elbow and ask for a hook up! (worth a try, right) He asks me what I do and I get into my side gig of writing. He sounds interested so I give him my blog address. Who knows if he will check it out. But let me tell you, if this guy were single . . . cuz he's just GORGEOUS!!!

Back to reality - we are stuck at the towing place because we can't get the car, so I call Marques to see if he could pick us up and he's such a sweetie and says he will. 20 minutes or so I say bye to Mr. [married] window guy :( and we are on our way. I FINALLY get home around 4am and sleep until past the break of dawn. We finally did get the car Sunday afternoon. The guy who asked me for my number (Line 2 guy) texted me. I asked him name? kids? age? and the 3 kids kinda ruled him out. And then we got the car and we went to IKEA.

Not a bad way to spend at the tow truck place though, right?

Laughing all the way home [at life's irony],

~moi~

Photo credit: http://img512.imageshack.us/img512/1857/30060705sn1.jpg

Blog Action Day 2010: Water, Water Everywhere

2010-10-15T21:10:00.010-04:00

Well, don't let the title fool you. Remember the saying "Water, Water, Everywhere, but not a drop to drink"? If you've never heard it before it usually refers to someone being stuck on a desert or on a boat in the middle of the ocean. And you are surrounded by water, but it's salt-water, so you can't actually drink it. I mean, technically, you could, but you'd just dehydrate and die. The world is covered in 2/3 water, but not all of this is drinkable water.

Today is Blog Action Day, the day where thousands around the world will post a blog about one specific topic. We'll discuss this topic at different angles, argue different points, but most of all get a discussion going on a topic that affects hundred around the world. Maybe it will provoke someone to discuss this with their colleagues, or fundraise, or travel in search of helping less fortunate people. Somehow, some way we hope to make a different and positively impact our world community.

So for those new to my blog my angle is this: I like to find the silver lining in everyday things in life, point out the obvious and not so obvious things we all seem to do, as well as look at the simple fixes. When talking about such an impacting topic as access to clean water I want to talk about the practical side - what can I, or you, do right now, where we are, to help with this issue?

Yet, I digress. Back to the topic at hand: Water. The United Nations has formally decided that they would like to do something about the lack of clean water available to an alarming amount of people around the world. An estimated 884 million people around the world [1] (and remember the world population count is ~6.9 billion at the moment [2]) lack access to clean drinking water. If you do the math that's 12%!!! That's pretty high. Especially when, in 2009, there were 4.9 billion cell phone subscriptions worldwide [3] ! Where are our priorities?

Imagine going a day without anyone washing their hands. How gross would you feel after sneezing and coughing without a way to clean your hands? Then knowing that other people were doing the same thing. Maybe someone gives you a hug, or a kid climbs up on your shoulders. Maybe the baby's parents just changed their baby's diaper then went to serve you dinner. And what if you had to ride the subway? And the rats that were scurrying around came to the platform and maybe you saw one on the handrail. And maybe you yourself don't touch the handrail because you know it's dirty, but the guy before you, the guy that pulled the door open with his dirty hand, did touch the handrail. And you were too far behind him to not have to pull the door open. So now you have all kinds of germs all over your body. All you want to do is go home and take a shower, or even get to the nearest bathroom and scrub your hands clean. And this is the non-graphic version. What if that was your lifestyle because you didn't have another way? Maybe it's hard to imagine it here in the US where people are taking 20 minute showers 2 times a day, and swimming in their individual pools in their backyards. But imagine it if you will and see that it is a very grim way to live, plus add all the other stresses of normal living like school and work.

Death due to unsafe water accounts for 80% of diseases every year. Without proper sanitation it is nearly impossible to fight off medical ailments from diarrhea, dysentery, hepatitis A, E. coli, Salmonella, and other illnesses/bacteria [4]. One tenth of these deaths may be preventable with better water access.

The improvements that can be made are life-changing. Just looking at the cycle of changes [4] points out that people would save time from walking to get water if it wasn't so far. Germs would not be so readily spread if the community had washing stations and were taught improved hygiene. Kids could spend more time in school if they weren't walking to get water or out sick because of diseases caused by lack of clean water. Hand-washing is able to reduce water-related deaths by 45% [4].

I'm not here to pose a 10 page report. The facts are there. There are numerous resources if you want to read more on the topic. The point is that we do have a problem. We have recognized the problem, and we (collective we - as in the whole world) need to do something to fix this problem. More often than not the very developed world philosophy is to worry about oneself and not to fix something until it's broke. Well the developing world needs our help. This is a world problem. We can not continue to hog up all the good resources and not offer it, or aid to those without these resources we take for granted.

So what can you do? you are wondering . . .

1. Ditch the bottle. Ahh, this is a hard one indeed, but yes having bottled water is not the most sustainable way to go. Finish those bottles off, recycle the bottles, and invest in a reusable BPA free water bottle.

2. Tap water - it's cleaner than you think. The tap water in the United States is one of the cleanest in the world. But is it cleaner than bottled water? The debate continues, but a study from affiliates of Harvard Medical School show that some water is not that much, if any cleaner than the water out of your kitchen tap [5]. Tap water is regulated by the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency), while bottle water is regulated by the FDA (Food and Drug Administration). Local impurities will differ based on filtration systems, the pipes in your home, etc. So if you are really concerned you can request a water quality report and filter your tap water.

3. Be good to your drains. A big reason we have impurities in the water are highly due to what consumers are throwing down the drain. Pharmaceutical drugs should not be disposed of in the sink or the toilet - bring them back to your local pharmacy. Similarly, unless it's drain-o or something that you drank, you probably shouldn't pour it down the sink. Communities will hold monthly or annually hazardous waste pickups to collect your hazardous liquids to dispose.

4. Take shorter showers. Seriously. From the UN Human Development Report "An American taking a five-minute shower uses more water than the typical person living in a developing country slum uses in a whole day"[6].

5. Fix leaks. A leaky faucet can waste up to 20 gallons of water per day and a leaky toilet 200 gallons/day [7]. That's a total waste.

6, 7, 8, 9, 10, . . . READ, become involved, and make a change.

Organizations like charitywater.org and water.org help to get wells built and teach about sanitation practices, to prevent water related deaths. There is a petition for the UN to bring clean water to people around the world. And then there are the 5 little things I mentioned on my list. So, now it's your ball game. The world awaits . . .

Works Cited:
[1] UN article - http://www.un.org/apps/news/story.asp?NewsID=35456&Cr=sanitation&Cr1
[2] World Population - http://www.census.gov/main/www/popclock.html
[3] Cell Phones - http://reviews.cnet.com/8301-13970_7-10454065-78.html
[4] Water - http://www.charitywater.org/whywater/
[5] Tap Water - http://www.brighamandwomens.org/healtheweightforwomen/special_topics/intelihealth0804.aspx?subid=submenu10
[6] UN Human Development Report - http://hdr.undp.org/en/media/HDR06-complete.pdf
[7] Ways to save water - http://www.nrdc.org/water/pollution/gsteps.asp

Blog Action Day: www.blogactionday.change.org

To Write is to Have Read

2010-10-05T23:23:00.003-04:00

It's true, the way to becoming a better writer is to read more. Read different types of writing styles, find authors that you like/dislike. So, I have TONS of books in my library that have looked interesting and I have picked up along the way - I LOVE roaming through bookstores. So now the daunting task is to actually read them.

What am listening to right now? "Parachute" sung by Ingrid Michaelson - she originally wrote it for Cheryl Cole (UK) but when it did so well she decided she'd like to try it herself. I like her version a lot better.

Uber Excitement

2010-09-16T17:57:00.005-04:00

Thanks for all the comments on my previous post!! I love your feedback.

Ok, so I feel a little like I just joined a 12 step program:

First there's denial - " I'm ok, I'm really ok "

Then there's anger - "People suck!! "

Then there's acceptance - "Everything will be ok."

So maybe my last post was an angry jab at the sucky people in the world (step 2), but now I've accepted it and I'm moving on. (Ok, maybe it's more like a 3 step program). I AM the new girl in town - on my own little island.

I can do just about anything I want - I can visit various organizations and stay if I like it and not go back if I don't. I was VP of an organization before - here I have no responsibilities just yet, so its all about finding what's right for me.

Now to the fun part. I am so excited to try all the new things that I've just realized I could do. I am a big supporter of Meetup.com - if you've never checked it out it is a Great (and Safe) way to meet people when you are the new person in town. (Summary of meetup - it is not a match making site. It is for people to meet with others who like doing the same thing; i.e. if you like baseball but have no one to go to the game with you find a baseball meetup, and suddenly you have people to sit with; or if you want a gym partner, someone to try new restaurants with, someone to go to the movies with, etc, you just find a group on the website that fits your need and you meet those people in a public setting). So, through meetup, I am finding tons of things that are going on within a 30 minute radius of where I live. And this is an improvement than the 60-90 minute radius I had before.

So I'm excited to go to Zumba, and try a pottery class, learn what permaculture is (something to do with plants I think), learn Japanese, watch foreign films, try tap dancing again, kick someone's butt in kickboxing, write a novel, become a mentor to a child, build a house; the possibilities are endless. And of course there's the good ole wide world web and Google. So there's so much to do that getting out there and trying it is the only logical option.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. So I choose to think that this whole weeding out process and going through these hard lessons over the past 5 years, has only taught me the skills that I will need in this new process. Of learning who you can and can not trust, about the people that will say one thing and do another, or of the people that will use and abuse just to refuse. So everything is an incredible lesson, and that is what I choose to take from it.

I am woman world, hear me ROARRRRRR!!!

Photo: Paradise Island in the Dominican Republic
(All photos are mine, unless cited in credits)

Too much Effort

2010-09-08T12:46:00.002-04:00

I'm basically done . . . with making all the effort. I've used this year to reflect on things and the ultimate conclusion is that people are basically selfish. They take and take and take until you have nothing left to give. And I love to give, but I'm not a rag that you can squeeze. So I'm done. I'm done making all the effort, initating all the conversations, done caring about your problems, when the minute everything is going right for you forget about me; can't even ask me how my day is going. And I thought it was my imagination and that maybe I was being harsh, but nope, after waiting months it's as clear as day. Everyone is concerned with their own little self-bubble. And when they need help or want a favor they are as nice as can be. Once they get what they want good luck even borrowing a bead of sweat.

This social network age doesn't help - being bombarded with facebook updates that I could care less about (like 'I broke a nail') almost makes you immune to news; that even when you hear of good things going on in the world you are just on information overload. So I've learned to delete people, because I don't need to be facebook friends with everyone, not the acquaintances who hardly talk to me, or the people you meet once at a party. We've just gotten so used to being in the know. Well maybe I don't want to know what you are doing if you don't care enough to ask me what I'm doing.

Life is too short to waste effort on people or things that are counterproductive.
'Never make someone your priority when you are their option' (someone).

I'm done making YOU my priority. I love doing it, but all I am is an occassional optional if you are bored, so yeah, no more miss nice girl!

Never the Same

2010-08-17T01:57:00.005-04:00

We're at that age where life is really what you make it. At this point, the things that happen, and the decisions that you make can change things forever. To the point where they will never be the same. It's scary actually.

I hate this - feeling as though one thing can alter your life. Whether it's family related, having kids, getting married, starting over, moving, starting a new job, quitting an old job, pursuing your dream . . . you have to figure out if you are doing what you want to do, if you are settling, or if you are taking a stupid risk. If you are single/not married and don't have kids then the decision is not as impactful, but imagine that you hate your job and you are married with kids. You can't just decide to stop working to pursue your art degree; you have to think of your family.

I see so much going on that it really is scary. There's no "Undo" button. Friendships are ending over the stupidest stuff. Sometimes its our pride, sometimes it's as simple as saying sorry. But people get tired of always being the one to cave or get stepped over. Sometimes there's a long lost family member that you have spent so much time trying to forget how they hurt you that rekindling anything with them seems pain-stakingly awful. Or there is someone that you are recently learning that they even exist that you have to think - do I really want to invest the time AGAIN? Is it worth it? It's already been 10+ years.

There are no quick fixes, as we'd like there to be. You just have to do the thing you really feel is best. Sometimes, if your personality suits, then you take the calculated risk, and whatever happens you are happy that you decided to do it, even if it fails. I ask myself have I ever taken that type of risk? If not, why not? What is it that is holding me back.

I did take a risk, about 3 years ago. It was the scariest thing I had to decide to do. But when all was said and done my happiness was much more important then fitting a mold or doing what everyone else was doing. But there are more risks I'm scared to take. Some of them I might try, but others, well, will they fall by the way side? 2010 has been the year to try new things.

And it ain't over yet . . .

Just Do It!

2010-07-20T22:57:00.003-04:00

Funny how your brain and your heart fight sometimes. Logic has no place in some decisions. Yet it rules common sense - let's do the thing that hurts the least number of people, or that makes it easier on everyone. Everyone else, that is. Anyhow, I'm tired of making decisions, of thinking about what if I do this or what if I do that. Sometimes no action is an actual powerful decision and harder to do than doing something. So, I went dancing!! On a Tuesday. And it was awesome!! It was great - I had so much fun, danced with some cool people, listened to a live band (check out the Jazz Lobsters) and just had a blast -not thinking.

So, the cure is dancing, lol. Point blank.

:)

Series of Fortunate Events

2010-07-10T01:38:00.007-04:00

I am a big believer in coincidences. I love when things happen in such a way that you are like, dag, that was awesome - if I hadn't been there at that particular time, so and so would not have happened. But sometimes these "coincidences" are not coincidences at all; sometimes they are so well orchestrated that it MUST be the BIG GUY trying to tell you something.

And so here is my story. I am the new girl in town, you could even say a small fish. I moved from somewhere where I knew a lot of people and had built a network over a couple of years, to a town where I know No One. My closest friends are at least 25 miles away. Or. So. I. Thought.

Coincidence #1 - I'm driving home one day from my parents house after the weekend and I'm listening the radio, but not really in the mood to listen to music. So I decide to call someone (since I invested in a hands-free bluetooth). Well I'm scrolling through the list of people and there's people that you just talked to that you really can't call; then people that are more work related that you don't really chit chat with, etc. So I scroll upon Tiffany's name, and I haven't seen Tiffany since I graduated college. We had talked a while ago, but it really was a WHILE ago. Anyway, I call her and interestingly enough she answers, which allows me to tell her where I moved to, which allows her to tell me that she's 10 minutes from there, which allows 30 seconds of girlish screams, and then we could awesomely meet. So that happened and I'm really glad that she's here and I have a good friend in the area.

Coincidence #2 - A couple weeks later I was again driving from my parents home, back to my place and I was on the phone with two friends of mine from my prior residence. Well then put me on hold to order food and I see this guy as I'm parking. He's holding a tennis racquet. He was just about to jump into someone's car (and I still hadn't put my car in park yet) when he forgot something and went back to his car, which gave me enough time to park the car and get out. So before he got into his friends car and I was never to see him again, and since I was on hold, I asked him if he played tennis (obviously he did, but c'mon I needed some ice breaker) and where the courts were. And I asked him if he'd like to play sometime. We both said yes and went about our business and then realized we'd have to exchange contact info - so we swapped numbers. And I've played tennis with Tennis Dude and been able to hang out and meet some other people.

Coincidence #3 - I've been finding out a lot of things to do via the internet. Well, there was a game night that looked pretty interesting. I told a friend about it but she was not available, so I went by myself. I had a great time and met a lady who told me about her Church - which I visited today (see Coincidences 4 and 5). I had a fun night - played spades (I'm pretty good!!), dominoes, jenga, and of course Taboo. Well on the way home I got lost getting to my parking lot - walked down the wrong street - then I got lost in the parking lot and had trouble finding my car (stupid split levels). Then while driving home my gps took forever to load so I was driving aimlessly trying to find a large intersection to get my bearings. Eventually the GPS decided to work and I got into my development to find a woman in a brightly colored, rememberable, top. She was at the game night that I just left!! And her and her friend were walking out of their car just as I pulled out - so had I come earlier or later, I would have missed them. Turns out we are next door neighbors!

Coincidence #4 - At Church today where I expected to know no one, a coworker spotted me and said hi. It was comforting to know someone, and she saw me after the service because we both decided to go downstairs. If I had just left she definitely wouldn't have seen me, and I didn't see her, so it was another coincidence for her to even spot me.

Coincidence #5 - A woman approached me and asked me if I was someone names so and so and I said no. Hours later I'm on my online group and see that she was the same woman who had organized the game night. Turns out she pronounced my name wrong, so I was who she was looking for (kinda like asking a Laura if they are Lauren).

Coincidence #6 - Today at the Church they were celebrating some things and there was an author selling and signing her book. Originally I wasn't going to buy one but the topic looks very good and I like to support my community.

So, I said all this to say, that I really feel like I'm being guided and these people that I am meeting I am meant to meet. It's pretty awesome when you realize it's happening. The BIG GUY's certainly got my attention!!

*Didn't think I had to spell it out but each time I say the BIG GUY I'm talking about God, for the slower audience members, lol.

2010 FIFA World Cup

2010-06-26T14:29:00.006-04:00

Ahh, the anticipation. I am watching the World Cup right now, 2:30pm EST. The USA is playing Ghana in the qualifying round. Last week USA beat Algeria (photograph above) in the last seconds of the game, moving us to the next round when almost all hope is gone. The excitement has been astounding.

Now, we play Ghana, who we lost to four years ago in the last World Cup. So the pressure is on for both teams - Ghana is the only African country to move on into the qualifying round (a bit dissappointing since the World Cup is being played in South Africa this year) and whoever wins this game moves on and whoever loses goes home, so USA is in it to win it!

So, I'll update again when the game is over.

Let's go USAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

5:02pm - After some overtime Ghana won - 2:1. Great job USA!!

Photo: http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2010/06/24/alg_landon_donovan.jpg

Dating in 2010

2010-06-21T19:19:00.010-04:00

Dating in 2010. It's much different than the courtship guys and girls were used to in 2nd half of the 20th century. I feel like guys really tried to woo you back then. Now you are being cat called "Whoop whoop, how you doin' shorty?" as if the art of being a gentleman is a long lost trade.

Remember those days of getting or sending a hand written note that said "I like you, do you like me: Yes? No? Maybe?" Something about that naive gesture was actually romantic. And now those handwritten notes have become impersonal, impatient texts.

There was an understanding back then. Guy met girl and they found ways to be around eachother - studying, classes, or even "bumping" into eachother through town. You pursued one person at a time. And eventually there was the talk - do you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend? and a simple yes or no (ok, sometimes a maybe). Fast forward 50 years and look at 2010 - now there are literally millions of places to meet your potential soulmate. Since the 1960s there has been the great invention of the world wide web. We can meet strangers virtually, share pictures, and even have a conversation; all without leaving the comfort of our home. So yes, the method at which we are able to meet these potential soulmates has drastically changed, I would even say improved.

But what about dating itself; Is it any better? I'd say no, definitely. Things are much more different down to the mentality of people in society as a whole. Before when guy met girl; guy and girl were only talking to eachother. There was a period of pursuit. And sure, if he got shot down (or politely declined) he would wallow for a bit over his heart ache, suck it up, and move on. Or girl would wait and wait for said guy to ask her out. She too would experience heart ache when he asked some other girl to the soph-hop. Now, it's not always the guy pursuing the girl, now it's perfectly "acceptable" for the girl to be on the prowl. And don't get me wrong, I'm all about girl power (fist up, wohoo), but there's nothing more charming then the old fashioned way of guy pursuing girl.

Fast forward again and there are so many questions you have to ask nowadays because people have this "don't ask, don't tell" mentality. You may be talking to Nick and think it's a picture of two; when Nick is talking to Becky, Stacey, and Monica; unbeknownst to you. You have to ask if he has a girlfriend. But be wary, if he's married, he does not have a girlfriend,so his answer might be no. You have to ask "Are you married?" "Are you engaged?" "Are you gay/on the down low?" "Are you involved with anyone else?" And that last one is sometimes a deal breaker if you haven't had the talk about being exclusive.

So when Sonya thought her and Nick were dating and he knew she thought that but only thought of her as just a friend with benefits, you get another type of heart ache; an all too common type these days. And even those implied contractual agreements lack the fine print with the "benefits'" packages differing in contradictory non-mentioned strings attached, single parenthood, and communal disease. Because everyone just wants to have fun!

So maybe I sound bitter; perhaps I've been a player in the game without realizing I had stepped on the game board. It's like a never-ending game of Jumanji. Well, game over, and now I'm starting over - and this time I'm doing it my way. Call me crazy, and maybe I'm dreaming of a fantasy world, but the dating style of the 60s wasn't too far off the mark.

Meeting that one person and having the deep conversation, not being distracted by a text message or a buzzing phone. Laughing over coffee at the sunset and now worrying about if there is a Becky, or Stacy, of Monica, or even Rick these days. Maybe that's a step in a time machine, but maybe it's not that far off; perhaps newer isn't always better. Or maybe better is some compromise in between. I don't know. No one really knows. I just know have a comparison between present and past and this idealistic cartoon image of what I imagine it should be like. And by should I mean how I want it to be.

So, this is my journey; Journey called Life. And we'll see what works and what doesn't. That is the exciting and exhilarating thing about this thing called life. Unwritten rules, implied emotions, and crazy unpredictability. But most importantly, doing what you want to do and staying true to who you are, regardless of what society is doing.

Personally, I prefer things the old way. But you know what the say, don't hate the playa, hate the game.

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Photo credits: http://h3sean.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/man-pursuing-woman.jpg and http://www.iloverelationships.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/bigstockphoto_Dating_Couple_2436008-300x274.jpg; http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://i521.photobucket.com/albums/w333/okfaissal/slow-dance.gif&imgrefurl=http://s521.photobucket.com/albums/w333/okfaissal/%3Faction%3Dview%26current%3Dslow-dance.gif%26newest%3D1&usg=__ceX9akkl8hlolTZ08oN74lrYcfc=&h=601&w=308&sz=182&hl=en&start=9&sig2=KljbdK7tCh8-u0Uqan__dA&um=1&itbs=1&tbnid=j4Xzp0Ks4dPeXM:&tbnh=135&tbnw=69&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dslow%2Bdance%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dopera%26sa%3DG%26rls%3Den%26tbs%3Disch:1&ei=NQogTP-oJMuNjAeK9rjyDw

Getting to the Gym

2010-06-10T20:46:00.003-04:00

Somewhere between the couch, utter exhaustion, and sheer laziness I mustered up the motivation and energy to go to the gym. It's funny actually, because I was planning on going, but what really got me there was anger and spite. Horrible ways to do something, but overall had a great affect.

I just moved into a new place so I've got boxes gallore. My last couple of weekends have been spent driving 5+ hours, so I actually haven't spent too much time at home. Then I started a new job as well and I'm tired when I get home and really don't feel like lifting another cardboard specimen. Add that to the fact that I haven't had constant exercise since Dodgeball (yes, I'm an adult and I played Dodgeball) ended a couple of months ago. So part of me wants to wait until I'm good and settled before making any more major life committments. But then the little person on my left shoulder says that I'm just making additional excuses. Right shoulder: go ahead, relax, it's good to take some time off. Left shoulder: fine, relax. Be a blob; but no complaining when beach time comes. So left shoulder wins and I decide to get my booty to a gym.

I tried running and glamorous boredom keeps that from being a fun activity. Sure, it's much better with a friend, but something was seriously lacking for me. Perhaps I really need a good music playlist to make it fun, but ehhh NEXT. Tennis is always a good alternative, but you really need someone else to do that.

So then I moved and decided that running wasn't going to happen (although it has been GORGEOUS outside). So then I thought, maybe I could just exercise with On Demand. Yeah, motivation is NOT there. So then I am hunting for a gym near my new area - somewhere along the road between work and home. And I found something for a really good price. But then someone suggested another place and it's also along the way home from work.

So on Tuesday, coincindentally the day I was supposed to pick up my Tennis Racquet from the store after being restrung, I decide that I will check out this gym recommended by a coworker. So it happens to be in the same plaza as the tennis place. So I decide to pick up my racquet, since they said it would be ready after 3pm on Tuesday.

So I go to the front of the store to get my racquet and the manager goes to "check." What felt like 10 minutes later he passes by me without saying a word and I'm like "Excuse me, did you get my racquet." He's like, "oohh the guy is just finishing it up. It'll be like 20 more minutes." It only takes 20 MINUTES to string a tennis racquet - they obviously didn't start it and I was pretty annoyed with the guys attitude like I should be grateful they are doing it at all. So I'm pretty mad so I decide I will go cool off and get the gym orientation and come back.

I go to the gym and some lady shows me around. This gym is $15 more per month than the other one and I didn't really see any additional perks to going there. They had a bunch of classes pre-3pm - don't these people work during the day? - so that's no good. And you have to sign up for their night classes, which seems like a pain. So after I went through the orientation I had a free guest pass for a week. I was out the door when I decided - what's my rush? I was still mad about my racquet and figured they could wait another hour. So that began my workout.

So amid anger, exhaustion, cramps, and spite, I. WENT. To. The Gym. hahaha. And then I went again today to try their spinning class (since I have a couple days left on the guest pass). Spinning is also not for me - I found it boring as well. Definitely a challenging workout but those tiny tiny bicycle seats are not made for my 'bodacious booty,' quoting an old friend.

And now I'm on a roll!!

Yay!

Zippp a dee do dahhh

2010-05-08T22:54:00.002-04:00

Random. I have thankful, content, and simply happy. It is so easy to write angrily when things are going bad or amiss. However, it is important to note these great moments when you are blissfully overjoyed with life. IT's been a great couple of days. The weather has been absolutely spectacular and just getting to see everyone and do different things has been really fun.

Nothing more than to say - great day.

Thanking God for it!

~me

Tying up Loose Ends

2010-04-25T22:57:00.004-04:00

I'm not counting down really, but I have about 1 month before everything changes. It's that time again, moving away, starting a new job, making new friends, starting new life habits. And you always have to ask yourself the question - Am I who I want to be? It's a difficult question to answer. Sometimes you are the person that the situation has dictated. If you move to cold Alaska, maybe you will start doing the things that Alaskans do. But are you doing it because you like doing it or just because you are there? The same is true if you are moving from New York City. All those nights of going out on the town - was that because you were in New York and you had to make the most out of the experience or was it truly something that you enjoyed and will want to do no matter where you go? The same is true of the people you meet. Do you enjoy hanging out with your coworkers or do you prefer meeting people outside of work? Those friends that you have that you only watch movies with or only go bowling with, or only go hiking with - are they any better friends than the ones you go to dinner with, or have been to your house? Do you wish you got to know them in a deeper sense?

So, not to get too philosophical, but its these types of questions I'm thinking right now. Fresh slate - now I will be the new fish in a big pond. I can choose everything about who I hang out with, what I do with my free time, how much I exercise, the healthy foods I eat, all that jazz. So now it's really the time to decide - Who is it that I want to be? And is that me?

And in the meantime there's the daunting task of tying up loose ends. Saying goodbye to old friends, and finding closure with the ones that I probably won't keep in touch with. The ones who forgot about you when you were so close that you don't need to worry about as you move further away. The ones who won't call you on your birthday or Christmas or New Year's. The ones who have always been too busy to write or call you back. The ones you just don't have the energy, nor desire, to fight with. The ones who probably don't even know you are moving. Those are the ones you let go.

I'll always be reminded of what my old choir director said - Not everyone can sit in your front row (in comparing you and your close relationships to stadium seating). And it's true, as new people come in there are only select seats for the front row people. And, as hard as it might be to believe, that someone that once held the top spot must now just be another audience member in the aisle, facts are facts.

So tying up loose ends means, moving on from things that aren't positively impacting my life, saying goodbye to bad eating habits and getting ready to cook more, to eat healthier, to exercise more, read more, write more, do all the things that I've put off because I was so busy. It means meeting people and forming relationships with people that are on your same page, heading towards similar goals. Tying up loose ends means getting rid of all of the baggage and throwing away the junk that you don't want to move with, both literally and figuratively speaking.

Like a seed grows to be a plant
We most sow our seeds and wait
For nature to take its time
And allow us to share in its beauty.

So, let's wait to see what happens. And be excited about the future, but first take care of the present and tie up any loose ends.

I'm writing you a 4 page letter

2010-04-02T22:36:00.004-04:00

Ok, well maybe it wasn't four pages, but I found this letter today that I had written to a really good friend of mine before moving away. I don't remember if I gave it to him or not, I probably didn't. But maybe one day I will give it to someone,because it's important to tell people how we feel about them, platonically as well as romantically.

Here's the letter, word for word:

Now is no excuse for mushiness. Well . . .ok . . .just maybe a smidge. Somehow writing things down is so much easier than saying them out loud. You can think clearly without eyeballs of pressure staring you down. Drumroll please . . . Nope, this is not a farewell letter. I won't say goodbye, just see you later, but if I never tell people how much they mean to me, now would probably be a good time. As you can see I even stall in my writing. I mean honestly, this could be a potential life-defining moment - you know with the men and women who go on talk shows 20 years later still taunted by the bully that called the fat or ugly? This is HUGE. I have to really choose my words, take out all the sarcasm and ambiguity. Make it plain as day. So, I came up with this: I Love You. But even as I chopped the sentence to contain my subject (you) and verb (love) and predicate (?) (I), it may still render ambiguity. So let me clarify. Firstly, by I I mean myself, the one who wrote this, [Insert name], in case you forgot between me handing you the envelope. And by you I mean You, person holding this letter, owner of letter, and in case this letters is confiscated, name to whom the envelope is addressed. Ok, so the verb was really tricky. How many other words could I put in there - like, adore, enjoy? Care? 'Like' sounded way too middle school crush-esque, which isn't exactly what I was going for. 'Adore' just sounded way over the top - like you would make or break my enjoyment of sunlight, and 'enjoy' just had way too many other (sick) meanings that I wouldn't wish upon interpretation. 'Care' just seemed too light - I care whether my stockings got a tear, and dude you are so much higher than stockings! So that left the word 'Love,' which is often over and misused these days. Love is the hardest word to explain or describe because it has so many meanings - 1) You've go the love your your pet who quietly is always there for you and fun to play with 2) You've got the love of a favorite piece of clothing that makes you feel confident and in control of the situation 3) You've got the love of a distant cousin that you don't really know that well but you know you are somehow related 4) You've got the love of an immediate family member that you have probably shared most of your life with 5) You've got that romantic lust/love thing with the matured middle-school crush, this time in older years 6) There's the love of a significant other whom you can't imagine your life without 7) You have the eternal love of God and all things beyond this world and 8)you've got that self-love hopefully that glows radiantly when others meet you. So yes, there's no better word to describe such a general and specific emotion, all at the same time. So pick a number and you're probably right. But most importantly, I don't tell you this to blush or make you feel good. Really, I share this with you because that's how I've felt and may never have told you. We go through life silently unappreciated and there's no need for that. You're smart, intelligent, humorous (I'll admit it), somewhat attractive (this whole no sarcasm thing is hard), talented, and a myriad of other adjectives. And I think it's no coincidence that we've crossed paths. I know I needed some freshness. This is probably getting long enough where you are skipping words. Don't. I'll soon stop. So maybe you think me overdramatic when you'll probably see me tomorrow, but maybe I just needed a reason to express my feelings to you because you are important to me and I want you to know that as I go take the road to [insert direction]. I've enjoyed the past year with you. I expect great things of you and nothing less (no pressure). Whatever you do that puts a smile on your face every day makes me happy too. So if you ever, ever, for some strange reason, forget about me (like 10 years from now - don't even think about it before then), then always remember me and my letter to you. Good Luck, God Bless.

Love,

me

on Dating

2010-04-02T21:52:00.005-04:00

Life amuses me. The most recent topic of conversation was dating. A friend of mine, we'll call her Leslie, was going out with this guy, Sammy. Well first things first, we don't really know that it was a date. Two people agreed to eat food together. Nowadays you never know if that's a date or just hanging out. It's pretty funny actually. So Sam and Leslie met at a mutual friend's house. Then we all happened to be at the volleyball pick-up game and they were on the same team. They got to talking and things just hit it off. He walked her home since no one wanted to get sand in their car, and she offered to buy him dinner as a thank you. As a true gentleman, he declined, but they agreed to go to dinner anyway. Anyway, the night before the "date" I'm talking to Leslie like we're in middle school - you know wondering if this is two friends going out or more, if he's interested or just being nice, etc. And to add complications Sammy was just offered a photojournalist gig in Europe. He took it, but we really don't know when or if he is planning on coming back. Let's just call him a free spirit.

So, dilemma number one is even figuring out the situation, if there is a situation at all. And dilemma two is why get all caught up with feelings if Sammy is going to be in Europe for some indiscriminate amount of time? But then life is happening today and you can't worry about the future and not do things because of what may hapen in the future.

So Sam and Leslie went on their date. It went alright. I think it's too early to judge, but at the same time time is running out. I think he flies to Amsterdam on Thursday. Craziness. What should she do? (Rhetorical, I think the answer is just to go with the flow). Dun dun DunNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. (dramatically)

I said all this to say that this whole dating "thing" is hilarious. The things we do for love. It's fun, it's scary, it's exciting, and it's well . . . it's that thing that makes us human.

The Frustration of Simplicity

2010-02-28T23:51:00.003-05:00

I can't help how I feel, even if those feelings are not reciprocated. I can't help it if I hate your favorite shirt or if your biggest flaw is just so irresistible. I can't make you call me back or pick up a pen and write me a letter. I can't get those guys off the wall to ask the girls to dance, just as much as I can't stop the cold and heartless guy from breaking up with his girlfriend through text. It's so frustrating sometimes, but then you realize that you just have relinquish control and it becomes so simple. Maybe I can not help the way I feel, but I can accept you not agreeing with me. And maybe I hate your favorite shirt, but you know what? I don't have to wear it. Maybe I just look at your eyes more intently when you wear that shirt, or I focus on those lovely shoelaces, lol.

I think the point is that when we become frustrated by those things we simply cannot change we have to realize that either we accept people for who they are or we do not. And if you want to be their friend/family member/spouse/etc then you really don't want to change them. It is their individuality that has attracted them to you. And if you decide not to accept them then you walk away from the siutation completely and you don't have to put up with those things you abhor.

So, as much as I hate it, you wear that UGLY shirt. And I'll still love ya!!

*muah*

Have at it

2010-02-16T23:06:00.002-05:00

Those three words are so . . . freeforming. But in a bad way. I am an engineer and I am currently taking an art class. We basically are given a blank canvas and told "Have at it" - do what your heart's content desires. It's so unregulated, unrestriced, so very strange. I am used to standards and guidelines. Give me step by step procedures of what to do and where and when. But that's not how art works. I can't tell you how to paint a landscape to make it your own. I can tell you what I would do, and I could even paint with you side by side, but what you paint and what is truly your work, is of your own mind. No one can tell you what your mind sees.

So this concept of freethought and boundary-less abstract space is so surreal. I know what you are wondering - is the paint class really that deep? Haha, no it's not. And maybe it's hard to explain, but I'm not just talking about painting. I'm talking about always having done something a particular way and then one day - BAM! - increasing your view of the world. It's when coloring outside of the line releases some sort of freedom in you, like you never knew that you could stray from the black line. And so I feel like I've conquered another piece of my brain. But most importantly it gives me this feeling that if I can connect with this abstract task, then maybe there are other things that I can connect to that I never tried to do.

So I am excited. Of course my next question is what now? But sorry folks, no rules, no guidelines, no restrictions. Just have at it!

on Leadership

2010-01-31T12:32:00.002-05:00

I recently attended a Leadership conference with the United States Junior Chamber of Commerce (Jaycees - find out more at www.usjaycees.org). It was awesome!! I can not begin to tell you how motivated it has left me. 2010 is the year to do all those things we've always said we wanted to do.

I'm in no way going to capture all of the points I learned about, but I'd like to give you all a taste, so that you too can be the person you desire to be. There's only one rule - if something stands out and is really helpful than share it. Because what's the point of having a world of information but only one person knows it?

The motivational speaker for the weekend was Matt Booth (MB). I encourage you to check him out - www.mattbooth.com - he's got some great things to say.

First we learned that attitude is in fact everything. As cliche as it sounds your attitude will affect the way you look at things and that will affect your actions. Think about it. The example Matt used is people saying they hate Mondays. If you think that you hate Mondays then everything associated with Monday will ultimately be negative. For instance a lot of people waste half of Sunday thinking about Monday instead of enjoying the rest of Sunday. So right there you have a couple of hours of these negative thoughts. You probably were a bit laid back with waking up over the weekend so Monday is the first day that you have to wake up early again. You might have forgotten to set up the coffee because you didn't need it on Sunday so now you have to make coffee and you are always late on Monday. You probably come home tired because you didn't get much sleep because your body was used to sleeping longer over the weekend. So now everything that happened gets associated with Mondays, even though they are independent of eachother. See how that works? MB says to continually Check Your Attitude (CYA).

A nice exercise we did was to write down the names of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Now write a (+) or (-) if the person is mostly positive or negative. There's nothing wrong with having a (-) or two, but if everyone that you hang out with for the majority of your time is negative, that is ultimately going to reflect in your attitude and therefore your actions.

We talked about goals and goal setting. The main idea is to write down what you would like to accomplish. It is much easier to materialize something that 'exists' i.e. putting it on paper makes it real. "Things that are easy to do are also easy not to do (MB)." So write down your goals for the year - not new year's resolutions, realistic goals. Be as specific as you need to in order to accomplish it, i.e. instead of saying run more, say run a 5K before July. Once you write down your goals carry them around with you in your wallet or purse, so that you always have them in case you need to remind yourself of why you are going to the gym 3 times a week. Lastly, review your goals once a month. We tend to write things down and have every intention of doing them but we don't look at them again. If you review your goals every month and 3 months have passed and you still aren't reading more, well maybe that really isn't a priority for you any more. And if it is, maybe it's time you pick up a book.

Similar to what they tell you on a plane - in the event of an emergency put your [air] mask on before putting someone elses. Or in simplified terms - In order to help other people you need to help yourself first. Why would someone listen to you if your life is in shambles and you are doing nothing to stop it? Or if are a big goal setter but you never achieve your goals? Take a step back and work on doing the things that you need to be doing.

We talked about professionalism. Image is really everything. The image you portray affects that attitude of outsiders, and insiders for that matter. When we think of the things that are major factors for a professional image they are things like outward appearance, speech/grammar/language, hospitality, organization, and punctuality. It's true. If people look sloppy or are not very welcoming, you are not likely to go back and/or feel comfortable. Obviously this is different for a more casual setting, but what attracts you to a group is first how they appear, so it is important not to sell yourself short from the door. Because then no matter what you say your first impression has already been decided. Things that the group thought showed an unprofessional image were vulgarity, poor grammar, poor hygiene/outward appearance, non-punctual timing, and a forceful or bossy group.

This is only a snippet of the things that I learned but I hope you learn from it and get out there and start making things happen.

:)

What do you know?

2009-12-07T20:19:00.003-05:00

I don't know. I don't know where I will be 1 year from now. I don't know what I will eat for dinner tomorrow. I don't know when I will have the time to learn Linus and Lucy before Christmas. I don't know if I will buy a house or stay living in an apartment. I don't know if I will get a dog anytime soon. I don't know if I keep my mouth shut about some things I really want to talk about. And I don't know if I am going ice skating in Rockefeller center.

I just don't know. And the funny thing is, I'm kinda okay with that. For the first time I'm not necessarily feeling the need to plan ahead. I kinda want to just go with the flow, enjoy the here and now, and see where it takes me. I was in a very similar situation not too long ago. Of course the circumstances were different, but I tried to live my life knowing what was going to happen, and the truth of the matter is that you don't know what is going to happen. So why not live the best life you can right now and get to tomorrow when it arrives?

This is all easier said than done and I love to have a plan of attack, but in this particular case it's almost relieving not to have to think about tomorrow. It may come and then you figure out what to do when that happens.

I've got choices. I've got so many options and possibilites. I am thrilled, and frankly downright excited to see how this all plays out. Yup, that is how I choose to feel right now.

*muah* world!

Colin Powell on Diplomacy

2009-11-04T23:39:00.002-05:00

I had the privilege of hearing former Secretary of State, General Colin Powell, deliver a talk on diplomacy Tuesday evening (Nov 3) at a local university. Hopefully I can convey his message for those that might not have been able to attend. My thoughts mixed in with thoughts from the talk:

The United States of America is a diverse nation. Throughout the country there are pockets of various cultures - Black, Hispanic, European, Asian, etc. My parents are immigrants. Most of my friends's parents are immigrants, and many people I have met in school have immigrated here. Sometimes for a better life or better way of living, and other times to escape turmoil. And sometimes it's just for a visit to complete schooling or 'see the world.' Whatever the cause, there exists, for whatever reason, a plethora of differences, and, amongst those differences, similarities.

On September 11, 2001 the US was attacked by terrorists. I will put aside any discussion on Iraq, Iran, Pakistan, or Afghanistan, as that diminishes what the point is today. The point being that for however long, we, as Americans, became afraid. We became afraid of people that looked a certain way (Middle Eastern) or were a certain religion (Muslim). And the more ignorant people acted on this fear in ways that are not commendable. Some Americans became prejudiced, almost racist, against Arabs/Muslims/whatever other cultures fit into this box and turned very unAmerican. We got nervous on airplanes if someone fit this description. These people were the ones being 'randomly' searched at the airport. Each. And. Every. Time. I know, I have friends whose last name fits the bill. And this fear caused other countries and people to even wonder if they should come to the US; to think that maybe they wouldn't be welcome.

Add a couple of wars on top of this, and 'those' people killing 'our' soldiers, and the tension and anger increases. And now, 8 years later, where are we? We are in a much safer state than when we started. Safeguards have been put into place to protect us from the threats that were so prevalent before. Powell remarks at how he too was thoroughly searched at the airport. And as annoying as it may be, it is just another way for the government to ensure our safety. Passport and visa laws have been restructured and made more strict. The list is endless. And so now, we, the people living in the United States, can stop worrying about trying to be our own detective and just move on and embrace the American way of life we had before 9/11. And this American way of life includes welcoming others of different culture and backgrounds, and opening up our minds to think of "us" as more than the United States of America, but as a world.

Which brings me to the 4 E's Powell talked about. The first E is empowerment of wealth. I hate money, but lets face it - money makes the world go 'round. We need money to buy food, for transportation, education, clothing, anything you can name. It shouldn't be that way, but that's the way it is. Powell talked about China and how they were a relatively poor country 30 years ago and now are backing one of the most industrial countries in the world (the US). There was chatter a couple of years back about China going to war with, or at least opposing, the US. He said - no way. With nearly every toy in Walmart being made in China, there's no way that they would give up that market. That brings up a pet peeve of mine that the US has lost the toy-making trade, but that's for another blog.

So you have China making toys and gadgets, coffee from Columbia and countries in Africa, oil from the Middle East, and much much more. So there is there huge import/export relationship going on with a ton of countries. And the driver for all of this is - you guessed it, the cha ching ($). So if we want to understand our neighbors and be more diplomatic, we have to understand how everyone makes their living and apply fairness to that.

The second E is for energy. As we (as a collective whole) become more wealthy we are bound to use more energy. More transportation allows us to travel further, using more fuel, more light, more energy in the form of work, more labor to get the parts needed to assemble the vehicles, and just more of everything. We are in a technological age where everyone and their brother is on some type of social media, has a blackberry, and/or has a bluetooth capable cell phone. We are always accessible. We have to dial 10 digits on our phones now because they needed to create more numbers. The satellites and servers are being bombarded with information. This transfer of information requires energy. So the circle of life continues - in order to progress we need to better understand our actual energy needs (versus wants) and become more socially responsible.

This is especially true for the US. We are the highest user of energy in the world, consumer more than our fair share. And changing that has a lot to do with changing lifestyles and mindsets. I don't know how many times I have heard "well I don't have to pay for it" in response to turning off a light switch or faucet. I'm not flawless on this either, but we DO have to pay for it. Whether it's your great grand child, or the extra carbon emissions you've just produced (we won't even talk about stupid carbon credits yet, another blog), you have affected the world but you lazy choice not to do something. And when it's 2 billion people and they just have to have the tv, computer, ipod, blackberry, and cappuccino machine running all at the same time we're making a bigger dent faster than is ever necessary.

The third E is education. I am very adamant about this cause as well, because it is near and dear to my heart. We have too many kids who do not finish high school. Way too many. Everyone should have a basic level of education - even if college is not for a kid and they decide to pick up a trade or something, they should at least be equipped with certain tools needed to live. The high school drop out rate is even worse for minorities. You have more kids becoming statistics than graduates. And society ends up paying for it one way or another - whether its in early teenage pregnancy, or paying to put up another convict in a high security prison, or paying food stamps for the kids who's parents went to jail - so why not pay when you can be preventative, rather than reactionary? Kids need to go to school, parents need to stop blaming teachers, and communities need to have more options than the street and gangs.

The fourth E is for the environment. This goes along with the first two E's pretty well. As we become more industrialized and begin using more energy we need to limit our emissions and be careful of what we are doing to the environment. The earth is changing, and it's becoming more and more noticeable. It's pretty self-explanatory.

So that pretty much summarizes Gen. Powell's talk. I went on a couple of tangents that I hope to expound upon later, but the gist of it all is - war is not always the answer. Oftentimes it is not the answer to solving the violent problems. Violence ensues because of fear. When a dog is fearful of his territory being taken he gets defensive. When countries have their defenses up it is much harder to talk - similar to the fall of the Iron Curtain. We have to meet people where they are so that we can have a more diplomatic approach to resolving these issues. A lot of political problems can be solved by social change, i.e. healthcare reform, and education. If people are more educated they will statistically be healthier (cost less in health insurance), and less likely to commit crimes (cost less in judicial fees and police departments). So one 'simple' change can have drastically positive effects.

I could go on forever, but at this point the choice is yours. What are you doing to be a part of the solution and not the problem? If only 20% of the people do 80% of the work, the world will look very skewed.

What do you Want?

2009-11-02T22:17:00.002-05:00

I am forced to answer this question, not because I want to, but because in the long scheme of things it really is the deciding factor in the path I, or one, choose to take. I feel like we have to know what we want and keep that in the back of our mind, or we will be inclined to settle. If you don't have an idea of the magnitude of what it is that you really really desire, than you are bound to accept just anything.

Case in point your first house: if you have never dreamed of what your first house; your first home; would be like then you don't already have the french doors picked out, you have no idea of the fabric of the couches, or that corner seat in the kitchen, or the wood floors in the living room. You would not have imagined having grass in the back, but not in the front, etc. If you have no idea what you want, then you are likely to take what you can get. Sure, you'll look through the housing ads and see what's out there, but you'll probably pick from the pile, rather than holding off and waiting for the one that you really want.

Life is much similar, if I may expound. If you go to college without a major then your whole purpose in that first year, or couple of years, is to see what's out there and what peaks your fancy. However, if you are the kid that wanted to be a lawyer since they were 5, you have a clear-cut vision of where you see yourself. Your first year will be attempting to realize that goal that you had. So we have two very different scenarios. At some point the wandering college kid should be come the focused college kid and have an idea of what they want. If not, then they may be likely to have their major chosen for them, perhaps by teachers who tell them they are good at something, or by grades that indicate the same.

And then there's love. It seems all paths lead to this at some point. You need to have some idea of what you want or don't want so that you don't end up settling. I feel like today's society is all about what they can get quickly, rather than waiting on what they actually want. And I think a lot of that has to do with people's inability to articulate what they actually want. As if defining such a thing binds you to only selecting people whom match you entirely.

Somewhere online I read that there were some main components of compatibility: intellectual, spiritual, social, family, and lifestyle. Compatibility by no means says they have to be on the same page as you or be into the same things; it just means that you both have to be ok with the choices the other person has made in that category. So if I am a rocket scientist and I only want to be with rocket scientists, then what's the point of going out with a lawyer, if I know that it's always going to bother me that they may not understand the physics behind rocket science? That is where you have to decide what you really want. If it really matters that they be a rocket scientist, then you need to pass, but if it's not that important, maybe you were being too specific, and you just wanted someone you could hold an intellectual conversation with, then you have just opened up the doorways while still maintaining your standards. Similarly if you are a huge introvert and you don't want someone to push you to do things or go out, then why, by all means, go out with a club promoter? It is just destined to fail.

Obviously I am dealing with extremes here for the sake of a good example, but the same is true on the non-extreme end. Whether it be the smoking, drinking, swearing, nail-biting, or tattoo-addiction, if there is something inherently against your 'standard' in the compatibility categories than you might be in a losing battle. But if you can live with this person's constant need to eat when you constantly want to exercise and it does not bother you, than by all means go for it.

It's all about what you really want/need. I think it's important that we define that, at least to ourselves. If someone wants to gain 20 lbs by eating more protein and exercising more they have defined what they want. If someone wants to run a marathon they will need to train, because that is ultimately the way to get what they want. We can't run around all nilly dilly and hope that we get what we want. We need to know, or at least have a faint idea of, what we want and then take the successive steps to get us where we need to be. And at the same time not accept anything sub-par (for lack of a better term) that comes along just because it's there.

That's the tricky part, because if I'm hungry and we're going out for lobster, but the cheeseburger is right there I am so tempted to ruin my appetite for the quick fix that wasn't what I truly wanted.

Interesting.

Blog Action Day 2009

2009-10-15T23:58:00.001-04:00

I would not do this post justice without more time, so come back for a good post on climate change.

Transparent

2009-10-07T22:40:00.003-04:00

. . .I wear my heart on my sleeve . . .

. . . this shirt is getting a little worn . . .

. . . I'm thinking of going sleeveless . . .

Distractions

2009-09-30T22:25:00.002-04:00

I am distracted right now. Very much so. It's like there are a million thoughts running around in the racetrack in my head. Which one to focus on? Which one to let go? And then I don't even have control over whether or not to think about these things. It's like you want to think about life and come to some conclusion about what you should do or where you should go, but all of your choices are dependent on other factors, so then you end up thinking about each of these branches, and again it's a myriad of thoughts. Sometimes I welcome the distraction, because it is a pleasant thought of being somewhere else, relaxing, enjoying the situation; but then there's always the should I or shouldn't I question. Which way in the fork in the road should I go? Am I brave enough to take the risk? What happens if I'm wrong?

Sometimes it helps to verbalize this and to say it out loud to someone else, but I almost feel like saying it out loud makes it really exist, and then you have more to think about. Then you have someone else's opinion to consider. I want to do what I want to do, but then again I don't, for fear of the outcome. It would be awesome to play these out in a big screen, with popcorn, the three decisions, and then decide to go through door A, B, or C. But no such luck. And I guess it's for the best, because we wouldn't want to have that much control.

If not now, then when?

Please don't go

2009-08-13T22:42:00.005-04:00

I was watching Friends tonight and they were showing the episode where Rachel was leaving for Paris. Ross is undecided about whether he should tell her he loves her one more time and go after her or let her be. It's the ultimate dilemma. Do you ruin someone elses decision for your own selfish need to express how you feel? Or do you keep your feelings to yourself when they can change another person's opinon? Or is it that you owe it to the person to lay all the cards on the table so that they can make their own decision?

It's a difficult choice. Yes, I'd love for some guy to go chasing after me, to hunt me down in the airport, go through all that security, and time it perfectly so he calls my name as I've handed my boarding pass to the agent. Then through my peripheral vision I see a shadow which causes me to turn left and my jaw drops, saying "what are you doing here?" Yes, I'd love that feeling that they are so undeniably in love with you that they risked the world to make it here on time to tell you just that.

And that is probably one of the greatest feelings in the world, but then it's followed by the worst feelings in the world - this rushed window to make your decision. This pressure to make the decision that this guy came all the way over here to hear, always wondering in the back of your head if you are deciding what you want to do based on external expectations, given the gesture. Then there's the slight annoyance I would feel that, really? you didn't know this yesterday? That would have made life so much easier.

So in essence, do we really want that? Do we want the big grand gesture of the person running for all causes to get to you in time. I loved the scene in Save the Last Dance when he is running to make her show in time. I love scenes when the guys running through the rain (and manages not to slip). But truth be told, it's a whole lotta pressure and I can't say that I would want that. I don't know what I'd be able to say to some guy on their knee saying "Please don't go."

It's great for tv - a great tear-jerker, but really? Yeah, I'd have to say that it's just too hard.

You gotta love sitcom writers . . .

Simplified Decisions

2009-07-12T17:09:00.002-04:00

It is funny how a single event or realization can make you go "ohhhhhhhh, I get it now." Well, I get it. Decisions do not have to be as complicated as we make them. I know, I know, I often overanalyze every single detail of a decision, creating a "what if" tree to try to figure out which outcome would be the best. A friend points out that you can't plan around emotions. I can be as mad as I want for feeling a certain way about a feeling that I can not help, but you know what? I'm human, and it is what it is. I can't guarantee that another person in my position would feel the same way and I don't know that anyone knowing this would care. More than likely (9 times out of 10) someone else would just shrug and say oh well.

I am very happy about a decision I recently made. It worked out in my favor. I did exactly what I wanted and when all was said and I done I was perplexed about what my anxieties regarding that decision were. "It's not that deep" is what I will be saying to myself to remind me that no one else really cares about the decisions I make unless they directly affect them, so I need to stop trying to tiptoe around eggshells to protect everyone's ego; especially those of distant "strangers."

I'd write more, but I wouldn't want to overanalyze. Haha.

Have a great Sunday!

Drama Free Summer

2009-07-01T22:41:00.002-04:00

Seriously. Drama is so played out. I absolutely abhor it. I like honesty and truthfulness, but not blunty rude. I hate back-stabbing and being spiteful. I hate mind games and tricks being played. I like walks along a cool summer night with great conversation. I hate cursing and swearing. I hate when people compare individuals. I hate being compared. I hate being ostracized or left out on purpose. I like inclusion and making everyone feel welcome. I love hugs and kisses on the cheek. I hate obligated hugs. I hate air conditioning. I love having the car windows down singing along with music. I hate when people don't say excuse me or hold the door or even slightly push it back for you. I hate seeing kids talk back to their parents. I hate reality shows that just reinforce stereotypes others have tried so hard to fight. I hate when people think they know everything. I hate not being able to ask a question because I just know that person is judging my intelligence. I hate when people smoke. I especially hate it when smokers feel the need to stand right by the non-smoking doorway. I love dancing. I love when someone grabs your hand and leads you somewhere. I love chapstick. I hate being the only one in a room with a certain opinion, yet I love that I can hold my ground and stand for what I believe. I hate that I keep falling for the wrong guys. Over and over again. I hate when people cheat. I hate when people try to involve me in a lie. I actually hate keeping secrets; it used to be fun but now they get more serious and held to the grave. I hate not being able to talk to friends because of time zones. I hate money. I love the wind and the sky and rainbows. I love the sound of water hitting the shore. I hate the thought of drowning. I would hate if I was that tree falling in the forrest that "doesn't make a sound." I love to listen to people's stories. I love to talk. I hate when people talk over other people. I hate being rushed while I'm eating. I hate fakeness. I hate the "politics" of life. I love that I don't know what's going to happen next, but I hate being anxious. I love people that are just simply good people. I love looking into someone's eyes and seeing that pure love for life. I love God and all the things He has done. I'd hate if I didn't know Him. I hate when people don't answer hypothetical questions. I love to discuss books and ideas. I hate it when people are mean to others. I hate seeing people spit. I hate brussel sprouts. I love corn. I love how some people are not bothered by things. I love it when someone knows a lot about something and shares. I love running into people I know in the city. I hate having to make the effort all the time. I'd hate to be on call 24/7. I hate when babies cry. I hate it when something is bothering someone and you ask them over and over and they tell you know, yet a friend of yours tells you the truth. I hate the stupid choices that people make. I hate when people don't know how you feel. I hate drama.

Ok, so there's probably a lot more 'I hate's' then 'I love' and I guess that was me venting all of 2009 out (ahhhhhhhhh), so let's end on a good note. The weather has been absolutely gorgeous lately, and I can not wait to spend more time outside this holiday weekend. I have several married friends who are preparing to have kids and it's a wonderful thing. I am really happy for them. Life is good.

Michael Jackson's Influence

2009-06-25T23:28:00.002-04:00

Michael Jackson passed away today. This is a very sad moment. My condolences to his family and to all those who mourn. RIP Michael Jackson.

So . . .

It's easy to ignore someone's affect on you if you have not directly been in contact with them. But you would really be surprised at how close we are in this world. Whether it be a song you hear on the radio, a book you read, or a movie you watch, there is often a connection between you and someone else, especially if they are world renown.

And so, in honor of Michael Jackson, here are some connections for those who think he did not have an impact on them. Regardless or what you think of his personal life Michael Jackson was a great musical artist. He paved the way for many artists of today and dramatically changed the way we watch music videos and listen to songs, among other things. Labelled as the "King of Pop" I think he has by far reached all genres and managed to reach pockets of the world that some of us would not have ever fathomed.

This website lists a ton of MJ songs that have been covered by other artists

http://www.hypeful.com/2008/09/04/the-big-5-0-150-cover-songs-of-madonna-michael-jackson-prince/

Here's a snipet:

Mika - “I Want You Back”
KT Tunstall - “I Want You Back”
Lightspeed Champion - “Thriller”
Ian Brown - “Thriller”
Petra Haden - “Thriller”
Ananda - “Thriller”
Fall Out Boy - “Beat It”
Amy Winehouse and Charlotte Church - “Beat It”
Señor Coconut And His Orchestra - “Beat It”
James Morrison - “Man In The Mirror”
Robert Randolph and the Family Band - “Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough”
Jazztronik - “Rock With You”
John Legend and Stephen Colbert - “The Girl is Mine”
David Cook - “Billie Jean”
Glenn Case - “Human Nature”
Chenard Walcker - “Remember the Time”
Sam Miller & Andy Smith - “Dancing Machine”
Kris Moyse - “Blame It On The Boogie”
The Moons - “I’ll Be There”
Transformer Di Roboter - “Stranger In Moscow”

And for the dance world, the choreographers who worked on MJs videos have gained world recognition.

Michael Peters, who choreographed "Thriller" also directed music videso for Lionel Riche, Diana Ross, and Billy Joel.

Fatima Robinson did the choreography for "Remember the Time" and "Black and White" has worked in movies "Save the Last Dance"; "Shall we Dance", and with VH1, and the 2009 Academy Awards.

Farah Khan, a famous Bollywood actress began doing choreography after watching "Thriller." She has gone on to do the choreography for Monsoon Wedding, Bombay Dreams and other movies.

He's been featured in various magazines: Rolling Stone, People, Ebony, Jet, Italian Vogue, Life, and many others.

MJ will remain a legend, like Elvis, Bob Marley, John Lennon, Cher, and many more to come. Let's all remember not to disregard their influence on the things we now enjoy.

~RIP MJ~

Moving On

2009-06-24T23:32:00.002-04:00

You don't always get that goodbye that you wanted, or that one last hug, or sometimes you don't even get an apology when someone has wronged you. There is always something that we want for "closure." I hate that term sometimes. Does it even exist? There's always more that could have been done. And I feel like rather than things being "finished" or "closed" we learn to live with what we get.

But, in light of the fact that we live in a world full of imperfect humans and we can not control others peoples actions or responses, one just has to move on. When the time is right and there's been the appropriate sulking, tearfest, angry phase, and [insert whatever emotion you need to feel to be "over it"] you just have to let bygons be bygons and take one for the team and move on. Unfortunately, sometimes this team consists of one sole player: you, so it gets frustrating to always take one for the team, but what better way to describe our losses? We won't get everything that we want. And sometimes you just have to bite your tongue, let the jealousy and anger pass, and shrug, because it just wasn't your turn to have it.

So, it wasn't my turn to have that thing that I had wanted. And it's all for the better. So today June 24, 2009 I am moving on. And the resentment and anger and jealously eventually subsides and you can be content for your "component" and sincerly appreciative that you are no longer in a situation that doesn't work.

I love the line in India.Arie's song (can't remember the name right now) that the worst disease is Hate. And it is true; it eats and eats at you until you are bitter and angry; and that leads to hurting others, whether verbally or physically; or at the very least thinking negative thoughts of others.

Let the chips fall where they may. I've got bigger fish to fry. hahaha

Everything is funnier in hindsight.

As of late

2009-06-09T22:21:00.002-04:00

More and more I wonder where I stand with you. I love the fact that we have this bond that no one would quite understand. I know things about you that you probably don't discuss with others, and you know personal things about my life and me. There's this connection between us that somehow binds us together. And yet, I feel I belong to the private sector, like I'm your secret friend. I love it that I can be in the private circle and have a deeper understanding of who you are, but I also feel like I'm hiding in the shadows when others come to play, like I'm only fun when no one else is around.

Maybe it's me - maybe I'm in this weird state where I'm just non-trusting of people as they get closer and closer because that's usually about the time when I get hurt. Or I've been said to raise the bar too high for those to jump above. Or maybe it's not all in my head and I'm not allowing myself to believe that you just are that inconsiderate and just squeezing out the juice of friendship as much as you can before you toss the orange away.

I don't know which one it is, but I get a little tired of having to figure it out all the time. And I get mad at myself for trying so hard to keep your friendship. Why not just let it go away in the waves? There's that crazy glue bond that I can't seem to understand. And really, I don't need to understand it; I just need to make sure that you are holding on as much as I am holding on. Becauase if it's just me pulling you on the shore . . . then I'll let go.

Hold on or let go? The inevitable question.

Out with the Old . . .

2009-06-02T23:56:00.002-04:00

The long used adage - out with the old, in with the new is great for everyday life. New is so easy to come by. You can buy something or fix something so that it is like new. But the 'out with the old' part, well that, that is a doosey. I'm purging right now - I think it has more to do with mentally wanting to move on - from old ideas, to old methods, to cleansing myself of negative people, things, etc. - than anything else. And it feels good, so good, to finally get rid of things that have been tagging along for literally years. At the final point when you let it go you wonder to yourself - that was easy, why didn't I do that years ago?

The downside of all this cleansing, so to speak, is that it brings up memories. For the most part I think we choose to keep the good memories, and we let the bad memories be forgotten. Well sometimes you miss people that were in your life or that had a different role then as they do now. And it's the same out with the old, in with the new attitude with people, but it's somehow tougher when a non inanimate object is involved.

So I think I'm on this great whirlwind for purging and throwing things out that I no longer need to hold on to. But then BAM I was hit with this longing for something that's no longer within my realm to want. And I know that, but it hurts a little. I just have to remind myself that nothing worth having ever comes easy and I have to have a little more patience and faith that God knows what He's doing.

Definitely working on the patience part.

I bid adieu for now.

Summer

2009-05-17T23:22:00.002-04:00

Summer is almost here. I can feel it. You know what? I don't care for problems or drama right now. I seriously don't care. My watch battery died the other day and I haven't had it replaced, so I just stopped wearing my watch. It's so funny how that tiny symbolic gesture has made things so much simpler. I'm not always worried about what "time" it is, so to speak. And I'm not really letting petty things get to me. "Time" as we know it is this abstract idea, and just as language is the words that we make it up to be, time is an compiliation of all the events that we want it to be. And so if you don't want something to be in your "time," eliminate it.

So I am off to a new start. Again. Haha, yes I tend to do this several times a year. And it always feels good. Out with the old, in with the new.

Random book I picked up: The Stinky Cheeseman and Other Fairly Stupid Tales

Musical Playlist

2009-04-16T23:39:00.004-04:00

I love words strewn together. Music, to me, is the poetry of life. It is an ongoing essay, where everyone is independently going through the same hardships, the same feelings, and the same . . .life. As different as we all may be I am fascinated that I can share the sentiment of someone I've never met. So, since I can not seem to get of this rollercoaster of life, I might as well listen to some music while riding.

Here is my latest "musical playlist" story.

One day, you're just minding your business and you meet someone that you did not expect to meet. And maybe they sweep you off your feet.

1. “Sway” Michael Buble
Only you have the magic technique
When we sway I go 'Weeeeeeeeeeee'

Do I go the safe route or do I take a chance on what could be awesome or yet another mistake?

2“I hope you dance” Lee Ann Womack
And when you get the chance to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance.

And maybe they tell you everything that you want to hear, and they are the person that you can confide in

3. "1,2,3,4" Plain White Tees
Tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not
[…]
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends

So you give love a chance, hoping that you won't get hurt

4.“L-O-V-E” Nat King Cole
Take my heart and please don't break it

At some point you have to just go for it and either leave your feet planted or jump.

5. “Breathe (2am)” Anna Nalick
‘Cause you can’t jump the track
with line cars on the cable
and life’s like an hour glass
glued to the table

And you may be on the ride of your life. And they seem like everything you could ask for; or close enough.

6. “The Truth” India.Arie
I love the way he speaks
I love the way he thinks
I love the way he treats his mama
I love that gap in between his teeth
I love him in every way that a woman can love a man from personal to universal but most of all its unconditional

Unfortunately, things don't always work out. And you try and try but to no avail.

7. “The Pieces Don’t Fit Anymore” James Morrison
It’s time to surrender
It’s been too long pretending
There’s no use in trying
When the pieces don’t fit anymore

Lying, cheating, stealing; the whole nine yards

8. “My Sweet Song” Toby Lightman
Oh you said love was forever
and you told me told me love would never
Break my heart,
and I believed you as I fell

And maybe you tak a little longer to catch on, but eventually you do.

9. “Irreplaceable” Beyonce
So since I’m not your everything
How about I’ll be nothing

You go through your "woe is me" phase. And then they become less important to you as you realize you deserve so much better

10. “Over it” Katherine McPhee
Because I’m so over
‘I’m sorry’

Of course you are angry, but at some point you just don't have the energy; nor should you waste any additional time, on this chump

11. “I Can’t Hate You Anymore” Nick Lachey
We built it up
To watch it fall
Like we meant nothing at all

But regardless of the outcome, you had to make your mistakes on your own. You have to take the calculated risk, so that you can figure out what you need to do. It IS better to have loved, than to never have loved at all, no matter how much it hurts.

12. “Right to be wrong” Joss Stone
I've got a right to be wrong
Got to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to me

And to be perfectly honest, it's almost better to make your mistakes on the jerks and people not worth it, so that you are all fine-tuned when the real deal shows up

13. “My favorite mistake” Sheryl Crow
You’re my favorite mistake

And then you move on.

14. "Knock You Down" Keri Hilson
Sometimes love comes around
and it knocks you down
Just get back up
when it knocks you down

The ride is a beautiful thing. Even though it gets a little bumpy, I wouldn't trade the experience for anything in the world. For now, I'm going to stick in line and ride another ride.

Maybe I'll even get one of those fast lane passes one day . . .

Better to have loved?

2009-03-11T23:00:00.003-04:00

That's what they say right? Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Well, the interim can be pretty sucky. Because just when you think you've moved on something reminds you of their smile or warm embrace and you resist every urge to tell them how much you care about them. Because that was yesterday. And today is today. And it's so hard to have to hold in your true feelings.

But today I bite my tongue. So my lips don't utter what my heart is feeling.

Randomnicities

2009-03-04T22:52:00.003-05:00

Well it has been a little over a week since I've decided to get offline. Ok, since I actually got offline. I decided a little before then. This has turned into somewhat of a social experiment for me. So far it's been really interesting. The first couple of days were hard because I was really wondering what was going on and wanted to be in the know; but as the days passed I found other ways to spend my time and it's actually pretty liberating. I'm not tied down to a computer for hours or feeling the need to check on things so often. I've met up with people [in person] that I hadn't talked to in a while, cleaned up around the place, and not been as stressed out about finding out things the unnatural way. And I've found that people that really want to get a hold of me will utilize the many other avenues of communication. In some ways I am avoiding certain things but it's nice to have a break; I needed to have a break. I do miss talking to certain people who's main communication was via the internet and I know that I am not responding to messages that I don't even know that I have. So that is a downside, but again I haven't moved, my number hasn't changed, and my email still works, so I'm finding that I'm getting by and enjoying this simplification. Now that my cold is going away I will have even more time to see where this goes. And when the weather gets really nice it's going to be me and my bike and my mp3 player. And maybe a book. And a puzzle. The possibilities are endless. And I love it!

Life Lesson # 39285

2009-02-14T00:02:00.003-05:00

You've got to be kidding yourself if you don't believe that a series of events all leading up to the same thing are not in any way or shape related. Well, I have had an interesting, to say the least, week. And I guess I finally figured out what my lesson was. After a month of being frustrated with what I was getting into, what I was learning, and just this mass information overload - like a lightbulb went off in my head - I get it. And it's like duh!! Why didn't I figure this out a month or even two months ago? So . . . drumroll please . . . I think this time the lesson was to . . . get offline. The internet is a great tool, but it's time for me to save on my energy bill and just do other things. There are a couple of books that I've been meaning to read, and my purging phase of old documents needs to be complete. The internet has been frustrating me lately and I haven't managed to ween myself away. Well, I think it's time. So I'm going to try. I obviously have to stay online to blog to wonderful readers like you (hi-five) and to find out about great dance events in the area, but yeah, this transparency of myself and what's going on in my life, is not exactly the transparency I was aiming for. Nor do I need to know what's going on in other people's lives all the time. I'd like to talk more to people in person, rather than chatting, and just get back to the ideals of less being more. Sooooooo after many attempts at my sanity, I have finally figured out my lesson.

:)

Friendship

2009-01-25T21:26:00.002-05:00

I think I'm using the word too lightly. Or at least, as of late, it's been biting me in the butt. With myspace and facebook, and any other online stalking application you can think of, anyone that knows you can request to be your "friend." But let's step back a second. They aren't really your friend. The button should really read - "People that I know." I would prefer that much more. I'm trying to remind myself that people that I know - whether it be from off the street, high school, college, grad school, or work, are just that - people that I know, and they all aren't actually my friends. They aren't people that you can call at 2am when your car won't start and you want to get home, or that will call you to see if you are sick because they hadn't heard from you in a week, or that you would call to hang out just for fun. They aren't people that would care to let you know about the car giveaway a mile from your house, or that you would text a most hilarious joke. No, these are virtual "buddies" who are just accumulating numbers to say that you are indeed their friend. Now, there are different levels of friendship in real life, so don't get me wrong. And obviously online applications are great for keeping in touch with those that are far far away, but for the ones that are right here in your backyard, literally minutes from your doorstep, it is a cold, hard, reminder that that little title online, really doesn't hold its weight. And I guess I let it get the best of me and thought that these people actually were my friends and that they did care about me. Nope, wrong again. I'm just another number on their profile. And I'm not going to fight it. It's just that I needed to realize that - because I was getting offended by what my "friends" were doing without me, then I realized they weren't my friends to begin with. And now I'm in the process of weeding out in my head who I think I can call just to talk. They will all remain "friends" because for me the label simply means "People I know" but I will no longer count on them to be there for me or to care about me or my well-being, because that's how I got into this mess in the first place. But if feels good to say it out loud. Makes it real. And don't worry - if you are reading this, then you probably aren't one of the ones I'm talking to :)

Happy New Year - 2009!

2009-01-03T00:49:00.003-05:00

It is 2009. Believe it or not, but 2008 is over. 2008 was very interesting. Very. Interesting. To say the least. But now it is about looking forward.To enjoy each moment as it comes. And not to dwell on things that are beyond are control. Here's to realizing that there's more than "your way" and the "wrong way" but others are entitled to make their own mistakes and do things "their way." And here's to letting go of people/objects/ideas that are detrimental to our well-being; to our growth. Here's to having the courage to say no when it's that acorn covered in gold, or that million dollar empty jar. And here's to not having to be put through the test to show that you have faith. 2009 is about having an opinion and not just going with the crowd. For working hard and getting things done. And most of all, to do something which benefits someone else in this little world of ours.

Winter Song

2008-12-27T17:58:00.002-05:00

This is a really pretty song. It fits my mood right now. Life is just so . . . well . . . unpredictable. And just like the snow that has fallen, things feel pretty clear right now, if only momentarily. And I'm ok with that, ironically.

"Winter Song" by Sara Bareilles (ft Ingrid Michaelson)

Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum

This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon,
It rolls in from the sea

My voice; a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light,
To carry you to me.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love

They say that things just cannot grow
Beneath the winter snow,
Or so I have been told.

They say were buried far,
Just like a distant star
I simply cannot hold.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
Cause you're not where you belong;
Inside my arms.

Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum

I still believe in summer days.
The seasons always change
And life will find a way.

I'll be your harvester of light
And send it out tonight
So we can start again.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
Cause you're not where you belong;
Inside my arms.

This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon
It rolls in from the sea.

My love a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light
To carry you to me.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

Life These Days

2008-11-15T01:59:00.003-05:00

I can not believe it is already November 2008. It seems like we were just celebrating the new year. Well, life for me, has been nothing short of exciting. It's a constant rollercoaster of events, feelings, situations. I have learned a lot thus far and I wanted to take a minute to share.

1. Don't Settle for settling: This may sound funny, but I think we sometimes become accostomed to not always getting what we want, so we settle for the "next best," although it may not always be what we want. I learned this helpful little lesson while purchasing a bookshelf. Sometimes you need to hold off for what you really want rather than taking what's there. And if it's a really important decision see if you can sleep on it. When you aren't in the heat of the moment, you are more likely to make a rationale decision.

2. Have a game plan: I have heard too many times people telling me that you never know what you are going to do when the actual situation comes up. I agree, but I don't think it hurts to have a plan. I'm not saying that you can, or should, try to plan out every aspect of your life, but you can consider what you would want to do in important situations. It won't always work, mind you, but at least you would have had a plan. For instance - no one wants to get into a car accident, but if you have all of your numbers handy and a list of things to do you don't have to worry later about forgetting to get the other person's driver license number or something along those lines.

3. Be vocal: Sometimes we are all afraid of committment, so when we do commit to something we only tell ourselves. Well, we need to be held accountable. If you are staying away from sweets for a week let someone know. That way if you are about to slip, they can encourage you, or you can feel compelled to stick to your agreement because there are people around you who would witness your breaking your committment. If you tend to drink or smoke and you want to go the night without, telling someone will alleviate your stress because they know you don't want anything and they may refrain from offering. Relying on willpower will get you into trouble at times.

4. Love life: Life is too short. Enjoy the smallest joys that life has to offer, whether it even be the little kid waving to you when no one all day muttered a hello.

5. Patience: be patient. This is probably my biggest downfall. Time does not like to be rushed. It can't, in fact, and we must remember this. Everything happens in its own time and worrying about the future or trying to progress things will not help. I like things NOW. I like answers to my questions NOW, so I'm learning to wait. Sometimes the answer naturally arises or becomes apparent.

That's it for now. I just had to get some things out my head.

La dee da guys

I'm Hungry - Blog Action Day

2008-10-15T23:55:00.002-04:00

Quite often I have heard people say “I am Hungry,” and then proceed to find some type of substance to fulfill their request. But what if your words fell onto deaf ears, or ears that could hear but could not do anything to help you? If you’ve ever fasted or gone without food for an extended period of time, than maybe you can relate. But if you haven’t – just imagine if there was no food in the fridge and you didn’t have the money to buy anything and all of your friends were in the same situation. How would you feel then?

How would you feel if you were starving? Dehydrated? Perhaps I’m being a bit dramatic, but if you lived like that then you wouldn’t think this was such a moot point. The purpose in this imaginative thinking is to get you to think. Perhaps you have never dealt with poverty on a personal level. I know that I haven’t. Ans so it becomes this surreal “world problem” that can be flipped off with the late night shows showing kids from various third-world countries. It’s as easy as that to forget about the 850 million people in the US that go hungry each night. And it shouldn’t be. We should not turn away and forget about it because it doesn’t affect us, or isn’t important.

The topic of this years blog action day as you may have guessed is poverty. And so I was challenged. I was challenged to write my thoughts on poverty for the world to read. This is a daunting task, but I take it with the utmost respect. Because it is those without a voice that deserve to be most heard.

First, let’s get the facts straight. Poverty as defined in the United States is determined by the Department of Health & Human services. The thresholds and guidelines are provided with help from the US census. Basically, for a family of 4 an income less than $21, 200 per year would qualify you as being in the poverty level. For a single person it is about $10,000. The World Bank publishes that 1.4 billion people in the world live in poverty, defined as living on less than $1.25/day.

The United Nations Development Programme attributes poverty to at least 3 sources other than lack of income: “ill-health, illiteracy, [and] lack of access to basic social services.”

I’m not here to convince you that poverty exists, because it does. I am reminding you to reconsider it, because it has gone to the back of some of our brains. Perhaps we have gotten caught up in fighting other first that we just don’t have the energy. And that is a shame. It is a shame that in a world so plentiful people must die from hunger.One person in the Micah Challenge video (see link below) said that the only difference between a kid in an impoverished country and one in a wealthy country is their circumstance. If you were born into an unfortunate situation – wouldn’t you want help?

I’m not going to even try to encompass all that is poverty into this blog post. But doing this research has challenged me, and I hope you, to do something. I think we get so overwhelmed with other problems. And since we can’t possibly tackle everything, we lose energy and decided not to focus on any one particular problem.

So, you can close this window and never think of poverty again. However, hopefully I have at least momentarily convinced you to think of what you would like someone else to do if you were in an impoverished country.

There are a couple of things that individuals can do to help:
1) Find out more information and share with people – you can check out the references, use a search engine, learn more and get the facts
2) Write letters to your political representatives. It takes energy to bring about change and maybe there are some issues that your local area could change that would impact those in other places
3) Consider what you are buying. Where did it come from? Do we have free trade with them? Are we ripping those people off - We all want to save money, but at what expense? I was watching a podcast about Ethiopia’s coffee trade and how little money they were making when the middle men were making so much profit. Maybe we should stop to think about the trickle down effect and buy from people that give a fair share to the farmers.
4) Check out the Micah Challenge: http://micahchallenge.org.au/ encouraging people to help others and stop turning their heads to this problem which is affection millions.
5) Donate money to causes to help others get the food they need

Thank you for reading my blog. I hope that I can at least make 1 person reconsider the case for poverty.

God Bless!

References:
US Dept of Health & Human Services Poverty Measure: http://aspe.hhs.gov/poverty/08Poverty.shtml

United Nations Development Programme
http://www.undp.org/poverty/propoor.htm

Updates

2008-08-02T15:00:00.003-04:00

So it has been a while since I last wrote. A lot of things have happened - I went to a wedding in April. I travelled to France and Germany in May. I saw John Legend (above) on the 4th of July. I've been doing some volunteer work, and I am finally able to commit to things seeing as I renewed my lease. I'm here to stay. For now, which is more than I could say a little over a year ago. I've had some jaw dropping moments (the text message, the misguided crush, the 'buddy' album) so it has been an interesting 8 months thus far. So I will be updating soon with more details. Some of this stuff will never make it online though for apparent reasons, but I can always write about the lessons I learn from someone else's situation. So, to all my avid readers out there (I realize there's probably only1 or 2) - more is on the way :)

Pride and Prejudice

2008-03-14T19:38:00.003-04:00

If the book is anything like the movie then Jane Austen knew her stuff. I watched the 2005 version with Keira Knightly (favorite actress right now), Matthey MacFayden,and others. The screenplay was written by Deborah Moggach and the film was directed by Joe Wright. Ok, so let me give you the 2008 interpretation of this movie - it's great that it even applies. I borrowed it on a whim, thinking I probably wouldn't like it and would find it hard to relate, but it was funny, happy, sad, etc...

Alright, here it is - if you plan on reading the book or seeing the movie, you probably shouldn't read this (it'll spoil it):

So this is a story of the Bennet family - Mr. and Mrs. Bennet and their five daughters - in order of age - Jane, Elizabeth, Mary, Kitty, and Lydia. The live in Georgian England. Basically it was the custom of that era to marry your daughters off in order of age. It was also the custom that some guy checks out your daughter and if they want their hand they will ask you for a certain amount of money - if the father and the girl say yes, so be it, they get married, and she leaves her parents' home to start a home of her own.

So you have Jane, the oldest girl, who is a bit shy. Lizzie, as they call her, is the second oldest and does not hesitate to speak her mind. Mary plays the piano all the time, but isn't very good so gets laughed at, and Kitty and Lydia are very giggly girls. I believe Lydia is 16 years old.

So this wealthy guy, Mr. Bingley, comes strolling into town and the Bennet family wants him to meet their daughter, Jane, at the ball. He brings his friend Mr. Darcy along who does not dance. In modern terms, Mr. Darcy is Mr. Bingley's wingman. So Mr. Darcy and Lizzie strike up a conversation while Jane is busy dancing with Mr. Bingley. Or rather she begins talking to him. He's rather short with her and when asks if he dances replies "Not if I can help it." Basically he's pretty rude so Lizzie shrugs him off. Lizzie goes off to dance and talks to one of your friends underneath an alcove. Someone asks Mr. Darcy what he things of her and he basically said "very intolerable." Ouch. Yes, that kinda hurt Lizzie's feelings who was standing about 30 feet away in the shadows. So that pretty much set her dislike for him.

There's more details but you really should see it for yourself . . .

Ok, so here we have Jane happily enjoying the company of Mr. Bingley, which is great because she's the eldest and its about that time. Things are going well and they look like they are on the way to getting married. Jane goes to visit his house and gets very sick. She stays there for a while and boom! next thing you know the guys got cold feet and has to "run." Jane is upset and everyone is confused.

In the meantime when Jane was "spoken for" this guy Mr. Collins came around the house asking about the Bennet girls. He was pretty put off when he found that Lizzie was the next in line but he did what they did back then and started getting to know her. Then he asked her to marry him. She of course said no, which I feel was a very good answer (he was weird), and her mother was very angry with her - who's going to take care of things when her father is gone, blah, blah, blah. Her father gave her permission not to marry this guy, who everyone thinks is a jerk.

So make the plot thicken, everywhere Lizzie goes she keeps running into Mr. Darcy, who she disdains. Soon they get to talking and she learns that he broke up Mr. Bingley and Jane because he didn't want his friend to get hurt. She says that is silly, Jane loved Mr. Bingley. Mr Darcy said well, she didn't show it. Lizzie tells him she does, she is just shy. Yada yada yada fade scene Mr. Darcy tells Lizze he loves her and asks her to marry him - because that made chronological sense. She calls him all sorts of names (for the 18th century, although I think they added some 21st century terms) and pretty much told him to go away. It was one of those moments:

girl: I'm so mad at you i don't want to hear another word
guy: But I've got more to say. It will make you understand
girl: I hate you. I never want to see you again
guy: <stands in rain, getting wetter>
girl: <stomps away, probably crying or something hysterical for theatrical affect>

I think in those key moments we could have learned more, but c'mon that would have made a shorter movie.

That weird guy, Mr. Collins, asks Lizzie's friend to marry him (boy is he on a roll), and at least she says yes. There's a little argument between Lizzie and the girl. She basically says - look, I'm getting older and I want to be married, and he asked me, so don't judge me, just be happy for me. So in being happy for her Lizzie went to go visit with them. While there some big shot, Lady Catherine, asks to see them and they all go over to her castle-like house. Of course, Mr. Darcy is there. People pretty much do what Lady Catherine asks for and she requested Lizzie to play the piano, although she told her she wasn't very good. Well she plays a song and at dinner Lady Catherin starts getting really nosey - do you have any other talents? No. Do your sisters draw? No. Hmmm, basically she was proving that the Bennet's were a lower class. Real polite at dinner. Well Lizzie had her words - it was pretty funny (see I'm not giving it all away).

So back home they learn that Lydia has run away. Shes the youngest and some guy had his eye on her. Eventually they find her and she is married. The mother is happy (does a little dance) and the Bennet's celebrate. It is interesting that her uncle had to only pay 100 units (I don't think it was pounds) for their marriage. Ehh, they shrug it off.

Lizzie receives a letter from Mr. Darcy explaining all the things he couldn't say in the rain when she ran off hysterically. Basically, he apologized for breaking up Jane and Mr. Bingley - he thought that she didn't like him as much as he liked her and he was looking out for his main man. He had helped Lydia get married by paying some of the money. Basically, he was turning to be a prety good guy and she had him all wrong. Pause. Wow. So now she kinda liked this dude whom she had loathed.

Knock, knock, knock, Lady Catherine appears at the Bennet household in the middle of the night requesting to speak with Lizzie. They go in a room and Lady Catherine boldy asks if she is engaged to Mr. Darcy. The conversation goes like this:

LC = Lady Catherine

LC : Little girl, I know you are not engaged to Mr. Darcy, is that correct?
Lizzie: Why are you asking?
LC: Don't play coy with me - you know very well that he is meant to be engaged to my daughter
Lizzie: Well if you knew that whey did you travel all the way here to ask me suck a silly question?
LC: Answer the question. Are you engaged to Mr. Darcy?
Lizzie: I am not
LC: Well promise me you will never be engaged to him
Lizzie: You have some nerve comin' up in my house and insulting me like this. I owe you no promises and I really have to ask you to leave. <opens door> Get the steppin'
LC: <Mumbling> I have never been treated so rudely . . . .

I love that scene haha.

To make a long story short Mr. Bingley comes back and apologizes to Jane - I personally think the scene could have been a bit longer because I would have wanted a better apology for kicking me to the curb, but that's just me. He asks her to marry him, she says yes, they do a little dance, and all is well.

Eventually Jane sees Mr. Darcy again and there is this romantic moment. He says to her "If your feelings have not changed since last April then you tell me and with one word I am out of your life. But if they have changed and you feel the way I do then let me know and we can be together." And as for all the stuff that happened - Bingley coming back and Lydia having enough money to get married - he said "I did it all for you" big awww moment. Happy ending, so you can imagine what happens. She says yes, then they go to her father and ask him. Meanwhile all of her siblings (and her mother) are confused, saying "I thought she didn't like him." The father agrees and gives him their consent.

Fade to a view of the hills . . . .English songs in the background . . .All is well. Funny how are pride can produce so many ill-founded prejudices, ay?

Praise God!

2008-03-02T00:51:00.003-05:00

February had been a very trying month, but I have to tell you - today was a testimony in itself of how things eventually get better. Hmm . . .where shall we start?

WARNiNG: the "bad" part may be a bit graphic for some so you can skip to the good part, but it's important to see how I got there - so be brave . . .

Alright, sometime in early February I caught a little cold - this has to be around the 4th. It got worse and I began taking medicine hoping it would get better. The following week - of the 11th - I was feeling better, and it felt like the cold or flu or whatever bug I had was going away. I even played dodgeball that day. I had the day off from dodgeball for President's day on the 18th so I went home and cooked and watched a movie and just relaxed. Sometime between 1 and 2 am something didn't agree with me and food just wouldn't stay down (I am sparing you the visual here). It was horrible. Here it was 3 in the morning and I'm tired and I can't sleep because of this. I didn't know what it was or if I needed to call the hospital. Long story short - I called the doctor and left a message to make an appointment in the morning. I called my boss telling him the situation and how I didn't think I would make it in the next (same really) day. Eventually I got to sleep, but I didn't sleep very well. I was missing a meeting at work but I was in no shape to turn on my laptop and I didn't have their phone numbers, so I was worried about that. And the fact that I didn't know what was wrong with me. And then the little tidbit about being hungry since I lost all of what I had ate the day before. I called the doctor's office to make an appointment - apparently they don't call you back - and it wasn't until 2:45pm. So I asked if I could eat and they told me clear liquids only. By this time my family was worried because I told them what happened and I was worried and hungry. And then I had to drive myself 12 miles to the doctor because no one near my house was accepting new patients when I had my cold. ANYWAY, the doctor told me I had a stomach virus or something and I was restricted to eating Bananas, Rice/Cereal, Applesauce, Toast, and Tea. The ride home was interesting because I had to stop and get my prescription and wait 30 minutes for it, plus go up and down the isles purchasing this stuff that I could eat - all the while I was weak from not eating and looking a hot mess. To conclude this bad part of the story, the virus went away and I was feeling ok 2 days later - at least ok enough to go to work. I was still scared to eat the foods I wanted, which is a horrible feeling. Have you ever been scared to eat? Like an orange? Because you don't know if it will agree with you or not? To have an array of delicious food in front of you that you can not eat. HORRIBLE!! So the virus went away and the cold came back, strong force, I guess because I had stopped taking the medicine. Anyway, I think the cold is finally going away and I can thank God that I can now eat normal foods.

So then, the good part, you inquire. Well they are having this retirement party for a guy at work AND the gospel choir is having it's anniversary concert on the same day. The events start an hour and a half away from eachother, and are probably 60 miles or so apart from eachother. The guy who is having the retirement party is such a nice guy - he's got to be in his early 60s. I had only known him for a couple of months but he would always give me advice and help me out with things at work. Anyone working at a plant - the operators are the key to knowledge! So I had planned to go to this before I knew the date. I had also planned to go to this anniversary concert for the choir because I was in the gospel choir in college and they were inviting the alumni to sing. I was in a great predicament. It got even more complicated because I wasn't sure if I should go to the rehearsals; if I was singing, it made sense, but if I wasn't going to sing then it would have been a waste of time and highly inconvenient. Anyway - I decided to go to the rehearsals that I could make and I talked with the choir director and I can do both!! I can attend a bit of the party and sing in the concert. You probably don't understand how happy that makes me, but it's a big deal.

To top it off I had this really interesting conversation with a new choir member who I hardly know. AND on the way home I decided to swing by the video store to purchase Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married? so that we could watch it. I had been waiting a couple of months for this to come out on DVD - great movie. Anyway, the guy at the video store told me they didn't have any for sale but that I could rent it. Saddened, I went to the New Release section and picked up a copy to rent. I went back to the guy to pay and he was talking to his coworker who was in front of me doing something. When he took it out of the secuity case I just happened to glance to my right where there were sitting two copies of the movie for sale that the other coworker must have just put up. Whopee!!

That's all I got for now. But 2008 is sure looking a lot better than it was a couple of weeks ago. :)

People Suck

2007-10-23T22:34:00.001-04:00

I was pretty mad today. It was one thing after another and it kinda snowballed. Then it became all the issues I was mad at, then all the things wrong with society today. Etc, etc. I love the quote - "One person can't change the world, but you can make a dent" from the movie Death to Smoochy. So what will today's topic be? Ahh yes, I guess good ole consideration. I am very dissappointed in how inconsiderate people can be. I am talking about the little things. Like how hard is it to push the door behind you with minimal force when you see someone walking a few steps behind? My biggest pet peeve right now is people's lack of response to emails and phone calls. If I call or email you, the LEAST you could do is call or email me back. If I invite you somewhere and you don't want to go, how hard is it to type two small letters - "no." I'm not even asking for a "no, thank you" just a "no." With today's technological age it is so much easier to be responsible in that manner - you don't have to go and buy a thank you card and a stamp, you can just email someone thanks. Or simply being invited somewhere. I feel like I am always trying to include people in events that I find fun, that when the ball is in their court, they don't even fathom with the smallest consideration, that perhaps, just perhaps, I would like to go. And if you think that I would say no can you give me the courtesy of making my own decisions, seeing that I am above the age of 10? This irks me the most, because it is not in my nature to leave people out - I would like to think that most things are inclusive and everyone should feel welcome, but you're killing me - you want to be invited to things but don't have the same feelings when the ball is on the flip side.

And all of these things that I am mentioning I have been seeing more and more every day. Today I am surprised when someone actually holds the door for me or for an elderly person. It's not that I can't do it for myself, it's that it is nice to see people thinking of things other than themselves. I'm not even talking about men opening the door for women, I'm talking about people as a whole. We've become so selfish and this selfishness is accepted - look out for you and you alone. We don't live in a bubble. You left your bubble as soon as you were born so now you have to realize that there are other people surrounding you and what you do affects other people. You can not blast your music in your headphones because then I can hear it and that defeats the purpose of you listening to your peace and tranquility. Maybe you shouldn't have loud conversations on the bus because I don't really care what you did for dinner last night, and I shouldn't have to care because you are not talking to me. I get annoyed with people in the car who talk on their phones like talking to me has been ruled out. Why are we getting so impersonal? Why can't we respond to eachother? Why do we have to make so many assumptions nowadays - that if I don't reply it means I don't want to go. I'm sorry, I'm used to people not always checking their mail so I've been assuming that if you don't reply you didn't get it. My bad.

I'm just sick of it. I'm tired of people's lacksadasial attitude. People don't suck, it's just that the few that do get to you and make your angry. It's about realizing that while you may be in a hurry maybe the person in front of you has had a bad day too. Maybe they walked a mile with 10 pounds on their back just to buy a bottle of water and it's $1.07 and the only have $1.06. Perhaps the world doesn't revolve around only you. Perhaps the caption was only to catch your attention so that you would read all the way to the end.

PASI - Mexico City

2007-06-18T00:05:00.000-04:00

Pan-American Advanced Studies Institute (PASI) Sustainability and Green Chemistry summer school May 29 - Jun 10, 2007

Alright. What you all have been waiting for - my detailed play by play on my trip to Mexico. It was awesome! I had the greatest time. I'm mainly writing this for my own personal benefit, but it's great to share with anyone browsing through.

Day One (Tuesday May 29th)

After hours upon hours of flying to get to Mexico, myself and my two companions, arrive at the airport in Distrito Federal (D.F.), here known as Mexico City. We were really excited. And on my first attempt to speak spanish with a native Mexican, I of course, froze and forgot all the spanish I knew, when it came time to change the money into pesos. Eventually we get to the hotel located in Santa Fe where we are given keys to our rooms. Nice rooms with two double beds and a tv and mini-fridge. Now that's what I'm talking about. The first official event is dinner and here I meet some of my fellow participants at a round table over a buffet dinner.

Day Two (Wednesday May 30th)

My first full day in Mexico. What to expect? Well first things first - breakfast at the hotel. They had arapas (similar to pancakes), eggs, fruit, toast, coffee, most things available for our picking pleasure. I ate with my roommate and we met up with the group to walk to the university. At the university we met others in the conference and were introduced to the hosts and runners of the program. We learned about the 12 principes of green chemistry and endocrin disruptors - there are actually chemicals, namely PCBs is what he talked about (polychlorinated biphenyls), no I'm not going to get all sciencey - keep reading. Anyhow, there are chemicals which can affect your offspring and their offspring and so on, just by exposure to it. It's really interesting. And when people do toxicity studies they often forget to check for this - they usually only check that the chemical is below the lethal level and don't take into account this factor of endocrin disruptors, which the speaker was adamant that they do. One more reason to use greener chemicals - for the safety of yourself and also to reduce the exposure to hazardous chemicals for potential reproductive toxins. Look at DDT, which was banned in the US in 1971. Very harmful chemical.

There were more interesting lectures and then we played basketball/soccer/volleyball outside. Let me tell you -- so Mexico City is 7400 ft [2240 m] above sea level (as compared to Philadelphia, 39 ft [12 m] and New York, 33 ft [10 m]) and the air pressure is much lower than what I'm used to in the states. So playing basketball in the highly polluted, less air circulating, area was hmm . . a challenge to say the least. I was struggling after a quick game of 3-on-3. I switched to volleyball which ended up being less difficult and was a lot of fun.

So then we were off for our first dinner out in Santa Fe. We decided to check out a saloon called Papa Bill's. There were about 18 of us and this is my first dinner in a Mexican restaurant in Mexico. The food was alright. It was great to just relax with the newfound friends and sit back and eat. I drank Fresca, similar to sprite. Good times. This was the real tourist experience with me trying to speak with my limited espanol. Fortunately, I had some nice people nearby who helped with ordering.

Book to check out: Silent Spring, Rachel Carson, 1962

Day Three (Thursday May 31)

Our first lab day. We ran experiments made by Ken Doxsee and others from the University of Oregon. Afterwards I checked out the mall with some of the others. I bought a Cumbia cd that the guy at the store told me was a popular buy amongst Mexicans. I went around the store asking the sales clerks (Te gusta? (Do you like) and pointing to the cd). Back at the hotel there was a pool party. The water was way too cold, and the air for that matter. I think maybe about 4 people jumped in . . .and out. I will always remember trying to play music off someone's laptop and it just not being loud enough.

Links to visit:
http://e.hormone.tulane.edu/
http://www.ourstolenfuture.com/

Day Four (Friday June 1)

More lectures. The memorable part of the school day was probably being assigned our case studies. So we were broken up into 3 groups (A,B,C) and given a problem statement. There was more information in our packet. Basically, a company that makes diapers has the product manufactured by a third-party. They use all natural products but the company discontinues the natural product and makes products using other synthetic products. Customers find out about this and are pretty upset with the company. The company has three choices - they can A) Stop selling the new stuff and wait until a new formulation comes in, which leaves the supermarket shelves empty for some time B) Sell the rest of the new stuff and wait for the formulation, which leaves the shelves empty for slightly less time C) Sell what they have and order more until the new formulaton comes. I was in group A so we had to defend that point. This was actually a real problem and we were to come up with a sales pitch to give to the "CEO's" on Monday. We didn't have much time but we pooled our ideas together and began to work.

Jorge Vanegas from Texas A&M University spoke to us about sustainability and the built environment. He's a very good speaker. Mainly he talked about how we have to build a sustainable environment. We can continue to go the way we are going but it will not be helpful if we are using all of our resources and there is nothing left to build with 20 years from now. We as a society (America, Western Philosophy, The Earth) are used to certain things that are not all that sustainable. We want to get from point A to point B. Does that mean that we all have to drive SUVs with 1 passenger 30 miles from where we live? No! We have to think in terms of means that will last. We are living a "lifestyle of excessive consumption" (Vanegas). It's about using safer materials, renewable and efficient energy, products/systems designed for value recovery, thinking across all design principles. It's about increasing technology without increasing the demand on the environment and our natural resources. It's about using our natural resources in such a way that they can be used again.

We followed with the first poster session of students presenting their work. We ended up at Papa Bill's again for dinner. This time we were upstairs. We ate and then started dancing in the tiniest of spaces. By the end of the night we were doing a congo line around the top floor. I lie to you not!! It was awesome. And everyone is really friendly so we even had some strangers join us.

Book to check out: Crade to Cradle

Day Five (Saturday June 2)

Wow. Up early on a Saturday. Yup. That's what was probably going through everyone's head. Today was similar to yesterday - heard more about sustainability and the built environment. All day long. Then we had the second poster session. We went out for dinner again, but things were different. The restaurant we were headed to was closed because it was late on a Saturday. Boo! So we ended up at Papa Bill's. Again. It was fun. I hadn't been feeling all that great all day Saturday but I was determined to feel better in time for Sunday when we went to the pyramids. And you know me. I ended up dancing. Just a smidge. :)

Day Six (Sunday June 3)

Sightseeing - Our Lady of Guadalupe and the Pyramids. We visited the beautiful cathedrals first (at Guadalupe). It was just amazing to see such a large turnout for mass. They had about 3 Churches in the central location and a vast garden and masses running probably by the hour. I could never do it justice to describe the history so please check it out on google or wikipedia or such. Outside in Guadalupe are tons and tons of merchants trying to sell their stuff. I did buy a purse for 10 pesos - a very nice looking purse I might add. It was neat being down there - kinda like haggling on the streets of NYC. They provided us with lunch where I tasted cactus - it was ok. Nothing to brag about but it was ok.

The next stop were the pyramids of Teotihuacan. Now these were beautiful. The people of Teotihuacan lived before the time of the Inca's and the Mayans. The Sun Pyramid is about 246 ft high, making one of the top three pyramids in the world! The Moon Pyramid is slightly smaller, but still amazing to look at. I climbed to the top of the Sun Pyramid - it probably took me less than an hour with the breaks. It was tough climbing - probably because I'm afraid of heights and the steps were pretty narrow or steep, but it's one of those things you have to do while you are there. Some of the flights did not have a railing so I was focusing on the step ahead of me so that I didn't get disoriented and plummit to an unhappy and rocky falling.

So it was an awesome day seeing the sights in mexico. We went back on the bus where I grabbed a quick nap and then back to the hotel.

Day Seven (Monday June 4)

Presentation of the case studies. Group C won. I really liked Group B who had a spanish interpretor - really good idea for the varied language audience.

Day Eight (Tuesday June 5)

Karaoke

Day Nine (Wednesday June 6)

Freida Kahlo Museum

Sightseeing downtown

Folkloric Ballet

Day Ten (Thursday June 7)

And Inconvienent Truth

Day Eleven (Friday June 8)

Party in Coayaocan at La Bipolar.

Day Twelve (Saturday June 9)

Farewell dinner. Very sad. It was hard to say goodbye to friends that we had made in only two weeks. It is amazing how close you can get to other people. I will never forget this experience.

Day Thirteen (Sunday June 10)

Adios Mexico.

I had a great time at this conference. What I have written here is only a fraction of the things that happened. I can not even dream of capturing everything. Besides the fun and making new friends I really did get to open my eyes in another area of science; an area that we need to be more focused on. Contrary to Western societies fews, and even Darwinism, it should not be survival of the fittest. We do not live in a bubble. We have to think of others when we are doing things - from the car we drive to the chemicals we use. If we pollute the water because we are not drinking it, it will eventually hurt someone else and that will affect us. Droughts in other countries affect us. Loss of ozone affects us. It's not all about money and immediate change. We have to leave something for the future generations. We can not CHOOSE to be that selfish. It's about sustainability. Now and later.

Encrouagement

2007-04-08T23:36:00.000-04:00

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

~Marianne Williamson

Pineapple

2007-03-21T13:59:00.000-04:00

I love metaphors. And fruit. This was a great way to combine the two.

So I'm cutting a pineapple and realized how well it illustrates life. Have you ever cut a pineapple? I mean with your bare hands? You look at it and sure, it has those palm-like leaves, but it's really not all that pretty. And after you figure out where to start, the job just gets harder; more than what you bargained for. But you keep chipping away because you know the ends justifies the means. And if you were to judge the pineapple by it's appearance - you probably wouldn't think it's worth your time. It doesn't look delicious. It looks worn, like it needs work, like it's not perfect just the way it is. And if you were any ordinary person, you wouldn't notice the pebble covered with dirt. It takes a trained eye to realize that these "pebbles" are sometimes diamonds in disguise. So I peeled it and I still had to get those eyelets out. And I'm ready to call it quits - all this work, for what? For some delictable yumminess? Or so they say. Does my memory serve me for it tasting all that great? As the rough skin is scratching my hands as I cut it and I'm getting frustrated I'm almost forgetting the reason why I bought the pineapple in the first place - because I know it's supposed to taste good. And it smells good, so there is this purpose to continuing. It's just that, well, sometimes we get to this wall and we forget all of our momentum for running and we just slow down and get frustrated that we can't jump or climb over the wall. See the thing with the pineapple, or with life, is that we don't always know our ultimate purpose or sometimes we forget what we were supposed to be doing while we got caught doing the grunt work. But let me tell you. When I FINALLY bit into that delicious sweetness . . . it was all worth it. And I forgot how much I hadn't want to do it.Who would have thought? Now I just have to find the metaphor for the mango . . . :)

Sunday Sermon - What Do You See?

2007-03-04T13:21:00.000-05:00

So I was watching March 4th's sermon from Mount Ararat Church in Pittsburgh, PA. The sermon was given by Rev. Dr. William H. Curtis and I'll do my best to summarize what he said.

He started out reading Mark 8:22-26 (NIV):

They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man's eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, "Do you see anything?" He looked up and said, "I see people; they look like trees walking around." Once more Jesus put his hands on the man's eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly. Jesus sent him him, saying, "Don't go into the village."

The lesson we are learning today is that sometimes God does things through you or in your presence to show YOU something and not the other person. If you look at the pre-text before the quoted verses you will see that Jesus had already fed 5000 with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, then fed 4000 with 7 loaves of bread, and performed other miracles in front of the disciples. Then they crossed some water in a boat and the disciples forgot to bring the bread. In fact, they forgot a lot of what they had seen, as though Jesus did not perform any miracles. Jesus is a little frustrated/disappointed by this behavior. He asks them in verse 21 "Do you still not understand?"

So Jesus is ministering and healing the blind man but he is sending a message to the disciples. Let's look closely at what the blind man said. When Jesus touched him the first time he said he saw people walking as trees. Now he's being honest. We all know that people look very different than trees. The point of the matter is that he was still blurry, not completely clear in vision. In between blindness and clearness is blurriness. Jesus touched him again and asked him what he saw. The text says he saw perfectly clear. Had we been in the situation what would we have done? Would we have tried to insert logic because we know that people can't look like trees and not want to sound foolish? Would we have just said that we see people? Period, no further explanation? God wants us to be honest with him, because sometimes we settle for blurriness. Instead of confessing the truth, we take the ok as good enough. Stick throgh the blurriness until you get the clarity. And He knows that we are blurry because we keep bumping into stuff. He was sending a message to the disciples that he's going to keep touching them until they see clearly. Think about it: no matter what you do, He's not going to discard you because you can't see clearly. He didn't think of the blind man as ungrateful for being honest. He asked him a question and because he was honest to answer it the blind man could get the help that he needed.

It's like when you go to the eye doctor and he tests your right eye. And you know the chart says EZBTM. So when you get to your left eye whether or not you can actually see the same letters, you just might recite what you remember so that you won't look like you have bad vision. And sometimes we get help - the doctor may know that you don't want to appear foolish and so he changes the chart FOR you so to help you with your honesty. Jesus will put us through similar tests and tribulations to help us be honest with him. It may be the reason that you just got out of a relationship and don't have a new relationship. If your vision is still blurry, why would He want to give you something new to mess up? Or if you just quit your job, why would He give you a new job when you still want to go postal on the old job? Sometimes you need to clear up your blurriness right where you are before you move on. Because if you travel with your blurriness, not only will you bump into things but you will preach your blurry messages to others. And when you are all blurry no one knows which direction to go. So let Him flip that chart for you.

Growth is not about seeing something new. Sometimes growth is seeing new something you already saw. When you look at something with blurry eyes and then with clear eyes it just may look different. God may not move the devil out of your way because when youa re blurry you may be intimidated by the devil. Maybe he wants your vision to clear up to the point where you can tell the devil to move out of your way yourself. With blurry vision - "you ain't what you used to be even if you ain't what you ought to be" (Curtis). You have to stick it out with your blurry vision - knowing that if you stick with God, eventually things will become clear. Everything in Christ doesn't become perfect for you immediately. There is this misconception that Christians don't have any problems or live a perfectly happy life. You will at times be blurry, but so is everyone else. And once you are clear don't go around judging the blurry ones as if you've never been like that. Rather, help and pray for them that they can get clarity too.

So after this Jesus asked the disciples: who do others think that I am. They answer John the Baptist, Elijah, another disciple. Jesus then asks: and who do you think that I am? And Peter answers "the Christ." Finally, the disciples see with cleared vision.

So the take home message is this: Be honest with God. Be honest with yourself. If you think of things as they SHOULD be and not as they actually ARE then you are not going to get the help you need. But if you pray with an honest heart to fix the things that you need, to repair your blurry vision, then you are one step closer to seeing clearly.

Mount Ararat's website:
http://www.mt-ararat.org/mount_home.html

Happiness

2007-03-01T23:35:00.000-05:00

My happiness will not be determined by the amount of zeros in my paycheck, nor the car that I drive, the clothes that I wear, or the number people that think I'm important. My happiness will be determined by how good a person I am - valued in the service I give to others, the breadth of my knowledge - from useless trivia to complicated equations, and doing the things that make me happy - from taking pictures of squirrels to talking to good friends. And I am sooo ready to enjoy life - enjoy the perks of doing the things that make you happy. This was all validated today. I made a decision not too long ago that drastically changed some things in my life. I wasn't exactly ready to make the decision but I came to the fork in the road and I had to choose - to go left or to go right, to take the path less travelled or to follow the beaten footsteps. So I chose and I haven't been exactly sure that I chose the right path, but today I was validated. Because at some point in the path you no longer long to look back and wonder what if. Instead you are jogging, running almost to see what lies ahead on the new path; the unfurnished windy path. And it's scary and exciting all at the same time.

Wohoo to validation ~ estoy muy alegria.

Lent

2007-02-21T21:12:00.000-05:00

Lent is a time of reflection. Good ol' wikipedia has a pretty good description for those of you who aren't too sure what Lent represents (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lent). I always almost feel like starting anew by the time Easter comes. The reason is because during this time of reflection I've taken up the habit of figuring out something(s) in my life that I could do without. I started doing this in college when I met some people who gave something up for Lent. I had never done it growing up, but the concept seemed good-intentioned: name at least one thing that you don't think is a good habit or the bestest thing that you do and give it up for 40 days (we say 40 days but we mean between Ash Wednesday and Easter). The purpose of this is to prove to yourself that you really don't need this thing that you crave/depend on/etc. And after the 40 days you may just give it up completely. I've been doing this for about 4 years or so and I always see some areas that I could live without certain material objects. So I'm giving up some things this year in the same attempts. I'm not actually going to say what I'm giving up to anyone but I'm still holding myself accountable. So I challenge you to give something up - a bad habit (smoking/drinking/nail biting), a bad attitude (grouchiness/laziness/deceit/negativity), an addiction (chocolate/coffee/soda/chit chat), a technology (texting/aim/beta chat/social email), a mindset (prejudices/sexism/disdain towards religon), or whatever you can think of. And if by the forty days you like the change you see . . . continue.

Happy New Year!

2007-01-10T19:06:00.000-05:00

It's a new year, and I am really ready to put the saying "Out with the old, in with the new" to work. I'm done worrying about things I can't control - it just leads to frustration. I figured out my problem with the world - I want everyone to do things like I do - have my moral set and values, have an opinion and stop trying to be so politically correct, and try to do good in the world. I mean, then things would just flow! Haha, the truth of the matter is that I really won't get my way on that one so that's one battle I have to forfeit. But seriously, sometimes you get mad at being mad. It's like that roommate you have that would constantly not use a coaster on your ownly prized possession in the dorms - that glass topped coffee table. And it's something so trivial to fight over, but it's your coffee table and you have a right to say something. But after weeks and weeks and you refusing to have to remove the coffee table, you get so annoyed at being mad at the person for not taking your feelings into consideration that you either 1) ruin the friendship over it, or 2) get fed up with getting mad and put a stupid dolly on the glass so that you don't have to get mad at your thoughtless roommate. (Former roommates out there - this has NOTHING to do with you; lol). Well the same is true in my state of mind. I get so tired of being mad at people for not doing things the way that I want - seriously, how many times can you have the same conversation? So I'm not giving up, I'm just choosing to better choose my battles. Obviously if someone is consistenly inconsiderate, you might want to rethink the friendship, but for now que sera, sera --> whatever will be will be. And hopefully this mindset will lead to less frustrating moments. Because we get frustrated when we wish someone would act in a certain way, but if I realize I can't hint at things then I'll just lower my expectations of what I would like for you to do and if I don't expect anything of you then you can't dissappoint me, and wa-la - I'm not frustrated. So, yeah, this works in theory, we'll see how the rest of the month goes and whether I want to fine tune my hypothesis. To you new to this blog, or just returning - I'M BACK and I have a lot on my mind, and the gutso to say it, so let me know what you think in the comments section. Otherwise you are just cyber eavesdropping!

lol

If you only knew
what I've been going through
Maybe you wouldn't talk so much smack
But we only feel what we only know, and man, isn't that wack?
Tired of the game;
Tired of having to play
Dysfunctional Utopia . . .ya heard?

Who Finishes Last?

2006-12-09T14:06:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine repeated the common saying - Good guys finish last. What do you think? Do you think the person that is always doing the "good" thing gets the shaft? I have to think that's not true. I have to think that I should always do the right thing and things will work out. It's hard though, when the wrong thing is like a billboard you have to drive by everyday. Then there are instigators like temptation and bait to try to convince us to do the wrong thing. Nope, I'm going to do the right thing, and if I don't get what I want, then maybe I just wasn't meant to have it. Touche.

Running

2006-12-01T22:53:00.000-05:00

I've been running on this cross-country journey, not really knowing where I was going. Running, because it's good for me to exercise and I figured that my legs would take me somewhere. Maybe I would follow the flow of the river or maybe I would see a fork in the road and because I was running I wouldn't have time to think - I'd just pick which way to go. Maybe I've been waiting for the wind to blow a certain way as a hint to where I should go. But now I know where I want to go, and even though I'm not in charge of the path I take to get me there I have a sense of direction. And now I want to run even faster to see this other side of the rainbow - to experience all that I've been wishing for, but the faster I run, the farther away I get from all that is common to me. And I'm scared to be far because I like where I've been - I like the people that were there and the nest I started to build, and moving further away means starting all over. You would think that nomads don't get attached to things when they know they will pick up and leave, but you have to take root somewhere, even if it is for one day. So will my run turn into a jog? Time can not be hurried and it's important to spend the time now with the ones we soon will leave. But I also have to stretch and take time to prepare me for the new adventures ahead. Sigh, the paradox of running. Seems like even when you run towards something you are running away from something else.

There IS a reason

2006-11-17T00:49:00.000-05:00

I truly believe that everything in life happens for a reason. We may not always know what that reason is, but there is a purpose in the happenings of ordinary people. This has got to be the most challenging year by far, and just when I think the challenges are over BOOM, yet another one. And I'm confused on my role in this is - what am I supposed to do? what does it mean? Yet, I have to believe that in the end things will work out. I am sometimes at a loss for words as to what to say or what to think but words come to my mouth and thoughts to my head. I am so thankful at this present moment - which is ironic, because so many things seem to be going wrong. But I am thankful for meeting people that make me see the reasons or pieces of what the bigger picture looks like. People don't just come into your life by accident and we are all a dominoe effect of events waiting to happen. It's like when you are going through something and you meet someone who you just click with and they seem very understanding. Five months later you find out they went through the same thing which is why they could relate so well to you and BAM there is your reason for meeting them. I have no control over the things that other people do or say or feel, but I do feel comfort in the fact that situations and people are strategically being placed in my life to help me with these obstacles. From something as simple as a great conversation giving you the motivation to do great work the next day, to networking for the career of your life in the bank elevator, things always seem to "coincidentally" happen.

I hope this makes sense to you, because it's bright as day to me. With all the stuff going on around me - tornadoes, hurricanes, tsunamis of drama- I am happy. And it may only last for a moment before another situation comes along, but why do we keep worrying about tomorrow? Tomorrow will come, so let it. You never chase a boomerang, do you? No (I hope you don't) because you know that it will come back to you. Stop chasing the future. Live in the here and now. Just BE.

Bottom of the Barrel

2006-11-06T20:15:00.000-05:00

Have you ever thought that things were bad? Horrible? And you couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel? The funny thing is that at some point things are so bad that they couldn't possibly get any worse. And you know that the only way out is up. But when are you at the bottom of the barrel? When you are heading up you know, but how do you know if you are going down or at the bottom? That is the hard part. Waiting. Knowing, but waiting to see if things get better or worse, because when the worse is over there's nothing more to happen but better days. It's like going down a rollercoaster - you can't wait for that feeling to be over, but you know that it will be over.
:)

Simple Pleasures

2006-10-09T01:54:00.000-04:00

1. Picking apples from an orchard.
2. Singing along with the radio with the windows down in the car.
3. Singing and dancing in the rain.
4. Funny phone conversations - "he picked up the wooden spatula . . ." (lol)
5. Guitar lessons from friends ;)
6. Seeing a newborn baby.
7. Reading a book for pleasure.
8. Causing the smile on someone's face.
9. Colorful flowers in your living room.
10. Knowing that there are more simple pleasures in life.

:)

Playlist

2006-09-30T23:09:00.000-04:00

Let me explain what I mean by playlist. My playlist tells a story. This one is just the titles. They express what I'm thinking/feeling. But the lyrics also reinforce those thoughts.

Last week my playlist consisted of:

1. Accidentally in Love ~Counting Crows
2. I wish I wasn't (in love with you) ~Heather Headley
3. Tu Amor Me Hace Bien ~Marc Anthony
4. La Tortura ~Shakira
5. Never Keeping Secrets ~Babyface

And now, with some careful thinking and reflection, my playlist is:

1. I'm good ~Blaque
2. I'm not your girl ~Lalaine
3. Thankful ~Kelly Clarkson
4. I believe ~Yolanda Adams
5. Baby it's cold outside ~Ella Fitzgerald
6. Crush ~Jennifer Paige
7. Miss Independent ~Kelly Clarkson
8. Make It Happen ~Mariah Carey
9. Never Keeping Secrets ~Babyface

:)
So what's on your playlist?

I Believe

2006-09-12T22:42:00.000-04:00

Song to get you through:

I believe by Yolanda Adams (Honey Soundtrack)
They said you wouldn't make is so far uh uh
And ever since they said it, it's been hard
But nevermind the nights you had to cry
Cause you have never let it go inside
You worked real hard
And you know exactly what you want and need
So believe and you can never give up
You can reach your goals
Just talk to your soul and say…

(Chorus:)
I believe I can (I can)
I believe I will (I will)
I believe I know my dreams are real (know my dreams are real)
I believe I'll chant (Oh yea)
I believe I'll dance
I believe I'll grow real soon and (That's why)
That is what I do believe

Your goals are just a thing in your soul uh uh
And you know that your moves will let them show
You keep creating pictures in your mind
So just believe they will come true in time
It will be fine
Leave all of your cares and stress behind
Just let it go
Let the music flow inside
Forget all your pain
And just start to believe

(Chorus:)
I believe I can (I believe I can oh yea)
I believe I will
I believe I know my dreams are real (All of my dreams are real)
I believe I'll chant
I believe I'll dance (I gotta dance)
I believe I'll grow real soon and (ooo)
That is what I do believe
Whoa oa oa YEA…

(Music break)

Nevermind what people say
Hold your head high and turn away
With all our hopes and dreams
I will believe
Even though it seems it's not for me
I won't give up I'll keep it up
Look into the sky
I will achieve all my needs I will always believe….OoOo

(Chorus 2x)
I believe I can
I believe I will (I can)
I believe I know my dreams are real (I got strength)
I believe I'll chant
I believe I'll dance (I gotta dance)
I believe I'll grow real soon and (watch me watch me watch me)
That is what I do believe (I do believe in me)

I believe I can
I believe I will (oh yea)
I believe I know my dreams are real
I believe I'll chant
I believe I'll dance (I gotta dance)
I believe I'll grow real soon and
That is what I do believe (I do believe! yayeeyay)

Tu Amor Me Hace Bien

2006-09-12T00:36:00.000-04:00

Song I'm lovin'

Tu Amore Me Hace Bien, Marc Anthony (off Valio La Pena)

Te quiero asi deliciosa insospechada
Porque creo en tu palabra
Porque yo siento que aun te necesito
Porque me alteras las ganas

Te quiero asi estruendosa y delicada
Entre alegria y nostalgia
Porque me gusta tenerte vida mia
Y no quiero que te vayas
Porque el amor cuando es verdad sale del alma
Nos aturde los sentidos
Y de pronto descubrimos que la piel
Se enciende en llamas

Bien, tu amor me hace bien
Tu amor me desarma
Ay, tu amor me controla
Me endulza, me encanta
Pero bien, tu amor me hace bien
Tu amor me desarma
Ay tu amor me controla
Me vence, me amarra
Mira que me hace bien,
ay,que me hace bien

Te quiero asi tan precisa equivocada
Con tus detalles que matan
Porque tenerte a mi lado me hace fuerte
Si eres mi reina y mi espada
Te quiero asi cuando ries cuando callas
Porque al caer me levantas
Porque mi voz y mi espiritu se agitan
Cuando dices que me amas
Porque tu amor como es verdad me vuelve el alma
Me despierta los sentidos
Y de pronto descubri que aqui en mi piel
Se encienden llamas

Ay bien, tu amor me hace bien
Tu amor me desarma
Tu amor me controla
Me endulza, me encanta

(ay como te quiero ay como te adoro
ay lolita linda tu eres mi tesoro)

Appreciation

2006-09-01T22:51:00.000-04:00

Life Lesson # 28964: Appreciation

So, while many may just look at the events of the day with less than a thought - todays events showed me something. So on my way to school I waited at the bus stop in the rain and heavy winds. I waited at least 10 minutes in the cool, sudden temperature drop, when I spied the bus. Less than a block away. Relief and warmth were in my thoughts when my hat blew off. Okay, if I move than I might not get back before the bus gets back and I need to get to school, but for those of you that know me, you know I love my hats. So I did what you think I did - I went for the hat. And I made it back in time for the bus. So I got to work and didn't think anything of the events of the morning. So on the way back I wait at least 20 minutes for the bus (I'm not used to the schedule yet). I got on and because I'm not familiar with the stops I was let out a stop too late, so I had to cross a major road to get back. This time my umbrella turned inside out due to the wind, then my hat fell off, and this time was blown even further. At last I was home, after tracking through a little mud. The funny thing is - after I opened and closed the door behind myself I was so appreciative of having a warm home to come to. And for having a job so that I could make a living. We all love to complain when the going gets rough, but it's crucial that you appreciate everything that you DO have, even if you don't have all that you WANT. You are living so you probably have all that you NEED. God knows what he's doing, ay?

Girl, Put your records on

2006-08-08T18:26:00.000-04:00

Song I'm lovin'

Put Your Records ON . . .Corrinne Bailey Rae
Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.

Maybe sometimes, we got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don't you hesitate.

Girl, put your records on,
tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down

Sapphire and faded jeans,
I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Blue as the sky, sombre and lonely,
Sipping tea in the bar by the road side,
(just relax, just relax)
Don't you let those other boys fool you,
Gotta love that afro hairdo.

Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.
Don't you think it's strange?

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans,
I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Just more than I could take, pity for pity's sake
Some nights kept me awake,
I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realise, that you don't even have to
try any longer.Do what you want to.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans,
I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans,
I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
Oh, you're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow

Click

2006-07-03T00:23:00.000-04:00

So it's not often that a movie impacts you, makes you think about the life you lead. I just watched the movie Click (with Adam Sandler) and it's about what you prioritize in life. We've all probably imagined being rich and famous and not having to do any chores; spending days upon days on vacation. But what about the road to getting there? Are you so busy at work that you don't have time to have lunch with your friends? Eat dinner with your family? Talk on the phone with your parents? There is so much more to life than work and then things that will make you monetarily successful. And if you neglect those things, then you will be on an island by yourself "enjoying" quality time. Too busy to eat properly? Health is a priority, spending time with family, enjoying nature, SLEEP - I'm really talking to myself, but do you see what I am saying? Sometimes we get caught up in the hustle and bustle, or the hype of demand, that we mistakenly define "importance" as a first come first served basis. Yes, at the end of the day you family will still love you, but why should they be placed on the back burner? What happened to working 5 days a week? Why Sat and/or Sunday? Why all the fast food and junk food? Why do we want flavored water? What happened to petting the dog and reading a book? And you are thinking - well the work needs to get done - but didn't it need to get done 30 years ago? They somehow managed to sustain a workable society. If we don't put limitations on what is acceptable then we are susceptible to anything - to being on call. Is it that important? Unless you are saving someone's life, take a moment and breathe. And enjoy that breath. What did you smell? What did it taste like? When we ignore moments like these we won't appreciate them later on when we have more than we could imagine.

There's so much more to say but I will save some for later.

Stumble

2006-06-07T00:20:00.000-04:00

"Stumble" by Natasha Bedingfield

I'm not the kind of girl you bring to mother
I'm not the kind of girl you kiss in public
My manners leave a lot to be desired
At least in not a liar
I'm not about the subtle innuendo
More likely to throw rocks up at your window
Won't walk on eggshells so you don't hear the crazy things I'm saying when you get near me
I'd rather disappear than be faking it

[Chorus:]

Anyway, you like me yeah I know it
You're so transparent
How you stumble 'round those words so well
You like me there i said it
Don't need a dictionary helping me 'cause I can spell

My foot was in my mouth the day I met you
All my friends they said I'd never get you
But they don't know it when they see it
They need glasses to believe it
They don't understand so be it...
What can I say anyway

[Chorus]
Bridge

By the way you turn me on to your favorite band
By the way you lift me up when I'm fading
Breathe me in when I'm suffocating
Don't say that its's just because you can
Don't be stupid thinking I've misjudged you
I know enough to know when someone trusts you
Why fight it now it isn't gonna hurt you...

[Chorus]

Complicated

2006-06-01T00:18:00.000-04:00

It's happening. Against my wishes, it's happening . . . we're growing up!! It' s been nearly a year since I graduated from college and in that year's span so much has happened. So many decisions are being made. So many complications. Remember when your hardest decision to make was
1) pen or pencil?
2) twinkie or kit kat?
3) double dutch or hopscotch?
4) pancakes or frenchtoast?

And then you passed kindergarden and elementary school and middle school brought it's own challenges

5) run for class president or secretary?
6) basketball or gymnastics?
7) larry or sarah as science partner?
8) train or bus?

High school was fun though. Those decisions shaped who you would become, how popular or unpopular you would be, and who your friends would or wouldn't be

9) Which club to join?
10) Which AP class to take?
11) Which college to apply?
12) Who to take to the prom?

And then college.
13) What's my major?
14) Not liking this, do I stick with it or switch?
15) Do I have time for a job?
16) Where am I going to live? With who?
17) Study or take a break?
18) Eat or sleep? <-- you guys know it came down to this!!
19) Pizza or Ramen?

And now the part that I'm talking about: growing up. Now everyone's making life decisions and they are getting complicated

20) Just got proposed to: yes or no?
21) kids or no kids? now or later?
22) Job relocated: move or quit?
23) grad school or work?
24) house or apt?

And the list goes on and on. And life gets more and more complicated, because there are bigger things at stake. But it's like this Choose Your Own Adventure where you can't flip the page and see what's going to happen. You actually have to go through with it, and most roads are not reversible. But we deal with the cards we are dealt. And you make your choices. You choose which path of the fork in the road you will progress and make your list with one less complication.

Wohoooo

2006-05-09T19:00:00.000-04:00

God is Awesome!! In the midst of my personal storm, there is calm. I'm happy today - it's been a moody couple of weeks. I saw some payoff on something that I worked really hard for and it made me feel really good. It's hard to keep shoveling quicksand, ya know? (C'mon you guys have to get my metaphors, lol. But for those of you who don't - if you are falling at the same rate at the thing that you are shoveling then although you are doing work, you really aren't seeing any results). But things are good, the weather is beautiful, and I can do this!! So I'm excited about life today. And it feels good. :)

Song I'm liking: "I am not my hair": India.Arie [featuringAkon (remix)]

Check it out here:
http://www.rapnewsdirect.com/0-202-261145-00.html?tag=google

Love

2006-04-16T22:16:00.000-04:00

I love You for what you have done for me
I love You for what you will do
I love You for accepting me as I am
but most of all, I love You for loving me unconditionally.

And no guys, I'm not talking about a guy, I'm talking about HIM!

Jesus Christ is risen! He is risen indeed!

Happy Easter!

Lesson's Learned

2006-03-31T20:34:00.000-05:00

I'm telling you guys. Life is a journey and you gain so much knowledge along the way. For instance, I learned several important things this week:

1. It's a small small world. One of my friends' cousins is good friends with one of my homegirls. And I've heard his name in stories but never thought there would be a connection.
2. Be still. Sometimes it's good to just stand in the water and listen to the waves. I almost opened my mouth to get something off my chest. But it's a good thing I didn't. I could have made a relationship very awkward. Now things have changed and no one has to know what I was thinking; it's for the best.
3. Make some noise. Now this seems contradictory to number 2, but when you need to be heard about some injustice you deserve to be get it out, to vocalize it, even if it falls upon deaf ears. I'm still working on this one. But if if matters enough to you then you deserve to voice your opinion. If someone doesn't know that they make you mad then they can't fix it. Give them the opportunity.
4. Don't worry. "Cast your cares on Him." I've found that God most definitely has my back so there is no point in worrying about things that I have absolute no control over (and the list is huge).

This and many more lessons learned on the path called life.

~

Expression

2006-03-15T22:52:00.000-05:00

I love to write. It's who I am. Writing is a way of expressing yourself: uncensored, unabbreviated. You can just get everything out on paper and then stand back and look at it; reread the words that were once simultaneous thoughts in your head. It's almost like going back in time - going to the exact moment of when you felt a certain way. And it's refreshing. Whenever I write - when I get my innermost thoughts on paper, I don't have to think about them anymore. I don't have to fear that I will forget what I was once thinking; those thoughts are safe, tucked away somewhere.

And I love to talk. Not chit chat - but those meaningful conversations. Those conversations where you ask the question - what would you do in this scenario - and the answer is meaningless to a point, but it opens up a whole new arena, a story, or a chain of events that the other person wants to share with you. And you want to listen; you're not thinking of your own answer, but you are purely listening to what they have to say; gasping at the surprises, and laughing at the irony of it all. And it's great. One day I'd like to tell a great story (in a book) and have you read it and get something out of it. My purpose has always been to have a positive impact on society, and I think we all impact eachother in different ways. I love to write, so I hope that my writing impacts you, makes you think of things in your life, makes you question things that you do but you think are wrong, makes you want to argue with me and tell your side of things, but most of all, makes you think. Because in today's society, we are doing less and less thinking, and just taking "Bob's" word for it. George Santayana says "Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it." I rightly believe this. There is no point in you making the same mistake that I did. You do not have to touch the fire if I have burned myself already. I want my stories to be a part of your history, and yours a part of mine. If we all live in the world without trying to coexist, then society as a whole is doomed. But if I can learn from you and you from me, then we are so much for the better.

Ahhhhhh, I feel good du nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh . . I knew that I would now . . so good . .tuh tuh . .so good . . .now that I got youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (I love to sing songs as well) :)

Why do we want "it"?

2006-03-04T01:01:00.000-05:00

There's a great line from my all-time favorite movie, Brown Sugar, "Why doesn't your heart do what your brain tells it to?" And it's true, why can't we tame our feelings, even feelings that we don't want to have? Why have a crush on someone unattainable/undesirable? Why want food that you are allergic to? Why want to visit places you will never see? It's a paradox. You know that you can't have it, but you still want it. And you can't stop yourself from wanting it, because, regardless of the fact that you know you can't have it, you just want to have it. And you get angry at yourself for thinking of it, when again, you know that you can't have it.

So life is funny. I don't even want "it," (or whatever your "it" may be). I just like the idea of "it" and it's not the best idea to have; and if I ever did get "it" I'd probably be highly dissappointed, but still I want "it." I want to know what it was like to have "it" and then after that I'd be done wanting "it." I wouldn't keep "it" for a long time, just something to cross off on the to-do list.

I'm working on not wanting "it." Easier said than done.

Blah . .and so much more.

2006-03-01T18:42:00.000-05:00

I had a math test today. I think it went all right - much better than the math tests from last term. But now I'm feeling kinda blah. I just had some ice cream so that made me feel good, but there's so much work to do. And today is Ash Wednesday. I had planned to go to service today, but it's too late now, I would never make it in time. For Lent I'm giving up addictions. I'm kinda addicted to being online - AIM, myspace, facebook, you konw the drill. I can't give up AIM completely because I need to stay in touch with people (plus sometimes I discuss homework) but I am definitely limiting myself more. And I'm giving up myspace and facebook for the time. It'll be tough, because I'm so used to knowing what's going on everywhere, but I imagine it will save me lots of time in the long run. It's more fun talking to people in real life than in cyber world, even if you really do know them. I love good phone conversations and there's a lot of people that I owe calls - I haven't forgotten about you guys, I've just been geniunely busy. Just think, this will all be over in June - I won't have to balance life between classes and research - I can just do my research. It's going to be intense, because I want a lot of data for my qualifiers in August, which I will pass!! I'm very nervous about that but I have to think optimistically. Sigh . . .just so much on my plate it's a bit overwhelming, but remember freshman year . .remember Venkat physics? I seriously remember contemplating whether I should switch majors - just because of physics - but you know what, I made it out. And although I didn't do stellar in physics, it didn't affect my whole degree. In other words, try your best, but don't let every little pitfall cause you to think that you will fail. That's the thing that I will have to remember.

And about that guy - guy, shmy. Forget about him for 40+ days also. He's getting out of the picture as the days go by.

As for my "friend" who I thought was truly trying to change and be a friend to me, just like every other ditcher he was insensitive and only cared to talk about himself. I gave him another chance, and he spoiled it. I forgave him. But deep down inside I realize I don't need his friendship. It sucks that he can't understand why he does things that make me upset, but I don't think he even tries to understand - he tells me that I take things too seriously, or I overanalyze situations. No, I don't. And while I may take some things out of proportion - just try to understand where I am coming from. Just because I laugh or smile a lot does not mean that EVERYTHING in life has to be all fun and games - no there is a serious side to things and whether or not you relate to how it affects me, at least try to understand that different people react to the same situation differently. And sadly enough, he'll never read this, but just remember that the next time a friend gets mad at you - perhaps their perception of what happened is much different and it affects them more personally.

Current Status

2006-02-17T23:47:00.000-05:00

Alright, so here's the current status. I'm over that guy that I had a crush on that I shouldn't like. Valentine's Day was great - I'm ok with being single. And I'm doing my thing at school. There's so much more to write, but I'm kinda tired and I need to clean, so off I go.

Being Perfect

2006-02-03T18:24:00.000-05:00

Don't waste your time. I just finished reading Anna Quindlen's Being Perfect and I was extremely dissappointed. It had so much potential to be a book to tell you not to worry about the small things in life and not holding onto perfection. Rather, I felt like I was listening to her think out loud. Seriously - how did this get published. Fortunately, it was an easy read so I only wasted an hour or so of my time (half of which I was on the shuttle, so I didn't really waste too much), but I wouldn't waste my time with this book. It gets the thumbs down.

Lust, Trust, and so much more!

2006-01-29T22:46:00.000-05:00

Where do I begin? Hmm ok well I will start with lust. This is going to be a personal post, so you'll get to know a little more about me and my train of thought. Ok, I guess you said around 5th grade I started noticing boys - and I mean as more than getting rid of mice. They were different, cute even; well the ones that didn't have cooties. And as the years progressed there were some head turners. Even now, I have to check ring fingers. Not because I'm looking, but just because. So my first question is, when is it lust? You see that gorgeous guy from across the room and you make eye contact. Someone makes their way over and a simple "hi" leads to a desired conversation by both parties. That is the physical attraction. You talk and talk but are somewhat caught up in appearances. They could say they counted paper clips for a living and you would smile and laugh at their every joke. (not that there is anything wrong with counting paper clips, just an example). So do you like them? Can you really infer that from a shallow conversation that was built on how the person looked? Is that lust? So the two of you agree to go out and get to know eachother better. This is where a possible friendship could start. Now two things could happen if you find out you aren't compatible. You could find out that you just aren't compatible and end it there or you "see it through," trying to make him/her fit into your profile or standards. And we do that lots of times, because we lustfully want to be with someone even though in the back of our mind (sometimes the far far far back) we know that they aren't the one for us - whether it be their beliefs, values, hobbies, location, etc. Well that ties me into my next topic. Because I'm surrounded by "potentials" - you know those guys that just look good, that you could "make it work" with. It's horrible, really. I think that I am being tested (by God). Because as of late I have run into beautiful men who just aren't right for me. And it's really really hard not to go after water in the desert, ya know? But I know that if I did, it would be for the wrong reasons, for the physical attraction, or the laughs, or just to hangout - not that there is anything wrong with hanging out. But I would be leading the guy on if I tried to make it into something more than it's not. And you're probably thinking, well how can that be a test. Well let's see, right and left my friends are getting married, Valentine's day is around the corner, and all that jazz. So I'm trying not to get caught up in the hype. Not letting phone calls mean more than they are, or good conversations have to spark more than friendship. I think that we sometimes get caught up in what the person has to offer, rather than the actual person. I graduated college and spaces that those people used to fill are now being filled during a good conversation, and you think that means something, when really it doesn't. So, I'm going to trust that God has more in store for me and lay back and relax.

Hehe this was all sparked during a conversation at swing dancing. lol. But an old friend has come back into my life and I'm getting closer with newer acquaintances/friends. This is why you gotta love life. There's so much unexpected.

Alright that's it for now. :)

Freedom

2006-01-18T00:54:00.000-05:00

I feel liberated. A lot of things are going right in my life. I've let go of a lot of attachments. My attitude has not changed to "who cares?" but rather to "why worry?". It's a great feeling. I'm organizing my thoughts and my life and my space. Decluttering the soul, so to speak. Give it a try, it does wonders.

From a speaker (paraphrase):
If you don't know where you are going, any path will take you there.

Excerpt

2006-01-10T22:47:00.000-05:00

Excerpt from a poem I wrote:

But is it you that is the coward?
To stand up for what you believe
Always wanting to be the people pleaser

Well spare me the facade . . .

A work in progress. But I love that stanza.

Friendship

2006-01-08T02:14:00.000-05:00

The topic for today is Friendship. I've been put in a very flexible position. Is friendship guaranteed, or is it something that you earn? If you were very good friends with a person and they wronged you and years passed by, do you owe them friendship when you meet up again? Can the two of you casually say hi, neglecting all the things that had happened? The answer is no. You can't continue without acknowledgement, at the least, for the things that have happened. So I do believe that people should be forgiven. But here's the catch: when do you go back to where you were? How do you avoid being that rug that is constantly being stepped on, and when do you call it a day and move on? This is the flexible position I am in. I have the opportunity, with one phone call, to try to make amends (for something I did not do) and open up the past, or I could just move on, not calling. The easy decision is to not call - forgive the person and move on. I believe that things happen for a reason. But which thing? Was it the falling out of friendship that happened for a reason or was it the extension of reconnecting with the aforementioned phone number? That is what I am trying to figure out. I think that we have to let go of some friends because perhaps they are not a postive influence in our lives. Perhaps their very presence hinders us from reaching our goals. So if you were to lose touch with one of the people you kinda shrug your shoulders and say oh well it was meant to be. But what if they changed? What if they come back into your life and our different? Do you give them a second chance? What if was a close friend who made some mistakes? What if you don't know the whole story? Do you stick around to find out? Or do you also let them go with a shrug of the shoulder? And it's a hard decision. Because one leaves you susceptible to getting hurt and the other leaves you possibly missing out on a great person.

And I don't know the answer. There's no way to know. And I won't know which decision is right. I just have to take it on head-on. And I'm afraid of looking the fool or being stepped on, but I'm also afraid on missing out on the stories of someone else's life. Which is more important? The risk of failure or the risk of missed opportunity?

What do you think?

Rock Climbing

2006-01-04T21:52:00.000-05:00

Today was very eventful. After work I went rock climbing. Yes, you heard me right, rock climbing. It was awesome. I think I kinda got over my fear of heights. The first time I was scared because of the disaster in Pittsburgh - she told me to let go, not to worry, next thing I know I'm scraping the wall at rapid speed, nothing holding me down. However, this time was much much different. We went through an hour of training on how to balay (the person on the ground, the spotter) and how to knot the rope. I really had a great time. And a bunch of my classmates were there so it was even more fun with people that you know.

After that I decided to work out, but that gym is tinyyyyyyyy. So I'm on the elliptical and I'm totally bored - no good magazines, the music was too mellow - and I'm looking below to see people playing basketball. Now that looks fun, I thought to myself. More fun than what I am doing. Those of you who know me know that I am infamous for talking to strangers. So I went down and asked a kid who was playing by himself if we could do one on one. We didn't get to finish the game but it was 15-7 him before someone had to take the ball back. That was a lot of fun. And now I am so psyched. Call it adrenaline, what have you. This is what I've been missing for the past 4 months (yes, it's been 4 months since I've been to a gym). And I feel so healthy and productive. Ahhhhhhhhh.

:) All Smiles.

Happy New Year!!

2006-01-02T23:11:00.000-05:00

Here's to new beginnings!! It is 2006. Can you believe it? I'm looking forward to starting afresh and just seeing where the wind blows. I have some resolutions, but I won't write them down here. Breathe in, breathe out. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. :)

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-25T23:47:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas!!

Big Sigh of Relief

2005-12-19T17:12:00.000-05:00

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. That is the feeling I am feeling right now. I am back home from school on break for a couple of weeks. A real break this time. Not like Thanksgiving break where I had to study for exams. A pure, fun-filled, relaxing break. I get to take these two weeks for Christmas and New Year's off then it's back to school to do research. Classes don't start up again until February. I'm really looking forward to the free time to get some things together. I want to read a good book - unrelated to anything academic. I'm looking forward to seeing more of my friends. Chill time with the fam. Movies, movies, movies. There's so much "life" to catch up on. Phone conversations. This next month will be very well utilized. I just feel this huge burden lifted off me. I can't wait to get things organized and feel in control again. Kinda my New Year's resolution that I'm starting a bit early. Ahhhh. Well things to do. Ciao. ~

Ups and Downs

2005-11-21T21:09:00.000-05:00

Every week I experience my share of ups and downs. Lately, because of grad school, the slopes are always steep. It's like a rollercoaster that you don't choose to get on. It's been very tough because there are always roadblocks and obstacles telling you you can't do it. But you can! I can!! I can do this. It's not bigger than me!! If it can be done, then I can do it! You'll get to forks in the road where you don't know which way to go. And then you make your decision and there are all these negative things telling you you made the wrong decision. There will be people who are better than you at what you do, making you feel insecure about your ability.There will be questions so tough that you can't figure out, that make you believe you don't know anything at all.

But this journey is called Life. And it wouldn't be what it is if everything was handed to us; if we didn't have to make some important life decisions. And there are no guarantees that the road we choose IS the right one, but "Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game" (from A Cinderella Story).

I needed to hear this. Maybe someone else needed to hear this. But if you hear me, don't just sit on it. Do what you gotta do! Because I believe you can do it!! :)

The Way I Was Made

2005-10-16T22:26:00.000-04:00

Song I'm loving (in bold are my favorite lines):

The Way I was made
by Chris Tomlin

Caught in the half-life, I’m caught alone
Waking up to the sunrise and the radio
Feels like I’m tired of, what’s holding me?
Just praying today will be the day I go free

I want to live like there’s no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one’s around
I want to sing like nobody’s listening
Before I lay my body down
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I’m not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made

Made in Your likeness, made with Your hands
Made to discover who You are and who I am
And All I’ve forgotten help me to find
All that You’ve promised let it be in my life

I want to live like there’s no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one’s around
I want to sing like nobody’s listening
Before I lay my body down

I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I’m not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made

ohhhhh
The way I was made
OhhhhI want to live like there’s no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one’s around
I want to sing like nobody’s listening
Before I lay my body down
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I’m not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made
I want to be the way I was made
I want to be the way I was made

If you like this song check out Chris Tomlin in the Christian Worship section of you local music archives.

The Story of the Carpenter

2005-10-09T20:09:00.000-04:00

I found this on someone elses page:

"THE CARPENTER
An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house-building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by. The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end his career.

"When the carpenter finished his work and the builder came to inspect the house, the contractor handed the front-door key to the carpenter. "This is your house," he said, "my gift to you."
What a shock! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently. Now he had to live in the home he had built none too well. "

So are you building the life that you want to live? It's a really deep question, to be honest. If you had to keep doing the things that you currently are doing - would you be happy. Is there a bad habit that you always want to quit but you never really try to quit. I know there's some faulty nails in the house I'm building and it really made me think. If I had to live in it would I be pleased? Humpf... something to think about guys.

Updates

2005-10-01T18:54:00.000-04:00

Hey Everyone. Well it's been a very long time since I have written in here. So let me update you on what has happened.

Well I started grad school, for one. It's hard, I'm not going to lie. Most days I spend at least 75% of the day in school or doing school related activities. So, life as I know it, is again me and my TEXTBOOKS, haha. I am learning a lot though. And I am getting the hang of programming in MatLab.

I moved to a new city . Or shoudl I say town? It's definitely different than where I'm from but I haven't had too much time to go site seeing, which I want to do one of these days.

My birthday just passed so a shout out to all those who celebrated with me.

Hmm, I had a lot more in my head when I first started to type. I think I'm just tired. It's about 7pm now and my last meal was breakfast at 12pm so maybe I'm just a little light headed. Yeah, yeah I'm cooking so I will be up to speed in about 30 minutes. And I worked my butt off today so I think I will watch Beauty Shop tonight.

Oh I do have a topic. I am not very versed on current events but I'm working on it. Anyway the former Education Secretary, William Bennett, is quoted as saying "But I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could, if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down," on his morning talk show. He did finish by calling it "an impossible, ridiculous and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down. So these far-out, these far-reaching, extensive extrapolations are, I think, tricky."

Wow, can you believe that someone so educated and high in power could make a statement like that? That is really disturbing. And it is also disturbing that the Black race was singled out for his hypothetical situation. If you had less people crime would go down but I think it's a horrible thing to say that we could go killing to reduce crime.

The thing that people do not realize is yes, we are all human. But when you are in a position where you are a political or any type of role model, you have to watch what you say. And the face that you said it, means that you believe it, regardless if it is hypothetical or not. For all we know the Holocaust started out as a hypothetical statement. But look at how far we have come from those barbaric thoughts, let alone activities. Bennett says that he owes no one an apology and people are misquoting him and not getting the full picture. Well what picture would he have us draw? You can't possibly say something so dramatic and think it is ok.

Which makes it more important for us to vote. And not randomly. Try to stay on top of things and find out about the person's character. It is scary when the top officials do not have any faith in some of their voters/population.

Do Something

2005-09-11T21:50:00.000-04:00

In the wake of Hurricane Katrina, I'm going to encourage everyone to DO SOMETHING. You'd be surprised at how far a little will go. Even a dollar at the dollar store can buy you a toothbrush, soap, socks, a bottle of water, etc . . . To someone who has lost everything, it could mean a lot. As we grow up we hear of disasters all around the world and we think, what can we do. Well now it is actually in our own homeland. Are you a part of the problem or the solution?

Everyone wants to play the political game of pointing fingers. But that does not help in the here in now. What actualy helps is money donations, time donations, prayers, and words of encouragement.

Sometimes something earth shattering happens to make us realize what we did not see before. There were poverty-stricken people living in Louisiana before the hurricane, and just now is the government helping them. Perhaps the future brings brighter days for the people of LA. My deepest condolences to those who have lost loved ones and friends. But I have hope that things will get better and I ask for everyone to look for the rainbow at the end of the storm. Perhaps this can bring us as people together and we can see that amidst trials and tribulations we aren't all that different after all.

Also, we can not forget the victims of 9-11 today. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed about all of the distraught in the world. And I feel like there is nothing that I can do. But I try. I try to give and I try to help and I try to help others to do the same. And I pray. So whatever you do, Do Something. Because the fate of the world is in trouble when good men do nothing (paraphrasing a famous quote).